by Kiki Howell
"But, we've never worked on it together. And, even if it is impossible, please, give me this week. We have to be able to figure out some way, some compromise maybe, with them, to be able to be together. I can't just never see you again. Please, Allanah. I will beg for hours if I have to."
"Oh, I'm sure of that. I just don't know, though. One more week is just going to break my heart further. Do you know what it was like to see you and then after what happened, have to walk away, once more. My heart broke all over again."
"I know!" he yelled, rising up, for what reason, to what end he didn't know. He didn't want to scare or intimidate her. "I'm sorry. I know all too well. But that just means you still love me. You have to give us one last chance."
"Yes. I still love you. I know, now, no matter how I try to deny it, I always will. But, in life, just because we want it doesn't mean it can be ours. Your father taught me that lesson all to well."
"And, I will be eternally sorry for that, but, never in business have you submitted to such a thought," he accused, goading her, though he knew she was on to his tricks.
"No, I haven't. In business I've taken all I wanted, but obviously in my love life, the same doesn't apply. Give up. We are talking two separate things here, so your reasoning is pathetic at best."
"Why? It should be the same. My father is dead. Sure, we have a few issues left over thanks to him, but if you want me, then take me. I feel the same. We can make this happen. Come with me. Just agree to come with me, Allanah. Fight for us. We couldn't before, but we can now. We are stronger, and wiser. My father is gone. We can have each other if we are willing to give up everything else. I know it's different for me, my wealth and power were handed over. For you, you built what you have from nothing."
"Oh, I had plenty of help from your father, even after school was paid for. I've tried to convince myself it was all me, but at night, alone, if I let myself, I know I was handed my success as a means to keep me away from you."
"Then rebel against him. The worst I could do, in his eyes, is to leave everything he built behind. Help me do that. Come with me. Let's find a way to leave it all behind. My father may be dead, but the need for revenge isn't, sadly. Right or wrong, I will ruin them all. My only issue is finding a way to silence my demon. For good. Who knows, maybe some time away, some time spent with you, I might stumble on something I haven't. Maybe the answer is there, right in front of me, but I'm not seeing it for some reason. I can lay it all out for you. We can think on it together. "It's worth a shot, no matter how far off it sounds. I want some time with just you. I think we deserve it after all of this time apart. But, I'm not asking you to decide our entire future right now. I just want you to agree to come with me so we can have some time alone, time to talk it all out. Look, I know I'm talking in circles here, so say you will come with me. Shut me up."
Chapter Six
The conversation had been strained between them on the flight to the Maldives, just awkward small talk that included any topic that wasn't personal. Yet, as the boat they were in to get to their private water villa approached the unbelievable place he'd arranged for them to stay in, maybe the clear to turquoise water, the thatched roofs, or the sun warming her back, something in her finally began to relax, to see the possibilities this paradise on earth could offer.
To say something in her snapped would be wrong; it broke, shattered, in the best way possible. She seemed to take her first real, deep breath in his presence. Allowing herself to hope for the impossible, or maybe just to live each moment in the present, she gave in to enjoying this incredible place with an unbelievable man she happened to be in love with, whole heart and soul when she let herself feel it.
She looked his way, knowing her smile told all, and watched his face relax, his sculptured jaw move as he smiled. The sentiment reached his eyes, a sparkle in them she'd only seen a few times in their sparse moments together: the night of their first few dates when they were teens; the night they first made love; and the night she'd seen him again just a month ago. Although, then it had only been brief, short moments when he'd let himself forget the world around them. Now, it seemed as if the sun had lit him from the inside, obscuring his usual darkness. Even his bulging shoulders, with the muscles so large and hard, seemed to go down an inch.
Only, the moment proved fleeting. His shoulders tensed back up to his ears, and his smile took on the look of a forced grimace. He looked sick, pale around his lips, his eyes darkened with hints of crimson. She watched his muscles tense, his ire rise in every feature of his face.
"What's wrong?" she asked quickly, making him jump, the boat he drove jerk a bit. "Are they here?"
"No one is here but the two of us. I even sent away the help," he added, a bit too quickly, his words bitten off with a sharpness of tone.
"Then what is it? You looked happy for a second."
"I want us to be honest here, Allanah. I want us to lay all of our cards on the table. Hold nothing back. I think it's the only chance we have to make this work, if we stop the secrets, even if the words are hard to get out, the secrets hard to let go of."
"I agree. I want the truth," she said, though a knot tied up in her stomach knowing she had secrets of her own she would have to tell him as well. "No need to spill them all right this minute, though. You could start with why you only managed to look happy we are here for about one or two seconds."
"My demon. He doesn't like the way you make me feel. It's something I'm dealing with, I promise, and why I want a way to get rid of the damnable thing for good. I've been trying to trick it, to let it see you as a forbidden, but, it only works so long before my love for you comes through and pisses it off again, makes it rise to the surface, try to force me to eradicate anything good."
"I don't understand exactly, but I'm trying. You can control it, though, right? You said I'm not in any danger here. Not from them, but not from you either? You didn't hurt me the other night. Guess you left before you could?"
"I left before I shifted in front of you, though that plan went to hell just moments later, but, no, I'm not going to hurt you. I will fight it before that happens. I would kill myself before I let anything happen to you. My demon is really threatened by you, more so than any women I've ever been with. Makes sense, I guess, the thing would hate any true feelings, and I love you, Allanah."
"I know, and I can only imagine that is true, a demon would hate love," she said, looking away from him and back to the paradise he had just stopped the boat at.
Though, she had to wonder if that was all there was to it, his demon's aversion to her. It would all come out soon enough, and then she wondered if she could maybe help him. Given the right timing, maybe her secret wouldn't go over so bad. Maybe there was hope for them. She let herself gulp in the clean air, relax. She wanted to be with him. Truly with him, and to try with everything in her to help him. For a second, she grew excited, in fact, to reveal her secrets to him, before she again feared his anger once he realized she'd had a secret longer than he had, from the beginning, that she'd not shared with him their first time around even.
"So, what do you think of this little paradise I arranged for us," he asked, trying to change the subject, she figured. He took her hand, helping her out of the boat at one of the many wooden walkways, while the energy in him slithered up her arm.
Her heart skipped a beat before beating faster, harder. Fear? Excitement? Who the hell could tell at this point.
"I don't think anything about it is little, for one. This whole place is ours?"
"Yes. Just ours. While there are three separate buildings, the place has three bedrooms, a private spa and bathroom with a hot tub, a kitchen, a dining room, a living room, and air conditioned gym. There are also numerous decks. And again, we have it all to ourselves as I even excused the two private butlers, arranging for meals to be prepared and in the refrigerator, as well as the bar stocked, before we got here today. I figured there would be no need to make beds. We have three rooms to use, one each nigh
t, and then other options. No one can see us anywhere while we are here."
"You plan to get lucky, then," she teased, ignoring the obvious issues they may have there if the other night was any indication.
"I'm hoping the romance of the place will convince you," he replied with an awkward, probably forced wink.
"It's just amazing. I'm literally speechless," she said, continuing the ruse, the happy couple in love with a few days in paradise together.
"Good. Then let's start by raiding the fridge, grabbing a bottle of wine, and hanging out on one of the decks as we just enjoy the sights, unwind, maybe even grab a nap after all the travels to get here. We can talk later. Let's take this first night to pretend we're just a normal couple in paradise, in love," he stated as if reading the words, though he'd echoed her thoughts.
"Sounds too good to be true, but let's give it a try anyway," she said, trying to make the truth sound like a tease. "Tomorrow will come soon enough to talk it all out."
Her secret could wait until then, just in case he did indeed get mad at her for not telling him right away the last two times they met, or when they had been together as teenagers, before they knew the world plotted against them. But, last week, there wasn't time, for one, and two, what difference would it have made? When they were teens, young and in love, thinking they had the rest of their lives together, she'd figured she'd had time to reveal all, hoping for the perfect moment, which never got a chance to come.
The place truly was indescribably amazing. Off the kitchen, a round deck consisted of a circular bench stuffed full of pillows all along the railing with a round table in the middle. After she'd settled in, feet up, she took in the three-sixty panoramic views of the water surrounding her and the villa.
Ciaran returned quickly with a cheese and fruit tray, a bottle of wine, and two wine glasses. "You should see that kitchen. I think there are enough of these types of platters for at least two a day, and, there are pastries and everything you can imagine for breakfasts, more fruit than we could ever consume in two weeks, sandwiches, salads, you name it. We are set as far as being full."
"This looks amazing. I just can't believe this view, the color of the water...all of it. Thank you for conning me into this. I've never had such a vacation before."
"You are welcome. I can't thank you enough for agreeing to come with me," he said, as he scooted in beside her until their bodies touched, and he could wrap his arm around her.
She moved, settled her back to his chest, cradled in his arms, and sighed. She figured she might as well take advantage of this time. This was too good of a vacation not to. She wanted to believe he could deliver everything he offered. At that moment, she resolved to just give in to it all, her every desire, her every whim, because this may never happen for them again. Consequences be damned, she would think of and deal with them after. The sun had surely fried her brain, but for the first time she didn't care. The place took her breath away, and obviously her ability to be cautious as well.
That way of thinking, of living in the moment, hadn't worked out for her last time, at his house, but here, in this place that felt not only private but a million miles away from the world, she felt it could.
"I'm not going to miss a moment of it," she said into the wind, trying to convince herself to stay in this moment, not think herself out of this happiness washing over her with each ocean breeze that bathed her skin.
"What?" he asked, turning her face to his.
"I don't want to miss a moment of this."
"Well, what has changed? Or wait, don't tell me. I'm going to just appreciate it instead," he said with a sigh and a smile.
She watched that subtle sweep of bright, blood red sweep over his eyes.
"And, I promise," he continued quickly, " I will take control of that. I managed to last time, so, please, don't fear what lives within me."
"I won't," she semi-lied. "You didn't hurt me last time, not in bed, or after you defended me against them, which is what I assumed you were doing. Regardless of what you were doing, which isn't the point, and I don't want to know right now. The point is, I trust you, Ciaran. I know, now, what kept us apart, and it wasn't for lack of us loving each other. In fact, we stayed apart, each of us, because of how much we loved each other, protecting the other. We were kids then, and you didn't even have that thing living in you."
"We are not kids now, and it does, but I have control over it. I promise you that. As I said earlier, I would kill myself before I hurt you."
"It wouldn't come to that, would it?" She shrieked, her hope of letting it all go for a moment already mangled.
"No. It won't come to that. Just saying. I just want you to feel safe. Relaxed. Loved."
"I do," she managed before his lips touched hers, lightly at first, teasing really, a few seconds of skin on skin, before moving away, hovering so close to hers she could still feel his energy.
She turned into him more then, pressing her body, her chest against his. He kept teasing her with his lips, taking his time, showing more restraint than she believed she had. She heard him swallow hard before his lips pressed against hers more. His energy changed, felt off, making her shiver despite the sun warming her skin. She pulled back, used her hand against his chest to stop him from coming close again.
"What is it? Something's wrong again. Demon? I can't believe I just said that out loud." She sighed after swallowing hard over her dry throat.
"Yes. I don't get it. Last time it seemed to feed off the lust part of the equation, but this time it seems to be threatened. I'm just not sure by what? I guess the emotions, though I've been trying hard to focus on other parts of this. Still, I can hear the thoughts in my head. I can feel the monster trying to move me, make me take you fast and hard. Not that that is always a bad thing, but it has bad things in mind. It wants to hurt you, beyond a good way sexually. It slithers inside me, trying to fight all the overwhelming love I feel for you, I guess. The anger. It seethes. I would say it fears you, but that makes no sense. I'm sorry, this is literally uncharted waters for me." He quieted for a minute, sucking in a deep breath, then letting it out as he yelled, "I hate this thing! But, of course, this moment of anger, this he likes. Fuck!"
"Listen, Ciaran, let's just eat, appreciate this food and wine. Talk. Nothing big. Maybe discuss movies or books, or something else harmless. You probably both just need time to adjust. This is huge, us being here. It feels different than us being together at your house. I sense that. Your house was all shock and lust. The thing from hell probably liked that. Here, well, we have time to just be in love. Sure, it hates that. Listen, I am trying to silence my own reservations that tell me to guard my heart, my body, where you are concerned. We all have our demons, so to speak."
"You are so kind. A guy like me doesn't deserve you," he said with a half laugh, cut off as he shook his head. "I've been telling myself that for years as a default when I could find no way to have you. I'm sick of it, but what if it's the truth, the only truth I will ever know with this damned hell spawn inside of me?"
"Don't talk like that. You didn't ask for this thing, and I know you would cut it out in a second if you could. We just need to take it slow. We will figure it out, how to be together here, and how to be together forever."
He just looked at her, brows furrowed, eyes squinted.
"Hey," she continued, "a little positive thinking can't hurt, right?"
"I don't know. Letting a positive emotion in, letting it run rampant, not holding it back, may just be the problem. I'm doomed no matter what I try to do."
"Well then, I'll be positive for both of us. Not my usual where you are concerned, but hey, I'll give it a shot. This place is magic, makes me feel like anything is possible just sitting here, so I'll work on that end of things, and you work on yours whatever way you have to."
She had to wonder what about her threatened the thing inside of him, but she couldn't let herself go there fully right now. It would all be revealed soon enough, what she was, what, may
be, his demon felt threatened by. They'd agreed to not discuss this stuff until tomorrow, though, so she bit her lip to wait. She looked at the plate, took a cube of white cheese with some sort of seeded cracker thing, and turned back to the water. Feeding off of it, the sun, the subtle breezes, the fresh smells, the wondrous sights, she tried to find some semblance of calm to cover her rampant thoughts, and ease her raging libido.
"I love you, Allanah," he hissed in her ear through clenched teeth.
"I love you, too, Ciaran. Always will, no matter what the future holds. You are it for me, my one and only. If nothing else, no matter how painful it can be when we are separated, we always have that. Most don't ever find their soul mate. At least we did. Some never know what we've known, even if we only had it short periods of time."
He kissed her forehead with a sudden haste before he grabbed at food, too.
They sat in silence, dealt with their own shit, picked at food, little by little, until the late afternoon turned to dusk. The sky took on unreal colors, as if a child had taken crayons and colored as hard as they could until the shiny wax built in layers of gold and orange at the horizon, while blues and pinks filled the rest of the sky. With the sunset reflecting on the water, they sat in the dark as what had to be solar lighting came on, outlining the wooden walkways, and each room, in small maize-colored lights.
"There is this amazing living room," he said, breaking the silence. "It's open air, a deck over water, basically, with a roof and large, flat screen TV. You want to give it a try? Just relax together for a bit longer? I've never felt so off, and I just need some more time."
"Sure. Lead the way, sir." She offered him a smile as genuine as she could, though something in her nagged, felt guilty for her part in whatever it was he was going through at the hands of the monster inside him.
