by DAN MONTY
“I sure hope he didn’t steal all your money, Frankie,” She said and Frank laughed.
“Baby, I’ve got so much money, I doubt it would even be possible. There’s still plenty of sugar to go around, babe,” Frank said as Robin stepped out of an alley holding his bow at his chest.
“Hi Frank! I hear you have a nice ship," Robin said and Frank frowned as Kitty took off running.
“Oh... crap! Hey man... I was just talking about you," he said, Robin lowering his weapon and leading Frank into the alley.
“Yeah, well I hope it was something nice. We need to have a talk Frank," Robin said.
*****
The Alanna was a chrome, u-shaped freighter with a large circular section in the centre, an odd looking but sleek vessel; pristine and not a scratch on her. She was slender and not as big as Robin had imagined, but Frank was right. She sure was beautiful.
The ship was docked in a large docking bay and was unguarded. Frank had given him the codes to release her for take off so aside from learning how to fly her, he didn’t anticipate any problems.
The boarding ramp was lowered and he, Will and John ran up the ramp leading into the interior of the space freighter. There were large cannons attached to the front and rear of the vessel, the shine of the chrome catching the light of the sun from the open docking bay.
The interior of the ship was a flashy red and white – not unlike a fifties diner. Everything was kept neat and clean and as Robin walked into the ship, he regarded the decor with a smile. This was a small ship, but it was classy and the mid section resembled a fancy hotel room. There were leather seats, a lounge area complete with a television and plush cushions as well as a round rotating bed.
“This is like the set of a porn film,” Will said and Robin smiled.
“It probably has been," Robin replied with a wink, heading towards the cockpit.
The cockpit was also red and white, but featured a large open circular window and a complex series of consoles. Will slid into the navigation seat, looking over various controls, levers and switches.
“It’s a TR-38!,” Will said, “I’ve flown one on Gappa 4! The whole planet's a giant desert! I had sex with a Gapposhian dancing girl. She didn’t tell me she was married. I stole a ship just like this and flew out of there,” Will said with a laugh. John looked at him curiously.
“So you escaped?” John asked with a chuckle and Will shook his head.
“No. The husband caught up with me in a star cruiser. Kicked the shit outta me. I was lucky to be alive,” Will replied.
“Oh,” John said finally, “.. great,” he went on.
“The point is, jackasses, I can fly this heap. You might wanna give me some time to get used to her though... It’s been a while,” Will said and John and Robin sat in the other two seats beside him in the cockpit.
Will flipped some switches and pushed a big chrome lever forward as the ship took off slowly, the landing gear raising into the lower section of the hull. Will smiled at his friends.
“Wooah! This bitch purrs like a Skittlecat!” Will cheered. Robin and John exchanged glances.
“What the hell is a Skittlecat?” John asked and Will smiled.
“You’ve never seen those? They’re tiny cats that fit into the palm of your hand. I used to have one as a kid. My er... brother ate it," Will replied, pulling back on the yoke and sending the ship speeding skyward.
The Alanna flew upward, darting high over the clouds, the dorsal engines burning at the rear in a display of magnificent orange light. The ship broke through the atmosphere, cruising into space. Will brought the ship into cruise control and relaxed for a minute. Outside – billions of stars blinked in the eternal darkness of infinite space.
A red light was flashing, catching Will’s eye. He began to panic a little. Flipping switches and studying his targeting system, he realised they had been followed.
“Ah crap," Will said suddenly. Robin turned to Will with a raised eyebrow.
“Something wrong, Captain?” he asked and Will automatically began to fumble his response.
“Yeah, Police issue fighters... Three of them. They’re hailing us, and they do not seem happy,” he said, flipping a switch. A robotic voice came over the communication channel.
“Attention pirate crew, this is the Sherwood police department. You have violated section 21879 under the stolen vehicle act. This is not acceptable. Lower your shields and prepare to be boar...” The voice cut out suddenly as Will cut off communication and flipped on the stereo, blasting “Mindfields” by the Prodigy. He smiled, turning to his shipmates.
“I guess we all have our problems" he said, pushing forward on the yoke and sending the ship speeding away from the fighters, which opened fire on the fleeing vessel.
The three triangular police fighters shot laser fire from the three cannons on the three points of their fighters, blue laser blasts which the larger freighter dodged with ease as the fighters chased The Alanna through space.
In the cockpit, the song blasted from the stereo as Will worked on aiming his reverse side cannons, blasting at the incoming fighters.
“Robin! I need you on the cannons!” Will yelled as Robin lifted a joystick from the console, studying the reverse targeting display and firing madly, using the joystick as a trigger.
Laser fire erupted from the rear cannons, blasting at the oncoming fighters as they rolled side to side through space to avoid each shot. Will performed a barrel roll, narrowly avoiding a barrage of laser fire.
“They’re gaining on us!” John exclaimed and Will smiled.
“Don’t worry, little Johnny... daddy’s got a few surprises,” Will said, pushing forward on the yoke and lifting the freighter upward, flipping it around so it faced the oncoming fighters. Robin lifted the forward attack joystick, his fingers dancing on the trigger, firing madly at the three fighters ahead of them. One of the fighters exploded, debris blasting in all directions.
“Wooh! Got one!” Robin yelled and Will smiled as Robin settled in, moving the target reticule to the next fighter and blasting it to pieces.
“There’s still one left,” John said, pointing towards it as though Robin and Will couldn’t see it. Robin fired over and over, but the fighter kept darting left to right to avoid each blast, still firing madly on The Alanna.
“Stay still you son of a bitch,” Robin said, focussing as though he were aiming an arrow at a target and firing a single shot, which hit its mark, blowing the last remaining fighter out of the stars.
Will and John cheered as Robin relaxed back into his seat. The ship flew towards the massive green forest moon of Sherwood as Will lay in a course for the forest.
“You sure can fly, Will,” Robin said and Will grinned.
“Well, you’re a pretty damn good shot. Now let’s head back to the forest, load this bad boy up with some supplies and get your wife back!” Will said with a proud grin on his face. Finally, he was starting to feel like Robin’s idea might actually work.
Chapter fourteen: Robin and his merry men
The king walked down the long corridor of the castle, looking out of the long line of Windows that looked out into the city, his velvet cape dragging on the crimson floor behind him. The sheriff stood at the far end of the corridor, waiting patiently for his king to approach.
“Your majesty! A pleasure to see you again,” The sheriff said smugly, bowing ever so slightly.
“Your majesty my arse! I told you to bring the head of Robin Hood to me! The head you numb skull! You brought me nothing but an insolent woman who tells me nothing but for me to ‘go and fuck myself!’ Honestly, you had one job! You’re useless to me!” The king said.
The sheriff stood there saying nothing. He reached out, seizing the king by the throat and pulling him close to his masked face.
“You know, you really are the worst king in the galaxy! I think I’d do a much better job,” The sheriff said, tossing the king out of the open window.
The king tumbled downward,
screaming at the top of his lungs as a flying cruiser smashed into his body, flipping his body so that a second cruiser hit him. His bloody body then continued its fall, miles downward to the city streets far below.
Nigel rushed out of one of the rooms, his flamboyant features somewhat girlie. He squealed like a woman, his hands covering his mouth in shock.
“You killed him! You murdered our king!” Nigel exclaimed in a high pitch voice.
“Did I?” The sheriff asked, stepping toward the much smaller man who suddenly realised what the sheriff was saying. Nigel bowed to his new king, falling to his knees.
“A king should be a man of power and authority! Not a whining little mule! This kingdom belongs to me now! If you will not serve me, you will not live,” The sheriff said. Nigel trembled and nodded his head in agreement.
“Prepare the woman! She will soon marry me and I will make her my queen! This... Robin Hood... Will die by my own hands,” The sheriff said, turning on his massive heel and walking out of the corridor.
Nigel waited until the sheriff had closed the door before allowing the escape of a very long, high pitched fart.
“Oh! I do believe I’ve SOILED myself!” he said, sobbing as he picked himself off the ground and ran into the room from where he had run.
*****
The Alanna had landed safely in Sherwood Forest and Will, John, Robin, Tuck, Reynold and Gilbert stood around inside the bunker looking at a holographic map of the city and the castle at its very centre.
“We take the ship to the top of the tower, eliminate those guns and the patrol units. I’ll enter the castle here,” Robin said, pointing at Marion’s window.
“Once Marion is safely aboard The Alanna, I’ll find the sheriff and eliminate him," Robin said and John raised an eyebrow.
“Oh ya will? And how do ya suppose you’ll be doing that?” John asked and Will nodded in agreement.
“Yes and please don’t say ‘with courage’ or I’ll throw something at you,” Will added.
“I need to get in close. When I get close enough, I’ll throw a sticky bomb on his back. He’ll never get it off. I jump out the window, climb in the top hatch of the ship and we blow the tower, just to be safe,” Robin said.
“And you’re assuming that all the pieces will just come together perfectly, I suppose?” John asked and Robin shrugged.
“Why not?” Robin asked and Will and Gilbert laughed.
“It’s completely insane! I like it! What about us?” Reynold asked, rubbing his bearded chin.
“You, Gilbert and Tuck will be the distraction down here,” Robin said, pointing to the base of the castle.
“Your job is to get as much attention as you can. We need to minimize the attention the guards and patrols are going to be giving the upper levels of the castle. If there’s a situation on the ground, guards will focus their efforts there. Take some explosives and rocket launchers. If the army comes out you are going to need all the help you can get. Remember, these are not men... They’re machines. Go nuts,” Robin said and Tuck nodded in agreement.
“Can we be drunk?” Tuck asked, Reynold looking at him in shock.
“Um, sure... as long as you don’t get yourself killed? I mean... that’s a weird question,” Robin said and Reynold smiled.
“Okay... so are there any other questions?” Robin asked and everyone was silent for a moment. Will sighed.
“What?” Robin asked and Will shrugged.
“What if Marion’s dead?” he asked and Robin shook his head.
“She’s not. I’m sure if she was I’d know. Something tells me the sheriff is the type to gloat. Now armour up! Grab as many weapons as you can and let’s kick some ass,” Robin said as the men prepared themselves for what was to come.
Robin, Will and John carried crates of arrows, guns and bombs as well as some fresh supplies into the ship. John handed Robin a high tech Bo, which sparkled with emeralds. Robin studied it.
“It’s indestructible. Impervious to laser fire and unbreakable by the hands of man or machine,” John said as Robin nodded in thanks, sticking his arm through the bow and hanging it over his shoulder.
Will picked up a gauntlet crossbow which he slid over his arm, aiming it at a tree. He twisted his hand slightly, firing an arrow into the tree which exploded on impact. Will looked down at the gauntlet open mouthed.
“Holy shit,” he said, flicking his arm upward so that a new arrow moved into position.
Friar Tuck picked up a large rocket launcher with the word Much written on it, feeling the weight of it in his hands. He laughed hysterically.
“This one is mine,” Tuck laughed and Gilbert and Reynold exchanged nervous glances
“Have you been drinking, though, Tuck?” Reynold asked and Tuck suddenly looked a little guilty.
“I... had a bit of... a quarter of a thing, but it’s gone now," Tuck stammered and Gilbert folded his arms.
“Well I’d call that a big yes," Gilbert said quietly to Reynold, who couldn’t help but crack a smile as he examined his dual golden pistols.
“How do you feel?” Gilbert asked Reynold, who cocked both of the shiny golden blasters.
“Ready," Reynold said, winking at his friend.
Tuck, Reynold and Gilbert loaded the Lamborghini with guns and bombs, reloading the mounted cannon on the hood of the hovering car as well.
Robin, John and Will came over to them to bid them farewell. The men all wore armoured shiny green suits with hoods.
“I can’t thank you enough for your help,” Robin began, “.. You are not only my partners in this, you’re all my friends. My merry men," Robin said and the six men eyed each other one last time.
“Well I guess this is it!” Will said and Tuck belched loudly.
“Is he going to be okay to drive?” Will asked and Reynold shook his head.
“Oh absolutely not. We wouldn’t dream of letting him drive. Honestly, he’s barely riding shotgun,” Reynold replied as he and Gilbert jumped into the hovering car, Tuck climbing into the back with his rocket launcher. Robin looked up into the sky as the green Lamborghini took off and flew towards the city, the engine purring in the distance. He took a deep breath before following Will and John up the boarding ramp of The Alanna.
Yes. He thought to himself. We are going to pull this off he said in his mind. And if we don’t? Well, today is as good a day as any to die, he thought, smiling as he ran up the boarding ramp of the freighter, the ramp raising behind him as the chrome U-shaped vessel rose from the ground, its landing gear tucking in beneath it as it flew off toward the castle.
Chapter fifteen: The revolution begins
Friar Tuck mumbled to himself as the flying Lamborghini flew through the dark city streets. The neon billboards projecting holographic women, beckoning men to venture to their adult clubs, others projecting alien cage fighting. Reynold steering the car through flying traffic as a light rain fell from the sky.
The city, a teeming metropolis of life and light welcomed them with the sounds of blaring horns and loud music. The car sped towards the ground, hovering over the red light district and careening towards the massive tower in the middle of the city.
Gilbert checked the weapons, ensuring the blasters were fully charged while Friar Tuck nursed the large rocket launcher.
“Are you going to be able to fire that thing?” Gilbert asked Tuck, who smiled as he nodded.
“Don’t you worry about me, lad! I’ve never been more ready in (hic) all my life,” Tuck replied as Reynold drove the flying vehicle, hovering over the road towards the castle.
Nottingham castle was massive and on approach the men could see clearly that it rose higher than any of the other buildings. It was also extremely well guarded with the police performing frequent fly bys in case of a terrorist attack.
Reynold flipped some switches and a targeting system appeared on the screen as he aimed the reticule directly at the gun towers at either side of the castle. The cannon on the car hood could easily take out
two targets simultaneously, providing the targets weren’t shielded. However, their attack was simply a diversion to create a distraction from the real attack that would come from above. In any case, they needed to be on guard. Once the front turret towers of the castle were attacked, it would attract a great deal of attention.
“You think the turrets are shielded?” Reynold asked and Tuck shrugged.
“It doesn’t matter. It will get their attention," Gilbert replied and Reynold nodded, taking in a deep breath.
Outside the castle walls were a small platoon of Robotic soldiers that each held powerful laser rifles. Gilbert was already sizing them up, taking weapons in each hand, passing a pulse rifle to Reynold.
“Well, I hope you a-holes are ready for this,” Reynold said, taking the trigger on the joystick in both hands and firing four shots.
The rockets flew out of the hood cannon of the car, hitting the two towers and blasting them both to rubble which fell to the street outside the castle walls, some of it crushing some robot soldiers.
“Holy shit! We blew them!” Reynold said and Gilbert yelled over his triumphant whooping.
“Yeah you might want to keep firing,” Gilbert yelled, as Reynold fired at the platoon of soldiers who were no doubt still wondering where the attack was coming from. The rockets exploded, causing fragments of the robots to fly apart, reducing them to spare parts.
Reynold stayed in the car as Tuck and Gilbert jumped out, walking towards the castle and firing their weapons. Tuck fired a rocket from the rocket launcher at the gate to the castle, blasting a massive hole inside it. He cheered with joy, frowning suddenly as he watched a small army of soldiers march out of the castle with a tank. Several patrol vehicles flew towards them from over their heads and small buzzing drone droids flew out of the massive hole he’d blown in the castle.
“We’ve got their attention Reynold!” Tuck screamed, running back towards the car as the robotic army marched towards them, firing laser blasts from their rifles.
“Oh shit," Reynold said as Gilbert and Tuck jumped back into the car. Reynold aimed the targeting system at the oncoming soldiers, firing madly. A line of soldiers exploded as the rockets hit them, but still the army marched, firing now at the hovering Lamborghini.
