“I’m okay,” I whispered.
“Alhamdulillah,” Mazen said in a low voice, then he moved closer to kiss my forehead.
“She’ll be fine, Your Majesty. She was born a fighter,” a familiar voice said. I turned my head to see the face that voice belonged to. My heart swelled when I saw those smiling eyes that I’d missed so much.
“Rosanna!” I said as excitedly as I could with my hoarse voice. “How long have you been here?”
“Her Highness has barely left your side, princess,” Mazen said with a soft smile, and my eyes welled up with tears.
“I’m so glad to see you awake, Your Majesty.”
My smile was full of sorrow. I motioned for her to come closer. When she did, I pulled her in for a one-armed hug.
“I miss you, sister,” I said, meaning every word.
“I miss you, too,” she said quietly, then pulled back slightly. “We’ll talk later. You need to rest.”
I nodded, wishing I could see her face. I missed her smile the most. It had been over five weeks since we’d spent time together.
A few hours passed, and I was the same. The pregnancy-safe painkillers were dulling the pain and lessening the banging in my head, but I still couldn’t remember anything.
My trip to the bathroom was slow and tiring, and if it weren’t for Doctor Maya’s order that I needed that walk – I would’ve held in my pee until next month. My body felt so heavy.
Doctor Maya’s reminder to walk at least once to the bathroom made me a bit confused. “Have you told me before that I should be walking?”
“Probably. I’m not really sure. Why?”
I shook my head. “It’s nothing.”
I’d forgotten the events that led to the wound on my head, but I had not forgotten the feeling. Fear ― terror even ―was lodged in my chest. I felt like I was on the brink of danger, but there didn’t seem to be any cause for my unease.
Doctor Sabber – the neurologist – suggested that I not stress out about remembering the fall. He said that their theory about what had happened was probably the correct scenario since I was found right by the nightstand, and my wound was shaped like the edge of it.
He thought I was trying to remember what had happened. He didn’t know that I was only trying to identify why I was feeling terrified and alarmed.
When the second bag of IV was finished, Mazen told me that his mother would be here with some food soon. They were waiting until I felt better and swallowing wasn’t as bad as before. The minor injury to my windpipe caused by the oxygen tube that they’d used yesterday was no longer hurting as it did when I first woke up.
The mention of his mother gave me intense and weird feelings. I had a strong sense that there was something I needed to tell her. There was a warning that I wanted to give her. It was as if I wanted to ask her to protect herself.
But the moment I saw her, I was shocked by the mixed emotions that ran through me. I felt as if I needed to run from her. I didn’t want to see her face, I felt like … screaming.
I couldn’t understand what was happening. I remained quiet while she was in the room. I knew that if I tried to speak, I might lose control and start yelling crazy stuff like asking her to leave. Unkindly.
What was wrong with me?
Fortunately, she didn’t stay long, especially after Mazen said he would be feeding me himself. She simply stated how sorry she was and wished me a speedy recovery. The sincere look in her eyes pissed me off for some reason.
What brightened my night was the visit from my niece. Little Marie had the ability to make the whole room shine with cheerfulness just with one smile.
“We were so worried about you, Your Majesty,” Janna said. “You scared us!”
“Aw! You’re so sweet,” I said. “I’m sorry for worrying you.”
I turned my attention back to Marie, who was sitting on Mazen’s lap. I hated that I was too weak to carry her, but I was glad I could see her at all.
“Uh, Yoseph has been very worried, too, Your Majesty,” Janna said. My smile dropped immediately. When I didn’t reply she went on, “He came all the way from New York when he heard you were sick, and – uh, he’s wondering if he could see you.”
“Sorry?” I asked in disbelief.
“He asks if you’d allow him to make a short visit.”
I wasn’t punishing my brother by wanting him to stay away from me. He had paid for his sins by missing the love of his life for almost two years. He was punished when he was denied to be with his only child for nearly two years. He didn’t get the chance to see her first smile or her first step. He got nothing.
I couldn’t imagine being prevented from seeing my daughter for that long, all the while craving to spend time with her – it would be one of the cruelest punishments ever.
Joseph had been punished enough, but it wasn’t me who’d punished him. It was his wife. The love of his life. The one he’d been denied seeing, as well.
It didn’t mean that I wanted him to suffer more – not for me, even. I’d already taken my revenge on him, when I cut him off from all responsibility, and management of the company our parents built. The thing was, I wasn’t ready to look into his eyes. Yet.
Joseph would always be my brother. I would never forget the good things he’d done for me throughout my life. But I have not forgotten that he’d once threatened my life for his own happiness.
I don’t know if I could ever do so.
There was not an ounce of regret in my heart as I rejected his request to see me. But there was grief.
It must have shown on my face because the next thing Mazen did was to tell Janna that I needed to rest.
As I lay in bed, still feeling discomfort, I thought only about how I might never get to see Joseph again, because even two years later – I still couldn’t forgive him. And I wondered if my words were true when long ago, I’d said he was dead to me. Just the thought was so painful that my chest swelled and my heart started aching. I wondered if whether we could be together in one place ever again.
Two weeks later, I got my answer.
The sun was so bright that day; my simple black dress wasn’t heavy, but the warm weather was irritating. An umbrella was being held over me even though I had a big elegant hat on. I wore sunglasses that weren’t there to protect my eyes from the sun, but to hide my tears.
The sadness I felt that day was as great as what I’d felt when I’d lost my parents.
Mazen’s soothing touches were everything. They were the reason why I was able to stand and not wholly crumble to the ground.
My grandmother’s funeral was beautiful. She looked so beautiful and peaceful in her coffin. She lived a long and happy life, but I knew very well that she had never recovered from losing my grandfather. When she also lost my mother, her brain couldn’t really take it and decided to forget everything, to freeze on the memory of when her little family was all good and fine.
Now she was with them. She was in a better place; I was a hundred percent sure.
There were two things that I really hated about her death other than the fact that I had lost her forever. One was that she would never get the chance to hold my baby – I’d really looked forward to that. And the other was that she died without a loved one holding her hand; I was far away when I got the awful phone call.
I was told that she’d smiled and called my grandfather’s name as if she were seeing him just a minute before she was gone. They were together now. All of them. My grandparents and my parents.
It was the first time in so long that I needed Joseph. Truly needed him.
Mazen was amazing; he was the best thing that had ever happened to me. He knew all the right things to say to help me feel better; he knew exactly when I needed to only hold his hand, and when to hug me when I really craved it. He did it all without me asking. He made it easier.
But, I still needed Joseph. He was the only one who was feeling the grief I felt on that day. I saw him from a few yards away. My vision rem
ained blurry as my never-ending tears fell, but I was still able to see the miserable look on his face.
He looked exactly like how I felt: pained and lonely.
We both had the most beautiful spouses standing beside us, supporting us. But we both needed each other. We needed each other so much.
I knew that if I just reached with my hand towards him, he would come running. I knew that I needed his hug more than anything, and I knew that he needed mine, too.
But, I couldn’t.
My eyes caught his a few times. I couldn’t see them like he couldn’t see mine; our glasses were too dark to tell where we were looking. But I knew exactly when he was looking at me. And I knew which of his tears were for our grandmother and which of them were for me.
I wished I had the strength to share an embrace with him, but I was too weak for that.
I couldn’t do it.
Like I always did when feeling seriously down, I buried myself in work. Mazen didn’t like it, but he knew it was how I coped with sadness and stress.
My work was benefiting the Kingdom, so Mazen couldn’t really complain. He knew that my successes made me feel good, and that affected everything around and about me.
Since I worked extra hours, I was getting a lot accomplished. I implemented new strategies to hasten a few projects and got a good grasp on my educational campaigns for the Bedouins and around the Kingdom.
It was the best therapy for my anxiety – to see great results.
“Look at us,” I said to Rosanna, “we’re making fateful decisions from my bed. What kind of royals are we?”
“It’s not ‘fateful decisions!’. Don’t be overdramatic!” She sat next to me with her back resting on the pillows, the same position I was taking. Papers were splayed out all around us on the bed; I believe some were on the floor, as well.
“You’re a jerk.”
“Uh-huh!” she said, not taking her eyes off the paper in her hand.
I tried to return my attention to the file in my hand, but my head was somewhere else; I started thinking about my relationship with Rosanna.
Ever since I’d woken up that day with a wound on my head – which to this day, I couldn’t even remember how I’d gotten it – we’d started talking again after over five weeks of a killer silence that hurt my soul.
I couldn’t say that we were back to normal. There was this thing that stayed in the air – lingering. I couldn’t explain it. I just felt tension sometimes when we merely talked about my pregnancy or hers. It was as if we were both remembering what had happened, and the pain of it was hovering around – the pain she’d felt when I hurt her and the pain I’d felt when I almost lost her.
We discussed it once. She told me that she understood how I felt and that she’d already accepted my apology from minute one. She only needed time, and now she thought we should put it all behind us as if it had never happened. She refused to speak of it again.
I didn’t argue.
“Do we need to go through all of these today?” I complained. I was exhausted, but Rosanna wouldn’t let up until we were finished with kingdom business.
“We do – if you wish to take that maternity leave soon.”
“You’re threatening my maternity leave? Sometimes, no, most of the time – I feel like I actually work for you,” I said, and when she gave me a dark look, I caved. “Sometimes.” I repeated more quietly; she was scary.
“You do work for me, for the whole Kingdom, if you haven’t noticed,” she said with a smug look, and I just playfully rolled my eyes and shook my head. “Finish reading the file so we can discuss it this century.”
“Yes, ma’am!” I said.
Rosanna was right. I needed to finish all of those files, and some more, very soon, so I could take the break Mazen and I had arranged for ourselves to prepare for Adam’s birth.
The most demanding project was the school I’d been working on for almost a year now in Al’ameria. We were trying very hard to have it ready for the start of the school year –on the sixth of September, just three days before I was due.
We had already announced that I was to deliver our son in Queen Marie’s Hospital, and everyone was shocked. I did worry somewhat about our safety in Al’ameria – especially after the attempted terrorist attack – but the investigation had shown that the bomber was mentally ill – it was a lone wolf.
Of course, he wasn’t stable. I mean, who bombs a hospital? As messed up as all bombers were, actually going to a hospital to kill people in it was the worst of all.
So, since it was only three weeks until the school was scheduled to open, I had to get everything done before I left for Al’ameria. That’s where I would be staying for a week or two after I gave birth. Rosanna made sure that I was on track regarding all things related to the Kingdom, up until the day I would leave.
“I think there’s missing information from this file,” I said, after going through the papers twice.
Rosanna took the file from me with a frown, which deepened when she found out I was right. There was a piece of paper missing. She looked all around her on the bed, then searched through the papers on the floor.
“Ah! Here it is!” She bent down to get it and then her face paled, and she got up quickly.
“Oh, God!” she said in Arabic before she ran to the bathroom, covering her mouth with her hand.
I felt sorry for her, wishing I was able to hold her hair for her, but by the time I managed to get off my butt, she was already done and met me halfway.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. This sickness is no fun,” she breathed out. “I’m sorry for throwing up in your bathroom.”
“It’s okay, that makes us even.”
“What? It does not!” she objected. “You threw up four times in my bathroom, and this is only my second time in yours!”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m already almost finished with this pregnancy; you have seven more years to go.”
“Sure feels like it.”
“Do you wish to leave? Freshen up, relax a bit and then return?” I suggested.
“If I go to my room now, I most likely won’t be coming back,.”
“Oh! Why not? Are you tired?”
Rosanna’s shoulders hunched down and she sighed, not saying anything.
“Oh, no!” I said, grabbing her by the hand to sit with me on the couch next to us. “Tell me all about it!”
No matter what kind of shoes I wore, I always ended up with swollen feet; this month of my pregnancy had been really enjoyable. Ugh … not!
I ended up attending all my essential meetings with bare feet hidden under my desk. If the meeting was with a large number of people, and I had to be by the table, I had to put something on my feet as it would show. It had crossed my mind to ask the staff to just get it over with and paint shoes on my feet.
If only.
“Your Majesty, the meeting with Prime Minister Prince Fahd is in ten minutes,” Rana told me.
“Oh, okay,” I said. “I just have this one document left to sign, and then I’ll be ready.”
“Yes, Your Majesty. If you’ll excuse me,” she said, to which I nodded.
I read through the information, signed it, then called Manar and handed it to her, closing the last file I was working on before my ‘Maternity Leave’.
“Please show Prince Fahd in as soon as he arrives,” I told Manar.
“He’s right outside, Your Majesty. I will let him in.”
“Great,” I replied with a smile, adjusting my position on my leather seat.
Not a minute later, Prince Fahd was coming through the doors, a broad smile planted on his lips. “Your Majesty.” He nodded in greeting.
“Welcome, Prince Fahd,” I waved my hand to the chair in front of my desk. “Please, have a seat.”
“Thank you, Your Majesty,” he said and then did as I’d asked him to. “How is my nephew doing?” he asked, motioning to my stomach.
I looked down at my stomach and touched
it softly with my hand. “He’s doing great, thank you for asking.”
“I can’t wait to meet His Highness.”
I grinned. “He can’t wait to meet you either, Prince Fahd.”
“I have the perfect gift for him, I really can’t wait for him to meet it,” he said with the widest of smiles. It made my own smile drop right away, and I sat there for a second just gaping at him.
He said ‘meet it’.
Prince Fahd was such a good man ― honorable and loyal. He loved his family dearly and would do anything for them. He was the one I trusted the most in the royal family, the same as I did his wife. But … he was not always good at choosing gifts.
Sometimes he did great, like that time he gave me Hope and Faith, but other than that … not really.
“Um, I’m sure it’s great,” I lied through my teeth, then smiled politely. “You’re probably wondering why I asked you here today and on short notice,” I said, trying to get straight to the point.
“I won’t lie to you, Your Majesty. I’ve been wondering about it all day long, hoping it’s not something worrisome about the Kingdom,”
“Well, it is something worrisome … but not about the Kingdom.”
“I’m listening, Your Majesty,” he said, his face turning grave.
“I’m actually a little disappointed in you, Prince Fahd.”
“Disappointed in me?” He sounded truly surprised. “Mind if I ask why?”
I took a deep breath. “In all the years you’ve been married to Princess Rosanna, have you ever felt she was the kind of wife you could boss around?”
Prince Fahd was confused for a second, and the moment he pressed his lips into a tight line, I knew that he got what I was on about.
It took him a long moment of silence before he cleared his throat and replied to my question. “No, Your Majesty. Her Highness is not the kind of person anyone could boss around. But that wasn’t what I was trying to do.”
“It wasn’t? So why did it feel like you were trying to tell her to do things she didn’t want to do? Or rather – not do things that she wanted to do?” I pushed.
Golden Chains (The Colorblind Trilogy Book 3) Page 22
