by Lisa Ladew
“You’re with me and Harlan,” Eventine said. She’s in cabin 6, she told Jaggar.
I’m coming up the path right now. I’m almost there.
“Where’s the door?” Leilani cried. She couldn’t wait for him to get to her. Eventine grabbed her hand and steered her, knowing there was no sense trying to calm her. She wanted her mate. Good. The happiness that spiked through Eventine at these two seeking each other out so frantically was fierce. Jaggar deserved it. Leilani deserved it. They deserved whatever happiness they could find together.
She opened the door and helped Leilani through it and down the steps, across the yard, heading for the forest. Night had finally broken and the first rays of the sun were lighting the forest.
She heard Jaggar before she saw him, heard the males running on the path behind him, heard his heavy footfalls and his voice calling his mate’s name.
Then he was there. Tall. Imposing. Big. Dressed in uniform, his intense gaze zeroed in on his mate. She held out her arms and he caught her around the middle, picking her up, crushing her to him, twirling her until her legs and her hair flew out with the momentum of it. She laughed and let her head fall back, the silver light from her eyes shining straight up. He only stared at her, his face never losing that hard cast.
He pulled her in close to him, and then his expression finally softened. “Thank Rhen,” Jaggar whispered into his mate’s neck. Eventine had to stop and think, but she was certain she’d never heard him utter an oath to Rhen before. He’d never liked the deae, she knew, even though he’d never uttered it out loud.
Jaggar put Leilani down and bent to her, as Troy and Mac and Rogue skidded to stops behind him. Jaggar gathered his mate close and kissed her like he was going off to war.
Or like he was back from it.
“Whoa,” Mac said. “These two need a room. Didn’t they just meet a few hours ago?”
Leilani stopped kissing Jaggar and pointed her face toward Mac’s voice, the silver light from her eyes steady and uncompromising. “It feels like two lifetimes ago,” she said. She palmed her hands on either side of Jaggar’s face. “The meadow,” she said, her face solemn. “How did you get out?”
“The catamount threw me out,” Jaggar said, kissing her again, murmuring into her mouth. “Don’t worry, we didn’t fight.” He kissed her again, hard. “I missed you.”
“I missed you, too.”
“Awww,” Rogue said. Troy made a noise that sounded suspiciously like a bark, and then he coughed hard and loud.
“Let’s go home,” Jaggar told her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. He looked up at Eventine, gave her a smile that she hadn’t seen in thirty years, and then he looked past her at Harlan, his face tightening in a way that made Eventine take notice.
“We’re moving into the spare room at the farmhouse. That cool?” Jaggar said to Harlan, his voice grating.
Harlan tried to laugh, then abandoned the effort, his joke falling flat without the laugh. “I don’t know, Jag, I gotta ask my mate.”
Eventine elbowed him in the ribs, but mechanically. Satisfaction was trying to fill her, but she couldn’t quite let it. For all its prettiness, something was still wrong with this scene, with this reuniting of two mates.
Harlan spoke. “I’m kidding, you know that, my house is your house, and I know Burton and Evie feel the same.”
Eventine nodded. “We’re moving in?” she asked her mate.
He kissed her soundly. “Today, if you think it’s… a good time.” He looked around at the forest, raising his face to the wind, his nostrils flaring.
Eventine evaluated. The forest seemed quiet, no longer waiting for something. Whatever she’d sensed coming, it had either come, or it had passed them by.
“Today,” she agreed. “Let’s pack up.” She was suddenly eager to get home. To start life, their new life.
As she turned to head back to the cabin, leaving Leilani to Jaggar, Evie couldn’t help but take score. Joel had been fired long before Jaggar had ever found Leilani, so he hadn’t been there to be killed by Jaggar. Jaggar was never suspended. Jaggar still had a job. Which was great, exactly what she’d asked for. But Leilani…
A small voice buzzed in her ear, whispering, “Patience and faith is needed now. Acceptance has many layers.”
Eventine waved the buzz away and shook her head. Patience and faith? She had neither. She refused. She took one last look at Jaggar and Leilani. She still had no shoes on, even though he was fully dressed in a KSRT uniform, boots and all. The group that had searched for him had brought a uniform in his size with them. Habit. Protocol.
He had picked her up, cradling her in his arms like he was going to step over the threshold of their first home together. Which he almost was. They only had eyes for each other, the entire rest of the world having fallen away as he held her and kissed her softly, and she wrapped her arms around his neck and let him carry her and kiss her. She giggled softly at something he said.
“Jaggar, your keys,” Mac said, fishing them out of his pocket and holding them up and heading for them.
Too quick to track, the beast rippled over Jaggar’s features. He snarled viciously, holding Leilani with just one arm and hand as he slashed out with the other, claws extended. The noise he made, rather like a semi-truck running into a cement wall, made every person and animal in the forest stop and turn in fear.
Mac jumped his body back just in time, barely avoiding being eviscerated.
“What the fuck, Cujo?” Mac shouted. Eventine thought she heard a knife unsheath. Disaster.
Eventine ran in between Mac and Jaggar, plucking Jaggar’s keys out of Mac’s hand, putting them in Jaggar’s pocket, and pushing Jaggar away from Mac, down the path toward the driveway. Behind her, Harlan dealt with Mac and Rogue.
“You know what you gotta do,” she said as she pushed Jaggar with all her strength, trying to force the stubborn male to move.
He finally did, crooning soothingly to Leilani, who had gone still and frightened in his arms. Eventine watched them go, hoping he claimed her soon. The beast was not an animal to mess with, certainly not something you wanted on a hair trigger.
35 – Home
Burton’s farmhouse was not far from VF and, within ten minutes, they were close. The farm road ahead of them was mostly empty, and they were cruising along at a fast speed. Leilani was dozing in the seat next to him, a death grip on his hand, even in sleep.
He shifted the stick shift with his left hand while he steered with his knees. It wasn’t smooth, but he was managing. Anything not to disturb her.
He glanced at her. Then at the road. Then back at her. She was curled up on the seat, her knees drawn to her chest, the seatbelt crossing under her arm and across one slim hip. She looked radiant, like something had changed inside her. Something had shifted her worldview and made her feel safe and happy. He hoped with all his heart that something was him, because he was never leaving her side again, and so she would always look like that. Happy. Radiant. Beautiful. His. He still could barely believe it.
In her sleep, she licked her lips and said his name, softly, in the way of a whisper or a sigh. “Jaggar.”
Jaggar stared straight ahead at the road, his cock hardening instantly behind his zipper, his mind racing to contemplate what she might be imagining to say his name like that. He growled softly at his cock. Fucking traitor-ass-fucking-piece-of-shit-body-part was not going to ruin this moment by poking its head out. Leilani was exhausted. She’d been through so much. Jaggar could wait forever, if he needed to.
You hear that? he told himself. Not yet.
His hands tightened on the steering wheel compulsively, and he almost wished that he’d taken her before, while they’d been in his bed through the door from the meadow. When the beast had not been with him.
Jaggar tightened down on his mental processes, repeating his mantra, calling up his discipline and control born of years of discipline and control.
Take me to church.
***
Leilani woke up as the truck slowed, then turned to the right, gravel crunching beneath their tires. Were they at the farmhouse? She opened her eyes to see, remembering she couldn’t see when silver flooded her vision instead. Darn. Always sneaking up on her. She would get used to it eventually.
She held her breath as her mate stopped the truck they were in, then put it in park and turned off the engine with the wrong hand because she had ahold of his other one.
“We’re here?” she asked, feeling like she could float away with happiness. She’d never had the dream that a prince would come and save her from her own life, but somehow, that’s what had happened. He didn’t do it alone, a voice inside her said.
“We’re at the farmhouse,” Jaggar confirmed. He squeezed her hand. “I need to let you go if you want me to come around and get you.”
“I’ll scooch over,” she whispered, not wanting to release him. The world was a scary place without him, and she was too emotional at that moment to erect some walls or figure out what to focus on when the clock called her and Jaggar wasn’t within grabbing distance.
She scooched before he could protest, inching around the gear shift, angling under the steering wheel. He helped and in no time at all they were standing outside.
“Did we beat everyone?”
“Yes. Evie and Harlan won’t come for a while, and I don’t think Burton is here.” He didn’t reach out in ruhi to the male, he could feel that Burton was not ready to respond to anyone.
Leilani took a deep breath. She smelled farmland and dust and hot, flat air. The morning sun shone on her face, warming it. She smiled. “Do we have a… a bed in there?”
Jaggar shut the truck door behind her, then bent and caught her behind the knees, picking her up. “Let’s go see. There’s a spare room. I can move my stuff in after we catch up on some sleep. And you…” His voice trailed off. She shook her head, brushing it off. “It’s cool. You can buy me things. I like books and hair ties.”
He didn’t speak, but he tightened his arms around her. “I’ll buy you anything you want,” he said, his voice rough. She let her eyes drift closed, ignoring the dangerous clock in her mind, ignoring all the silver light, focusing on her mate and his sincere words. They made her feel good.
She clutched at his chest, then moved her arms around his neck. This was becoming such a familiar posture for him, like he preferred to carry her, rather than lead her around.
Somehow, the thought gave her a sense of calm inside her. She took notice of it, realizing the stark contrast to how she’d been feeling. Something was different, and she didn’t know what.
Predator. The thought flitted through her mind, and she did not know what to make of it. The catamount may have called her that, but… why? She was no predator.
Leilani laid her head on her mate’s shoulder, keeping her eyes squeezed tightly shut. She wanted… she wanted to pretend, just for a day or two, that the only reason she couldn’t see was because she wasn’t looking. She would face her blindness later. Not yet.
Jaggar carried her inside the house, into a cool, quiet room. “Mudroom,” he said, then he went up two stairs. “Pantry,” he said, then, “Kitchen. You hungry?”
“I’m too tired to be hungry.” But was she? She didn’t want food, she wanted… Jaggar. She was tired. A bone-deep weariness that wanted to immobilize her, but still, she wanted her mate.
Something niggled at her, like there was something left undone, or like this time they had was borrowed and they didn’t deserve it. Something was making her feel… She traced her hands over her mate’s face, mapping his expression, thinking the feeling was coming from him and she was just picking up on it. He carried her into another room.
“Dining room,” he said. “The whole bottom of the house is a circle. Kitchen with breakfast nook, this is the formal dining room, down those steps are the basement, this way is Burton’s office, out there is the range, and through here…” he stepped through another doorway, she could tell by the way the air moved differently around her as he took her through it. “This is the living room.”
He stopped talking, and stood there, holding her close to him. His big body trembled slightly. “What?” she whispered? “Are you ok?”
He didn’t answer and she got the feeling he was choked up. She caressed his cheek. “I want to know,” she said softly, laying her head down on his chest again, content that he would answer if he could.
After a few moments, he said, “There’s a picture here, of Evie. I’m in it. She’s young. We’re both young.” He didn’t say a word for a few minutes and she felt like crying.
He started up some creaky wooden stairs, pulling her close to him. “There’s another picture down there, and it got to me. It’s Evie’s graduation. There were so many females.” His voice broke. “And now there’s…” He didn’t finish the thought. Leilani leaned into him and kissed him on the chest, just over his heart.
By the time he reached the top of the stairs, his tone had lightened, a bit of hope creeping in. “But we did something, didn’t we? We’ve won a few battles.” He turned right and moved through an open room. “We’ve got Evie back, that’s something. And we’ve got young again. That’s something, too.”
Leilani’s heart seized in her chest.
Young. He meant babies. One thing she’d never even considered or thought of.
Babies.
How did she feel about babies?
The only answer she had, deep inside herself, if she were completely honest, was… scared.
***
Leilani lost herself for just a second, the silver light flaring monstrously in her mind, calling her attention, demanding it. The clock wanted her touch. It wanted to be used. It wanted to be useful. Leilani drifted away from reality to inside her own mind. She reached for the clock with trembling fingers, having no idea where she would go.
“Lele,” Jaggar said, kissing her forehead. “You here, sweetheart? You staying with me?”
“I’m here,” she murmured, the silver light falling away gradually, until her visual field was more black nothingness than silver somethingness. She clutched her mate, glad for his solidness, glad for his bigness, glad for his uncompromising intensity. She always knew exactly where he was in space, his presence was that strong, and right then, his presence was calling her, pushing out thoughts of babies, pushing out thoughts of anything but his big hands all over her body. It was time.
He turned right again, moving sideways through a doorway into what had to be a bathroom. He set her on her feet on a soft bathmat and pulled her close to him. “How do you feel about a shower?” he asked, his deep voice rumbling through the small room.
“Yes please,” she said, trembling suddenly, feeling more helpless than the moment called for, more vulnerable, too. And naughtier. His hands brushed her shoulders, sending a thrill of pleasure waves through her skin. She shivered.
Delicious images filled her mind, making her core swell, sending her completely off-balance. She imagined the two of them in the shower together, warm water sluicing over already-wet skin, bodies naked, hands… everywhere, lips… everywhere. Yes, please, she told him in her mind, projecting the thought at him, hoping she was getting it right, hoping he could hear her…
He skimmed his hands down her shoulders, pulling a soft noise of assent from her. She couldn’t take it. She was about to vibrate right off the bathmat when he grounded her slightly with his hands, spanning her waist with them. His heat warmed her from the outside in. She almost purred in response. Sexy, was all she could think, and she couldn’t even see him. His big hands were sexy, the way he smelled was sexy, the muscles on his forearms and his chest were sexy, and that voice. She melted.
He hooked his fingers under the hem of her shirt. “I need you naked,” he said, his voice soft as could be. She licked her lips, then raised her arms. Off her shirt came. No bra underneath. She didn’t need one, never had.
She trembled violently, feeling his eye
s, but not his hands, on her. She could see him in her mind. Tall. Muscles for days. Intense, masculine face. She saw the heat in his eyes as he gazed at her. She saw him bending to hook his thumbs into her waistband and draw her pants and panties down.
They slid from her body, taking any modesty she might have had with them. After what she and Jaggar had been through, they knew each other intimately. This was just a formality, a delicious, mind-blowing, pleasure-filled formality. Somehow, the concept of him being her mate let her drop everything, all the baggage she had because of her inexperience, all of the shyness and secrecy women were supposed to have. He was her mate, and he would love the way she looked, no matter what. It was how she felt about him. Love didn’t have to enter into it. Nothing did, except what being a mate really meant. She got that finally, and she was ok with it.
Jaggar breathed deeply as he stood, his hands skimming up the sides of her legs, then settling on her hips. “You’re beautiful,” he said. “You’re perfect.”
She tried to respond. Tried to say something to him, but the words would not come. She didn’t know what to say. Emotions swirled inside her. Was it like this for everyone when it was their first time? Maybe, maybe not, but it overwhelmed her. Jaggar kissed her on the forehead one time, then took her hand with one of his. He twisted his body and turned on the shower.
“I’m coming in with you,” he said, pulling her close, taking her hand and holding it under the warm water. “I’ll wash you.”
“Oh,” she said, feeling her body clench at his voice, pleasure starting already. She was so ready for him. It felt good, but she didn’t know an orgasm could happen with no stimulation, only words. That’s what it felt like to her. She tensed. Her breath came hard and fast. Panting, she was panting, and he hadn’t even touched her. The feeling stalled, the pressure and sensation catching inside her center. She was so swollen. She was not going to make it through any of this. He was going to kill her with that deep voice alone.
He released her hand, drawing his hand up the bottom of her arm, his fingertips barely caressing her. “You’re trembling,” he said, then he helped her into the shower. “Is it warm enough?”
