‘Natalie is more important to me than carrying on the family line,’ Angelo said. ‘If she decides she can’t face the prospect of having a child then I will have to accept that.’
Natalie saw the disappointment on his parents’ faces. She saw a shadow of it in Angelo’s expression too, even though he did his best to conceal it. Never had she felt more wretched about her past.
The evening went ahead as planned, but she felt on the outside the whole time. It was painful to watch Angelo’s parents trying to enjoy themselves. They were clearly upset and uncomfortable.
She had spoilt his mother’s birthday—just as she had spoilt everything else.
It was late by the time Angelo came up to their room. Natalie suspected he had been having a private discussion about her with his parents. The whole time she had been waiting for him she had worked herself into a state about how the conversation might have gone.
They would have been polite but concerned, wondering if he was serious about throwing his life away on a woman who could not give him what he most wanted.
He would have told them he loved her enough for it not to matter, but they would press him to have a rethink.
He had a responsibility.
It was his duty.
‘Where have you been?’ she asked, even before he had closed the door.
‘I was seeing to some business,’ he said, tugging at his tie.
‘Did your parents tell you to divorce me?’ she asked.
He frowned. ‘Why would they do that?’
‘Because I’m not going to be the breeding machine they so desperately want.’
‘Tatty,’ he said on a frustrated sigh, ‘I think you need to take a step back from this and see it from my perspective.’
‘Oh, I see it from your perspective, all right,’ she said, throwing him a hard little glare. ‘You think over time you’ll eventually grind me down. You’re working on me bit by bit. First it was Molly. Who knows what’s next? A kitten, perhaps? But what if it doesn’t work? What if I still don’t want children?’
‘What I said downstairs is true,’ he said. ‘You are far more important to me than adding to the family tree.’
Natalie wanted to believe him. She wanted to be confident that in two years, five years, even fifty years he would still be saying the same thing. She knew he loved her. He showed it in so many ways. She felt his love in his touch. She saw it in his gaze. She saw it now.
He tossed his tie to one side. ‘How about you come over here and I’ll show you just how important you are?’ he said with a smouldering look.
She walked towards him on legs that trembled as desire rushed through her like a powerful drug. She had barely closed the distance between them when he grabbed her by the upper arms and crushed his mouth to hers. The kiss was hot, wet and urgent—just like the need that instantly flooded her. His tongue moved against hers, calling it into a sexy duel that made her senses shout and sing in rapture.
He kept his mouth clamped on hers as he walked her backwards to the bed. He laid her down and began to rid himself of his clothes, all the while watching her with that slightly hooded I’m-about-to-make-love-to-you gaze of his.
‘Aren’t you going to take off your clothes?’ he asked.
She gave him a sultry look. ‘I don’t know,’ she said. ‘Should I?’
‘You’d better, if you still want them to be in one piece.’
A hot tingling sensation erupted between her thighs. ‘This dress cost me a lot of money,’ she said. ‘I happen to love this dress.’
His eyes glittered as he came towards her. ‘I love that dress too. But I think you look much better without it.’
Natalie shivered as he spun her around on the bed and released the zip at the back of her dress in one swift movement. Her bra and knickers were next, along with her shoes.
She tried to turn around but he laid a flat hand on her shoulder. ‘Stay where you are,’ he said.
She felt that delicious shiver again as his erection brushed against her bottom. It felt hard and very determined. She gave a little gasp as he entered her in a slick hard thrust that made every hair on her head tremble at the roots. He set a fast pace but she kept up with him. Each rocking movement of his hips, each stabbing thrust, sent another wave of pleasure through her. All her nerves were jumping in excitement. She felt the pressure building to a crescendo. Even the arches of her feet were tensed in preparation. Her orgasm was fast and furious. It rippled through her, making her shudder in ecstasy. He emptied himself with a powerful surge that sent another wave of pleasure through her.
But he wasn’t finished with her yet.
He turned her and came down over her, his weight supported on one hand as he used the other to caress her intimately. She threw back her head and writhed in exquisite pleasure as he brought her to the brink before backing off again.
‘Please,’ she gasped as he ruthlessly continued the sweet torture.
‘What do you want?’ he asked.
‘I want you.’
‘How much?’
‘Too much,’ she gasped again.
‘That makes two of us,’ he said, and took her to paradise again.
Natalie stood beside Angelo as they farewelled his parents the following morning. Francesca and Santo each hugged her in turn, and on the surface they were as warm as ever, but she could tell they were struggling to accept the possibility that they would never hold a grandchild of their own in their arms.
Angelo took her hand as the driver pulled away from the kerb. ‘I know what you’re thinking.’
‘They hate me.’
‘They don’t hate you.’
‘I would hate me if I was them,’ she said, pulling out of his hold and walking back inside.
‘Tatty.’
She swung around to look at him once he had closed the front door. ‘This is how it’s going to be for the next however many years. Do you realise that, Angelo?’ she asked. ‘They’re going to look at me with that crestfallen look, as if I’ve ruined both their lives.’
‘You have not ruined anyone’s life,’ he said, blowing out a breath. ‘They’ll get used to it eventually.’
She felt a tight ache in her chest at how much he was giving up for her. She hadn’t even told him she loved him. She wanted to, but it as if the words were trapped behind the wall of her guilt. She had bricked those three little words away and now she couldn’t find them amongst the rubble of what used to be her heart.
‘But will you get used to it?’ she asked. ‘What about in a couple of years? Five or ten? What about when all your friends have got kids? What if you hold someone else’s baby in your arms and start to hate me?’
His expression tightened. ‘I think we should shelve this topic until some other time.’
‘Why is that?’ she asked. ‘Because I’ve touched on a nerve? Go on. Admit it. I’ve got you thinking about how it’s going to be, haven’t I?’
A muscle flickered at the corner of his mouth. ‘You really are spoiling for a fight, aren’t you?’
‘I’m just trying to make sure you’ve looked at this from every angle.’
‘You’re the one who hasn’t looked at this properly,’ he bit back. ‘Even now you’re still punishing yourself for your brother’s death, when it’s obvious it’s no one’s fault but your parents’. They’re totally inadequate, and always have been, and yet you continue to take the blame. You have to let it go, Tatty. You can’t bring Liam back. You owe it to him to live a full life. I am sure if things were the other way around you would never have expected him to sacrifice his own happiness.’
She chewed at her lip. There was sense in what he was saying. She hadn’t really thought about what Liam would have done if things were the other way around.
Angelo took her hand again and brought it up to his chest. ‘Think about it, cara,’ he said gently. ‘What would Liam want you to do?’
Natalie thought of a newborn baby just like Isabel’s. The sweet smell, the
soft downy hair, the perfect little limbs and dimpled hands. She thought of a little baby that looked just like Angelo, with jet-black hair and chocolate-brown eyes. She thought of watching him or her grow up, each and every milestone celebrated with love and happiness. She thought of how the bond of a child would strengthen what Angelo already felt for her. Just having Molly had brought them closer. He was just as devoted to the little puppy as she was.
She suddenly frowned and glanced around her. ‘Where’s Molly?’
‘She was here a minute ago,’ Angelo said.
Natalie pushed past him. ‘Molly?’ She ran through the house, up and down the stairs, calling the puppy’s name. There was no sign of her anywhere—just some of her toys: one of Angelo’s old trainers and a squeaky plastic bone. She tried not to panic. She did all the self-talk she could think of on the hop.
Puppies were mischievous little things.
Perhaps Molly had found something new to chew and was keeping it to herself in a quiet corner.
Or maybe she was asleep somewhere and hadn’t heard her name being called.
Puppies were either fully on or fully off.
Natalie came bolting back down the stairs just as Angelo was coming back through the front door. ‘Have you found her?’
‘She’s not out on the street,’ he said. ‘I thought she might have slipped out when we were saying goodbye to my parents.’
‘I can’t find her.’
The words were a horrifying echo from the past. The gender had changed, but they brought up the very same gut wrenching panic. It roiled in her stomach like a butter churn going too fast. She felt her skin break out in a clammy sweat. Her heart hammered inside the scaffold of her ribs.
‘I can’t find her. I can’t find her.’
‘She’s probably with Rosa in the kitchen,’ Angelo said.
‘I’ve already searched the kitchen,’ she said. ‘Rosa hasn’t seen her.’
He reached for her arm to settle her. ‘Tatty, for God’s sake—stop worrying.’
Natalie wrenched her arm out of reach. Her heart felt as if it was going to burst through the wall of her chest. She could hardly breathe for the rising tide of despair and guilt.
It was her fault.
She couldn’t even be trusted with a puppy. How on earth would she ever cope with a little baby?
‘Tatty, calm down and—’
‘Don’t tell me to calm down!’ she cried as she rushed out to the garden. Her lungs were almost bursting as she dashed along the flagstones to the lap pool in the garden.
The smell of chlorine sent her back in time.
She wasn’t in the middle of London as a twenty-six-year-old. She was seven years old and she was in Spain and her little brother was missing. People were running about and shouting. Her father was shouting the loudest.
‘Where is he? You were supposed to be watching him. Where is he?’
Her legs felt as if they were going to buckle beneath her. She couldn’t speak for the thudding of her heart. Her skin was dripping in sweat. She could feel it tracking a pathway between her shoulderblades.
She ran along the edge of the pool, searching, searching, but there was no sign of a little body. There was nothing but a stray leaf floating on the surface.
She clutched at her head with both hands, trying to quell the sickening pounding of panic that had taken up residence inside. She was going to be sick. She felt the bubble of bile rise in her throat and only strength of will kept it down.
She had to find Liam. She had to find Liam. She had to find Liam.
‘I’ve found her.’
Natalie’s hands fell away from her head as Angelo appeared, carrying Molly in his arms. He was smiling as if her world hadn’t completely shattered all over again.
‘Here she is,’ he said, holding her out to her.
She pushed the puppy away. ‘No, take her away,’ she said. ‘I don’t want her.’
Angelo frowned. ‘Cara, she’s fine. She was in the wine cellar. Rosa must have accidentally locked her in when she put some new bottles down there a few minutes ago.’
Natalie tried to get her breathing back under control but she was still stuck in the past. All she could think of was her brother’s limp little body being lifted from the pool. She could still hear the sound of water dripping from his shorts, from the T-shirt with the yellow lion on the front. She could hear it landing on the concrete.
She could still feel the accusing glare of the sun. It seemed to shine down on her like a scorching spotlight.
Your fault. Your fault. Your fault.
‘Tatty?’
She looked at Angelo and suddenly it was all too much. She had to get away. She could not do this. She could not be here.
‘I have to leave,’ she said. ‘I can’t do this any more.’
‘Don’t do this to me a second time, Tatty.’
‘I have to do it,’ she said tears welling in her eyes. ‘I don’t belong in your life. I can’t give you what you want. I just can’t.’
‘We can work through this,’ he said.
‘I can’t work through this!’ She shouted the words at him as she teetered on the edge of hysteria. ‘I can never work through this.’
‘Yes, you can,’ he said. ‘We’ll do it together.’
She shook her head at him. ‘It’s over, Angelo.’
His mouth pulled tight. ‘You’re running away.’
‘I’m not running away,’ she said. ‘I’m taking control of my life. You forced me to come back to you. I didn’t have a choice.’
His jaw locked. ‘I can still send Lachlan to jail.’
She looked at him, with the puppy snuggled protectively against his chest. ‘You’re not going to do that,’ she said. ‘You were never going to do that. I know you, Angelo.’
‘If you know me so well then you’ll know if you walk out now I will never take you back,’ he said through tight lips.
She felt the ache of losing him for ever settle like a weight inside her chest. It pulled on every organ painfully, torturously. ‘I’m not coming back,’ she said.
‘Go, then,’ he said, his expression closing like a fist.
It was the hardest thing she had ever done to turn and walk away from him. She put one foot in front of the other and willed herself to walk forward while everything in her protested.
Don’t go. He loves you. He loves you no matter what.
This is the only chance you’ll have at happiness. How can you walk away from it?
She allowed herself one last look as she walked out through the front door a few minutes later, bag packed, flight to Edinburgh booked. He was standing with Molly, who was struggling to break free from his arms and go to her. He had an unreadable expression on his face, but she could see the hint of moisture in his eyes.
She walked out of the door and closed it with a soft little click that broke her heart.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
‘I HEAR Angelo’s got a new lady-friend,’ Linda said about a month later as she leafed through one of the gossip magazines during lunch.
Natalie felt a dagger of pain stab her, but she affected an uninterested expression as she put her untouched sushi in the little fridge. ‘Good for him.’
‘She looks pretty young,’ Linda said. ‘And she kind of looks like you. She looks devoted to the puppy. Here—have a look.’
Natalie pushed the magazine aside. ‘I have work to do, and so do you.’
Linda pouted. ‘Yeah, well, we’d have a lot more work to do if you hadn’t quit on Angelo’s Sorrento deal. Why would you let personal stuff get in the way of gazillions of pounds?’
Natalie gritted her teeth. ‘I need to move on with my life.’
‘Seems to me you can’t really do that until you put the past behind you,’ Linda said. She waited a beat before adding, ‘Lachlan told me.’
Natalie frowned. ‘You were speaking to Lachlan?’
‘He calls me now and again to see how you’re doing,’ she said. ‘H
e kind of told me about … everything. You know—about your little brother and all.’
‘He had no right to talk to you about me.’
‘He’s worried about you,’ Linda said. ‘It sounds like he’s got his stuff pretty much sorted. He thinks it’s time you put your ghosts to rest, so to speak.’
‘I’ve got my stuff sorted.’
‘Yeah, so why are you so miserably unhappy?’ Linda asked. ‘You mope around with no energy. You don’t eat. You look like you don’t sleep.’
‘I’m fine,’ Natalie said, willing herself to believe it.
‘Why don’t you take a few days off?’ Linda suggested. ‘I’ve got things under control here. Kick back and have a think about things.’
‘I have nothing to think about.’
Linda lifted one neat eyebrow. ‘Are you sure about that?’
Natalie blew out a breath and finally came to a decision. She had been mulling it over for days. It would be Liam’s birthday in a couple of days. She could at least put some flowers on his grave while she was there.
‘I need to visit my parents,’ she said. ‘I won’t be away long—just a day or two.’
‘Take all the time you need,’ Linda said, closing the magazine.
Her mother was the only one home when Natalie arrived.
‘You could’ve called to warn me,’ Isla said as Natalie entered the sitting room where her mother was holding a gin and tonic.
‘I didn’t think kids had to warn their parents when they were dropping by for a visit,’ Natalie said.
‘I hear Angelo’s got himself a new lover.’ Isla twirled her swizzle stick.
‘I don’t believe he’s got a new lover,’ Natalie said. ‘He’s not like Dad. He wouldn’t betray me like that.’
‘You left him.’
‘I know …’
‘Why on earth did you walk out on him?’ Isla asked. ‘He’s as rich as Croesus and as handsome as the devil.’
‘I can’t give him what he wants,’ Natalie said. ‘I don’t think I can have a child after what happened to Liam.’
Surrendering All but Her Heart Page 15
