Minutes pass with me standing and staring—entranced at the door—and waiting. My legs and face grow warm as smoke envelops the air around me, the house catching the brunt of the flame as it climbs toward the source that can feed its scorching desire to burn. As it all burns away, piece by piece, it sets me free.
Loud thumps grow near as Percy stumbles in his heavy construction boots, coughing behind the very door, I’m standing in front of. Like a moth seeking the brightest light, the doors handle jiggles, and then it stops. After a beat, with a loud cry from the man trapped, the metal begins to turn. He’s seeking his freedom, but I’m not granting it; not today, not ever.
I blink, coming out of my daze and grab the handle, holding it in place. The metal scalds my palm, but I won’t release it no matter how bad it burns. The man pounds on the other side of the door, screaming for help as I stand still, the fire flickering full of life beside me. Everything smolders around me, but for some reason, the heat doesn’t harm me. It melts the skin on my palm—a reminder, no doubt—but I embrace it.
The old man struggles to breathe with the smoke and begins to burn alive. For the first time in a long time, I smile. The harsh stench of burning flesh brings me peace.
Once he’s dead, I dump the remaining gasoline over the blue memory holding my father and light it up next. Everything burns away, and, in that moment, I vow to never look back. It's nothing but a fucking nightmare, after all.
You had me at a point where I
would’ve left the entire world behind for you.
- iglovequotes.net
I can’t go home alone again; I need someone to numb the empty feeling of loneliness I get night after night. I hate letting myself get down like this as if I don’t have anyone and it’s the end of the world.
My mind slips back to the one-night stand I had three years ago, nearly to the day. It is the reason I’m feeling this way after all…
Nightmare.
He called me his daydream, whatever the hell that meant. It was probably the sweetest compliment I’d ever gotten from a man. It was a compliment, right?
It had to be.
God, he’d freaking worshiped my body that night too. He didn’t care that I was high on percs. He’d growled and then laughed, and it was like seeing light for the first time in my life. That man made me feel, and for once, I wasn’t trying to block out the pain. I wanted to see him, to remember him.
That story didn’t have a happy ending for me like I’d foolishly let myself believe it would. I guess in a sense, it did, though; it brought me Maverick. However, it didn’t turn out like I would’ve thought when I’d first laid eyes on Nightmare.
He was everything I wanted—the forbidden fruit—or so I thought. Boy, was I wrong, and I took one hell of a big bite.
The first thing I noticed about Nightmare that day we pulled into the shitty beatdown hotel parking lot wasn’t the long, dark, wavy hair shadowing part of his face. Not even the black tattoos painting his skin or the thick, corded muscles overtaking his massive body.
It was the jagged silver strip running through one of the deep brown depths of his eyes. It started at the far corner of his eyebrow and sliced straight over his eyelid, nearly touching his nose. It was tiny but must’ve been a significant enough wound to change the color of one of his irises.
It was creepy and enthralling how he could stare me down like he could see completely through me. He wasn’t fooled one bit by my loud mouth or the too-bright-too-fake smile that I always wore. He saw me for me; the plain-Jane, broken Bethany.
My life wasn’t butterflies and rainbows. It was rough, and my mask was the only thing I owned that I could hide behind. Well, besides my best friend Princess. I hid behind her beauty a lot. She’s not like me. She’s strong and never lets anyone push her around, and it made me gravitate toward her like a dog to a bone.
My phone goes off, the ringtone blaring Avenged Sevenfold loudly. Grabbing it quickly, I take off into the bathroom, so it doesn’t wake up Maverick. He fell asleep in the car after I’d picked him up on my way home from the restaurant. As much as I want him to be up and alert so I can spend some time with him, you don’t wake a toddler at bedtime; you just don’t do it.
“Hello?” It’s whispered in a rush as I close the thin bathroom door and swipe across the screen to answer.
“Hey! Are you having sex? Oh, my God, why in the hell did you answer the phone?”
Her excited rush has me breathing out a giggle. “No. dumbass, Mav is sleeping, I was running.”
“Why were you running if he’s asleep?”
“Because my ringtone would’ve woken him up.” With my little boy being around me every moment that I’m not working, I’ve forgotten what it’s like to live without having a kid. Princess has her man and his little brother, who’s not so little. More like a six-foot-three, eighteen-year-old that eats her out of the house practically.
“Oh, well, I feel like an ass.”
“Don’t, you’ll figure it out someday.”
She huffs, and in my mind, I can picture her rolling her eyes. “Viking still says he needs more time with me, to himself.”
“Trust me, don’t rush it. Enjoy each other while it’s you guys. Maverick is the best thing that’s ever happened to me, but it’s not easy, Prissy.”
“I must sound so ungrateful to you, and you’re the one always over-working yourself.”
“I don’t mind; he’s worth it. Plus, I don’t like you sending me money. It makes me feel guilty, and I don’t like that hanging over our friendship.”
“I’ve known you my whole life, and that kid is my family too. It’s nothing. Besides, what would I do with it anyhow?”
“I don’t know, go grocery shopping maybe?”
She laughs, and it brings a smile to my face. I miss her so much. I miss the many nights we were off screwing around, just having fun together.
“You’re still coming, right? No excuses?”
“It’s your wedding, I wouldn’t miss it.”
“You promise?”
“For the millionth time; yes. I promise I’ll be there, with bells on and Maverick at my side.”
“Okay…it’s just…well, I told you that it’s going to be at the compound.”
“We’ll be fine. No one will remember me and nobody knows anything about Mav. He’s the only concern I have.”
“Night and Vike have grown close since Nightmare gave up his Nomad patch.” She admits softly.
“He’s not a Nomad anymore?” I trail off, not being able to hold back from asking about him. His name has my mind racing with the few memories I have of him.
“No, he’s not; I thought I told you?”
“You, ah, haven’t mentioned anything.” I would remember if she had; I remember everything she says about him, and it’s been kept to a minimal, even over a three-year period.
“Right, sorry. I don’t want to bring him up. I just don’t want you to be blindsided either. You’re finally coming home after three years, and I don’t want anything at all to go wrong. I need you here, standing beside me when I tie the knot.”
“I still can’t believe he asked you to marry him.”
“Me either. From Viking, it was the last thing I ever expected, but he’s calmed down a bit, you’ll see.”
“Doubt it,” I reply immediately, and she laughs again.
“Okay, you’re right. He’s still a dick, but he’s mine.”
“He is. I’m so happy for you.”
“And I’m so happy I’ll see you guys. It’s been six months since my last visit, and that’s way too long.”
“I know it is; I miss you.” Tears crest and my throat begins to feel thick with emotion. I won’t let her hear it though; I never do. “I have to work early, so I’ve got to get some sleep, but the promise is still good. In three days, I’ll be heading your way.”
“I love you.”
“Love you, too.”
“See you soooon!” she sings out happily, a
nd I end the call with a smile.
I’m a bit leery because, in three days, I’ll see the man who ruined me for anyone else. He’s the man who broke my heart and also knows absolutely nothing about his three-year-old son. If he figures it out, he may also be the man who ends up killing me.
I switch my phone to silent and search out the box of cheap wine in my refrigerator. If I drink enough of it, it’ll make me fall asleep without any dreams taking over my rest. The bad dreams are the worst. During the day, I can block everything out if I stay busy; but there’s free reign on my mind when I’m sleeping.
That’s one thing Maverick will never know—abuse as a child. I’ll spend my last dying breath protecting him if I have to. I never cared about much before him; I would wash any memories I had away with alcohol and sex. If I was giving it up freely, then it could never be taken from me again.
Now, I have this little man depending on me, so I have to be extra careful. That includes not leaving at night unless it’s an emergency or for work. Like tonight, for example, I got off late, but I had to. I make so much more money when I work the night shift, and I need it if I’m taking time away to visit Princess.
I hate not being home to put Maverick to bed, too. That's usually our special time together, and I want him to have some sense of normal. Not just thinking that his mom is gone all the time working.
It’s an unfair balance you have to find it seems. If you work too much, you’re a bad parent for never being home with your kid. If you work too little and don’t make enough money, your kid suffers by not having what they need. How on earth is that fucking fair? It’s bullshit.
I down another glass of the cheap wine and the alcohol’s trance kicks in, making me drowsier from my busy day. It’s enough that if I go to sleep now, I don’t think the dreams of my father will come to haunt me. I can never be sure though.
Peeling off my work uniform, I climb into bed in my bra and panties. I can shower in the morning; right now my body needs rest. Nightmare’s silver and bronze gaze is the last thing I think of as I fall into a blissfully drunken sleep.
I miss him.
I broke my own heart loving you.
- Unknown
“Thanks, Barb.”
She casts a friendly smile at me as she stands in the doorway and holds Maverick’s hand in my direction. I reach my palm out to him, and he eagerly grabs it, a happy grin taking over his face, excited to be home. “You’re welcome; you two have a safe trip and try to have some fun.”
“We will. Enjoy your free time, too.”
“Oh, I don’t mind having Maverick around; he makes me feel young again.” The older woman chuckles, waves, and heads toward her car.
Usually, I pick Mav up on my way home, but Barbara was out running errands and saved me the trip. It worked out perfectly, too; it gave me enough time to get my car loaded up with everything for our trip. My nerves were kind enough to show up as well. I was hoping to leave them behind, but, apparently, they didn’t feel the same way. Hopefully, the drive will chill me out some.
It looks like we’re going across the country or something when it’s only four hours away. Anyone with kids knows that you have to pack everything but the kitchen sink practically, to keep almost-three-year-olds busy, especially at a wedding. Bikers or not, I don’t want to bring too much attention to us, or any attention at all.
“Hey, buddy.” Pulling him in for a snuggle, I wrap my arms around. “I missed you today. Are you ready for our trip to see Aunt Prissy?”
“Yes! She has gummies?”
Six months since her trip here and he still talks about her spoiling him with gummy bears. He was in such a sugar rush during her visit; I thought I was going to strangle her. He doesn’t need a grandma to feed him sugar on visits when he has Princess.
“Knowing her, probably. The car’s all ready. Is there anything I’m forgetting?” I made him pick out some toys to fit in one backpack, no more. He tried to tell me we needed to bring his toy box, but it wasn’t happening.
He taps his chin, looking around the living room.
He’s so freaking adorable with his black locks he gets from both Nightmare and me, along with big brown eyes from his father that haunt my memories. Hopefully, no one looks close enough, or they’ll be able to figure out whose blood runs through his body pretty easily.
“Ummm…snacks?” Surprise, surprise; snacks was one of the kid’s first words.
“Got ‘em.”
“Ummm…Mr. Bwair?”
“Got Mr. Bear, too.”
“Ummm…” He looks at me, his eyebrow raising and shrugs.
“That’s what I was thinking. First trip this far away, I’m sure we’ll figure it out soon enough.”
Yeah, so I ended up forgetting my cash, and two hours down the road had to turn around when I stopped to get gas and only found a twenty in my purse. A four-hour road trip turned into eight hours, and let’s just say, Maverick was not amused in the slightest, at my mishap.
“I thought you’d never get here!” Princess squeezes me tightly, again. She’s done it three times since she opened her front door.
“God, me too. Just be glad the kid passed out, or you’d be ready for us to leave already.”
“No way, I love the little guy. I was hoping he’d be awake. I’m thinking once Viking gets around Maverick, he’ll want to have some kids of our own.”
“Trust me, he was super grouchy the hour before he finally gave in. His favorite word was ‘NO.’ I’m pretty sure he said it fifty times and threw so many damn action figures, they’ll forever be lost in my car.”
She laughs, finding enjoyment in my mini ride of torture. Payback—one day she’ll be calling me, flipping out because her kids being a brat and then I’ll laugh. It’s what best friends do.
“Well, hopefully after some rest, he’ll be in a better mood tomorrow. He can run after Odin and get some exercise too.”
“That sounds good to me. Now, please tell me you have some wine?”
“I have vodka and OJ; will that do the trick?”
“Definitely, hook it up.” I follow her into the kitchen and take a seat at the table. “Thank you for letting us stay with you, I hope we don’t bother you though. Mav still gets up really early.”
“Of course, I wouldn’t want you anywhere else. And besides, I’ve stayed with you, and he’s a lot quieter than I’d expect.”
“Yeah, cartoons and a bowl of cereal and he’s pretty calm. He needs time to wake up and get going.”
“Just like his mom.” She winks, and I smile. I love being here, even after a long trip and an hour of kid yelling to make it here.
“So what’s the plan for tomorrow exactly?”
I’m nervous, but at the same time, I’m excited to see the guys. I don’t expect them to remember me, but I could never forget the rough group of bikers. They’re Princess’ family now, and I’m so happy she’s found her tribe. I always knew she belonged in the MC world. Her parents and brother were deep into it; she just needed the right piece to make her fit as well. That turned out to be Viking, and he’s the President of the entire club. Go figure.
She sets the glass in front of me, taking the seat to my left and sips her own drink. “Pretty much just hang out. We’re having a barbecue at the club to welcome some visiting members, mostly the Nomads coming in for the wedding, but both clubs will be there.”
“The hybrids and the Oath Keepers?”
“Yes, but don’t call them hybrids; the Widow Makers were patched over to the Oath Keepers. Oath Keepers essentially took over the Widow Maker name. They let a small charter keep the patch in South Carolina, but Viking’s club here is Oath Keepers. You already know that much though. He works with Ares a lot; they’re practically BFFs now.”
“That’s crazy, considering they hated each other with a passion in the beginning.”
“I know, but they both love my father, and, thankfully, were able to bond over him and work through their shit. It makes things so m
uch easier.”
“Okay, so the same guys that were with your dad and Ares are under Ares, and the others belong to Viking’s charter?”
“Right, that’s why we moved a little ways out of town. This way they can each have separate clubs.”
“Jesus, y’all must run Texas by now.”
“With the size of the clubs, we’re definitely dominant in this state.”
“Listen to you, no doubt a President’s wife.”
“Ol’ lady.” She winks. “And it has taken time to get there, believe me.”
“You fit so well, though. Who'd have thought this is how your life would turn out?”
“I know, and the freaky part is, I’ve never been happier. I wish my mom was here to be a part of it all.”
“She is, Princess. That woman wouldn’t let you out of her sight when it comes to the club. I know she’s looking down on you every day.”
“I hope so.” She wipes a stray tear away as the front door opens with Viking and Odin piling through.
“Well, there’s trouble.” Viking acknowledges me, walking to his woman and giving her a blistering kiss.
“Hey.” I smile, and Odin bends over, giving me a half hug.
I’ve met him before; Viking makes him come with Princess on each visit. He says it’s to keep Odin busy, but we all know it’s to protect Princess if she ever needed it. He may only be eighteen, but he’s a tank—a lethal one at that—and Princess is the closest thing he has in his life now to a mom, older sister, female friend, etc.
“’Sup Bethany, how was the drive?” Odin nods, heading to the fridge.
“Long; glad to finally be here.”
“Bet.” He nods again, pulling out a pack of lunch meat and some mayo, heading to the counter to make a sandwich.
Viking detaches from Princess after a moment, “Where’s this mini version my ol’ lady won’t stop talking to me about?”
“He’s asleep, but you’ll meet him tomorrow.” And Maverick will no doubt be curious with Viking. He already thinks Odin is the greatest thing since peanut butter and jelly because he spins him around a million times like he enjoys.
Daydream (Oath Keepers MC) Page 2
