by Jeff Kinney
We hit the kids carrying ladders with snowballs,
but before we knew it, they’d planted their
ladders at the base of the wall and had started
climbing their way UP it.
But Rowley came back with the hot chocolate just
in the nick of time.
We emptied the thermoses out on the kids scaling
the wall. Unfortunately, Rowley hadn’t added any
WATER to the hot chocolate mix, so all it did
was ANNOY them.
I thought those guys were about to take control
of the wall, but then Latricia Hooks and Speed
Bump saved the day by dumping trash cans full of
SLUSH on them.
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We didn’t have a second to celebrate, though,
because the Lower Surrey Street kids were already
launching their next attack.
Half the fifth-grade football team lives at the
bottom of the hill, and they tried to take down
the wall with brute FORCE.
But the wall held UP, and those guys wore
themselves out with the effort.
By now, EVERYONE was tired. The sun was
out, and it was actually starting to get WARM.
I really wished I hadn’t worn my thermal
underwear, because I was ROASTING with those
extra layers.
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The Lower Surrey Street kids kept coming at us,
and we kept driving them BACK. And after a
while, NOBODY had the energy to keep fighting.
Finally, the other team turned around and went
back home. At first we thought that meant we
had WON. But those guys weren’t giving up.
They were just REFUELING.
By now it was lunchtime, and the kids at
the bottom of the hill came back outside with
sandwiches and snacks.
And when some kid started handing out JUICE
BOXES, it was a little hard to watch.
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We were all pretty thirsty on the wall, and it was
only getting HOTTER.
Some kids started sucking on SNOWBALLS to
stay hydrated, and they got through half of
our stockpile before the rest of us realized what
was happening.
We did an inventory of what we had left, and we
knew we didn’t have enough to fight off a major
assault. So we split our remaining snowballs into
thirds and put Anthony Denard in charge of
protecting them.
We kept waiting for the next attack from the
Lower Surrey Street kids, but it never came.
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After a while we realized their strategy was to
wait us out until we CRACKED, and then take
our wall without a fight.
Pervis Gentry was the first one on our side to
break. He hadn’t even had BREAKFAST this
morning, so the sight of all those sandwich crusts
lying on the ground made him CRAZY.
He climbed over the wall and ran down the hill,
and that was the last any of us saw of him.
But the REST of us hill kids kept it together.
Three HOURS went by, but the Lower Surrey
Street kids weren’t BUDGING.
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In fact, they looked like they were settling in for
the NIGHT.
A few of them had strung extension cords to
their houses, so now they had ELECTRICITY.
And we could see the glow of their TV sets from
where WE were.
Things were going from bad to worse on the wall.
A lot of the younger kids were tired and hungry
and wanted to go HOME. And I couldn’t blame
them, because by now, it was DINNERTIME.
Jacob Hoff said he was supposed to have a
clarinet lesson at six o’clock, and if he missed it his
parents would be mad. And the rest of us could
understand that kind of thing.
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Jacob’s house was just a few doors down, and we
told him if he made a run for it, we’d give him
COVER. He promised that the second his clarinet
lesson was over, he’d come back to the wall with
his coat pockets stuffed with granola bars and
fruit chews.
That got everybody pretty excited, and we helped
Jacob over the wall. Sure enough, as soon as he
touched down on the other side, the Lower Surrey
Street kids opened fire on him. But we fired
BACK and got Jacob to his front door safely.
It turned out it was a wasted effort, though.
The thing about the clarinet lesson was just an
excuse to go home, and when we saw Jacob in his
bedroom window, we knew he was never coming
back with those SNACKS.
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After that, the mood inside the wall was really
GRIM. Some kids were crying, and I didn’t see
how we could hold out much longer.
The Lower Surrey Street kids must’ve known
they had us on the ropes, because that’s when
they launched paper airplanes into our fort with
NOTES written on them.
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That was too much for some kids to take. Even
Baby Gibson seemed shaken up, so I guess now we
know he can READ.
A few minutes later, a kid came running toward
us from between a couple of houses to the right
of our fort, and we got ready to pelt him with a
round of snowballs.
But somebody RECOGNIZED the kid, and we
held our fire. It was TREVOR NIX, who used
to live on the hill.
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Trevor was out of breath, and could barely get his
words out. So we pulled him up onto the wall and
waited for him to calm down.
After Trevor got himself together, he told us
what was going on. He said the Lower Surrey
Street kids had been holding him CAPTIVE, but
he managed to ESCAPE.
Trevor said those guys were planning something
really BAD, and he wanted to tell us before it
was too LATE.
He said the Lower Surrey Street kids were creating
a HUGE stockpile of snowballs, and when it got
dark they were gonna launch a full-scale attack.
But that wasn’t even the WORST part.
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Those guys were making their snowballs in the
GUZMANS’ yard, and that’s the place with all
the DOGS. So that meant they were using
YELLOW SNOW and who knows what ELSE.
Everyone was pretty mad about what the Lower
Surrey Street kids were planning, but we were glad
Trevor gave us the heads-up. We told him that
from now on, he could sled on our hill ANY time.
We agreed we couldn’t just sit there and wait for
the attack, so we started working on a PLAN.
Half of us would sneak down the hill and launch a
SURPRISE attack on the kids making snowballs
in the Guzmans’ yard. The OTHER half would
stay back to protect the fort. We sketched the
plan into the snow with a stick to make sure we
were all on the same page.
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Me and Rowley wanted to be a part of the
ACTION, so we chose to be on the sneak attack
team. Our group loaded up a few sleds with all the
snowballs we had left, and we slipped over the
back wall and between some houses.
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It was getting dark now, so we knew those guys
wouldn’t be able to see us coming.
When we got to the Guzmans’ backyard, we stopped
to scope out the scene. Sure enough, there was
a big group of kids making snowballs out front
behind a rock wall.
When Baby Gibson gave the signal, we launched
our attack.
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But the other guys didn’t even FLINCH when we
hit them. And as we got closer, we realized it was
all just a TRICK.
The Lower Surrey Street kids had created
DECOYS to split us up, which meant we’d been
double-crossed by TREVOR NIX. We rushed
back to the wall, but by then it was already too
LATE.
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The wall was in RUINS, and we were out of
ammo. It looked really bad for us hill kids, but
then something happened that gave us HOPE.
A group of kids was marching up the hill toward
us, and when they got closer I realized it was
the SAFETY PATROLS. For a brief second, I
thought they were there to SAVE us.
But they weren’t there to help ANYONE. They
were there for REVENGE.
Usually, the Safety Patrols aren’t allowed to
throw snowballs, but today was a SUNDAY. And
that meant they were free to do whatever they
WANTED.
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Half the girls on the Safety Patrols are on the
SOFTBALL team, and anybody who says girls
can’t throw hard doesn’t know what they’re
TALKING about.
The battle turned into the Surrey Street kids
versus the Safety Patrols, and we outnumbered them
two to one. But then half the girls on our street
switched SIDES, and it got really confusing.
In the middle of all this, ANOTHER group
came down from the TOP of the hill. It was the
WHIRLEY STREET kids, who must’ve gotten
kicked off the golf course and came to sled on our
street. And once THEY got into the mix, it was
just a total FREE-FOR-ALL.
Just when things couldn’t get any CRAZIER,
a terrifying sound cut through the air, and
everyone stopped to figure out what it WAS. The
only ones on the street who knew for SURE were
me and Rowley.
Then the MINGO kids started pouring out of
the woods, looking like they’d just woken up from a
three-month NAP.
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The last Mingo to emerge was MECKLEY. He
was carrying something on top of a STICK, and at
first I couldn’t tell what it was. But when he got
CLOSER, I realized it was MR. MORSELS.
Meckley wasn’t wearing his BELT, which I thought
was strange. But seeing that made me remember
something, and I reached into my coat pocket and
pulled out something cold and metal.
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When me and Rowley were in the Mingos’ camp,
I must’ve put the belt buckle in my pocket
without even REALIZING it. And now I was in
a panic, because that meant Meckley Mingo was
coming for ME.
But the only thing kids in my town hate more than
each OTHER is the MINGOS. So when the
Mingos charged, everyone turned to FACE them.
Well, everyone except ME. At that point I’d
had ENOUGH.
When the Mingos came at us, I looked for a good
place to HIDE.
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There was a big hole in a collapsed section of the
wall, so I dove inside, and Rowley was right behind
me. The battle raged all around us, and I didn’t
see how we were gonna get out of this one ALIVE.
Rowley didn’t think we were gonna make it,
either. He told me that if I survived but he
DIDN’T, I could have all of his video games.
I patted myself down to see if I had a pen so he
could put that in WRITING, but all I had on me
was that stupid belt buckle.
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It didn’t matter anyway, because five seconds later
the ground started shaking, and it felt like we
were in an EARTHQUAKE.
I thought we were gonna be buried ALIVE, and
all I could think of is how the two of us were
gonna end up in a MUSEUM after they dug us
out in a couple thousand years.
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But then the ground stopped shaking, and after
a few seconds we popped our heads out of our
hiding spot to see what was happening.
The snowplow was three-quarters of the way up
the street, mowing through everything in its path.
And I don’t know if the snowplow driver couldn’t
SEE the kids in the road or just didn’t CARE.
By now, the snow was melting, and everything
was turning to SLUSH. And once the plow left
our street, it was QUIET.
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The crazy thing is, now that the street was
plowed, there wasn’t really anything left to FIGHT
over, and everyone picked themselves up and went
back HOME. Even the Mingo kids went back to
where they came from.
And the truth is, I couldn’t really remember what
we were all fighting over to BEGIN with.
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Friday
We’ve been back at school for a week, and it’s
warmed up a LOT in the past few days. I don’t
want to curse it or anything, but I think we
might’ve seen the last of the cold weather.
So I’m not really worried about the PIG anymore.
In fact, he’s probably somewhere warm by now,
having the time of his life.
There’s still some snow on the ground in my
