“Two, three times. He usually sleeps two, two and a half hours at a stretch, but that’s about it for now anyway.”
No wonder she looked exhausted, Matt thought, his heart going out to her. As if she were trying valiantly but were wrung out emotionally nonetheless. Matt wanted to demand she move back into his place, even if it meant them sleeping in separate bedrooms—again—so he could give her a lot more help with the baby. But remembering his vow not to push her too hard this time, he reined in his desire to rescue her and continued to talk about other things during the drive.
As they entered Westlake Hills, Matt announced casually, “The kids are coming over for fajitas on the grill this evening.”
Gretchen’s gaze was reflective. “I imagine they’d like to see the baby.”
Matt nodded, still feeling close enough to her to confide, “It’s rare during the school term for all three of them to be together under the same roof, with the exception of major holidays, and I admit I’m looking forward to it.”
Gretchen smiled, but there was a lingering sadness around her eyes. “So you’re reunited with Sassy, too?” she asked gently.
Matt turned onto his street. “Yes.” Finally.
Gretchen breathed a sigh of relief. “I’m glad.”
“So am I.” Matt turned in the driveway and cut the motor. He would have given anything to make the sadness in her eyes disappear. “So what do you say?” he pressed, unable to help himself and pushing it just a little, because he felt she needed him, needed this, even if she was too proud to admit it. “Will you have dinner here tonight, too?” he asked softly. With the family? With me?
Gretchen hedged. Her teeth sliced into her lower lip. “I don’t know, Matt. I don’t want to be in the way.”
He shrugged, pretending it wasn’t of great importance. “So don’t be. It’s a big house. We can each do our own thing for a couple of hours. Frankly, I’d like some time to spend with my son, and you could probably use a chance to unwind a little on your own, couldn’t you?” Sensing her weakening, just a bit, he continued, “Between school and the baby, who knows when you’ll have another chance to pamper yourself a little?”
Recognizing the truth of what he’d said, Gretchen sighed. The wistful look was back in her eyes. “To tell you the truth, I’d kill for a bubble bath, maybe even a nap.”
Matt grinned. “Then have at it.” He gestured magnanimously. “The master bedroom is all yours.”
* * *
IT WAS STRANGE coming to the house with Zach Devin and Matt, Gretchen thought as she disrobed and stepped into the hot, steaming bath, and yet in an odd way being there felt like coming home, both physically and emotionally.
Having Zach Devin had changed everything. It had made college seem less important. Oh, she was still determined to be a teacher, and to help children through the rough spots in life the way her own teachers had once helped her. But she was no longer sure that she had to earn her degree that instant. She was no longer sure she wanted to be taking classes that semester, or even if she wanted to go back the next.
What she wanted, more than anything, was to devote her every waking moment to Matt and the baby and his three college-age kids. To go back to the way it had been, to go back to living in the same house with Matt, to sleeping in the same bed with him. She wanted to share every single moment, large and small, of Zach Devin’s life with Matt. She wanted to work out the problems with his children with him and form one happy family. And she wanted him there with her, every night in a very traditional, old-fashioned way.
But it was too late now for that, Gretchen acknowledged wearily as she soaped herself leisurely. They’d had their chance to be a family. Only it hadn’t worked out. With her and Zach Devin in the picture, his relationship with his other three children had splintered. Knowing she was the cause of such distress, fearing Matt would never be happy unless he regained his freedom and salvaged his relationship with his children, she’d done the valiant thing and walked away.
She’d thought doing that would mend his family—and it apparently had. And bring them less hurt in the bargain. But since she’d left him, she acknowledged wearily, all she’d done was hurt. It was the kind of hurt that had nothing to do with the postpartum blues. And she couldn’t see that changing.
* * *
MATT FED Zach again, burped and diapered him, rocked him to sleep and put him down for a nap in the bassinet in the family room. Finished, he tossed a load of baby clothes in the wash and then went upstairs to check on Gretchen and see if she wanted any lunch.
He found her curled up on top of the bedcovers, fast asleep. Matt gazed down at her, realized all over again how much he had missed having her in his life on a daily, hourly basis, and knew he didn’t have the heart to wake her.
He covered her with an afghan and tiptoed out.
* * *
GRETCHEN AWOKE slowly to the sound of rain pelting against the windowpanes. Unsure how long she had been asleep, she sat up groggily and looked at the clock—10:28.
Had she slept all day? Gretchen wondered, pushing the hair from her face. But...wait a minute...it was light outside. It was never light at 10:28 at night. Which meant either the clock was wrong or she’d slept a very long time.
Still struggling to orient herself, Gretchen pushed from the bed, vaulted to her feet and headed toward the master bath to splash some cold water on her face. Two minutes later, she was down the hall to the guest room, aka the nursery.
Zach Devin wasn’t there.
The house was totally silent.
Heart pounding, she made her way downstairs. Matt was in his den, looking more deeply content than she could ever recall seeing him, Zach Devin sleeping soundly in the bassinet beside him.
Matt gave her an approving smile, then stood when he saw her.
Gretchen smiled back, then mutely stared down at their baby in consternation. In all the time she had cared for Zach Devin, he had never slept this soundly or looked so utterly content. It was almost as if he, too, knew he was where he wanted to be.
Matt put a finger to his lips, willing her to silence, then took her hand and led her into the kitchen, where a baby monitor sat on the counter. “‘Morning,” he said softly.
Gretchen tightened the belt of her robe. “Then it’s true,” she said slowly. “I slept through the night?”
Matt nodded. “As near as I can figure, about twenty hours straight.”
She collapsed onto a stool, unable to escape the sensation that Matt was about to say something important to her. “I didn’t know that was possible.”
“You were exhausted. So apparently was Zach Devin.”
Gretchen wet her lips. “He’s been sleeping a lot, too?”
“Almost exclusively,” Matt confirmed. He took a pitcher of juice out of the fridge and poured them each a glass. Their fingers brushed as he handed it to her.
Gretchen felt the tingle all the way to her toes. Trying not to flush, she sipped her juice. “And the kids?”
Matt smiled down at her compassionately. “Were here last night. They were sorry they missed you, but they understood how tired you must be.” His gaze roved her tousled hair, her sleep-pinked cheeks and the robe she had left in his closet and pulled on yesterday after her bath in an innately sexy way. “Can I fix you some breakfast?” he said quietly.
“Oh, no.” I really should have gotten all the way dressed before I came down here. “I really—I have to be going,” Gretchen stammered. Before I give in to my desire and end up in your arms again.
He held himself very still. Some of the light left his eyes. “Sure?”
“Yes.” Afraid she was about to give herself away, Gretchen turned away swiftly. She wanted nothing more than to launch herself into Matt’s arms and take complete advantage of every selfless speck of gallantry and consideration he offered her. She swallowed around the growing knot of emotion in her throat. “Zach Devin and I have already imposed enough.”
“Imposed?” Matt echoed.
He narrowed his eyes at her. He couldn’t possibly have heard right.
“Yes,” Gretchen said hurriedly, the guilt she’d felt from the very beginning slamming into her with hurricane force. “I never meant to stay so long.”
“You’re my wife,” Matt said tightly, beginning to feel resentful again.
Not for long, Gretchen thought.
“And Zach Devin is my son,” Matt repeated.
Gretchen lifted her chin, using what little pride she had left and all the love she felt for Matt to galvanize her toward a more selfless path than the one she had originally taken in marrying Matt. “A child you never bargained on having to raise,” she forced herself to acknowledge honestly.
Matt was so incredulous Gretchen found herself taking a step back from him. Her back bumped up against the kitchen table.
He flattened a hand on either side of her and leaned over, caging her between his arms. “The day my son is an imposition to me is the day the world comes to an end.”
He shook his head at her and came closer still, inundating her with the brisk, outdoorsy scent of him.
“Is this what this was all about? Why you left me?” he demanded hoarsely, his eyes shimmering with a mixture of hurt and confusion. “Because you felt you and Zach Devin were a burden to me?”
Gretchen put a hand behind her to steady herself and sat down on the edge of the table. “You made it very clear when you set up that trust fund for Zach Devin that you were making the provisions for when you were no longer around.”
Matt threw up his hands in frustration. “I did that in case anything happened to me. Not in case I left.”
Gretchen was not letting him off the hook that easily. She folded her arms in front of her. “You told me in Colorado that you were looking forward to an empty nest.”
“And I still am.” He put his hands back on either side of her. The fleeting contact sent another tremor through her. “In another twenty or thirty years,” Matt finished.
Once Zach was raised. Gretchen’s hopes rose even as she reminded herself of his reaction in the hospital the day after Zach Devin had been born. Her eyes flashing, she regarded him with exasperation. “Matt, you don’t have to be gallant. Luke and Marissa both told me what you said in the hospital.”
Confusion darkened the irises of his eyes. “What are you talking about?” he demanded.
Gretchen pushed Matt aside and hopped down from the table. “You were counting the years, figuring how old you would be when Zach Devin started kindergarten and college.”
“That,” Matt corrected as he caught her wrist and brought her back around to face him, “was nothing new. I felt the same way when Luke and Sassy and Angela were born. I have always worried about being a good enough parent, about doing the right thing. And I always worry more when I haven’t had enough sleep. But in the end this all comes down to the fact that Zach Devin is our child and a very, very precious gift. He’s a part of our lives now. I can’t imagine—I don’t want to imagine—the next twenty years or more without him.”
His words had the ring of truth. “All right. I accept that,” Gretchen allowed stubbornly. After all, who couldn’t love Zach Devin, with his baby-soft skin, sweet soul and handsome little face? She could spend—had spent—hours just holding him and loving him and marveling over every tiny inch of him. “It still doesn’t mean you have to stay married to me.”
“You’re right,” Matt agreed swiftly, his expression determined. “It doesn’t.” Matt tugged her against him. “But I want to stay married to you,” he said. “And I’d want that even without Zach Devin in our lives. If you had never gotten pregnant, I would still want you to be my wife, now and forever.”
Her heart soared. Tears flooded her eyes. “If you felt that way, if you loved me that much—”
“And I do.”
The soft way he’d said it had her believing it heart and soul. “Then why didn’t you tell me that before I moved out ten days ago?” Gretchen asked hoarsely.
Matt shook his head with regret. “Because I thought that was what you wanted,” he said firmly. “And I had promised you that I wouldn’t force you to stay once the baby was born.”
Relief sent her into his arms. “Oh, Matt, if I had known that, I never would have left,” Gretchen whispered, wreathing her arms about his strong shoulders, as all the hopes and dreams she had once had for them surged to new life.
Some of the tension leaving him, Matt caressed her face. “Why did you leave?”
Gretchen swallowed. “Because I thought...when you set up the trust for Zach Devin that you were trying to tell me...in a very nice, sort of roundabout way...that our relationship was going to end...eventually...as soon as you thought your commitment had been met and that I could manage the baby on my own.”
Loath to let go of her even for one second, Matt pulled out a stool from beneath the breakfast bar, sank into it and sat her down on his lap. “You should have discussed it with me if it worried you.”
“I probably would have if I hadn’t gone into labor then. But you’re right. It is more complicated than that.” Gretchen shook her head in regret. “First, I had promised you that Zach Devin and I wouldn’t ever be a burden to you...and here we were, usurping your next twenty-some years and depriving you of your freedom and empty nest. And then I felt so guilty about what our marriage had done to your relationship with Sassy, I decided my leaving was your best chance to bring her back into the fold.”
“It worked, but not in quite the way you imagined. It ended up convincing her of the need for us to get back together.”
Gretchen blinked in surprise. “She said that to you?”
“Worse. She and the other two confronted me the day before yesterday and literally demanded I do whatever it took to win your heart again and bring you home. Needless to say—” Matt grinned, “—it was comforting to me to know we were all on the same wavelength in that regard, and they were all deliriously happy to find you and Zach Devin were here last night. They’re also determined to make things run smoothly this time around. Which means, no more prenuptial agreement.” Matt extracted the folded document from his shirt pocket and held it in front of her. “So what do you say? I rip half. You rip half.”
Gretchen grinned. “You’re on.”
They laughed softly as they tore it to shreds, then Matt drew her close again. “And for the record, that empty-nest business is highly overrated.”
Gretchen settled more cozily on his lap. “You think so?”
He surged against her, pulling her irresistibly toward him. “After the past ten days, I know so.” Where her robe parted, he stroked her knee. “I’ve missed you, Gretchen,” he said softly. “I’ve missed you and Zach Devin both more than I can say.”
“Oh, Matt, I’ve missed you, too.” Gretchen melted against him and kissed him sweetly, aware she had never felt so very loved or so very safe.
“So...” Matt said breathlessly several minutes later, “four weeks left to go?”
Gretchen sighed her disappointment, glad there was no moratorium on sleeping wrapped in each other’s arms, for she had missed that, too. “Before we can make love again? Afraid so.”
“Hmm. Well, I’ve heard necking is in again.”
Gretchen smiled, her pulse already starting to race. “As in just kissing?”
“Right.” Matt grinned and touched his lips to hers. “Think you can handle that?”
Gretchen wrapped her arms around his neck and returned his kiss eagerly, putting all that she felt, all that she needed, all that she had to give, into the caress. “With you by my side, I can handle anything.”
* * *
SNOW CAME DOWN in sheets as the Hale and Stewart families gathered around the fireplace in the Stewarts’ Rocking S ranch house, but this time they had all paid attention to the weather and arrived in advance of the storm. Cal and Marissa and their brood had made the preparations for the Christmas holiday, while Matt’s grown children had taken care of the details for the weddi
ng. And as Gretchen descended the stairs in a full-length red velvet dress designed and sewn by Angela, she knew they were doing the right thing in insisting on this second ceremony with their families and friends present. And what better time and place than one year to the day after it had all begun.
Attended by Matt’s two daughters, Gretchen, her heart in her throat, joined Matt and his two sons before the fire. Resplendent in a black tuxedo, yuletide cummerbund and red tie, Matt smiled down at her, all the love he felt for her reflected in his eyes, while beside him Luke expertly cradled the three-month-old Zach Devin in his arms.
“Who gives this man and woman in marriage?” the minister asked, as Christmas music played softly in the background.
“We do,” Angela, Luke and Sassy said softly in unison. Zach Devin gurgled happily, too, making them all grin.
“‘To have and to hold...from this day forward...’” Gretchen repeated her vows in a strong, sure voice.
“‘For better, for worse, in sickness and in health. As long as we both shall live....’” Matt promised, brimming with tenderness and wonder.
“I now pronounce you happily married all over again,” the minister said. He nodded at them approvingly. “Matt, Gretchen, you may seal those promises you just made to each other with a kiss.”
Gretchen went into Matt’s arms, putting everything she felt for him in that one kiss. And as he kissed her back, Gretchen felt how much he loved her and always would. Ever so slowly, ever so reluctantly, they drew apart. Cheers erupted all around them.
Luke was the first to offer his congratulations. Sassy, Angela and a gurgling Zach Devin quickly followed suit.
“So, Dad, I see this time you and Gretchen went the traditional-ceremony route,” Luke drawled, as hugs and laughter were exchanged.
“You better believe it,” Matt said, tucking Gretchen into the curve of his arm. “We wanted to do it right this time—no more halfway measures.”
“And that being the case, we figured it was time to give the tried-and-true vows a try,” Gretchen said. This time she and Matt were in it for the long haul. This time they were building something real and permanent.
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