by M. D. Grimm
The lie came easily and I knew Uzzie would back me up. He nodded when the elders looked at him for confirmation. “That is true.”
“Elder Elorn claimed I was in league with my father,” I said. “He claimed I was exactly like him, hunting for power. Let me be perfectly clear on one thing: I loathed my father.” I had to stop and clear my throat. It burned with that hate and that rage. “Whatever hate you bear your worst enemy, know it pales in comparison to the hate I bore for the man who gave me his name.”
“You always had spirit,” Lazur had told me before our final fight. “I hate spirit. It’s so much trouble to break.”
Yeah, I had spirit. He never broke me, not all the way. I would never let anyone break me. I struggled to push away his nasty words and focus on the here and now. Soon all I could hear was my thundering heart, and the excited breathing of those gathered. Not one person spoke in the entire hall. I kept my head high despite my damp palms and knotted stomach, knowing I was in the right. This was a popularity contest, and for the first time in my life I would win it or Creation be damned!
“Elder Elorn said I am my father’s son. He’s not entirely wrong.” I never flinched from the gazes of the council. I saw only one familiar face, an elder a part of the Hand, the ones who had arrived at Master Ulezander’s home, ready to execute me. I remembered that face very well. Elder Wendala, the formidable porcelain beauty. She’d watched me then, with a face as expressionless as ice. She’d been silent throughout the entire affair. Elder Elorn and another mage, long dead, had led the charge against me. Besides Master Ulezander, Elorn, and Wendala, I didn’t know the rest of the Hand’s members. I suspected they already had a replacement in mind for Elorn’s spot on the council and Hand or would soon. He would be found guilty.
“I did kill my father.” My voice nearly cracked. I swallowed hard and continued. “And I did torture him first. I hurt him as he’d hurt me. Elder Elorn failed to reveal that my father tried to train me. He didn’t want a seventh son, he wanted a weapon to use against the world. I was to be his weapon. He abused me.” I clenched my hands tighter behind my back. “That is too soft a word for what he did. For what he tried to accomplish.”
I scanned my eyes over the elders. “I ask you to think of your foundations. What were your childhoods like? You must have laughed, felt safe and protected with your families. I’m sure you went to bed full from supper, maybe stayed up late chatting with your brothers or sisters. Or perhaps you snuck out of bed to meet someone your family didn’t want you to see. But you knew your family loved you, cherished you. At least liked you.”
“Every dog needs to be trained.” His words echoed in my mind.
Stop it!
“Now imagine the opposite,” I said. “My foundation was hate, anger, violence, and fear. I had no concept of love or safety. I was never full from supper or warm enough to sleep well. I was whipped and beaten, half drowned and burned. For seven long years, I endured this. Then I escaped. Then I found my magick. Then Master Ulezander found me.”
I could see the shock on most of the faces of those gathered. I felt naked and exposed, and the words were acid in my mouth. It was none of their business what I’d endured. They didn’t have a right to know any of it, but I needed to do this. If I came out the wrong end in this inquiry, it could go to trial. It could get a whole lot worse.
Elder Kyller glanced at Master Ulezander who nodded. “I confirm his words. It is true.”
“I had to learn how to love,” I said. “I had to learn what it was. I had to learn friendship. I had to learn trust. As foreign as hate and violence are to most children, love and kindness were strangers to me. I’m not telling you this to gain your sympathy or to make excuses. I’m informing you what was at stake for me when Lazur found Ellegrech. What was at stake for the world. He was the type of seela to abuse his own child for his own ruthless goals.”
My mouth had gone as dry as cotton and I wished for water. This wasn’t the time, and I pushed through it. “Elder Elorn stated I have done nothing helpful for the world. He apparently forgot that I defeated Kayl, the mage who tried to use the ruby Rambujek, another major stone, to destroy Karishian. Kayl, the sorcerer who massacred the noble Ravena tribe to gain that power.” I remembered Aishe’s tribe and I saw their faces in my mind’s eye. I shook off the grief, refusing to allow it to overcome me. Wrong time, wrong place. “Elder Elorn also neglected to remind you I captured Drasyln and put her into the council’s hands. She had the agate Atcoatlu, the stone of time.” A few gasps broke the silence. I smiled humorlessly.
“Members of the Council of Mages, I stand before you without a mask, without pretense. I stand before you and say I am not good. But neither am I evil. I am a dark mage, and I have never pretended to be anything but what I am. I follow mage rules and I guard my territory. I don’t terrorize the citizens of Happy Valley since they are under my protection. The land I claimed was contested land between two kingdoms—kingdoms that had warred over it for decades, losing good men to greed. I settled the dispute for them.” I was sure the small snicker quickly hushed up came from Aishe. “I tell you all this and ask you to consider my actions and my motivations as it applies to the events pertaining to this inquiry. Not my past, not my future, only in this singular event. I ask you to keep in mind that prejudice can lead us to folly. Just ask Elder Elorn.”
I could feel his stare like daggers in my back. “Now it is my turn to tell you what happened in Zentha. I received a letter from my brother, Olyvre....”
I told them, precise and without inflection. I left out the more personal things, like my half-sister and Matylde, the discussions with my brothers, uncle, cousin, and father. I only went into detail regarding the duel, since that was the focus of the inquiry. Details Elder Elorn had skillfully left out of his own tale, though he expressed regret over them. But it was hard to think such actions justified. Throwing a girl over a cliff because he was losing a duel? Cowardly.
“Uncle! Uncle, you’re back! Yay!”
I shook my head, pushing away Lyli’s innocent voice, her freely given love.
I did mention the torture and my warning. I knew that would count against me. However, I left Elorn alive and informed Master Ulezander about his location. I hadn’t acted like a good mage, and yet I also hadn’t acted like a villain. I was a dark mage. I teetered on the line between good and evil. It was time they understood that.
“You’re just like me. I’m so proud of you.”
After I was done, I felt like I’d run through a desert. I cleared my throat and waited for the questions. Rung out and dry, I wanted to fall into a chair. I didn’t move for fear my legs would collapse.
“Does the council have any questions for Lord Morgorth?” Elder Kyller asked.
“You said you tortured your father,” Elder Zynd said, shifting his considerable bulk, probably trying to find a comfortable position. Those chairs didn’t look comfortable.
“I did.”
“Such methods are not approved of by the council.”
“It was a personal matter.”
Elder Zynd nodded. I noted a flicker of pity in his eyes. I hated pity.
They asked several clarifying questions and it remained relatively civil. I could see suspicion in a few eyes, could sense it in the others, but it had been the same for Elorn. At this point, I thought he and I held the same standing in their eyes. Master Ulezander also asked a few questions, and I realized only after I gave my answers that he was helping to turn the tide my way. Then they dismissed me. I bowed and managed to move my legs to return to Aishe. I let out a breath. He gave me a smile full of pride. My smile was wobbly in return. I was so tired.
“The council calls for a short break,” Elder Kyller said. Then, with a wave of his hand, an invisible shield fell around the elders, blocking sound. He must have said the word of magick in his head. No one could hear anything despite seeing the elders’ lips move.
Without warning, Aishe flung his arms around me and squeezed
. I held him for a moment, indulging myself by burying my face against his shoulder. I took careful breaths of his scent, and my legs gradually strengthened. I never wanted to do that again.
“I love you,” he whispered.
I nodded against his shoulder. “Next will be your turn.”
“And I get spelled.”
I tightened my hold. “I’m sorry. I did this.”
He pulled back and our eyes met. His own were fierce. “Don’t you start that. I volunteered. I’d do so again. I refuse to let you blame yourself.”
“That’s it, baby. Refuse me.” I patted his cheek. He scowled.
He stepped back, and another pair of arms instantly engulfed me, only these were brawnier and attached to a seela. I gasped in surprise as my brother held me tightly, as if he didn’t have plans to ever let me go.
“Ollie, you can’t—”
“Damn right I can,” Olyvre growled. “Evil revenai spawn! Did you hear him? Saying those things about you, apologizing as if he gives a damn about what he did. He doesn’t get it. He doesn’t know us. He didn’t know our father but he’s using him anyway.”
I sighed and held my brother, finding enormous comfort in his unwavering support. I never expected to have it and, though it was new, I found myself depending on it. Especially now.
“We’re in the right, Ollie. Everything I did was justified. The council will see that and, if they don’t already, they will once you and Aishe speak.”
“Damn right,” he said again. He finally let go and stepped back. Despite his eyes being the same color as mine, the look of them was worlds different than my own. Olyvre was a good man, a good father, and an all-around decent child of the Mother. His acceptance of me was humbling. He owned and worked on a farm and, though he was the boss, I knew he wouldn’t be one to shirk hard labor. He was out in that field alongside his workers, pulling his weight. I was proud to have him as my brother.
“How’s Lyli?” I asked.
Ollie’s sour expression lit up. His grin was wide. “She’s a gem. She wanted to come with me and of course I said no. She’s staying with a nice couple who lives on the next farm. They have a boy about her age. They should be getting into mischief right about now.”
I chuckled. “Have you heard from Lorelei?”
Our half-sister lived in the woods, in a shack with her invalid mother, Matylde. Matylde had been part of the problem, but also another victim of Lazur’s cruelty. My feelings toward her were mixed, yet for Lorelei, they were clear. She was only a victim.
I’d sent several boygles to her, to help guard them and to assist in building a better house and provide more comfort. I never thought of family as anything except burdens, demons on my back, something to overcome and forget. Now I realized family is what one makes it, and it doesn’t always rely on blood. Family was my friends and those chosen of my blood.
Olyvre’s grin slipped and he looked sad. “A little. She’s a tough nut but I’m determined to crack her. I’ve only met her once, though we’ve exchanged a few letters. Or, rather, I’ve sent her letters, and she’s only responded once.” He shrugged. “She’ll learn I’m like a dog with a bone. I won’t give up on her.”
“Good.” I lightly punched his shoulder. “See that you don’t.”
I glanced at Aishe, realizing he’d fallen silent. He smiled and nodded at me, full of encouragement. Too many eyes were upon us, or else I would have grabbed his hand. The hugs were risky enough, though desperately needed. We spoke softly, yet I suspected some of the mages closest to us were trying to eavesdrop.
“You should really go back to your side of the line,” I said. “I don’t want you to get into trouble.”
Olyvre sighed heavily before walking back after shaking Aishe’s hand.
“He covers his nerves,” I said. “But I know he’s scared.”
“For you.”
I shook my head. “Maybe, but not just for me. He’s afraid for Lyli, for himself. He’s afraid of reprisals if Elder Elorn is punished.”
“We’ll make sure that doesn’t happen.”
“I hope so.”
“Lord Morgorth, if I might have a moment of your time.” I resisted a cringe and turned to Suvar as he stepped out of the crowd. I’d meant to ask Master Ulezander about him, but forgot.
“Not now, Suvar.”
“Please, this will only take a moment—”
“Not. Now.” Heat blasted through me, my magick simmering just below the surface. I kept it in strict check, but I knew it showed.
Suvar’s expression remained haughty despite the fact he paled slightly. “You’ll regret dismissing me. I want to help you.”
I only stared at him, not willing or able to play his game, right now. My legs trembled slightly and my brain wanted to fuzz out. I was mentally and emotionally exhausted, and I just wanted to hide in our room at the inn. Or better yet, hide in Aishe and use his amazing body to help me forget.
Suvar sniffed and strode off, back ramrod straight.
I turned back to Aishe and shook my head. “Please let this day be over.”
It took some time before the council removed the shield and spoke to those assembled.
“I want to thank everyone gathered for your patience,” Elder Kyller said. “However, the council has determined a longer recess is needed. The two witnesses will be heard tomorrow morning. After that, we shall break and reach our decision tomorrow evening. Please, enjoy your stay at Valen and we shall see you all tomorrow.”
This was actually happening quicker than I thought it would. I caught Master Ulezander’s eye, and his mouth twitched slightly as if in a lightning flash smile. I nodded and turned to Aishe. I was about to see if I could escape with Ollie as well, however, Master Ulezander caught him first and sent me another look before taking charge of my brother. I blew out a breath. I would really have loved to spend more time with Olyvre. Perhaps at a later date.
“Can we leave, please?” Aishe’s restlessness and nerves finally showed.
“Aye, let’s.”
***
We briefly met up with Elissya again, and she could see I was in no mood for company, though I did get a warm feeling in my gut when she proclaimed her support and what she thought of Elorn. It was always entertaining to hear such foul expletives from her sweet mouth. She left to join another group of female mages, and that left Aishe and me to return to the inn. We found a table in the common room and ate supper. I brooded into my ale. I felt sick. A sickness that sank into my bones, my gut. Even now, the elders were probably talking, arguing, negotiating. The other mages in the audience probably flippantly discussed my father, my abuse, judging me, never once having the courage to put themselves in my place. Never once wondering what they would do in my situation. Even now, at the inn, I recognized at few faces as those in the audience. They tried to sneak covert glances at me, whispering, their heads close to each other’s. I glared, hating them all.
Even with Master Ulezander on our side, it might not be enough. Nothing would ever be enough. I shook my head. I was having myself a fine pity-party. Some badass.
“Morgorth?”
I grunted, still focused on my ale.
“My love.” He gently touched my hand where it clenched around the tankard.
“My father said something to me before I killed him.” The words simply blurted out, as though they had a mind of their own.
“I know. What did he say?”
I closed my eyes tightly. With a flick of my hand and my mind focused on a word a dome, similar to the one Elder Kyller and Master Ulezander had conjured, fell over us. It blocked our words from eavesdroppers and muted most of the noise from the common room. It also distorted our image so anyone trying to see us would only see vague, blurry outlines.
I kept my eyes closed and forced the words out. “‘You’re just like me,’ he said. ‘I’m so proud of you.’” I wanted to get very, very drunk. So drunk I would pass out and forget everything.
There was a short
pause before Aishe spoke. “My love, look at me.”
I took a deep breath and lifted my head, opened my eyes. His expression was determined and his grip on my hand tightened.
“You are not your father.”
I exhaled sharply, shook my head. He lifted the tankard out of the way and grabbed both my hands.
“You will listen to me, Dark Mage of the North.”
I frowned.
“Do you know why I know you’re not like him?”
I shook my head again.
“You can love. You can be loved.”
I narrowed my eyes, tilted my head. “What?”
“Did Lazur ever love in his life? Did he ever feel it? He had Matylde’s love, perhaps even your mother’s, but did that change him? Did their love make him better? Could he give love or even recognize it for the gift it is?”
Stunned, I could only stare at him. I could only stare and wish I’d spoken to him sooner. Without fail, he made everything so much simpler. He always managed to put even the darkest of things into perspective.
“No,” I said on a breath of sound. “No, he... Love was never part of his world. Not once.”
He nodded, eyes locked on my face. “In the most fundamental way you and he are as opposite as the Mother is from demons. You can love, Morgorth. You can be loved. You see it as a miracle. You protect, you create, and you can show compassion, even empathy. Lazur could never do any of that.”
I swallowed hard and blew out a long breath. “You’re always right, aren’t you?”
He smiled.
“Thank you.”
He leaned forward and kissed the back of my hands. I kissed his forehead. A long moment of contented silence passed between us before I dissolved the dome. Only then did I realize a lively tune had been taken up and many of the patrons danced. I recognized the tune and it took me a moment to realize why. It was from the first, and only, dance I participated in with Aishe. He’d only been a lad and we’d been with his tribe. Through time travel I influenced his life and helped set him on his course. My experience with his tribe showed me what a real family was and what it could offer. Being with his tribe gave me the strength to confront my own blood kin and to search for the truth of my birth.
