“Okay.” he nodded a minute later and then stuck his hands in his pockets as we continued walking.
Liam and I arrived at my house a few minutes later and well before my nonexistent curfew, but instead of coming inside and hanging out with me for a while like he did a million times before, he paused at my doorstep.
“Liam, are you coming inside?” I asked when he didn’t follow me in.
“Not tonight, Mags.” he murmured.
“Why don’t you want to come inside? You always do.” I mentioned as I stepped back onto the porch, stopping right in front of him. He was being weird tonight.
“You need your rest, besides I’ve got a gig.”
“What kind of gig?” I wondered.
“I’ve got a singing to do in Seattle for a bit,” he explained.
“Wait, what? You have a singing gig in Seattle? Did I hear you right?”
“Yes, you know I sing.” Liam reminded me.
“Yes, I know you can sing, but I didn’t know you sang professionally. How long have you been doing it?” I asked.
“A few years but I haven’t gotten a break or anything like that yet, but I feel it coming,” Liam explained.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“You left, Mags. You weren’t here anymore and you changed your number, remember?”
Liam was right, when I took off to join Roger at Stanford University, I changed my number during my second year there and only my parents had the number. I wasn’t quite sure why I made them promise not to give it to anyone else, especially Liam other than I felt like I needed to. I was trying to give myself a fresh start with Roger and I couldn’t do that if my old life kept creeping onto my new one.
“Oh, right,” I said. “Well, give me your phone,” I demanded.
“Why?” he asked suspiciously.
“So I can give you my new number, you silly idiot,” I said as I grabbed his cell phone out of his hands and changed my number on his address book so he couldn’t complain that he couldn’t call me. I also wanted him to stop calling the landline my parents had while I was there. It was an embarrassment to my generation and they needed to get rid of it. “There, now you have no excuse to not call me anymore.”
Liam just smiled as he turned around to leave, “I better turn in now.”
“Okay.” I waved slowly. “Call me when you’re back in town.”
“Goodnight, love.” he waved back once he reached the end of my yard.
I didn’t really want him to go, it felt sad to see him leave knowing that he wasn’t going to bunk next to me snoring in my pink, frilly bedroom. I didn’t know how to explain how it felt to watch him head into his own house, but it almost felt like those moments when someone was telling you goodbye.
“Goodnight, Liam,” I whispered.
****
January 1st –
Hey Journal,
How are you doing? I’m doing fine, thank you for asking. I feel a little weird talking to a journal without getting any responses in return. Dr. Naubert insisted that it would become easier the more I did it, which is why he insisted I write every single day this year. I think that’s a little too much writing, don’t you think?
What if I don’t have anything compelling to say, what will I write then? Is a sentence enough if it’s completely meaningful? If Dr. Naubert insisted on giving me a journal, he could have at least given me some ideas of topics to write about in here. I feel like I’m being forced to write about things for the sake of writing because I have nothing to talk about really.
In case you didn’t notice, it’s not actually “next year” yet, we have about a half hour left until the ball drops but I wanted to write in you before I went to bed. In case I forget, Happy New Year. The ball will be dropping soon but I’m more interested in finding out what you did for New Year’s Eve? I went with Liam to the old theater house to watch a Godzilla movie and had some pizza and beer afterward. I had a great time with him but he didn’t stay over to watch the ball drop with me but it felt good hanging out with him again.
P.S. It’s December 31st but I felt compelled to write again. Don’t worry, I won’t make this a habit.
-Margaret K.
It was forty-five minutes past eleven o’clock when I remembered still being awake. The last thing I remembered was being woken up in my grogginess by the sound of several thumps and cursing in an English accent.
“Liam, is that you?” I yawned and rubbed my eyes as I sat up. The room was somewhat dim with the television still on as the local news broadcast announced the ball was set to drop in sixty seconds.
“Yeah, it’s just me,” he said in his white t-shirt and blue boxer shorts, turning out the lights. The mattress sunk as Liam slipped under the comforter. “Go back to bed, Mags.”
“Okay, but the ball didn’t drop yet.” I yawned again and then laid down to cuddle against him. Liam put his arm around me and pulled me against his chest as the time ticked down on the ball to drop.
“I know. Go back to sleep.” he shushed before kissing me on the forehead.
“I thought you had a gig to go to,” I mumbled.
“I do, but I forgot something.” his warmth enveloping me.
“What?” I yawned again.
“I almost forgot to spend a bit of New Year’s Day with you.” he whispered in my sleepy haze as the news broadcast ticked three, two and then one as the ball dropped, “Happy New Year, Mags.”
The next morning, I woke up to the sound of birds chirping and the sunlight sneaking through any cracks it could find in my curtains, nearly blinding me. I glanced at my clock to discover it was a little after six in the morning, way too early for me.
“Ugh.” I groaned and I lied there trying to fall back asleep until I remembered Liam slept over last night unless I completely dreamt the entire thing.
I turned around in bed quickly, half expecting him to still be there but he wasn’t. I would have thought I dreamt the whole thing if it weren’t for his familiar scent of Creed cologne all over my pillows. Did he leave for his gig in Seattle already?
An hour later after trying to get back to sleep to no avail, I decided to come downstairs because I was starving and also because the scent of blueberry pancakes wafted through the air, my favorite.
“Good morning, Sunshine.” Jack greeted me in his usual chipper tone before returning to the morning paper. Did the guy ever have a bad day?
“Good morning.” I yawned.
“Good morning, dear. Why don’t you sit down and eat? I made your favorite.” Janet called from the kitchen.
“I know. I smelled the pancakes from upstairs. I’m so hungry.” I said as I grabbed the maple syrup.
“Well, eat up, there’s plenty more where that came from.”
“So, what are your plans today?” Jack asked as he folded the paper closed.
“I don’t know.” I shrugged. “Nothing I guess.”
“You two didn’t plan anything at all? Where is he anyway? Is Liam still upstairs sleeping? Must be, I caught him sneaking upstairs last night.” Jack winked.
“Since when does Liam sneak? You let him come and go as he pleases and you even gave him a key before you gave me one.”
“That’s because he was more responsible at sixteen than you were at the time.” Jack laughed.
“That doesn’t mean anything because I’m your daughter. I should have a key to my own house. Anyway, Liam left this morning. He’s going to be gone for a few days for some gig in Seattle.” I said as I continued to stuff my mouth full of the sweet taste of maple syrup in combination with the bitterness of blueberries.
“Oh, that’s right. He mentioned it a couple of weeks ago.” Janet chimed in as she flipped another pancake.
“Yes, he did say that, didn’t he? Well, you could always run over to the Collins’ and pick up the casserole they made for us. Give you a chance to say hello to them.”
“Sure, I guess.” I shrugged.
Harry and Barb Collins were Lia
m and his brother, Oliver’s, parents. They were also close friends with my parents because of Liam and me. We were practically inseparable back in high school and it was only a matter of time before our parents became acquainted with each other also.
“Don’t forget to ask them when they wanted to play bridge with us again.” Janet chimed in.
“We canceled our monthly game the last time and haven’t nailed down a new date yet,” Jack added.
“Ah, I see. Yeah, sure I’ll stop by this morning. It’ll be good to catch up with them.” I said.
“That’s good, dear. They’ll be so happy you decided to stop by. They’ve been wondering when you would, it’s been more than a week.”
“Ugh, ma…did you tell everyone I was home?” I groaned.
“Not everyone.”
After I finished breakfast and getting dressed, I walked down the short sidewalk between our two houses, I was a little nervous seeing his parents and brother for the first time in several years and I don’t know why I thought so, but I was afraid of how they would react.
I’m not sure what I was afraid of more but I was also expecting them to be resentful of the fact that they thought I left their son behind. I didn’t leave anyone behind, I moved to California for me. I wanted to attend Stanford with Roger and get a college degree and live my life with him.
I walked up the porch steps that led to their quiet, craftsman home and rang the doorbell twice. The chiming was so low, it was drowned out by the click-clack of a woman’s heels.
“Margaret! It’s such a surprise to see you. Come here and give me a hug, dear.” Barb Collins, Liam’s mother said as she opened the front door. She pulled me into her arms and gave me the tightest hug I have ever received. I was practically gasping for air.
“Hello, Ms. Collins.” I breathed in heavily when she finally let me go.
“How many times do I have to tell you, dear, call me Barb.” she giggled and waved me inside. “Harry, we’ve got a visitor!”
“What?” a faint voice called from down their hall.
“I said we’ve got a visitor. You remember Margaret, don’t you? She’s all grown up like Liam!” Barb continued to shout.
“Is she now?” Harry, Liam’s father, asked as he exited their den to join us in the foyer. “You’re right, she is all grown up. You are such a sight for sore eyes. How are you, Miss?”
“I’m doing alright, Harry,” I answered.
“Are you now? Your mum told us all about that good for nothing fiancé of yours and what a wanker he was. She said that you two are no longer together.”
“No, we aren’t. We broke up.” I confessed.
“You must be gutted about the whole thing,” Barb remarked.
“A little bit but being back home has made it easier to deal with. It’s still a day-to-day thing for me.”
“So, what brings you by? Liam isn’t home right now, he’ll be back in a few days.” Harry asked.
“Yeah, he told me last night but I wanted to stop by because I missed you guys and wanted to see how the both of you and Oliver were doing. My mom also mentioned something about a casserole and a bridge game.”
“Oh, of course, let me get it. Your mum will love the recipe so I’m looking forward to her calling me and telling me what she thinks. You’ll remind her, won’t you dear?”
“I’ll remind her when I go back.”
“Thank you, dear. Tell her that we can play bridge next weekend if they don’t have any plans.”
“I will.” I agreed.
“Was there anything else? Got any juicy gossip to tell me?”
“No, I don’t have any juicy gossip right now but if I hear any, I’ll be sure to let you know. Hey, can I ask both of you for a favor?”
“Of course, dear, what do you need help with?” Barb asked.
“I was wondering if I could take a peek at Liam’s bedroom. It’s been a while since I’ve been in there and I know it sounds weird, but I was curious to see what it’s like up there now.”
“I completely understand. Let me take you up there right now.”
Barb and I walked up the grey, carpeted staircase that I became accustomed to so well during my thousands upon thousands of visits to Liam’s house when we were still in school.
Hesitantly, I pushed open the wooden door and I expected to see his walls covered in his favorite eco-friendly PSA posters, clothes all over the floor and week old food wrappers stuffed in every crevice you could find but it was nothing like that. It was completely spotless.
As I walked into the bedroom, I was greeted instantly by the sage green accented walls and the occasional poster of some musician, athlete or a painting. His bed was made and where his entertainment center used to be with his many video game consoles sat a home recording studio accompanied by a drum set and acoustic guitar in the corner.
The Liam I used to know loved music of all kinds but he was never serious about it or at least serious enough to produce his own music. I walked up to the soundboard and ran my fingers along the buttons and dials.
“He started teaching himself how to play the guitar and the drums and then he started writing his own lyrics. Now he’s up to producing his own tracks. He’s quite good at it.” Barb answered my thoughts.
“Liam…he…he told me he wanted to join the Peace Corps for a couple of years once he graduated from high school. Did he ever go do that?”
“No, he changed his mind, unfortunately.”
“What? Why did he change his mind?” I wondered.
“He didn’t give up on everything right away. He just slowly started going from one thing to another. One day I was wanting to pack up things for the donation bin at the elementary school and he handed me a bunch of his things. It was mostly his helping the environment belongings that he wanted to get rid of.”
“He wanted to donate all of his save the planet stuff?”
“Yes, he wanted to donate or throw away a lot of his belongings, but I didn’t have the heart to get rid of them. I’ve kept them in my closet for years. I figured one day he’d want them back. Do you want them, dear?”
“Me? I couldn’t, I mean I don’t know what I would do with them.” I answered. Having a love of social cause, Liam often volunteered for various charities and I only joined in on all of his activities because he loved being a part of something bigger than himself.
“Doesn’t matter, it needs to be appreciated in some fashion or another and not in the back of my dirty closet.”
“I guess I could take them until he decides he wants them back after I tell him that I have them.”
“I’m sure he’ll mention them at some point and then you could let him know that you kept it for safe keeping. I’m sure he’d love to know that.”
FOUR
January 3rd –
Hey Journal,
I haven’t kept up with you as much as I should be, but I don’t think Dr. Naubert would mind. I’m sorry but he’s going to have to accept it. Liam’s currently gone pursuing this music career of his and I don’t know how I feel about it.
It’s kind of weird you know, finding out how much he’s changed. The last time I saw him was when I was packing up to move to Stanford and he was still that guy trying to save the world with his soapbox rants. Looks like he gave up all of it to sing. Liam was the biggest dork on the planet and not he’s trying to become famous. When in the hell did that happen?
I mean I knew he could sing, I’ve heard him before but it's not as if he did it that often and he wasn’t really interested in having anything to do with having the talent and now. I don’t know, I’m just getting this sinking feeling and I don’t like it. It just reminds me of too many things from the past.
-Margaret K.
It wasn’t until Tuesday did I see Liam again and he came back with good news. The management company Liam met with that could potentially be his new representation when it came to his music career loved what he was all about and believed he had the talent and the ability to
go very far in the industry and become very successful.
This wasn’t a fluff company who always said things music artists wanted to hear to only let them down by not doing anything like arrange gigs, interviews or anything for them. They also weren’t the type of company that didn’t represent you in the best light. They were responsible for the careers of some top celebrities today and if it weren’t by accident or happenstance, I’m not sure they would have given Liam a chance. As charismatic and good as he was musically, there were just far too many wannabes out there stopping the diamonds in the rough from getting noticed.
They loved Liam so much that they agreed to represent him and wanted to know if he was open to the possibility of touring, attending events, anything that would get him more into the public eye on a grander scale. The more that he was seen the more the general public would become familiar with his work and his popularity would grow. Liam was very open to the idea of traveling and performing events, anything they wanted him to do at this point.
When Liam came home, he didn’t want to do anything other than celebrate in his way which included relaxing at home with family and going for a dip in the pool and maybe go out for drinks with me to celebrate later. I decided on a yellow and white polka dot bathing suit that I purchased back when I was in California. It was a very sexy suit that probably was a little too much for the little town we grew up in but I didn’t care about the opinion of others and frankly, it made me feel good to wear it.
“Liam, I’m here,” I called out as I walked through the wrought iron gate that lead to his back patio.
“Wow, hon, you look great,” he said giving me a once over.
“Oh, gosh, thank you.” I blushed. It’s been a while since I’ve been complimented about anything related to my appearance. Roger was clueless when it came to noticing things or complimenting me when it came to things that were important to me unless it was in the bedroom.
Every Day I Loved You Page 3
