“Baby, stop. What are you doing?” he breathed out.
“I want to make you feel good. And I want to see how beautiful you are. You got to touch and taste me. I want to do the same. Unless you don’t want me to touch you?” The idea of Aidan not being turned on by me rushed over me like a tidal wave, and not the good kind. I pulled back from him and turned to climb off the bed, already trying to find my clothes.
His arms wrapped around me from behind and he tugged me back to his bed. I sat curled up, facing away from him. He wrapped his legs around me, keeping my back pressed to his front. “Claire, listen to me, baby. I need you to listen right now. Okay?” I nodded, willing the tears in my eyes not to fall. “I want you. God I want you so bad. I’d give anything to have you touch me, but I don’t want you to do it because you think you owe me. You don’t owe me anything. You never will. I wanted to touch you and to taste you. Thank you for letting me. You don’t have to do anything for me. I promise you.”
“I just wanted to know how you tasted, how you felt in my mouth, to feel your skin under my fingers. If you don’t want me though, it’s okay. I can go.”
“You’re not going anywhere, baby,” he whispered in my ear. “Please don’t go. I just don’t ever want you to feel like you have to do something, even if I ask. You can always tell me no and I’ll listen, without question. I’d love to have you touch me, but only if you’re sure you want to.”
I nodded, unable to speak around the lump in my throat. Without knowing it he had promised me something I’d always feared. He handed over his trust and made me believe that it was real. He convinced me that he was the man I’d always wished for. The man who would never force himself on me. Who would always put us on equal footing. Who would always treat me as a partner instead of a piece of property.
It made me want him even more.
He released his grip on me slowly, almost as though he thought I’d run as soon as his arms weren’t holding me in place. He shuffled on the bed then dropped his shirt in front of my face. I smiled at the shirt then turned so I could see him.
He was even more beautiful than I’d imagined.
His chest looked like something cast out of concrete and his abs were chiseled from stone. His lightly tanned skin stretched smooth over his rippled muscles and made my mouth water. I couldn’t stop myself from leaning down and tasting him. I trailed my tongue around one pec muscle, following the line underneath then up to the middle and below the other one. Aidan’s hand fisted in my hair and he groaned out a breath.
I closed my lips over one of his peaked nipples and he fell back on the bed, taking me with him. “You’re going to kill me, baby.”
I crawled over top of him, letting my wetness rest low on his stomach as I kissed his chest. His hands cupped my ass and moved me back and forth over him, building tension in my body before I even realized what he was doing. “Come for me again, sweetheart. Take your pleasure from my body.”
I couldn’t stop riding him, his hands tight on my hips, his fingers digging into my ass. My wetness brushed over his stomach, spinning me higher and higher. I leaned forward over him, bracing myself on his shoulders, a bruise already forming where I’d bit him. “Oh, Aidan, I’m sorry I hurt you.”
“Fuck my shoulder. Come for me, Claire.”
My body answered his plea and my head dropped back as I screamed through another orgasm. It came hard and fast. As I sat on top of him, soaking his stomach, I looked down into his eyes and saw the love I knew was reflected back in my own. How in the world had that happened?
“Jesus, you’re amazing. That was the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen. Absolutely the fucking sexiest thing.”
“You’re distracting,” I teased him. He laughed with me and pulled me down to kiss him. His tongue glided against mine and I slid my body against his shorts. He jerked against me then forced his tongue deep into my mouth. I matched his pace and intensity, aching for him all over again, but no longer ready to wait. I needed to taste him.
I broke free of our kiss and slid off him. As I moved down his bed his eyes followed me, watching and waiting. My fingers brushed his stomach and his muscles jumped, tense and ready for my touch. I unbuttoned his shorts and slowly drew down the zipper, the only sounds in the apartment being our heavy breathing.
Aidan lifted his hips to slide his shorts and boxer briefs down in one motion and I sat back and admired his erection as it sprung free.
He was huge, easily long enough to fill both my hands and then some. He was thick, thicker than I thought possible, and I wondered if I would be able to get my hand all the way around him.
None of that mattered because he was beautiful. His erection stood straight up from him, leaning a bit toward his stomach. I wanted to touch it, to run my tongue along it. To take it in my mouth and suck on it.
And I could do it all.
Aidan was watching me carefully as I stared at him. He sucked in a breath when I leaned over him and swiped my tongue over the tip. A drop of liquid stuck to my tongue. It was salty and sticky, but somehow tasted like Aidan.
“Jesus, honey. I’m not going to last long.”
I kneeled between his legs and wrapped my lips all the way around him and drew him in as far as I could. When I felt him hit the back of my throat I wrapped one hand around him, using the other for my own support. He jerked into my mouth nearly triggering my gag reflex. “Sorry baby. You feel so good. God… so good,” he moaned as I slid my mouth and hand back up to the edge of his cock. I swirled my tongue around his tip and he growled, his hips leaving the bed again.
I took him back in then out in one quick movement, my hand and mouth working together to make him feel as good as I did. Aidan’s finger wound into my hair and pulled it back from my face. I looked up and saw him watching me. “You’re so beautiful. I love seeing you sucking my cock. Oh, Jesus, Claire, I’m about to come. You need to move, now. I’m going to come.”
I hummed my approval and slid up and down his cock, swirling my tongue and dragging my teeth lightly along his flesh until he was throbbing in my mouth, ready to burst.
His fingers tightened in my hair and he held me in place, hips thrusting up into me. His erection slid deeper into my throat as the warm liquid burst from his tip. My hand kept moving over him until I felt the last drop squirt from him, filling my mouth. I slid down one more time, making him jerk into me, then slowly let him slide from my mouth.
I swallowed his salty fluid then kissed his leaking tip, swiping another drip from his swollen head. He jerked again then tugged me up to him. He kissed me hard, his tongue diving deep into my mouth, tangling with my tongue and fighting for control.
When he finally broke our kiss we were both panting for breath. “I don’t want to know where you learned to do that. All I know is that was amazing.”
“You inspired me. You’re amazing,” I told him as he pulled my back against his front.
“Let’s just lie here for a little bit then we can put clothes back on. I just love feeling your skin against mine.”
I nodded against him and wrapped my fingers through his.
“Maybe you can stay the night,” he whispered as I drifted off. There was nowhere I’d rather be than in his arms.
Fifteen
By the time I woke up the next morning I had fallen into a full blown panic attack. I rushed out of Aidan’s place saying I needed to get home to take care of Brownie, but the truth was I was losing it. I’d spent the entire night with him.
It was wonderful. He held me while we slept. I felt safe and slept better than I ever had. Having him there I didn’t worry about someone coming to get me or about no one hearing my screams. I didn’t think twice about BJ coming back for me.
For the next few days I avoided Aidan’s calls. If he sent a text I’d give him a short reply but not engage in a conversation. If he called, I never answered. I knew it wasn’t fair to him, but I couldn’t stop freaking out. Wondering if he was playing me the same way BJ had. Wondering if I
was being a fool all over again. Wondering if I would recover if he did something that hurt me.
The worst part was I had to go back to work and see him. After avoiding his calls for days, I knew he wouldn’t let me leave work without an explanation.
And I knew only one explanation would do.
When I walked into the staff room Aidan was leaning against the counter. One foot was crossed over the other and he was holding a coffee cup, laughing at something Bob said. To any of the other people in the room he was the look of casual.
But I saw all the things they didn’t.
His back was straight, not bent like he was truly relaxed. His legs were locked at his knees, even the one crossed. His knuckles were white gripping his coffee cup. And his laugh was the fake laugh he used when he wanted someone to hear him laughing, but he really didn’t care what they had to say.
He was distracted. And judging by the look he gave me, I was the reason why.
Of course I knew that before I even looked at him. I knew that the moment I bolted from his bed days earlier.
I crossed the room to his side, after all he was standing by the coffee. For the first time in over a year I had to fix my own cup. The disappointment and sadness that filled me nearly brought tears to my eyes. More than anything Aidan and I said we’d always be friends. Him not fixing my coffee was the first indication of how many things he’d done for me that weren’t because we were friends.
With my cream and sugar poured into my cup I turned to say something to him, only to watch him walk away. Aidan sat at a table with Nicole and Jenn, ignoring me.
Pain joined the pity party in my chest and I knew I wouldn’t be able to fight back the tears. “I’ll be right back,” I stammered to no one in particular and ran from the room.
In the bathroom I locked myself in one of the stalls. I covered my face with my hands and dropped onto the toilet, letting the tears fall. My heart broke for all the things Aidan and I would never do together, all the love we would never share, but I knew it was better to learn now that we weren’t right together than it would be to learn it in a year or two.
I couldn’t remember the last time I’d cried over a guy. When BJ raped me I cried, but it wasn’t really over him, it was for myself. No other guy had ever deserved my tears, been worthy of them.
But Aidan was. He was different. I knew it every time I looked into his eyes, every time he touched me, every sweet word he spoke to me, and in all the little things he did for me. The little things that I’d been taking for granted. If there was a chance he would forgive me for not calling him then I promised myself I wouldn’t take him for granted again.
After my pep talk I wiped my eyes, splashed cold water on my face (not that it helped), and walked straight into a wall outside the bathroom.
A wall with arms and a chest I’d become intimately familiar with over the last few weeks.
“Sorry,” Aidan said as he grabbed my arms to stop me from falling. “I was coming to see if you were okay. You ran out of there pretty quickly.”
I shook my head and kept my eyes trained on the floor. I couldn’t be that close to him and not want to lean into him for a kiss. A kiss I was sure he didn’t want.
“I couldn’t stand seeing you treat me like I didn’t mean anything to you. Like we weren’t… whatever we are.”
“You’ve made it pretty clear over the last few days that we’re coworkers and nothing more. You left a Claire shaped hole in my door when you ran out the other morning and I haven’t been able to get in touch with you since.”
He let go of me and took a step back. Aidan ran his hand through his hair, his muscles flexing in his arm and reminding me of how it felt to be wrapped in those arms in his bed. It was time for the truth. “I was raped in high school. By the only boyfriend I’ve ever had. I have trouble getting close to men. You’re the only man I’ve ever spent the night with.”
He froze when I started talking. His hand was rubbing his chin, the sound of the whiskers against his fingers loud enough in the quiet hallway for me to know when he stopped moving. His chocolate eyes held mine for a moment before his arms closed around me.
Aidan pulled me tight against him. His body closed around mine, protecting me from everything outside of him. His heart was pounding in his chest, a rapid beat that I knew was from rage. I could feel the tension in his muscles, the strength he needed to stop himself from doing something stupid.
Strength he was getting from me.
“I’m such an asshole,” he murmured into my hair. “God, honey, I’m so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. That you went through that, that I was a jerk, that you’re wrapped up with an idiot like me.”
“You’re the best thing in my life. You and my friends. I just freaked out a bit. Okay, a lot.”
“You had every reason to,” Aidan argued.
“No, I didn’t. You’ve never given me a reason to think you’d be like him. You’re not like him. But getting close to someone again has been hard on me. I told myself I would never let my guard down again, I’d never let anyone close enough to hurt me.”
“I would never hurt you. I’d never do anything you didn’t want me to do. I promise you that.”
I nodded, unable to speak around the lump forming in my throat. He’d told me that over and over again when I was at his apartment and I knew it was the truth, but being close to him was bringing up more memories that I’d pushed away. I didn’t know if I was strong enough to believe in love and to face my demons all over again.
The sound of heels clicking across the tile floor of the airport brought us both out of the fog we were in. Zoey rounded the corner and saw us standing there talking. She rolled her eyes at us and pushed past into the bathroom.
“We need to get to work,” I said. I knew we weren’t done but we couldn’t take the day off without it seeming suspicious.
“Can I come over tonight? I’ll bring pizza and we can talk. I need to know who I’m going to have to kill and I need to make sure you’ll wait for me to get out of prison.”
“Would you still beat him up if I said no?” I teased.
“In a heartbeat,” Aidan answered without hesitation. His eyes were possessive and passionate. He was deadly serious because he cared about me. It didn’t matter how I felt, he cared enough for both of us.
Lucky for him, I felt the same.
“Pizza sounds great. I have wine. We’re going to need lots of it. And… why don’t you bring a change of clothes for work tomorrow? You can stay with me. If you want.”
Aidan pulled me into his arms before I could say anything else. “God, yes. I might pack for the week.”
I laughed at his joke, but knew I wouldn’t be upset if he did just that. Aidan kissed the top of my head then let me go so we could walk to the terminal together. We’d agreed not to tell anyone at work what was going on so we kept our conversation and body language light. Jenn asked if I was okay when we got there and I told her I just had to pee really badly. She laughed and we all managed to go on with our day.
By the time the day was over I was worn out. The day before had two cancelled flights so we had extra passengers going through to try to get on stand-by. One of the airlines added an extra flight to get their passengers out, but it made things tough for us. Being a small airport we’re used to short lines and only a few flights. Just adding one more was enough to mess up the day.
We all grumbled goodbye to each other as we headed to our cars. Aidan asked me to wait until he got there to walk Brownie and promised to be quick.
At home I changed out of my uniform and pulled on shorts and a t-shirt. Brownie followed me around, jumping at my feet and nearly knocking me over. He was ready to go out but I wanted to wait.
I finally gave up, afraid Brownie was going to pee on the floor, and hooked on his leash. We went downstairs with Brownie leading the way. At the bottom of the stairs he yanked free and ran down the sidewalk to where Aidan was climbing from his car.
Aidan grabbed
Brownie and rubbed him all over until Brownie was a puddle on the ground. Aidan stood up with Brownie’s leash in his hand and reached for me. I fell against him, taking comfort from his arms around me.
“Sorry I wasn’t here sooner. I should have thought he would be going nuts after being inside all day.”
I squeezed him. “He was, but it’s okay. I figured you would just come find us when you got here. You smell good.”
Aidan kissed me softly, no tongue, just lips and man. “You taste good. Let’s go walk him then I’ll get my stuff.”
We walked hand in hand to the dog run then let Brownie off his leash. He ran and played, peed and pooped, and chased a stick Aidan found. He was a happy dog with so much attention.
On the way back to my apartment Aidan grabbed a bag and the pizza from his car. He set the pizza on the kitchen counter and tossed a bone to Brownie who immediately disappeared to enjoy his treat.
“You know we need to talk, right?” he asked me once we settled on the couch. “I don’t think I’ll leave your side again if I don’t know the asshole who touched you is behind bars for a very long time.”
“I know. Let’s enjoy our pizza then I’ll tell you everything. I promise.”
“No more running, Claire. Not from me.”
I nodded and forced myself to eat my pizza. He was right. I couldn’t hide the truth from him, and I couldn’t hide myself from him. I had to tell him everything that happened, the entire truth of it, no matter how much I didn’t want to talk about it. I hadn’t told the whole story to anyone since high school. Not since I stopped seeing my counselor.
But I wasn’t going to let him steal any more of my life.
When we finished our pizza Aidan pulled me into his arms. He held me on his lap and rested his head on top of mine. He didn’t push, he didn’t say anything. He just waited until I was ready to talk. Until I was ready to tell him the whole story.
“BJ was the first guy I ever dated, seriously dated. I’d been on dates before him but he was the first guy I went out with for a few months. In high school I was skinny, a cheerleader, and really popular. BJ was on the football team.”
Lush & Lovely (Big & Beautiful Book 2) Page 12
