“She kind of resembles you,” Ayden said, taking a closer look.
“Indeed she does,” Heath added.
“I’m going to put her back up in my room. See you both later,” I sang.
I wasn’t sure if Momma had seen my doll. I wasn’t sure if she even remembered missing my birthday. I didn’t want to bring it up; I didn’t want to make her feel bad. It wasn’t her fault she was often sick. There was no medicine the doctors could give her to make her well. She had taken all kinds of powders in years past, but none of them worked. Daddy and I had become used to her episodes of weariness, her weeks of bed rest. It was ordinary to us, though bizarre to Heath and Ayden. Their mother was strong and always full of energy. She wasn’t fragile like Momma.
I found Momma sitting outside under the last of the warm summer sun. She had been knitting a baby blanket and had dozed off into a peaceful nap. She looked relaxed, and there was even a smile on her delicate face as she dreamed. I watched, unable to decide if I should wake her. Momma hadn’t spent much time with me lately. I missed her goodnights, her soft tender hugs.
“Momma,” I whispered, gently touching her hand. “Are you awake?”
Slowly, she lifted her eyelids and gazed up at me. She didn’t speak at first and appeared rather confused. Then she reached for my hand. “Hattie, Hattie is that you?”
Hattie? Who was Hattie?
“Momma, it’s Lillian.”
“Lillian?” Her eyes focused then flew open, as if she had just seen a ghost.
“Momma, I’m sorry for waking you. I wanted to show you my doll. Daddy gave it to me today.”
“Oh, oh,” she said repeatedly then sat up. She reached for my doll and held it. Time seemed to stand still for me while Momma’s mind scrambled to come out of some distant memory.
“Who is Hattie?” I asked. She didn’t answer. “You called me Hattie, Momma.”
“Did I, Lillian? I’m sorry; I was dreaming,” she admitted, then gave the doll back to me.
“I am sorry for waking you,” I said, then turned to go. I looked back to see Momma staring off vacantly. Her expression was filled with puzzlement. I was left with a feeling of unease in the pit of my stomach. What was Momma dreaming about that took her mind so far away? We never knew anyone by the name of Hattie. She had not once mentioned anyone to me other than my dead grandparents. Momma had no brothers or sisters. I could have speculated all day as to who Momma thought I reminded her of. A part of me wanted to know. I had always wondered about Momma’s life before she met Daddy. Maybe Hattie was an aunt or a cousin, though I wasn’t told of any that existed. My efforts to learn much of anything about Momma and Daddy before I was born had left me only a mystery. Without photographs, there was nothing for me to think about except what was in my own imagination. The clues that Momma gave were bewildering. Without Momma’s occasional flashbacks, I would never even know as much as I did.
Daddy never, ever mentioned anyone or anything about his past, except that he was in the Confederate Navy. That is all I knew, and I didn’t dare ask him more, for when I did, his eyes would turn dark and cold as the sea just before it turned to ice.
“The past is the past and buried like the dead. None of it matters anymore. There is nothing for you to know, Lillian,” Daddy said, and insisted I never ask him of it again. When Daddy said this to me, Momma was standing deep in the shadows. I caught a glimpse of her just as Daddy sent me on my way. All I could see were her troubled eyes reflecting the flame from one lone candle.
By strange coincidence, at supper Opal announced that her parents were going to arrive at the end of the following week for a visit. It was Heath and Ayden’s birthday month. Momma and Daddy looked to one another, concerned.
“Grandpa Zechman retired as a professor of mathematics. He taught at Harvard. That’s where I’m going to go,” Heath said.
“I don’t want to go to college. I want to be a lighthouse keeper like father,” Ayden announced.
“And you will be a fine lighthouse keeper at that, Ayden,” Edward said.
“Both jobs are important,” I chimed in. “Both save lives.”
Daddy smiled proudly and winked at me.
“I have no doubt that all of you children will grow up to be successful,” Opal said.
Momma must have sensed what I was thinking. What would I grow up to be successful at? Women were meant to stay home and have babies. They did the cooking and cleaning. I wouldn’t ever call that successful.
“Lillian will be a fine lighthouse keeper, won’t you?”
“A girl for a lighthouse keeper? I don’t think so,” Ayden laughed.
I swallowed hard and tried not to let anyone to see the tears welling up in my eyes. Of course, I wanted to be as brave as Daddy was, as dedicated and enthusiastic as any lighthouse keeper. I believed it was a job I could do with my eyes closed if I had to. Daddy then and there let me know he believed in me.
“Lillian will be a fine lighthouse keeper; there is no doubt in my mind. She is smart and strong and knows how to work the beacon almost better than I.”
Momma’s smile grew wide, matching my own. Daddy had confidence in me; Daddy knew I could succeed at anything, regardless of what anyone thought. Heath instantaneously agreed.
Ayden obviously objected. His face was twisted with skepticism, but for my benefit I believed, he made no other comment.
“Behind every successful man is a great woman,” Daddy said, and he touched Momma affectionately on her cheek and went to prepare for the night ahead. Heath blushed and lowered his eyes. Daddy had never done that before—touched Momma anywhere other than the privacy of their own dwelling. A simple touch or look between the two of them held a passion and fire that made everyone around them take notice.
Momma came to see me to bed earlier than usual. She said she was going to stay up with Daddy in the tower. After a quick brush of my hair, she leaned in and kissed me goodnight.
“Momma?”
“Yes, Lillian?”
“Is it true that you make Daddy the great man that he is? Does every wife do that for their husband?” I asked skeptically.
I already knew that Momma made Daddy’s heart beat; I was aware that the sparkle in his deep brown eyes came from the light Momma shined into his life. But what was it about her that made him want to save every ship in peril?
“Someday you will understand. You will be old enough to see how your presence can make a man go to the moon and back for you, how he will find compassion for others just because he is in love with you. He will risk everything, even his own life. It is because his heart is joined with mine through eternity that he has the conviction to live life to its fullest. It is not me that makes Daddy the great man that he is, but the love we share.” Momma kissed my forehead and pulled the covers up under my chin, then softly said, “You can have any man you want, Lillian. Just remember to follow your heart.”
Those words rang familiar. The gypsy woman had said the exact same thing.
_______________
Chapter Six
Heath and Ayden were lucky to have visitors, especially to have their grandparents come to Jasper Island. They didn’t know I had no grandparents. They were unaware that Momma, Daddy, and I would never have the good fortune of family in our lives. I so envied them, and if I were to be granted a most special wish, it would be to have everything I felt I was entitled to; which included grandparents.
The Zechmans arrived early Friday morning, the last day of the month of August. Edward rowed them from the vessel to the island. Heath and Ayden stood by to retrieve their trunk, and Opal waved frantically as soon as she spotted the row boat coming ashore.
Daddy and Momma kept to themselves, staying up in the tower, cleaning the lenses and mirror. I was surprised when they headed up to the tower and didn’t stay behind to greet Opal’s father and mother. They had only just cleaned less than a day before.
The grandfather was a tall, proud man with thick, silvery-blond hair, wearing a
bowler hat. His sack suit was dapper, and he took out a monogrammed handkerchief to clean off his spectacles after he stepped onto the rocky beach. He appeared to be only a few years older than Edward and Daddy, but I was certain he couldn’t have been. The grandmother had a gentle, kind expression, just like Opal’s. Her hair was all silver and pulled back into a tight bun. She was a smaller, thinner version of Opal. I noticed a beautiful cameo on her wine-colored pagoda day dress, which resembled nothing that Momma or Opal wore to work in every day.
The Daltons gave them a warm welcome and introduced them to me. Heath put his hands on my shoulders and stood behind me, then said, “Grandmother, Grandfather, this is Lillian Arrington.”
They both smiled, and one at a time came and embraced me.
“So you are the young lady that has befriended my grandsons. Heath writes about you in every letter,” the grandfather said.
“You are just as lovely as Heath described,” the grandmother added. My stomach filled with what felt like a hundred butterflies when she revealed what Heath wrote in his letters. Did he really think I was lovely, or was he just trying to be kind? When I turned to look at him, his expression hadn’t changed. He wasn’t embarrassed. I believed he was just being kind.
“Come, Mother; let’s get you settled in.”
Heath and Ayden hauled the trunk up the embankment and to the house. I trailed behind Opal and her mother. They obviously had a close mother/ daughter relationship, reminding me of what I had with Momma. I was grateful for it. I couldn’t wait for Momma and Daddy to meet them and hurried up to the tower.
“They are here,” I called, as I climbed up the circular iron steps to the observation deck. Momma was gazing out through the clear windows while Daddy cleaned the Fresnel lens.
“Were you watching, Momma?”
“Yes, Lillian; I saw them arrive.”
They didn’t seem like they were going anywhere.
“Aren’t you coming down?”
“Not now. We will meet them at supper,” Daddy said, not looking up.
I knew it was not proper, but what could I say? It was awkward when I returned without Momma and Daddy.
“Where are your parents? Have they come down from the tower?” Edward asked.
I wasn’t sure what to say. I wanted to lie and tell them something had broken and they were up there trying to fix it, but I wasn’t even sure what I would say was broken.
By the time I ran through my options, Edward had realized I was trying to cover for them.
“It’s all right, Lillian. I suspect they have important things to do. We will introduce them at supper,” he said. I hoped he understood, because I didn’t.
Heath and Ayden were gracious enough to allow me to spend time with their grandparents. Heath was excited to show his grandfather his telescope.
“Tell me what you have learned,” the grandfather said. Heath eagerly demonstrated how the instrument worked then explained where all the constellations were and what they represented.
“Even Lillian knows them now,” Ayden informed him.
“Heath taught me. He is a good teacher. We have been studying fossils, also.”
“I see. It sounds like you children use your time wisely. I’m glad to hear that. There is much to learn in this world,” he said.
Heath idolized his grandfather. I didn’t blame him. Ayden, on the other hand, was not cut of the same cloth. Ayden enjoyed working with his hands. He was as smart as Heath, just in a different way. Heath didn’t care to know the anatomy of a lighthouse, although he could easily learn if he had wanted to. Heath spent as little time as possible in the lighthouse and showed vague interest when Daddy and Edward talked about it. However, Ayden sat intrigued, his mind taking notes, memorizing every aspect of what it took to be a lighthouse keeper. For me, it was second nature; it was all I knew. The three of us were so different, but we all had the same goals—to be the best at what we set out to do.
Ayden was obviously aware of his grandfather’s affections for Heath. Instead of trailing along and trying to keep up with their discussion on mathematic equations, he asked me if I wanted to go have a game of checkers. He had never asked me before. Heath and Ayden played all the time and occasionally I had a go of it with Heath.
“Sure, Ayden,” I said, though I was more interested in staying with Heath and his grandfather. But I could see how much he wanted me to.
“You two have fun,” Heath said, barely giving us a second thought.
“You have wonderful grandparents,” I told Ayden.
“I suppose so,” he replied, not thinking much of it.
“Do you have any others?”
“Any other what?”
“Grandparents. Like your father’s parents?”
Ayden set up the board. He took black. “Yes. They live back in England. I’ve never met them.”
So Ayden also had grandparents he’d never met. We had something else in common. It made me feel better; it made me feel less different.
“Have you ever been there?” I asked then made the first move.
“Where?”
“To England.”
He didn’t look up from the board. “No.”
“I would love to go to England. From there I would want to see France and Germany.”
“I wouldn’t,” he replied, then jumped me.
“Why not? I think it would be fun to travel the world and experience different cultures,” I said, as my mind took me to Paris. “Did you know they eat snails?”
Ayden grimaced then said, “That’s disgusting.”
“It’s called escargot.”
“I don’t care what it’s called; it’s still disgusting. I would never eat it. I never want to live anywhere but on a lighthouse station,” he declared while I made the next jump.
“Don’t you think that is kind of boring? After all, you can be a lighthouse keeper and travel on your time off.”
“I won’t travel.”
“Never?”
“Never, ever.”
I sat back against my chair, amazed. There was a whole world out there. In just a few rows of an oar, one could climb aboard a vessel and discover new lands. Ayden didn’t see how marvelous the thought of that was. All he wanted to do was stay put on a remote island and man a tower. That was it. As exciting as that could be, I was not going to stay isolated for the rest of my life. Maybe instead of being a lighthouse keeper like Daddy, I would be an explorer, or maybe even an anthropologist. I didn’t share my exhilarating idea with Ayden. He didn’t have my ambitions; he had no desire to experience new people and places. That was one thing we absolutely didn’t have in common. That was the one thing that, in years to come, would put our friendship to the test and on the threshold of its demise.
Supper was formal in honor of the guests of Jasper Island. I returned home after two hours of checkers with Ayden to wash up and change into my best dress. Momma had already prepared herself and was in the kitchen gathering up the apple pie she made especially for the occasion. Daddy had gone to the mainland earlier in the week to get the apples she requested. The house was filled with the most delectable aroma; it made my mouth water. After chocolate cake, apple pie was my favorite. During the autumn season, though we used to be far off in the Atlantic Ocean, the supply vessel often delivered a box of apples a year, and Momma made pie after pie. Daddy and I could never get enough.
“I’m going to get too fat to climb the steps to the tower if I keep eating your momma’s scrumptious pies,” Daddy laughed to me.
He used to say that all the time, and I believed he would on the evening we dined with the grandparents. But as he walked through the house to change into his cleanest sack coat, he didn’t comment. Daddy appeared preoccupied, even uptight. Momma, on the other hand, was joyful, much different from earlier. She sang as she baked her pie. Even Daddy, who always stopped to smile when he heard Momma’s beautiful voice, didn’t that evening.
Momma, Daddy, and I arrived fashionably late. O
pal had set up a lovely supper table. It was the first time we had dined in their home. The Daltons’ house was a scaled-down version of ours. The rooms had the same basic layout, except there was a bedroom on the first floor, and all the rooms were smaller. It was a tight fit around the table, but we managed. Edward and the grandfather sat at the ends of the long table. Daddy appeared awkward, sitting off to Edward’s side. I sat between Momma and Daddy. The introductions went rather well, I thought, as Daddy seemed to turn off some kind of switch inside him. He was cordial to the grandparents, and I was thankful. I had not known Daddy to be unkind to anyone, except for the drunken sailor that Daddy quickly put in his place.
As predicted, the conversation went straight into getting to know Momma and Daddy. This was Daddy’s worst situation; Daddy was private and didn’t like to reveal much about him, Momma, and me, unless it had to do with his position as primary keeper, or his experiences at Rock Ledge Island. If anyone approached Daddy with a subject other than that, he dodged the questions, changed the subject, or simply removed himself from the discussion. I had no idea why anything about Momma and Daddy’s past had to be kept silent, other than the fact that he had been a Confederate soldier. Was that the only thing that made Daddy cringe? Could it be the worst shame of his life?
“Where were you stationed before Rock Ledge?” the grandfather asked.
Daddy took a bite of his potato, and I saw Momma and him exchange an uncomfortable glance.
“I served in the navy,” Daddy answered with dignity.
“In the war?”
“Yes, sir.” Daddy calmed when the grandfather didn’t ask which side Daddy fought for. He obviously presumed it was for the Union.
“We certainly honor your service, both then and now,” the grandmother said.
Daddy thanked them. Momma was rather fidgety, and Opal noticed.
“Amelia, are you all right?”
“Yes, yes, of course.” Momma was flushed.
“Where are you originally from?” the grandfather asked Momma.
“We are natives of New York,” Daddy answered for her, which was a lie.
Box Set: The ArringtonTrilogy Page 37
