by J. C. Hart
"Not so quickly, don't you remember? You don't want to get a cramp, not now." Aubrie sounded just like Carmel had when she would scold Landon for one thing or another and her shoulders drooped at the reminder of why they were here.
"We should go back," she whispered. "We'll put some in our pockets and go back."
"All right." Aubrie nodded her agreement, her hands already moving to pluck berries from the plant. Once she was satisfied she turned back to Carmel, who began the short trek to Landon’s body.
9
They had just reached the edge of the clearing when a growl tore through the air. Carmel's gaze flashed to the stretcher where she saw that the cover had been dragged off. Two scrawny wolves tugged Landon's body from the contraption, one with its jaw latched to his arm, another at his leg.
"No!" she cried out. Her limbs were heavy with dread, but she forced herself forward, grabbing her pack from the ground and hurling it toward them. One wolf let go, but the other remained, its jaws clamped tightly around Landon's leg.
The beast snarled at her, refusing to give up its meal. For a moment her fear warred with her anger until finally wrath won. She reached for the blade at her side and drew it, approaching the creature with her teeth bared. A low growl escaped her lips, to which the wolf cocked his head, as if confused by her actions. It shook its jaw, ripping at Landon's flesh.
"No!" she cried again, lunging at the wolf. It was too late to save Landon's body, but she could avenge the desecration of his corpse. She lashed out with her knife, striking the wolf in the shoulder. It yelped and released Landon's leg, a chunk of flesh dangling from its jaws. With a quick swallow, it was gone. Carmel's chest froze, her breath stolen by the gesture and she lunged again, stabbing at the beast with a fierce cry.
She tumbled over Landon's body as she went, but the blade struck true, piercing the spine of the wolf. It sagged to the ground, lashing out with its jaws and nipping her side as it went down.
"Carmel!" She heard Aubrie's call, but couldn't force her eyes off the dead wolf beside her. She wanted to kick it, to bring it back to life and kill it all over again. Instead she pried open its mouth and shoved her fist inside, trying to find the flesh it had stolen.
The wretched beast had swallowed it though, so she grabbed the hilt of her knife, hands slick with blood and saliva, and pulled it from the creature. She wasted no time in slicing it open, fishing around inside until she found Landon's remains, only obvious by the red cloth clinging to his skin.
"Carmel, what are you doing?" Aubrie's hands were on Carmel's shoulder, pulling her back from the mangled corpse. "Leave that. Are you okay?"
"Landon." Her son's name came out on a sob. Carmel slumped back, letting the remains fall to the ground. "He's lost now, isn't he? He's lost. His body has been desecrated and she won't take him, not like this." Fat tears slid from her eyes. "I came all this way. I left everything I knew. All for nothing. Nothing."
Aubrie took a deep breath behind her, as if she were trying to summon some words to soothe.
"Not for nothing," Aubrie finally said. "We found each other again, and you're home now. Your true home."
"And Landon?" Carmel refused to look up at her sister. She already knew what she would say.
"Lost," Aubrie agreed. "We should be thankful that Romane is safe though, don't you think?"
"Romane," Carmel exhaled his name, finally feeling a sense of clarity amid her grief. She wiped her hands on the grass, though they came away no cleaner, and reached for him. Aubrie waited until Carmel had looked her in the eyes, as if ascertaining that her sanity had returned, before passing the boy over.
"I'm sorry," Carmel whispered. "I lost your father." She gazed into Romane's eyes. He had no idea what was going on, and it didn't really seem to matter to him. Not right now. He would never recall his father in the flesh, so was it really such a great loss?
Not to him. But it was to her. She looked up at Aubrie. "I'm still taking him."
"There's no point," her sister said. A frown marred her forehead. "There are too many marks against him."
"I don't care," Carmel stated. "I thought I was doing this for Landon, for Romane. But it's not about them now, it's about me. I've come this far and I'm not going back until I've done this."
Aubrie looked nervously over her shoulder, as if waiting for the mountain to respond with an earthquake or some other sign.
"You don't have to come." Carmel licked her lip and tasted blood. She wasn't sure if it was hers, or the wolf’s, or maybe Landon's. Her side began to ache, and she passed Romane back to her sister to get a better look at the wound.
When she parted the fabric of her shirt, more blood leaked out and she winced at seeing how deep the cut was. It was ragged; the wolf had taken some flesh with it into death. Carmel let out a soft curse and then got to her knees and crawled to her pack.
"Let me," her sister said, rushing to her side when she saw what Carmel was doing.
"No. I can do it." She spoke the words through gritted teeth. "Why don't you feed Romane? He'll be hungry." She could sense his hunger from here. Such a small thing, with such simple needs.
"If you're sure?" Aubrie sat down beside her.
"I am," Carmel insisted. She wasn't about to concede defeat. She was too close to give up now, and she had to know whether Serafina was still there, still willing to hear her.
She drew some cloth from the pack and strapped it tight around her middle. It stung so much that tears pricked her eyes, but she refused to cry out in pain.
"Are you going to come with me?" she asked, once she'd wiped the blood from her hands. She lay flat on the ground, looking up at the sky to try and find some balance. She must have lost more blood than she thought because her vision swam.
"Are you sure you want to go through with this?" Aubrie countered.
"More than ever. What else is there for me to do?"
Aubrie paused before she replied. "Come back to the village with me. I've got a spare room, you can live with me and we'll raise Romane together. We'd be like a family again."
"We are a family. We don't need to live together to prove that, and besides, I don't know if I can go back. Too much time has passed. Too much has changed." Carmel drew a deep breath, forced herself upright. She blinked, trying to clear her vision, but it was still blurry. She crawled towards Landon and dragged his body back to the stretcher before tying it back on.
She was covered in blood now. More than she'd ever seen before. She didn't want to think about the fact that her son's blood was seeping into her clothes, her skin. Though there was a little comfort in knowing that she was soaking him up. If Serafina wouldn't take him, Carmel would still have absorbed some of him into herself.
"So you're going to carry on," Aubrie said. She sounded resigned to the fact.
"Yes. Are you coming?" Carmel turned to her sister who looked older than she had this morning, the lines in her face more apparent.
Aubrie shook her head. "I can't. I don't think it's a good idea for you to go either." She shrugged. "Sorry."
"No, it's fine." And it was. This was her journey, her decision. She didn't need anyone to help her along the way. She shouldn't be putting anyone else in harm's way, either. "Can you do me a favor, before you go?"
"Of course." Aubrie's brow furrowed even deeper.
Carmel clenched her jaw, then released it so she could force the words out. "Can you take Romane?" She closed her eyes and breathed deeply though it didn't stop the tears from flowing. "He needs to be safe. I need him to be safe."
"Are you sure?" Aubrie's voice wavered and Carmel looked at her. Hope glinted in her sister's eye, or was it tears? "This means you'll come back, once it's done, doesn't it?"
Carmel licked her lips. "If I can." She wanted to apologize for that, but too many years had passed and the distance was too great. She wouldn't know who she was, or how she felt, until she'd made it to the top and discovered what was waiting for her there. If she made it there. If she could make it b
ack down.
"Well there's a place for you, if you want it. No matter what happens up there." Aubrie nodded toward the peak of the mountain. Carmel glanced up at it too. Dark clouds were beginning to gather behind it and a chill raised goose bumps on her arms.
She stood and reached for Romane. Her side ached as she bent, but she scooped him from Aubrie's arms and pressed her face into the soft flesh of his neck, breathed deeply to capture the essence of him. "You be good for your Auntie, and all going well, you'll see your father again soon." Her throat ached as she kissed his forehead and passed him back, vision blurred with tears. She kissed her sister's cheek. "Thank you."
"Are you going to rest?" Aubrie asked, strapping Romane to her chest.
Carmel handed Aubrie the pack as well, knowing it would only weigh her down. "I don't have time for that." She flashed Aubrie a smile, then motioned for her to come closer and caught her in a hug, careful not to squish the baby between them. "I'm pleased you're alive, and that the village is doing well."
"I'm pleased you made it, too. Though I wish things could have been different."
"It wasn't that bad, not really. It could have been worse." As she said the words, she realized that they were true. Standing here, far from the city she'd called home for the last few decades, she could look back and see that she had been lucky. Even more importantly, at times she had been happy.
Aubrie pulled away, wiping at her eyes as she did. She set her shoulders and gave a little nod. "Well, I'll leave you to it."
"Thank you." Carmel nodded too, not sure what else there was to do. She watched in silence as Aubrie and Romane headed to the bridge and began to cross over.
"Well then," Carmel said, turning toward the mountain. "I guess there is nothing left for us but to make it to the top and see what awaits." She bent to gather the ropes of Landon's stretcher.
10
Two hours later, sweat soaked her clothing. She stopped and leaned against a tree, drawing thick strands of hair back to tie at the nape of her neck. Carmel shivered as a gust of wind hit her, but it didn't take the edge off the fire that was racing through her veins.
The wolf's bite was going septic. Pain radiated out from the wound and she knew without looking that fat, purple threads of poison were spreading, moving across her body like the greedy fingers of a lover.
She snorted in derision. Now would be when she'd give a thought to lovers. It had been too long, and now there was no time for another. No time for anything. She had to get to the top of the hill and burn Landon before it was too late.
Of course, it could be too late already. The exact moment of his death had slipped from her mind and she couldn't pinpoint the day now, let alone the time. And what would come after? She wasn't in any shape to think about what came next.
Carmel heaved a deep breath in and expelled it slowly, trying to unwind the steel core of anxiety lining her muscles enough to carry on. She took up the weight of the stretcher again and tugged on the ropes as she stepped forward. Not seven steps into her climb, it snagged on something and couldn't be budged.
"What now?" She sighed and dropped to her knees to check on it. Her fingers moved against the base and soon enough she found the culprit. A strut had broken and was digging into the ground. After inspecting the rest she found the damage was widespread.
Carmel sat down, exhausted and defeated. "Why now?" she asked, calling out to anyone who would listen. "Why now, when we are so close?" No one answered of course, but the question hung on the air until she broke down and let tears slide free.
She wiped at them fiercely, stabbing at her face with chilled fingers until her skin was scoured of liquid. "I'm not giving up," she whispered to herself. To Landon.
She turned and grabbed the cloth that had covered him, spreading it on the ground and pulling Landon on top, before securing it around his feet and chest. His face remained free, as if to let him breathe, but really she just wanted to see him. To imagine that he was asleep. Sniffing back more tears, she stood, ignoring the throb in her side.
Her arms burned as she grabbed the free end of the cloth. There wasn't far to go now, and she would be damned if she'd let her wounds stand between her and Serafina. Forcing all thought from her mind, she took one step, and then another, until her feet began to fall in a regular fashion and the ground moved steadily beneath her.
"Not far now," she muttered to Landon. How nice for him to be unaware of what was going on around him. How lucky to have a soul free of turmoil. Unlike her own.
The closer she got, the harder it was to force her doubts aside. Carmel justified it all, spilling her thoughts aloud. "At least I'll know," she said. "At least I'll know if she's really there. I'll demand an answer. I'll demand to know why she abandoned us in our time of need. Abandoned me… cast me out… Even if she doesn't take Landon, and she won't. Look at him…"
She was going mad. She was sure of it. What other explanation could there be? Every muscle in her body protested, the grazes on her body itched where they had begun to heal, and the wound in her side burned, so badly that she thought her clothes might catch fire before she could make it to the top. And she was so weary, so very tired. She could stop now and sleep, that was another option.
And yet every time that thought surfaced, she glanced down at Landon's face and forced herself to keep moving. She'd come so far.
Carmel focused on the ground, making sure her feet stepped in the right places, that she took the easiest route possible. The path was clear, which surprised her. Aubrie had confirmed that Serafina was there, but it hadn't seemed as though the Nivaen people were coming to the mountain very often. Why had she not thought to ask more questions?
It was too late for that now. Too late for anything but this movement. Despite her best efforts, she stumbled. She dropped Landon's cloth and used her palms to stop her fall. Carmel cried out as rock bit into her flesh.
"What more can you throw at me, Serafina! Haven't I done enough?" She turned herself over and brushed the dirt from her palms. She absently pushed back a strand of hair, smearing blood on her cheek as she did. Carmel took a deep breath, drawing in as much air as she could in an attempt to drown the scream that threatened to erupt.
So much. So much had happened in these four short days, and yet here she was, on her backside again, knocked down for… she'd lost count of how many times.
She stood and let out her breath in a huff. "Not going to stop now, Landon. We have to keep moving. I'll be damned if I'm letting her win." Flames of anger licked at her insides, warming her against the chill in the air. She pushed on. If she stopped now, if she stalled for too long, she may never get to the top of this mountain.
"Won't be long now, darling. Not long at all." She clenched the end of Landon's cloth in her fist and turned to the top. She set one foot in front of the other, no longer resigned to the climb, but taking each step with zeal, relishing the thought of facing Serafina. Decades of grief now honed to a fine blade of anger.
When she stepped up onto the flat of the mountain fifteen minutes later, she let out a hysterical laugh and glanced back down at where she had last fallen. To think she might have given up then, and never felt this rush of relief and madness wash through her body.
"I'm here," she cried out. "And I have an offering." The wind seemed to drop, and the bird song hushed until there was silence on the plateau. Carmel straightened her shoulders and jutted her chin out, ready to meet with whatever challenge Serafina set forth. "Well? Are you going to speak to me, or are you all burned out?"
Dried leaves rustled across the plateau, scraping together to create the sound of laughter. Carmel paused, listening for something else, but nothing came. Ahead lay the lake of embers and she let out a small huff of air before dragging Landon towards it.
Each step closer to the lake brought back memories of the last time she had been there. She'd had to trot to keep up with her mother's pace, as though reaching the lake was the most important thing in the world, and once there at
the edges she had let out a call to Serafina, drawing the goddess into a solid form.
Carmel took a final step, bringing her to within five feet of the lake's edge. The shimmer of fire across the surface made her shudder as warmth crept up the leg of her pants, tickling her skin. She didn't call for Serafina like her mother had, instead she crouched down beside Landon and stripped the cloth from his body. She licked her thumb and pressed it against his cheek, trying to shift a smudge of dirt that marred his pale countenance. "Almost time, my love. Almost time." Tears pricked at her eyes but she sniffed them back. They would only evaporate in this heat anyway, and she didn't have enough liquid in her body to be squandering it like that.
Her knees creaked as she stood and surveyed the plateau. No visible sign of the goddess though she could feel the tingle of her presence. Blood thrummed in Carmel's ears at the thought. Serafina, still here, still alive after all these years and she was so close now. Carmel took a deep breath and held it before expelling the air from her lungs. The wound in her side stung with the movement but she didn't have time to think about that now.
"Serafina! I bring you an offering. A Nivaen man, born in one of your villages, who believed in you his whole life, despite the difficulties of doing so. It was his dying wish to be brought to your mountain." Carmel waited, but the goddess didn't come. She licked her cracked lips, her teeth. Nothing but the warm rustle of the trees on the plateau.
"It's okay, Landon. It's okay," she whispered to him, to herself. She bent again and slipped her arms beneath his body, lifting him as best as she could. She wished she had the energy to build a raft, but it was all she could do was move his body over the embers and release it.
She jumped back when he hit the surface, afraid to get splashed by the liquid fire, and a cry tore free of her as Landon began to sink. With no sign from the goddess, this could well be the last time she saw him.
