by M. D. Grimm
He smiled slightly. It was a snake’s smile. “Well, you’re not as dumb as I thought. And yet, maybe you are. You let Morgorth drag you into a mages’ fight. He apparently doesn’t care about your safety. Now he’s disabled and you’re alone. Helpless.”
“No,” I said. “He’ll never leave me alone.”
I murmured a short, concise word, and the arrowhead, made of a hard green stone called sturn, glowed faintly. Morgorth discovered that sturn was a good conductor of magick, much like the crystals that formed inside the mountain Geheimnis sat upon. It had taken a lot of time and aggravation until he finally managed to enchant the sturn on my arrows. He then taught me the words to activate certain spells he implanted inside each one. The spell was linked to my voice and only my voice. I had no idea how he did it, and when he tried to explain the process, I got a headache. We’d practiced until I could recite the words in my sleep.
Morgorth would always be with me, protecting me, even when he wasn’t there. He didn’t care for my safety? Suvar knew nothing about Morgorth, and he knew nothing about us.
I shot the arrow and quickly nocked another. Suvar flicked his hand scornfully to swat the arrow away. As magick touched magick, the arrowhead exploded. Suvar stumbled back with a cry of surprise. I shot another, then another. He flicked the second out of habit and it exploded as well. The third he simply dodged and it burst into flame upon impact with the ground. He jumped with a yelp. I nocked a forth arrow before diving and rolling. Suvar sent a stream of fire at my head, and I smelled the distinctive odor of burnt hair. I cringed and dodged again, always moving.
“Keep moving, keep weaving,” Morgorth had said. “Don’t think before you move, just let instinct guide you. It’s hard for a mage to shoot at a moving target, and we get frustrated, which leads to mistakes.”
The earth rumbled, and I kept moving. I needed to keep Suvar’s attention on me and away from Morgorth. I wanted to get him to safety, but to try and grab him would be too risky. I couldn’t rely on Suvar wanting Morgorth alive. He might be angry enough to kill Morgorth and regret it later. Pulse racing, legs churning, I committed to a deadly dance with a mage. It wasn’t the first time, but then I had Morgorth’s minions to help me.
A crack abruptly appeared at my feet. It was too late to stop. I pushed off the ground and leapt over the swiftly growing chasm. I landed hard and fell, turning it into a roll at the last moment. I couldn’t rest, I couldn’t take a breath. I ran again as the chasm grew larger. I glanced back at Suvar. His face was sickly pale and shiny with sweat. His eyes were still ferocious even as the rest of him was flagging.
“You can wear a mage out,” he’d said. “Especially if they’re pissed. We don’t think well when we’re angry. We sometimes forget to use the magick in elements to sustain us. We think we can do it all on our own. Arrogance is often our downfall.” He’d smiled self-consciously. “Even if we use the elements, we can still become exhausted. We have to channel the magick, form the magick, say the words. It’s a process, and no mage wants to battle indefinitely. We want to end the battle as quickly as possible.”
His words, his voice, comforted me. He did care about me and my safety. My happiness. He spent so much time training me on mages, showing me their techniques, illustrating their weaknesses. He’d broken his people’s secrecy for me. All for me.
Dammit, he was an arrogant prick, but he was my arrogant prick.
He believed in my skills and intelligence, and yet there were times, I suspected there always would be, that he would take the choice away from me. He would make a unilateral decision and then we’d argue about it afterward.
Wake up, Morgorth. I want that argument.
I looked around at the elements surrounding us and did as Morgorth had told me once, to observe those elements and consider which one the mage was most likely to use.
Earth was apparently Suvar’s favorite, though he appeared to be proficient in all of them. The ground exploded in front of me. I fell back with a grunt, losing the arrow and not the bow. Dust and dirt flung up, obscuring my vision. Obscuring his, as well. I took a chance and ran. I ran at full speed toward Morgorth, who still hadn’t moved. I heard the earth crack again and glanced back. The crack raced toward me, moving too fast for comfort. I pumped my legs, determined to get to Morgorth before the crack reached me. I heard the telltale whistle of a fire stream and ducked, rolled, and came back up. Suvar cursed loudly.
I reached Morgorth. Without stopping, I flipped over his body. As my hands touched the ground on either side of his body, Suvar sent another stream of fire. It missed me. As my legs began to return to the ground, I grabbed Morgorth around the waist. When my feet hit the ground, I straightened with him slung over my shoulder, and I continued running.
I barely registered his weight. My heart was racing, pounding in my head. I wrapped one arm around his legs and zig-zagged as I ran. Suvar finally got wise and used his speed to race ahead of me. I turned without stopping. He followed. This time I stopped. It would have been idiotic to continue. He made it clear I wasn’t going anywhere. I realized he wasn’t shooting anymore. His arms were pulled away from his sides, his focus intent on me. He was gasping for breath just as I was.
“Put him down,” Suvar said.
I blinked. He wasn’t shooting at me because I had Morgorth! Even unconscious he was my shield.
“He’s mine,” I said.
Suvar’s face twisted, turning ugly. “A mage will never belong to a creature so unworthy.”
I scowled, my frustration, fear, and anger bursting out of me. “I am getting so damned sick of everyone saying I’m not worthy of him. He loves me, is that a crime? He wants to spend his life with me, isn’t that his choice? What of other mages who choose non-mages as lovers and mates? What of them? Where is the law that says who a mage can pair with? He’s mine and he’s staying mine. No one will change that.”
Now Morgorth was starting to get a little heavy. I never allowed the strain to show.
“You arrogant little—” Suvar said.
“Arrogant? Me?” I barked out a laugh. “Let me tell you something, Suvar. I’m the only one worthy of him. You know why? I love him for him. I don’t want him because of his power, because of his damn destiny. I want him because he’s grouchy, stubborn, violent, flawed, and damaged. I want him because he makes me laugh, because he’s gentle and compassionate despite everything that’s been done to him. He’s strong. Stronger than anyone I have ever met. I love him despite his magick. That’s why he’s mine. That’s why I’m his. And there’s nothing you can do about it.”
“You are nothing!” Suvar said. His yell boomed, startling some birds in a few nearby trees. “You are less than nothing. A speck! A thorn! Your life is meaningless compared to his! Compared to mages.”
I was about to retort, viciously, when I felt a poke in my ass. I froze. Two more pokes came. I swallowed hard as Suvar continued to rant. I gave Morgorth’s leg two distinctive squeezes. Morgorth gave two firm pokes in my ass again. I exhaled slowly. It would be fine. It would all be fine. He patted my ass gently, and I barely resisted a smile. I felt his magick rise and bent my knees slightly. We communicated without words, our minds in unison. If that didn’t prove our connection, nothing could. It gave me hope we would move past this, past Suvar and the cursed demon. Our relationship was shaken, not broken.
“You pitiful little speck,” Suvar said. He was apparently unaware of the communication between us. “I will destroy you. I will fling bits of you all over this countryside.”
“I’d like to see you try,” I said.
Morgorth squeezed my ass. I took that as my cue. I swung around, crouching low, and felt the heat and static from his magick as he created a spell. I heard the sound of impact and an “oomph.” I turned my head to see Suvar land hard on his back, the air knocked out of him. Morgorth must have used pure force.
He pushed off me and stumbled to his feet. He gripped his head and made his way slowly over to Suvar. I walked besi
de him, watching to see if he might fall. His eyes were amber and fierce just as before. With a word and concise gestures, Morgorth made the earth suck Suvar’s hands down into it like a swamp. Then the earth hardened, trapping him. Suvar still struggled for air, glaring at both of us.
“How much did you hear?” I asked.
He never looked at me. “Enough.”
I frowned. What did that mean?
“Lord Morgorth, please—”
“You misguided fool,” he said, pitilessly. “Going after Aishe was the worst thing you could have done. The biggest miscalculation.” He paused. “I destroyed your demon, by the way. You’re next.”
Suvar sputtered. “You—you can’t. That’s not... You can’t!”
“I can. I did. It’s done.” He smiled. I shuddered. His smile reminded me of poisonous snakes, spiders, and sea beasts.
“Morgorth,” I whispered.
“It’s time,” he said. He finally looked at me, and I swallowed hard. There was still no mercy behind those eyes. Yet I remembered his pokes, his pat to my ass. It had been reassurance. My Morgorth was still in there, and he was doing what he felt necessary, and that meant shutting off tender emotions and his pity.
I looked at Suvar. I remembered the demon. I remembered the anguish of thinking Morgorth had betrayed me. I remembered him destroying my family, ripping apart everything I loved and had faith in. My rage flashed hot and I nocked an arrow, pointing it straight at Suvar’s heart. Suvar gaped at me, wide-eyed. Morgorth only watched me, silent.
Suvar caused all this. He sent the demon after me, he created this doubt and fear that lay in my breast. I never doubted Morgorth before, never doubted he wouldn’t harm me, no matter what our future brought. Now I did. Now I remembered what it was like to be betrayed by him. Would that happen again if he embraced his destiny as Destroyer? Would he be as the demon made him?
I took a deep breath. I wasn’t a murderer or an executioner, but Suvar shouldn’t go unpunished. I shifted my aim slightly and shot him in the shoulder. Suvar howled. I nocked another arrow and shot him in the other shoulder. His cries of agony didn’t satisfy me, only eased most of my rage. Now he knew pain. I lowered my bow.
I looked at Morgorth. I shook my head. He nodded. When he looked at Suvar, I could see his intent.
“Morgorth—” I said.
“Walk away.”
I shuddered out a breath and reached for him. “Wait.”
He moved away from my touch. My eyes burned.
“Walk away. I’m not done here.” When he looked at me, I saw a shadow of the Morgorth I knew and loved. “Baby, please walk away.”
There he was. I knew that gentle voice and endearment. Something glimmered on his chest, and I looked to see the amethyst pendant he’d given me so long ago. I sucked in a breath. I remembered tossing it. It felt like ages ago. It was a symbol of our love, and I’d tossed it away in a fit of anger. I felt naked without it. I couldn’t ask for it back. Not yet.
I nodded and turned away.
“You are going to prove useful to me, Suvar,” he said. “As an example.”
My steps quickened, and I covered my ears with my hands. But they couldn’t block out the screams. Hot tears burned my cold face.
Chapter Thirteen
Morgorth
It was done.
Suvar’s head now adorned a spike set at the southern edge of Vorgoroth, toward the kingdom of Raskalin. Since their king was most intent on kicking me out of my home, I figured that was the best direction for Suvar to face. I wished I could have found pleasure in his death, but I hadn’t. It was simply a job that needed doing. I tortured him first, of course. Just a little. Then I used force to suffocate him. The wichtln got his body.
It was time I got serious again about my reputation. It was time others feared me as they once had. A true, visceral fear. I’d become lax, too complying. No longer. I was a dark mage, and I accepted that label with pride. Fear of reprisals would make my enemies, or my obsessed fans like Suvar, think twice before getting to me through Aishe. Some witnessed my killing of Suvar. I’d felt their eyes, sensed their horrified fascination. Word would spread. Good.
I’d told Master Ulezander I didn’t want to be a villain anymore, and Aishe shouldn’t have to deal with the stigma of being my mate. I’d spoken the truth, and that was what I wanted, ideally. What I wanted and what reality handed me rarely matched up, however. Besides, I had no clue as to whether he wanted to stay with me at all, anymore.
I heard what Aishe had said to Suvar—that he wanted me for me, not my power. He wanted me because of my flaws and violent moods, that I could be gentle and compassionate. He said I belonged to him and he belonged to me. I’d nearly wept with love and guilt. That didn’t change the fact I’d taken choice away from him, and he’d seen me destroy his tribe. Dream or not, demon or not, the fact remained he’d seen it as real. He knew what I was capable of, him more than anyone, and the demon fed off that, consuming his memories and vomiting them up in a twisted distortion of truth. The fact the demon had attacked directly after his imprisonment only compounded the problem, causing me to truly wonder if anything between us could be salvaged. He might want nothing to do with me.
Considering I’d been slinging around major magick and spells consistently for nearly an entire day, I was surprised when I didn’t fall into a magick fever.
I slept hard after returning home and putting Suvar’s head on a spike. I’d sat on one of my sofas, just to take a breath, and ended up sleeping for the rest of the day, into the night, and waking up late the next morning. Then I was famished. I wasn’t only becoming stronger, more powerful, my endurance was strengthening. I was using the magick in the surrounding elements more often without thinking about it. It was becoming second nature to merge outside power with my own, to form it into a spell and unleash it. It really wasn’t that long ago when one big spell could leave me winded, or when fighting two necromantic armies had left me battling magick fever. The Council of Mages had reason to be scared of me and what I was capable of doing.
I wrote letters to the Council of Mages explaining everything that had transpired. My letter to Master Ulezander was a little longer than the rest, but I said nearly the same thing in each. I was within my rights to execute Suvar, since, not only did he go after Aishe, but he used a demon to do it. That was a major transgression that would have cost him his hands, which meant he’d no longer be a mage. In some respects, I’d been merciful on him. I doubted much would come of his death. Suvar had been nothing in the scheme of things. He hadn’t been an elder or an enforcer. He’d been just another power-hungry mage who saw me as his ticket to greatness.
It was the second day home after defeating Suvar when I finally managed to speak with Aishe. After taking a bath and writing the letters, I finally managed to inform him of what transpired at the inquiry and afterward. I didn’t hold anything back. I told him about Suvar flirting with me, I told him about Olyvre and my brother’s obvious attraction to Elissya. I told him about Elorn’s fate. I had no right to hold anything back from him. He deserved the truth from me and any secrets would have been an insult to the already enormous injury I had caused him. He listened to me quietly, not asking questions or making remarks. An awkward silence followed my telling. Then he simply nodded and walked away.
I sent the letters to the elders using two querians. I walked down the steps of the tower, feeling defeated. Then I simply stopped and sat on one of the steps. I leaned against the wall and fingered the amethyst pendant I still wore. Aishe hadn’t asked for it back. I knew he saw it, and didn’t seem interested in reclaiming it. I wanted to weep. I knew I had no right to tears. Why didn’t I come home earlier? If I wasn’t so cowardly, I could have prevented most if not all of Aishe’s torment. I would have been home, able to protect him. We would have spoken, much of his emotional distress eased or at least purged. It would have made it harder for the demon to grab hold of his mind. Except, I’d wanted more space, I’d wanted to avoid
the argument for as long as possible. My guilt was heavy, immeasurable. I hadn’t summoned the demon, and yet I was still to blame.
Why didn’t I protect Aishe from Dreamworld? In all our training, why didn’t I make that priority? There were ways to defend oneself against attack from dream demons, and Aishe was intelligent and dogged at perfecting new techniques. He would have been happy to learn. That would have stopped any of this from happening.
I hadn’t. Now he paid for it.
Granted, I never thought danger would come from dreams. It was rare for a dream demon to attack the sleeping so viciously. The protective bubble around their minds usually meant demons couldn’t do more than scare sleepers. These circumstances were unusual. A demon had been summoned, sent to attack Aishe, and he was more vulnerable because of his emotional distress. The demon had his entire focus on Aishe and managed to pop the protective bubble and attack. It wasn’t unheard of, but it was rare. I had to double my efforts to understand and traverse Dreamworld, and then share that knowledge with Aishe. If he would even listen to me.
I closed my eyes, my cheek against the cool stone. What was I supposed to do?
How long I sat there, I didn’t know. I eventually heard footsteps climb up the steps. I opened my eyes. Aishe rounded the corner and from the relief on his face, I guessed he’d been looking for me. That had to be a positive sign.
He gestured to the step, the question obvious. I nodded. He sat on the same step I did, on the opposite side, against the other wall. The space between us was mere inches except it felt like the width of an ocean. I didn’t look at him. I contemplated my boots. The silence dragged out between us. I couldn’t stand it.
“You’re not a prisoner, anymore,” I said, eyes still on my boots. “You can come and go as you please.” Knives sliced my throat as I spoke the next words. “Take the time you need, Aishe. I won’t push you. I won’t demand anything of you. If you need to leave and go someplace, like your sister tribe or....” I shrugged. “You can go. I won’t stop you.”
