by H D Coulter
“So you wanted to punish me, is that it, by not returning at all, making me believe the worst?”
“You think I would sleep with another woman, after everything we have gone through? I love you; can you not see that?”
She wanted to give into him; ignore the feeling in her gut that he was hiding something. But she couldn’t, not now. “I mentioned nothing about a woman. I meant... Hanley! He is still out there, isn’t he? The thought of you two crossing paths down a dark alley is my worst nightmare, especially drunk.”
“He wouldn’t be that foolish, Bea. His plan is to destroy us without the need to show his face and we are making it far too easy for him.”
She reached her hand up to his face. The rough stubble compared to his usual clean-shaven face reminded her of the early morning at the harbour. “I love you, Joshua. I couldn’t imagine my life without you...” She held his stare and glided her thumb against the grime smeared across his cheek.
“And what - you think I could?” He leaned in and leant his forehead against hers. If only she could read his mind. Engulfing her in a strange scent, she couldn’t quite work out what.
“Since last night... I don’t know any more... it would be easier for you without me, I know that.” She whispered. “I sometimes think you would have been better off if you had abandoned all ideas of us as your father wanted – all that you are trying to regain now is because of me, what I have cost you.”
“You make me happier than I ever thought possible – most of the time.” He was trying to make her smile, and it was almost working. He pulled back a little so she could see the sincerity in his eyes. “I picked you because I love you, and I couldn’t live without you. Maybe I am trying to replace a little of what I have lost, but I have also gained more with you beside me than I could have done a thousand times over, had I married for my parents.” He placed his hand under her chin as she blushed at the sentiment.
“You mean that?”
“Of course, I do; why would you doubt it?”
“Yesterday you asked me to change who I was. As though it surprised you to find me involved in the movement – as though you didn’t know me at all.”
“Let’s not speak about that just now. After I’ve had a bath, and some food, we will talk, and get it all sorted - tonight.”
“Alright, you are a bit...” He leaned in and this time kissed her on the lips, and she could finally work out what that smell was, mixed in with that of sweat and alcohol: perfume, the cheap kind. She caught her breath.
He smiled. “Can you get Sarah to draw me a bath upstairs?”
Bea took a step backwards, distancing herself from what that smell might imply. “She is out with Grace, getting some air – but... they should have been back by now.” She glanced over at the grandfather clock chiming away in the sitting room.
“I’m sure they will be back soon.”
“Yes... well, I’ll start drawing you a bath in the meantime.”
“If you boil the water, I’ll take it upstairs.” He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek before making his way up to the small dressing room, one hand grasping the banister.
SHE HEARD THE FRONT door slam shut as she ran upstairs to meet them, but her face fell when she saw only George and Beth gazing back at her.
“Did you see Sarah and Grace on your way back? They left hours ago and haven’t returned.”
“No, we didn’t see them on the street, did we, George? Do you think she might have gone to the meetinghouse?” Beth offered.
“I don’t think there was a meeting planned today, but I’ll check, anyway. I won’t be long.”
“Bea, they will be back soon, I promise. You don’t need to go out,” said Beth kindly, placing a hand on her shoulder.
“I... it’s just... something doesn’t feel right, Beth; I can’t explain – I’ll be back soon, alright?”
“I’ll come too.”
“No, I shouldn’t be long. Dinner is ready. You eat, and I will be back in ten minutes, to check the park and the meeting house.”
“Are you sure?”
“I will come too, don’t worry – I need to head off now anyhow.” George glanced up the stairs and then back towards Beth. “Thank you for a lovely afternoon.”
“Thank you, George. Tell Joshua I’ll be back soon, won’t you Beth?” Her sister nodded.
Bea grabbed her cloak from the hook and made her way towards the door, George following behind, bidding a last silent farewell.
“If we check the park first, that’s where she said they were going - and then the meeting house. Thank you again, George, for coming.”
“My pleasure, it’s the least I can do.”
There was an awkwardness between them as they walked in silence up the street and turned right at the junction.
“Can I ask – what happened last night?” George kept his eyes down and stared at the cobbles in front of him. “He said you left him at the tavern?”
“Yes - well, I didn’t fancy a late night myself, knowing I was meeting Beth today and he... wanted to keep on drinking.”
Bea paused in her step and stared at him, but he still couldn’t hold her gaze. “Why didn’t you say anything of it this morning? Or why would you leave him to get drunk and not try to get him home? There is something you are not telling me, George... Please.”
“I think that is a conversation you need to have with Joshua.”
“Why can’t you tell me? What oath would you break by telling me now? What are you hiding?” She caught him up and overtook him, blocking his path.
“I’m not hiding anything! I didn’t tell you this morning...” He veered round her and kept walking toward the park.
“.... Because you didn’t know where he was? He told me he woke in a strange place.”
George stopped and gazed at her, wondering if this was some sort of test. “Is that what he said? Last night he merely told me he wanted to drink, to a destructive degree, and I told him I did not. He wouldn’t listen to reason, so... I left.”
“And when you left, he was by himself?” She took a step closer.
George kept his eyes glued to the ground “Of course! I can’t comment on what happened when I wasn’t there – I’m sorry Bea but I can’t say any more than that.” He turned and kept walking.
Her eyes scanned the manicured park. Dusk was descending, casting low shadows in the corners shrouded in trees, waiting for the lamp lighters to arrive and dispel the worst of the dark. There was an intrepid nanny with a pram, but they could see at a glance that it wasn’t Sarah. Otherwise, only an older gentleman sitting on a bench, and occasionally glancing at his watch. No Sarah, and no Grace.
“They’re not here. Shall we try the meetinghouse?” There was an edge of panic in her voice that she couldn’t hide.
“Let’s; I’m sure they’ll show up there, caught up in a conversation with someone.”
The building was quiet, as she thought it would be, but the door was open. The warmth inside was a welcoming relief from the frosty chill setting into the evening air. A few lamps were lit, and the stove in the corner was burning low, but no one was about.
“I’ll check the back room; would you wait here, please?”
George automatically picked up a newspaper from the side-table, stacked neatly for the next meeting, and sat down incongruously in a pew.
There was a seam of light breaking through the gap between the door and door frame. She hovered for a moment, not knowing if she should knock, or merely enter. She raised her hand up to tap on the left panel, but the door suddenly opened.
“Oh! Good evening?” Mr Winston stood there with the door a jar with a shook expression.
“Good evening, Mr Winston, I- I’m sorry, could I please speak with you, quickly?”
“It is delightful to see you, Mrs Mason, but unfortunately I’m in the middle of a meeting.” He looked carefully at her face. “Is it urgent?”
“Yes... I- yes it is. Sarah and Grace, are they here? I can�
�t find them, they have not returned home after a visit to the park and yet, I expected them hours ago... I wondered if they were here.” It was all Bea could do not to sob.
His face became serious. “Do you mean they are missing?”
“Well, yes, I am sure of it. She left four hours ago to take Grace for some air whilst I finished preparing dinner, and they haven’t returned. She would never... I am sure she would not lose track of time like that, not with Grace. I’ve come out looking for them, but I’m so worried. I don’t know where else they would be!”
“Leave it with me. I’ll have a word with the community and see if they know anything. I know where you live, I will let you know what I find as soon as I have word of any clues.”
“Tonight?”
“It will be late.”
“I won’t sleep; I won’t be able to, not without them both back, without knowing they’re safe. – Do you think it could be Hanley?”
Winston nodded his head. “I pray that it’s not. Let me reach out and I will speak to you soon, tonight.”
“Thank you.” She held her hands up to him, almost in prayer, and then pulled them back. He nodded his head again, this time much preoccupied, and closed the door, leaving her in the semi-darkness once more. She made her way back to George. “They’re not here.” Her fingers twitched at the lace.
George stood up, holding the newspaper in one hand. “What are you wanting to do next?”
“Winston is going to enquire amongst his community and send word – would you come with me and do another circle around the street? Otherwise, I can’t think of anything but wait, and... and hope that... After, will you come back with me, and have some food? You must be hungry.” There was a desperation in her voice.
“Thank you, I don’t want to intrude...”
“You are family now, and that’s what we need... anything else, well, it’s just not important. Please?”
Chapter 33
They all sat in the living room, fractured bursts of conversation passing between them, and then a thin, tense silence. Bea sat transfixed by the dancing flames leaping off the coals in the fire. Finally, Joshua stood and made his way to the ornamental table in the corner, and poured himself a whisky.
“Can I please have one of those?” Bea asked, her voice void of emotion.
“Are you sure? You might not like the taste.”
“Please.” She pulled her gaze from the fire for a moment, the glow glistening on the tear rolling down her cheek. She needed something to numb the pain, just like him, and the feeling of helplessness.
Joshua said nothing, pouring out three measures, topping up George’s along with their own, then knelt beside Bea on the floor. He placed their two glasses on the rug and wrapped his arms around her as her silent tears dripped off her jaw and onto his chest.
“They will be back soon, you’ll see.” He whispered into her ear, leaving a quick kiss behind.
He was right. She didn’t like the taste, nor the harsh burning sensation it left at the back of her throat. But she took another sip, willing it to do its work. “Where are they? They wouldn’t disappear, she wouldn’t be gone for this amount of time and not send word. What if... he has got them?”
Joshua pulled back from her at the mention of Hanley. “Why on earth would he do that? How, why?”
“To take back what he thinks is his.”
“Kidnap? He wouldn’t be that foolish, surely? And why take Sarah?”
“He wouldn’t take them in the open like that, and Sarah wouldn’t go willingly, would she?” added Beth encouragingly, leaning down to her from the armchair.
“But she would go willingly if it meant protecting Grace,” George muttered, putting down the newspaper that hadn’t left his side since the meeting house.
“Sarah told me last night that Hanley was her former owner. She escaped slavery thirteen years ago and made her way to Boston. That is why she took me to the meeting house in the first place; to help me understand.”
“Sarah? Hanley?” stuttered Joshua, with a blank look.
“Yes.”
“But I thought...” said Beth, but Joshua cut her off.
“She belonged to Hanley? Why didn’t you say anything earlier?”
“I only found out while you were still sleeping off the drink in that storeroom, wherever that was... I had guessed she hadn’t always been free, but I did not know that the same man caused both our sorrows.”
A loud knocking at the door halted the conversation as Bea rose to her feet, but Joshua ran to the door before she could rise. For a moment, there was silence apart from the hiss and crackle from the glowing coals.
“Good evening, Mr Mason, forgive me for the late visit. I’m Mr Winston.”
“I remember - from the gala. Come in.”
“Thank you for coming, Mr Winston. Do you have any news?” Bea twisted her hands together until her nails dug into the skin.
Mr Winston stood in the shadowed doorway in his large overcoat, unwilling to come any further. “No one... no one is certain. She has visited none of her usual places, and she’s not home.”
Bea stepped a little closer. “Uncertain?”
“A person saw someone matching her description in the park earlier, walking a pram, and talking to a tall white man with dark hair in a smart coat.” He glanced over at Joshua and George, and then back at Bea. “Apparently, all three left the park together, but my friend didn’t see where they went.”
“So, do you think it is him, then? – Hanley?” said Bea, her voice trembling.
“Possibly. That would be bold of him. - I have never met him but I have enough stories to suggest it’s in his character.” Replied Mr Winston quickly, and yet there was no little doubt in his voice.
“He could do anything!” Bea couldn’t stop herself; her body shook. “I am going out to get them back. Where could he be? Hiding in the city, or would he have taken them out by now?” She directed at Mr Winston.
“Bea, stop. Think first.” Beth tried to grab her hand and saw the damage to her wrist.
“No.” Bea yanked her hand free. “I don’t have time. My daughter, my friend, is with that man. That godforsaken man and I don’t know where they are! So, don’t tell me to stop and think, all I can do is think, that is all I have ever done for the past year.” She yelled and fought against Joshua’s hold. “I have to do something.” She pleaded.
He held her face in his hands. “We are doing something but you can’t spend the night walking the streets.”
“I will enquire further, and let you know if I obtain any more news,” Mr Winston murmured, taking a step back.
Joshua let go of Bea and dashed to let Mr Winston out. “Thank you, Mr Winston. Is there anything I can do to assist you?” Joshua held out a hand for him to shake.
“You know people down at the harbour; if you trust any of them enough, then ask around for word of Captain Hanley, and I will do the same.”
“I will, thank you.”
“I will drop round again tomorrow.” He looked at the grandfather clock, and seeing it was already the following day, added, “in the morning sometime.”
“Thank you.” George added, standing beside Beth, holding her hand.
Joshua paused for a moment and looked at Bea. “Mr Winston knows about Hanley?”
“He was one of the people that helped Sarah to freedom; her passage, and her employment. He knows everything.”
“He is part of the movement?” The anger had returned to Joshua’s voice.
“Yes.” George answered for her, glancing down at the newspaper again.
Joshua poured himself another drink and lit another cigarette. “How many more secrets are you hiding? How deeply involved in this movement are you, exactly?”
The sudden change in his tone surprised Bea. “What?”
George held out the newspaper in front of him, willing Joshua to take it. “Maybe you should understand it better before judging them, Joshua.”
“Joshua,
this is not the time,” Beth pleaded.
Bea absorbed some of Joshua’s anger and threw it back at him. “I’m keeping secrets? I found all this out last night when you were God knows where.”
“I’m heading to bed; we all need some sleep.” Fearful of where this conversation was heading, Joshua turned his back to her and made his way out of the room.
“How can you sleep when our daughter and Sarah are out there, with him?” Joshua returned to the doorway and placed a hand on each side of the frame.
“We don’t know where they are. What good would it do if we spent the night walking the streets, as you suggested? – If Hanley has got them, then he has planned it out to the finest detail, just like before and we are yet again racing to catch up.”
“So, we should go to bed and wait? For what? I need them back now! – I promised my daughter I would protect her, and I have failed.” She no longer fought the tears streaming down her face.
“Bea.” Beth added tenderly.
“What should I do, tell me? Race after them? To risk all that we have. We don’t know where they are.”
“How could you say that? I would risk everything to get them back.” Bea stormed forward as Beth tried to hold her back. “How dare you!” George quickly stepped in between the couple and began pushing Joshua towards the stairs. “She loves you; as a protector, as a father. Are you telling me you’d rather let Hanley act like her father? I am telling you he has them and I will find them and bring them back, with or without you. What is all this for, if not for our family? You think you can build a life for us here, and now you’re not willing to fight for it?”
Regretting his words instantly, Joshua turned and faced Bea, seeing the pain his words had caused on top of everything else she was already dealing with. “No... I didn’t mean...”
“LEAVE!” Bea’s voice filled the entire room, taking everyone by surprise.
