by Katy Kaylee
Fine. He wanted to ignore me? Then I would force his hand. I wasn’t some lay to be dismissed and ignored. I was his coworker and assistant. He would dump me like a grown up or explain why he was being such an ass.
I threw on a simple tunic and leggings then headed out, my mind full of telling him off. There was so much I wanted to say, so much venom I wanted to roll off my tongue. But mostly, I just wanted to know why he had abandoned me just like everyone else.
Crap.
There was that emotional baggage again. I thought that I had gotten over the friendships and guardians that I had lost, but apparently not. I had told myself that Fitz’ inevitable ending things with me wouldn’t hurt, but I had never thought us stopping sleeping together would end everything else. The fun workplace banter. Our sense of camaraderie. I had had known… well I never would have let him touch me in the first place.
I had enough money that I didn’t have to take public transport to him. Instead, I just called up a ride-sharing app and rode right up to the front of the theater. There wasn’t a red carpet for this event, so I didn’t have to worry about paparazzi or anything like that. All I had to do was march up and find him.
So that was what I did. It wasn’t hard, he was right in the lobby getting a drink. Security let me go up to him, obviously recognizing me as his assistant, and the next thing I knew I was in front of him.
“Bev,” he breathed, his surprise written all across his face.
“Fitz,” I said, my voice full of stone and steel. I wanted him to feel how much he didn’t mean to me. It was a gross, biting feeling that I wanted him to be stuck in like I had.
“You’re not supposed to be here.”
I crossed my arms and willed myself to affix him with the strongest glare I could. All the anger that I had been building up over the past few days flowed over me and my tongue turned into a weapon I was oh so happy to wield. “Yeah, because lately I’m not supposed to be anywhere around you, am I?”
His eyes flitted anywhere but me, but I didn’t care, pressing forward with a finger in the center of his chest. “It’s not-”
“It’s not what?” I snapped. “Not like you used me and dumped me without a thank you ma’am? Call me needy, but I thought that we were friends enough that you wouldn’t treat me like a damn leper after having your dick inside of me!”
He looked guilty at that. Good. He should. He hurt me. “Bev, I-”
“No!” I interrupted. “You don’t get to talk now. Not after you took away my ability to talk for over a week. You made me sign that contract to protect us, that’s what you said, but now you’re affecting my job, affecting my happiness, and I think I deserve a goodbye! So, you’re going to act like an adult, tell me why you ended things, and then we can try to pretend that everything has gone back to normal.”
I was red-faced and panting by the time I finished, feeling a bit vindicated. I had proven my point, told him I wouldn’t be forgotten and thrown aside like a sex toy. It was a nice, freeing feeling after so much misery that it took me several seconds to realize Fitz’ eyes still weren’t on me at all.
Dammit, what did I have to do to get him to treat me like a human again? And what the hell was he staring at!?
I turned my head and all of those nice, warm and justified feelings vanished as I realized a decent little semi-circle of people were around us, two different people with their cell phones out, filming.
Shit.
I stumbled back, eyes wide and feeling like an absolute idiot.
In my rush to smack down Fitz with my truth, I hadn’t thought about the consequences. And in that error, I had exposed our little tryst to the public.
Shit. Shit. Shit!
I hadn’t meant to, but that didn’t matter, did it? There were far too many eyes on us and I felt all the color drain from my face. For all my demands of deserving closure and better treatment, I didn’t actually want anyone else to be in on our personal matters. What went on between him and me was private, even if it broke my heart.
I took one last glance at Fitz’ face, who looked like he was still trying to figure out exactly what had happened, then turned on my heel and peeled out.
I had messed up. I had messed up big time.
If I had worried about effecting my job before, it was definitely ruined now.
I never should have taken the damn job.
Bev
I stared at my alarm clock, willing it to stop ringing so I could have a damn moment to think. Really though, I didn’t want to think at all. I just wanted to disappear into the ether and never resurface.
Ugh. Weekends had once been a nice thing, but lately they’d just been a chance to think and ruminate on whatever stupid thing I’d done on Friday night. And maybe that would be fine if the weekends stuck around, but eventually Monday always arrived and I had to face the consequences of my actions.
Which I really, really didn’t want to do.
I didn’t even go on the internet, afraid of what tabloids or other information I might find. I suddenly understood why Fitz valued his privacy even more than I did. The thought that such an intimate, embarrassing moment could be out there for so many to judge without the context around it was infuriating.
Would they think I was a gold digger? A jilted lover? Or would they see my round stomach and my cellulite through my leggings and think how could he ever be with her? It would be so easy to paint me as some delusional, desperate groupie. Because if I saw a picture of Fitz without knowing him, I would never think that I was his type.
My alarm went off again, insistent in its shrillness, so I forced myself out of bed. If I was going to be both fired and sued, then I might as well get it over with. Funny, for all my thoughts that the NDA was unnecessary, and I wasn’t one to kiss and tell, I had gone and broken it at the first sign of trouble.
I was an idiot.
But as I said before, I was an idiot who was going to face the music for my own actions. I got on the bus with my head held high and kept it there all the way along the march to my desk.
I’d never felt so far from Fitz’ office, tucked into the corner as I was. It was like the small expanse of space between us had stretched and stretched until it would take an entire expedition to cross it. Maybe I would luck out and security would soon come to get me and march me out of the building before serving me for violating the NDA. Yeah, maybe I would have to see Fitz at all and the look of betrayal he no doubt had on his features.
Or worse, what if he looked resigned? Like he had been proven right once again that he could trust no one. That thought actually hurt even more than the previous.
I felt my brave façade crumble a little, so I quickly booted up my laptop to distract me. Just like every other morning, I checked my email first and foremost.
I wasn’t sure exactly what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn’t an email from Fitz hanging there front and center. I had a wicked sense of de ja vu as he bade me come into his office.
My eyes flicked to the glass wall that separated me and the secretaries from him. The blinds were all closed again, shuttering him off in his own world. Was he going to give me privacy as he fired me? Strange. I didn’t feel as if I deserved it.
Feeling a bit wooden, I got up and walked into his office. It was actually unlocked for once, and for a moment I was reminded of how happy I had been every time I’d entered.
Had that really been less than two weeks ago? It seemed like longer.
“Bev,” Fitz said, drawing my attention to where he was sitting behind that massive desk of his. He looked so deathly serious that I felt a chill. Even angry, even disappointed, it seemed like my body couldn’t help but react to him. “Sit.”
Ouch. Not a question. Not even a full sentence. But nevertheless, I sat in one of the seats in front of his desk.
Well, it was very obvious that my head was about to be served to me on a platter, but I could at least try to let him know that I hadn’t meant to expose him like that. It was too late to
save me, of course, but I just wanted him to know that he could trust someone, even if they weren’t me.
“Look, I’m sorry I-”
“Why?”
His voice was a low growl as he interrupted me, and I just blinked at him in surprise for a moment.
“What?”
“Why did you do what you did?”
“I was angry.”
He continued to stare at me and I knew that he was expecting more than a cursory answer. That he could see right through my cover of rage and wanted something real.
Dammit.
I had been planning on just apologizing. Admitting I was wrong and that I wasn’t thinking. That I had been blinded by anger. But I hadn’t counted on having to say why I was angry. Or why his rejection of me had burned so hotly.
“I have a kind of bad temper.” I admitted, not wanting to say anything else. Couldn’t I just have my graceful exit? One where I said sorry, asked for forgiveness and walked out of the doors knowing I had ruined everything?
“So that was why you burst into the theater event? Because you were mad, and you wanted to hurt me?”
“Yes,” I said flatly, willing for him to see me as the villain if he just stopped looking at me like he was seeing through to my soul. But I always was a shit liar. “No. I mean, yes I was angry and I wanted to force you to talk to me, to see me, but I didn’t want to…”
“Leak my private life to everyone nearby?”
“Yes,” I answered, cheeks burning. “That. And I’m sorry. I really am. I never, never wanted to betray your trust like that. I was just… hurting so badly and I guessed I thought if I made you acknowledge me that maybe it wouldn’t ache so badly that you were able to drop me without so much as a goodbye.”
Oh.
I had said too much. I looked at him with big eyes, the situation having not gone any of the ways that I had planned.
“I hurt you.” Was it a question? A statement? I didn’t know. But the feelings and the words were rolling up in earnest and I couldn’t stop them.
“Of course, you hurt me! I was stupid and got feelings for you like some dumb virgin and I let myself get a little crazy. And I’m sorry. I was stupid. I’m sorry for violating the NDA, I just… I thought at least we were friends, and I thought I would be okay with that. I realize now that I was wrong, sorry if it’s too little too late.”
“What kind of feelings?”
How could he stare at me so calmly? His face an impervious mask that looked like he was just talking mergers instead of my broken heart. I admired it the same that I hated it. When had I gotten so sentimental? When had I let this man into my heart that I usually prided myself on keeping so guarded? I couldn’t put my finger on it exactly, but I found myself wishing that I had resisted all of his charm.
But for some reason, I kept answering. “You know, world inverting, amazing feeling. The type of feelings that make you smile when you first put your feet to the floor after waking up. The kinds that make you feel warm and happy and content. The type of feelings that I always thought were utter bullshit, but whenever I look at you, I realize how unerringly wrong I was.
“Feelings, feelings, Fitz. And I know it’s stupid and moronic, but that’s just where I am.”
I couldn’t say exactly what I was expecting. Maybe for him to tell me I was pathetic. Maybe to kick me out. But nowhere on my list was him slowly grinning at me while reaching into his desk.
I stared, wide eyed and confused as he pulled out a familiar contract. Without a word, he ripped it apart in front of me, paper flying everywhere.
“Wha…?” I murmured, completely at a loss.
“This contract is for casual sex and friends with benefits. At first I thought that it was what we needed but now I realize that it’s not appropriate for our relationship-” Wait. He ripped it up. Did that mean he was still firing me but leaving me off the hook legally? Why was he smiling? Something wasn’t adding up. “Since I’m pretty sure I’d like to date you.”
…
I stared at him for several very long moments, barely remembering to breathe. “You… what?”
“I have feelings for you as well. I tried ignoring them, I tried cutting you out, and I was wrong for that. If you don’t forgive me, I understand.”
“But to me it seems like both you and I made assumptions to protect ourselves that turned out to be very wrong. So, if you’d have me, I’d like to give a real relationship a try,” he continued.
“Just like that?” I breathed. How could he go from ignoring me on Friday to asking me out on a Monday?
He smiled wanly. “When you ran out of the theater it gave me a lot of time to think. Several people made comments, most crass and degrading towards you. That made me angry, and I found myself protecting you from their assumptions.
“That was about when I realized that the way I had treated you probably made you assume the same things, and that plagued me pretty much the entire weekend.”
I swallowed, the feeling in the air so intense between us it felt like I was listening to a confessional.
“You seemed so hurt, far too hurt for you to have just been using me for sex, which made me wonder just how much of an idiot I was for shutting you out these past two weeks. Could it mean you possibly felt about me how I felt about you? Or had I already ruined all of it?
“I had a whole lot of questions and almost no answers, so I figured I would just ask you exactly why you had done what you’d done.”
“Oh,” I murmured. “So, I guess it wasn’t just like that.”
“No, not at all. Over forty-eight hours of introspection telling me what an idiot I was.” He stood and crossed around to the front of the desk, smiling uncertainly at me. “So, what do you think? Want to give me a second chance?”
I looked up at him, heart surging and my brain trying to catch up with everything that was happening. He had feelings for me? Soft, squishy, stupid and impractical feelings? I didn’t know what to think. I wasn’t even sure I remembered how to breathe. But still, I turned my face up to him and tried to respond.
“I want you to kiss me.”
“I can do that.”
And then he was pulling me up into his lap, my knees posted on the desk on either side of his hips. His mouth crashed against mine, greedy and demanding and everything that I had missed. I gave myself over to him, wanting to lead me as he so expertly did.
His hands were everywhere, kneading, burning into my flesh. I loved it and I ground into his erection that I could already feel tenting through his pants.
“Sweetheart,” he panted into my ear. “Baby girl, I’m going to take you right here and now.”
“Please,” I gasped, clinging to him. It was what I always said, but I meant it with everything I had within me.
He stood suddenly, and I let out a squeak, clinging to him as he quickly spun us around, so it was my ass on the desk, and then he was pushing everything off it to make room for me.
It was a ton of noise and I cringed for a split second at the sound of so many expensive things hitting the ground, but I quickly forgot it as Fitz yanked my skirt down, throwing it to the side.
His lips joined mine again, bruising, demanding, but it still wasn’t enough. I wanted him so much. Right down to my core. I didn’t think that it was possible to desire something so much, but I needed his touch like it was oxygen.
One day I would let him take his time with me, let him be tender and caress me at his leisure. But I couldn’t this time. I craved fire and heat. All the precious little marks that he had left on me were completely gone and I missed them terribly so.
His hands were busy as our mouths moved against each other, two of his fingers thrusting into me suddenly. Maybe I should have been embarrassed that I was already so wet that there was only a faint pinch at the intrusion, but I wasn’t. I could never be embarrassed when Fitz was worshiping at my center like it was some sort of altar.
“Moan for me,” Fitz ordered in that way that made my wa
lls clench down on him. He crooked his fingers at the same time, touching that strange shelf-like ridge within me, and I almost fell apart right then and there. “Let me know how much you need me.”
“Please…Please Daddy,” I begged again, trying to pull him closer to me even though he was right on top of me. Would I ever be satisfied, or was I going to always crave him like a missing half of my person?
I didn’t know, and the question quickly fled my mind as my first orgasm started to roll towards me. It was harried and jagged, much like our love making, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Fitz leaned back slightly, just enough to put his free hand on my lower belly, pressing down firmly. Like most things, I didn’t understand it at first until he crooked his fingers again and the sensation of it was amplified tenfold.
I let out a wail and he swallowed it hungrily, both of his hands roughly pushing me over my edge. And it was as I was coming that I realized that I was made for Fitz in a way many women weren’t.
With so many slender beauties and ephemeral waifs, he’d probably had to hold back his whole life. Keep his strength in check and make sure that he didn’t ever hurt them. But I was solid and soft. I was stronger than them, bigger, and able to absorb what would have hurt them and turn it into pleasure. I was made to ruin men like Fitz, and the idea was utterly intoxicating.
“Sir…I need you in me,” I gasped as his fingers continued to stoke at my fluttering walls, as if he was trying to drive me straight from one orgasm to another.
“Sweetheart, I am in you,” he replied with a sinful grin.
“You know what I mean.”
He chuckled darkly then I hear his zipper sliding and then he was in me and everything was good.
I clung to him, whining and moaning and not caring if anyone heard us outside of his office. He thrust into me without holding back, making me feel just how much he had missed me. How stupid he felt for ever ignoring me.
“You’re perfect,” Fitz gasped, as if he had heard my thoughts. “You’re fucking perfect, baby girl.”
