by Lannah Smith
"After... after Suzie," I licked my lips and went on, "there was Paul, the homosexual first year whom the guys loved to throw inside the locker after gym class. Or did you take care of Jered first, the pervert who kept looking up every girl's skirt?"
He kept his eyes on me but didn't reply.
I kept trying, "Now, you're protecting this... this bunny."
John blinked. "Bunny?"
Moving my gaze away, I mumbled in discomfort, "Hannah said she was like a bunny."
"I agree. She does seem like a tiny, fluffy rabbit."
My eyes narrowed at him. "You're patronizing me, aren't you?"
He threw his head to the side and lifted a brow again. "Patronize you? Never."
"You know I dislike it when you talk down to me like that," I grumbled.
"Why do you think I keep doing it?"
I would have laughed if my heart wasn't hurting so much right now.
This. This was how it used to be.
This was how we used to be together.
And I missed it. I missed it so, so much.
John noticed the change in my demeanor and his smile disappeared. I could tell from the look in his eyes that he knew exactly how I felt. He stared at me for a long moment.
Then he said, "I missed you, you know."
My chest compressed like a hundred pound weight had settled on it.
"Well, I haven't," I breathed out.
His eyes sharpened on my face. "You're lying."
A prickle of alarm shot through me. "Oh, you're an expert of me now?" I asked, throwing him a withering frown.
A small smile touched his lips, making my heart skip a beat.
He didn't take his eyes off me when he said, "I don't know why but ever since that night, all I've been thinking about is you."
"Now who's the one who's lying?" I challenged. "Ashley sends her regards, you know. She misses sucking your dick."
"Ah," he began in an awkward voice. Clearing his throat, he said, "I guess you heard."
"She posted it on Facebook!"
"I fuck around. You know that," he returned softly. "But I never made love to them. Not the way I made love to you."
Startled, I pulled in breath. But he wasn't done.
"Stop pretending it didn't happen." John took a step toward me. "Because it did."
I felt my gut twist as the alarm returned, sharp and vicious.
"Let me pass."
He took another step closer. I took a step back.
"Let me pass," I repeated in a sharp tone. "Why are you even here? Why are you talking to me? I thought I made it clear the last time we spoke that I wasn't talking to you. I thought you want nothing to do with me anymore."
"I honestly don't know," he admitted as he held my eyes. "And I honestly don't care."
"You told me to leave."
He laughed harshly. "Because you wanted to leave, remember?"
"You called me a slut."
"I didn't call you a slut," he denied vehemently.
"Yes, you did," I snapped. "You told me when we were in your bedroom."
"You know, you're slowly starting to piss me off," he muttered, his eyes narrowing down on me. "Is this your plan again? Pissing me off so I'd hurry and leave you alone?"
Darn it. It was.
I didn't answer and instead slid my gaze away from him.
"We have to talk about that night, Evans."
I shook my head. I couldn't bear the humiliation if we did.
"Fuck, but you've always been so exasperating and stubborn," he muttered in a completely pissed-off voice. "It's no wonder you're not liked around here."
I tightened my fists further and gave the impression that I didn't care when it fact, it hurt. I didn't expect that. Of course I knew I wasn't liked by the people around me, except Hannah, but I didn't expect that to come from him and this instance scored at my heart.
Luckily, my heard had been lacerated beyond feeling much of anything anymore so I didn't feel like jumping off the nearest building.
"Here," he said and my eyes went back to him. He held up a key. "You forgot this at my bedroom."
I wondered where that went. I thought I lost the key to my car, which I didn't manage to drive considering Iris took me to that damn party in her car. Luckily, I had a spare.
I lifted my hand for the key and he dropped it in my palm. His eyes started to move away but all of a sudden they jerked back, slightly narrowed and focused on my palm.
Instantly, my hand closed over the key.
"You're not liked around here too, you know," I blurted to divert his attention as his still narrowed gaze followed my closed hand. "Shouldn't you be doing something about the bad rumors about you?"
His eyes shot to me and he looked slightly surprised at my question. He stared at me again for what seemed like a long time then his face cleared. He seemed to be fighting back a grin.
"Was that concern I detected in your voice just now?" he murmured.
I snorted, then said, "No."
"I don't care if no one likes me." He tilted his head to the side and stared at me in a way that made my face feel hot. "As long as you do."
Thoroughly disgusted, I turned and moved away from him. But when I did, John grabbed me by the arm and pulled me back to him.
"Don't worry, Evans," he whispered in my ear and my heart, which was already beating fast, started to pound. "Because I like you too."
Then he was gone.
Chapter 11
Three years ago, Terry and Hannah at age thirteen
"Hello."
Terry looked up from her lunch to see a girl with flaming red hair smiling down at her. She quirked one brow up. It was Hannah, one of her classmates. The infamous girl that the boys go crazy over and who the girls actively dislike.
"What do you want?" she asked, disgruntled.
"I want to be your friend."
This time, Terry lifted two brows up with a start. "And why do you want to be my friend?"
"Because I don't have one," she responded with a cheerful smile. "And because you're always alone."
"How convenient," Terry commented drily.
Hannah bobbed her head up and down. "I know. So will you be my friend?"
"No."
"Why?"
"I don't like girls like you."
"Girls like me?"
"Chatty and annoying."
With a laugh, Hannah pushed herself up on the table. Smoothing out the wrinkles of her skirt, she said, "The girls were right. You are kind of mean."
"But you're still here," Terry pointed out.
"Yes, I'm still here," Hannah replied. "Because I really want to be your friend."
"Well, I don't."
"Is it because I'm a boyfriend stealer?"
"A what?" Terry asked, her brows furrowing.
"A boyfriend stealer," Hannah repeated matter-of-factly. "That's what all the girls call me. They hate me because it seems that all the boys they like confess to me. Personally, I think they're just confusing me with April Locke."
Terry sighed. "And personally, I don't care whatever you are."
Hannah's smile widened. "And that's exactly why I want you as my friend."
"I'm not finished. I don't care whatever you are because you and I are not going to be friends," she said as firmly as she could.
"Do you know what they also call me?"
"I told you. I don't care—"
"Stubborn." Hannah hopped down and sat next to Terry, to her surprise. "Stubborn because I would never apologize for something I didn't do. Stubborn because I like getting my own way. I'm going to show you how stubborn I can be, Terry Evans. You're going to be my friend."
I was still fuming when I arrived at Hannah's residence.
John was out of his mind.
He missed me? He likes me?
What the hell was that all about?
I stewed as I left the school in my car. I seethed as I drove to Hannah's. I'd never been quite this angry before and
I thought about all the ways to make him pay for making me feel this way.
Bastard.
Bastard, bastard, bastard.
Was he going to play with my heart again even after what he had done to it years ago?
And was he thinking I'd even let him?
I seduced him, yes. But that did not give him permission to try and woo me with his flowery words again. He was lying. As always, he was lying. He will never convince me again that he liked me when he couldn't possibly. He told me so. Years ago, he told me so.
With a scowl, I pushed open Hannah's door. As I suspected, she was on her bed, cuddling up with her two Siberian Huskies, Starfire and Raven. Hannah lifted her head when she heard the door. When she saw me, she slowly sat up and put her feet on the floor.
"Terry!" she exclaimed, her brows furrowing together. "What are you doing here?"
Stiffly, with every bit of fury I was feeling, I snarled, "Are you also out of your damn mind?"
She blinked. "Also? What are you talking about?"
"Sophia Gideon!"
"Oh." Her cheeks colored. "I guess you heard."
"You." I pointed at her. "You're going to avoid her starting tomorrow."
Incredulous, Hannah leapt to her feet, startling her dog into wakefulness. Her dogs began to bark but we both ignored them.
"You are not making any sense, Terry!"
"I'm not making any sense?" I asked in outrage. "Telling you to avoid Sophia so you won't hit the school bully's radar is me not making any sense?"
Hannah sat on the edge of her bed and crossed her arms over her chest. She stared down at the carpeted floor and didn't respond, defiance written in every line of her body.
"I thought we agreed to be careful and avoid Leon Gage?" I tried again.
She let out a sigh and muttered. "Yes, we did."
"Do you think you can stay away from Gage if you befriend his girlfriend?"
"Well, what if we make Gage stay away from her?"
"Baka nano?"
"Oh, dear," she muttered. "You must be really pissed if you're starting to speak Japanese now."
Realizing I was dishing out all of my anger and frustrations on her, I took a moment to calm down. It wasn't my nature to lose my temper quickly or have emotional outbursts. I might as well be dead for all the times I had to act like nothing ever penetrated through me. Suffer in silence, that was a golden rule in the Evans household.
With less heat, I responded, "You think?"
Clasping her hands together as if in prayer, she begged, "Stop being mad, Terry. You know you're scary when you're mad. Here." She patted Starfire's head. "You can have Starfire for a moment. I know she'll calm you down."
"I don't want to calm down," I mumbled as I climbed on the bed. Instantly, Starfire had her head on my lap and I began to stroke her. "And I want Raven too."
With a small smile, she beckoned Raven to go to me. Raven rubbed her furry head on my shoulder and I pulled her in for a hug.
"Are you calm now?" Hannah asked.
"Shut up."
"I love you, Terry."
"Shut up."
Her smile widened and she moved to sit beside me. Raven jumped unto her chest and being a large dog, she made Hannah fall to her back, causing her to erupt into giggles.
I stared at her. I had known her for three years but I could tell. The more she doesn't want you to know something, the more she smiles about it. And the more she doesn't want to let go of something, the less she talks about it. Just like when I first met her.
After being ostracized by the girls for being rumored as a boyfriend stealer when we were both in middle school, Hannah had sought me out to be my friend. I didn't want her to be my friend and told her so. But she didn't give up.
Ever since then, whenever our eyes meet in class, she would smile and give me a little wave. During free period, she'd sit on top of my desk and ask my help for the lessons she didn't understood. When I told her I didn't like her sitting on my desk, she began dragging a chair to my side.
During lunchtime, she'd go with me to the cafeteria and sit across me. Sometimes, she'd not talk and just played games on her cellphone. Sometimes, she'd ask me questions about myself, which I rarely answered, or tell things about herself. Against my will, I learned she was the eldest daughter of their family of five and that she loved drawing and making fan art. I learned she loved shopping and I also learned her favorite flavor was strawberry.
When I learned she had two pet dogs, which she named them after her favorite characters in the show Teen Titans, I showed some interest. I loved dogs and used to have one when I was little. She offered to show them to me if I come to her place but I declined. So she had them brought to school after class and I had to admit, I fawned over them like crazy.
Like she had warned, she stubbornly stuck to my side like glue. Whenever I reproached her and tell her not to assume we were friends, she'd just give me a smile and divert my attention to another topic. She never asked me to be her friend anymore since the first time she did but I could tell she still wanted it to happen.
I didn't want friends, not anymore since John hurt me and broke our friendship so easily. I realized that people never stuck around or they used me to get what they want. I realized a long time ago to shut them down before they could rip out my heart, stamp on it and spit on it. Because when it happened, it hurt, a lot, so I stopped it before it could start and didn't let anyone get close.
No one.
Ever.
Not until Hannah.
But then I found out why she wanted me to be her friend. She was being bullied by the girls.
Badly.
"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked her once I scared off the girls who were beating her inside the comfort room. "Why didn't you say anything?"
She was sitting on the sink with her head down, tracing the bruise on her arm lightly. "I didn't want you to think I was using you as protection."
"Weren't you?"
"At first, yes," she mumbled. "You're the princess of the school. No one would ever dream of messing with you. But then I realized I really wanted to be your friend. Even though you could be mean, you're kind and genuine and you're surprisingly witty. You listen to everything I say and even though you complain I was annoying, you didn't push me away. You help me with class without an ounce of impatience and you make it so easy too. I didn't want you to hate me. I didn't want to see you look at me with pity in your eyes."
Her words cut through me and I closed my eyes tight. I sensed her loneliness in every word. I'd sensed them since a long time ago, when she first talked to me, in her eyes, her face, the tone in her voice. But I hadn't cared. I'd been alone and lonely for so long that it was a place I understood. It was a place I could be safe. It was a place I never wanted but needed. I'd never had a true, genuine friend and I used to feel sorry for myself until I learned to live with it.
But loneliness wasn't for Hannah.
And though it scared me, opening myself to someone again, I realized I was willing to risk it. Maybe because I was done with being alone and lonely. Or maybe because I had finally found a friend in Hannah.
I opened my eyes and focused on her. Her eyes were still averted and I found it disheartening that she couldn't even look at me.
"Look at me, Hannah," I told her.
She shook her head. "Don't worry. I talked to my parents. I'll transfer when the school year's over."
Anger burst inside of me. I wanted to hurt the girls who reduced her into this.
"Look at me," I repeated firmly.
Hesitantly, she lifted her eyes.
"Do you see pity in my eyes?"
She stared at me for long moment. "No," she whispered. "They look... angry."
"Answer me this before we start being friends," I started to say and instantly, tears started to gather in her eyes.
"What is it?" she asked with such a hopeful expression I felt my own eyes pool.
Swallowing the lump in my throat, I ask
ed, "Why do you like sitting on top of tables? It's been bothering me for a long time."
