by Katy Kaylee
“It gets better?” Surprise and expectation heightened my rasp, and Eric belted out a laugh. Laying down next to me, he propped his cheek on his bicep and drew circles on my abdomen with his free hand while I struggled with the notion that it gets better. “We should do it again.”
“I’ll give you my number so you can call me and ask.” Blushing brightly at the twinkle in his eye, I rolled over heavily, away from him. He only gripped my hip, shuffling to spoon me and nudge his knee between my trembling legs. Kissing my neck, he gathered my hair to pull it out of the way before whispering in my ear. “Or, you can give me your number so that I’ll call you and tell you. Whichever you’re more comfortable with, Delainne.”
Eric
Driving leisurely through my familiar neighborhood, I tapped the steering wheel as my good mood permeated my entire body. My mind race through the weekend over and over again, and a smile permanently tilted my lips. The conference had been less than interesting, but it was the events around it that gave me a tickle in my chest.
I’d almost forgotten what it felt like a have sex with a woman; it’d just been so long that I’d resigned myself to the fact that it had little chance of happening. True- the circumstances could’ve been better, but I wasn’t going to judge.
Delainne enjoyed herself despite what was going on with her life…. And my good mood tanked at that thought. Pursing my lips as they drooped, I inhaled sharply while rolling to a stop in front of a four-way. My heart beat harder, and her face when she told me about her step-brother’s creepiness flashed behind my eyelids when I blinked.
She seemed like a perfectly normal, well-adjusted young woman, but Delainne came off as less so. Until I struck up a conversation with her, I thought she was in serious trouble. Her boss had flipped the fuck out, aggressively questioning me in front of his workers about her. They all looked uncomfortable, and I’d bet money they jumped to conclusions. However, she wasn’t disillusioned and trusted herself- obviously- because hearing her story didn’t give me the impression that she’d stuck around long.
The signs were there, and she was proactive. Donald seemed to really care about Delainne’s welfare, and that made it easier for me to let her leave. A cold shiver slid down my spine at the notion that my own daughter would undoubtedly be forced to handle something like Delainne’s situation one day.
Pulling through the intersection, I shook my head viciously even though the thought always lingered in the back of my mind. Maggie was six, nearly seven, but she was already strong-willed and vocal about her feelings. I hoped beyond hope that she’d never grow out of it, and if she was anything like her mother- she wouldn’t.
For the first time in a long time, Sasha became the focus of my thoughts. We met through a mutual friend, and the sexual attraction that I felt for her was insane. Every time I came state-side, we’d get together. Then, out of the blue, I get a letter overseas that she’s pregnant, and the baby was mine. I’d only been at my outpost for three weeks, so I knew the timing was right- but we were never exclusive.
The paternity test after Sasha died proved my doubts wrong. Even now, I felt her loss keenly; Maggie had to grow up without a mother, and I lost the potential that we could’ve had.
My house came into view, and I shirked off the heavy thoughts once and for all. Excitement flooded my veins, and a smile fixed itself on my face once again as I pulled into my driveway. The baby blue siding soaked up bright, harsh sunlight, and I shut off my car swiftly to climb out of the cabin. Urgency hastened my steps around my vehicle and across the driveway, but my heart leaped into my throat when the pristine, white, front door flung open.
Maggie’s red, tearstained face made the world dimmer, and she ran headlong towards me with a piercing shriek. Confusion and panic knitted my brows, and my palms tingled when she slammed into my chest. Messy, thick, brown curls that hadn’t been brushed whipped across my face, and she babbled incoherently as her little body trembled in my arms. Shock blocked my words at the base of my tongue, and I could only stare at the door waiting for the babysitter to appear and explain what happened.
But the seconds ticked by on pins and needles, and the girl never showed.
“Mags- baby- where’s Kayla? What happened?” My heart throbbed in my throat as Maggie just shook her head and sobbed, and a devastating through slowly crept up on my dazed mind. Kneeling down, I wiped her chubby, rough cheeks with my thumbs as a cold sweat broke out under my uniform. “Where’s Kayla?”
“I- I woke up and s- she was gon-ne!” I instantly checked my watch, and smoke poured out of my ears from how hard I tried to calculate how long my daughter had been home alone. It couldn’t have been more than 3 hours since she woke up, as the time only read 9:54am. That’s a lifetime for a six-year-old that doesn’t know how to call me on the house phone.
Sitting down on the scalding pavement, I held Maggie in my lap and rocked back and forth as the hairs on my body stood up straight. Goosebumps washed my skin, and a rage rampaged through my chest to chase away the shock. My girl was alone for three hours- maybe longer, if my teenage, dumbass babysitter had left right after she fell asleep last night.
Rushing to fish out my cell phone, I called 9-1-1 with trembling fingers and struggled to breathe. Maggie whimpered as she cried, and I held her tightly and stroked her hair before an operator answered my call. The world seemed to snap into place, and I explained the situation as my chest constricted tighter and tighter around a heart that beat too fast.
Kissing Maggie’s crown, I sat there in the baking heat and waited in anxious anticipation for her to calm down enough for me to talk to her.
“Hey- hey- it’s okay. I’m here, now. I’m not gunna leave you alone, baby.” Rubbing her face into my shirt, Maggie sniffled hard in answer, but I took that without prejudice. She was only six, after all. “Can you tell me what happened? Was Kayla here last night to put you to sleep?”
“Ye- yeah…” Hiccupping harshly, my daughter struggled through a shallow breath while my mind whirred furiously. “She read me the bedtime story, and I fell asleep… and then- I woke up, and she was gone. And I don’t know where she went.”
“It’s not your fault, baby. I’m gunna find out where she went.” And I’m fucking pressing charges. Kayla was 16 years old; she fucking knew better than to leave. My gaze flickered down the road, and I could’ve breathed fire- I was so angry. I never thought she would be so stupid. I knew where she lived. I knew her fucking parents, for fuck’s sake. They gave me a gift for Veteran’s day and Armed Forces Day.
“Did you eat anything, Maggie?” My daughter shook her head at my probing, and my stomach dropped out of my asshole. She was already tiny for her age, and she was probably starving. “Okay- how about we go out to eat breakfast, hmm? We can go get anything you want.”
“Anything?” A light twinkled in her puffy, red-rimmed eyes, and I nodded furiously before the sound of a car approaching pulled my attention down the middle. “Even Mc’Clarie? Can we get the big breakfast?”
“Yeah, of course we can, Maggie.” Tearing my eyes off her red, roughened face, I inhaled deeply as a police cruiser pulled up in front of my driveway. The air didn’t cool the fire inside me but intensified it, and I pushed myself up to hold Maggie on my hip. “I just need to talk to this policeman about Kayla, and then we’ll go. Sound good?”
“Uncle Martin says policemen are just miller-i-tary wash outs.” Down the driveway, the cop clearly heard but ignored Maggie’s comment, and I frowned down at her. She watched me intently, so smart for her age, and she ducked her head to rest her cheek on my shoulder. “He’s not very smart- Auntie Raina says that’s why he’s an infant-er-man.”
“Don’t listen to anything Uncle Martin says, baby. The police take care of us- you know that.” Strolling up to us, the policeman shook his head slightly, and I blew a hot breath before raking my hand through my hair harshly. “Yeah- so, my babysitter left while I was at a conference across town… I don’t know how long. She wasn’t
here when Maggie woke up.”
“What’s her name?- the babysitters? Also, yours, as well.” The cop was seasoned, graying around his temples, and he arched a bushy brow when I answered him. “She lives down the street from you, you say…?”
“Yeah- I want to press charges.” Reaching for my wallet, I passed it over to the officer as my blood boiled with renewed frustration and betrayal. “It’s the three cards in the top- her parents’ and hers.”
“Okay- do you mind if we go inside? I have a couple more questions, and I need to talk to Maggie.” Intelligent, brown eyes watched the man wearily from over my shoulder as I led us into the house. Everything seemed to be in place at first glance, but if Kayla had just up and left, I wouldn’t put it past her to steal.
This wasn’t how I was expecting this weekend to end, but nothing about the past two days seemed to be predictable.
Delainne
“Hey- hi, Eric.” Turning away from my computer, I gnawed on my lower lip as the line crackled slightly. Anxiety tightened my abdomen, and heat filled my cheeks at the memories that flashed in my mind’s eye. “How are you?”
“… Honestly, I’m not doing too hot right now, Delainne.” My blood froze at the heaviness in Eric’s tone, and he sighed hard and long into my ear. “How are you doing?”
“Uh- I’m okay…” The fine hairs on my face stood up, and I licked my lips heavily as I hunched slightly. Eric had called me, not the other way around, and alarm bells rang in my skull as I remembered our last conversation. “Are you okay? Is your daughter okay?”
“That’s why I’m calling, actually…” He spoke slowly, like he was tired, and I held my breath as he trailed off for a second. “Are you available? I don’t want to take you out of work or anything. It’s a bit of a story…”
“No- no. I’m free. I’m at lunch right now.” Swishing side to side, I tried to calm the apprehension that flooded my veins. “You can talk to me.”
The irony of the situation didn’t escape me as Eric and I lapsed into silence. His anxiety was palpable, and my chest tightened while he worked himself up to speak. My mind ran with every possible scenario that could’ve happened in the past three days, but there was one question I couldn’t answer.
Why had he called me?
“So-“ Ripping me from my thoughts, Eric inhaled sharply, and the sound skittered across my cheek and down my neck uncomfortably. “I went home Sunday morning to find that my babysitter left my daughter alone all night. She wasn’t there when Maggie woke up, and Maggie doesn’t know my cell numbers… I called the cops and am pressing charges on her.”
“Oh, my God!” Shooting up from my chair, my sneakers hit the concrete hard enough to echo, and my heart thundered just as loudly. “Is she okay? How long was she alone? Do you need help?”
I felt so much in that moment that I became numb, and I reached to rub my throat as it threatened to close up. Pacing furiously through another bout of silence, I couldn’t barely wrap my head around what Eric revealed.
“She’s okay. She was alone through the night, and she was awake for about three hours of it. I had the babysitter arrested.” A harsh bark of laughter rattled my skull from the speaker, and I clenched my jaw as my eyes stung. “You know what she said- she said she didn’t see any reason to stay because Maggie was asleep, and I was going to be back before 10am. She needed to study for one of her college credit courses that she’s taking right now. Well- good luck getting that credit in jail.”
“I just can’t believe it- she’s been so straight-laced and reliable since I hired her when Maggie got out of school. She even asked me to pay her for the time she did spend doing her job. I mean- seriously! What kind of studying did she need to do that she couldn’t do on my couch! I had to call my captain and explain what happened, and I felt like such a fucking idiot trying to explain that I thought she was trustworthy.” Eric’s voice shook with rage that prickled down my spine, and I raked my hand through my hair hard. My heart ached for him between waves of anger that this had happened in the first place. “I don’t know what to do, Delainne. I mean- Maggie’s not in any summer programs, and there’s no way- no way-“
“I can help you.” Blurting out the offer at the desperate irritation in Eric’s tone, my ears rang from the sudden quiet that filled my office. “… I’ll help you. After what you did for me- I want to return the favor.”
“Delainne…” Pain rippled through my chest, and he sighed again- but this time, it didn’t seem to laden. “Are you sure? The wedding is enough.”
“I’m sure, Eric… to be honest, I’ve been seriously considering quitting. Donald is great and all, but after Saturday… I don’t think I can work here anymore. I don’t- I don’t feel safe here…” Sourness coated my tongue, and a dark pit opened up in my body; I felt disgusting for expressing my own problems when I should’ve focused on Eric’s. “Uhm- so, what are you doing right now? I can come to you.”
“We’re at the park. Are you absolutely sure that it’s okay? I don’t want you to get in trouble for leaving early.” Shaking my head furiously, I grabbed my purse off my desk with a huff. Eric sighed heavily, and I held my phone to my ear with my shoulder as I fired off an e-mail to Donald. “I didn’t know who else to call. My parents are… well… my parents… and I’m short on friends at the moment.”
“You can always call me, Eric- always. I’m leaving right now. Which park are you at?” Rushing out of my office, I skirted the edge of the warehouse towards where my bike was parked. Tension thrummed through me, hastening my strides, and my measly flip phone cut in and out inside the huge building.
“It’s near Chase School, if you know where that is? I can give you directions.” The relief in Eric’s tone was palpable, and I nodded before realizing he couldn’t see me. Every team was on a job today, and the building was only occupied by myself and a few contract organizers. No one saw me leave, but I refused to worry about it when my bicycle came into view.
“I know where it is. I ride past it on my way to work. I’ll be right there, okay?” Hopping with practiced movements onto my bike, I pedaled my way out of the entrance and onto the street. Eric and I stayed on the phone, but neither of us spoke as I rode fast towards the end of the industrial drive. Three turns and two stop signs later, I could see the park’s colorful structures rising above chain link fences. The journey took 5 minutes, maybe, but it still seemed like a long time before I finally caught sight of him sitting at a picnic table under a tree.
Rolling into the park, I climbed off my bike fully before Eric twisted to notice me, and relief drenched his expression. Snapping my phone shut, my palm tingled wildly, and I smiled broadly as I sat beside him. Almost immediately, he grabbed my hand to fiddle with my mom’s engagement ring, and I waited patiently for him to speak.
“… You know, Delainne… I was meaning to call you- or talk to you about it when you called me. I was wondering if you’d mind if I asked my cousin if I could propose to you at the wedding next week. You know- to make to seem more realistic or whatever.” Of all the things I was expecting Eric to say, that wasn’t it, and shock dropped my jaw into my lap. Glancing over at me, he smirked slightly with a shrug of his weighted shoulders. “There won’t be any kids there, and Maggie’s grandmother is watching her that night. At the very least, it’ll keep us from having to make up lies on the spot… which is a little hypocritical, I know, but…”
“I- I mean, if that’s how you want to do it, sure… I have to admit- I’m not at all a good liar, so…” His smirk widened, and he sighed heavily before tilting his head towards the playground. Gazing out over the park, my eyes widened, and my chest tightened when I saw the little girl who looked exactly like him. Maggie’s wild hair made her stand out, and she was so small that I worried for her going down a metal slide. She was so small that there was no friction to slow her down, and she giggled with her friends when she landed on her butt.
“She couldn’t call me.” The scene across the playground clashed wi
th Eric’s dark tone, and I squeezed his hand reflexively as I watched Maggie jump up. She looked happy, with a big, toothy grin and cheeks reddened with excitement on her way back up the stairs. “We talked about Kayla- I mean, I feel like shit, you know? Mags has never liked Kayla, but I didn’t trust her.”
“Eric- she’s six.” My bland response earned me a harsh chuckle, and I tore my eyes off Maggie to frown at her father. “You’re not wrong for not listening to her about the babysitter. I babysat my cousins for a summer- they hated me, and we’re related to each other. This isn’t about trusting her- or being guilty… it’s about someone abused you and your daughter, and you can’t do anything more, so you need someone to blame… even if that person is you.”
“Her parents were incandescent, you know. They didn’t even try to stop Kayla from being escorted away by the cops. They’re not trying to cover up what she did, and they’re not bailing her out. She’s a wreck, I guess. I feel like shit for ruining her life, but-“
“Eric, stop that.” Forcing Eric to look at me, I pursed my lips tightly at the barrage of emotions that battled in his eyes. “You’re not ruining her life. What if something happened after she left? She obviously had no intention of coming back, so what if something happened to Maggie? Her life is not ruined. She’ll never work with children, and her life will be difficult- but it won’t be ruined, and it’s all her fault. It was her decision. If she called you and told you the situation, you could’ve come back earlier than planned, but she just walked out.”
If Eric was too clouded to be angry, then I could do it for him, and he leaned against the table to blow out a hot breath. Clenching my jaw, I turned my gaze to the park to find Maggie staring right at me, and I smiled and waved her over. Her bright, intelligent gaze flickered between myself and Eric, and she advanced cautiously.
