by Ella Frank
Tate rolled his eyes and shoved him in the shoulder as they started off down the aisle again, and Logan winked at him before he jogged forward to grab hold of Thomas’s hand. “Okay, mister. What’s next?”
“The stuff for the pizzas.”
“Yes. Now, remind me what we’re having again? Mushrooms?”
Thomas shook his head. “Eww…no.”
Logan pursed his lips and directed the group toward the produce area. “What about olives?”
“Yuck. I don’t like them either.”
“No?” Logan stroked his chin. “Anchovies?”
“Nooo. Uncle Tate doesn’t like anchovies.”
Logan wagged his finger at him. “You’re right. So…what’s left?”
“Cheese,” Thomas said, aiming his most convincing grin up at Logan.
“Just cheese?”
“Just cheese!”
Logan raised an eyebrow. “Nice try, buddy, but Mom made me promise there’d be something green and something colorful on tonight’s pizza. That means veggies.”
As they walked into the produce area, Logan headed toward the back wall where there were rows of carrots, celery, Brussels sprouts, peppers, and cucumbers. He picked up a Brussels sprout and showed Thomas. “This is green.”
“No way,” Thomas said, shaking his head and looking at the other choices. “Not on pizza.”
“Not ever,” Logan agreed, and tossed it back into the black bin.
Then Thomas picked up a package of red and green bell peppers. “These are okay.”
The put-out tone made Logan chuckle, as he dropped the peppers inside the cart. “Yeah, they’ll do. What else?”
Thomas turned around and walked past Tate and his sister to the display of potatoes, garlic, turnips, and onions, and picked up a yellow onion. “Dad always puts this on our pizza.”
“That works,” Logan said as he took the onion. “But it feels like something’s missing.” He walked over and put the two bags in the cart, and when Thomas was beside him, Logan read off the list. “We have the pizza base, pizza sauce, the veggies, the cheese…what are we missing?”
As Thomas looked over the contents, his face took on a serious expression. “The pepperoni!”
“Right,” Tate said. “You can’t have pizza without pepperoni.”
“Agreed,” Logan said, as a blond woman wandered by them and Lila raised a hand to wave her chubby fingers at her.
“Hi,” Lila said to the woman, who’d now stopped next to the four of them to wave back at the little girl.
“Hello, sweetheart,” she said, and then looked at Tate. “She’s just precious.”
Tate tickled Lila under the chin and then flashed his heart-stopping smile at the blonde, and Logan was surprised the lady didn’t melt into a puddle at his feet with the way her face softened.
“She sure is,” Tate said, and Lila, using any excuse in the book she could to be kissed by Tate, plumped her lips and pointed.
“Kiss?”
The lady laughed at the demand. “She sure knows what she wants, too.”
“Don’t we all,” Logan muttered low enough that Tate caught it and glanced his way, but the distracted lady did not.
“What’s her name?” the woman asked, finally looking over at him.
“Lila,” Logan said, and placed a hand on Thomas’s shoulder. “And this here is her big brother, Thomas.”
“Hello there, Thomas,” the lady said even as Lila started tapping Tate’s hand and bouncing in her seat, the blueberry puffs now gone, along with the calm.
“Hello,” Thomas said shyly, as he moved into Logan’s side.
“Unca Tate. Kiss,” Lila demanded again, not shy at all, and pointed with both fingers to her mouth. The lady started laughing, and Tate, knowing he’d never get any peace until he complied, leaned down to kiss Lila, making her squeal.
“Well, I’ll let you all get going. I just couldn’t help but stop and say how cute these two are.”
“We’d agree with you there,” Tate said, even as he squeezed Lila’s cheek, making her clap her hands. “Have a great day.”
“Thank you. You too,” she said as she wandered off, but before she turned down her aisle, she glanced back one last time to look at them.
“I swear,” Logan said in Tate’s ear, “it was bad enough when you used to just flash that smile. Add in a kid, and you’re practically irresistible.”
“Practically?” Tate said.
Logan scoffed. “Okay…totally.”
“That’s better,” Tate said with a grin, then pointed to his lips. “Kiss?”
Logan leaned in and pressed a quick kiss to his mouth. “Let’s go and get the rest of this stuff and head home. Okay. What’s left, Mr. Madison?”
“Umm…the syrup and sprinkles for the ice cream,” Thomas said, looking up at the both of them.
“Yes. You’re right.” Logan took Thomas’s hand and grinned at him. “Lead the way. We’ll follow.”
And as they took off toward their next destination, Logan glanced back to make sure Tate was good to go, and he was right behind them smiling down at the little girl who was happily waving at any and all passersby.
TATE PUSHED THE shopping cart up the aisle behind Logan and Thomas, and smiled at the picture they made. It always gave him such a kick to see Logan in this role, because it was so different to the man he’d met back when they’d first gotten together.
But, Tate thought, as he looked at the way Thomas stared up at Logan as though he had all the answers in the world, it was a role he’d once again mastered. Actually, Tate wasn’t sure there was anything Logan wouldn’t be good at if he put his mind to it.
“Here’s the caramel,” Logan said, passing a bottle to Thomas. “And the chocolate and the strawberry.”
“And the sprinkles,” Thomas said, reaching for a shaker full of rainbow-colored sprinkles. “Lots and lots of sprinkles.”
“You got it,” Logan said. “Why don’t you go give them to Tate? I’ve got to run around the corner and grab something, and I’ll be right back.”
As Logan walked backward to the end of the aisle, he mouthed nuts to Tate and winked, then vanished around the corner.
Thomas dropped the sprinkles into the cart and then looked up at Tate and asked, “What else?”
Tate inspected the contents, and as a thought entered his head, he couldn’t help his smile. It was an entirely inappropriate thought. “Cherries. We’re missing the cherry.”
“For on top!” Thomas said.
“That’s right. It’s not a sundae without a cherry on the top. So, how about we go around and find Logan then track down the—”
“Tate?”
At the sound of his name being said by a woman, Tate took Thomas’s hand so he could turn around without worrying he’d run off, and when he spotted who it was standing there in the grocery aisle with him, he tried to say something…anything…but nothing came out.
Jill.
If he weren’t seeing her with his own eyes, he wouldn’t have believed he was face to face with his sister after all these years. But there she was with her familiar brown eyes and long, wavy hair, taking a tentative step toward him, making him want to back the fuck up.
“I…I thought it was you,” she said, stopping when she realized he wasn’t smiling, nor was he offering her any kind of greeting. Then her eyes drifted down to Thomas, who had a tight grip on his hand, and then up to Lila, who chose that exact moment to say, “Hi!”
Tate wasn’t sure how he was still on his feet when he was close to positive his heart must’ve just stopped. Because no matter how hard he tried, he was unable to move, and still hadn’t said anything.
Jill blinked a couple of times and offered a wobbly smile to Lila, and then brought her attention back to Tate.
“I can’t believe it’s really you,” she said, and Tate saw her swallow as though she were nervous, and really, after four years of no communication, no fucking attempt to reach out and see how he was
, she had reason to be nervous.
Knowing he needed to say something, especially since he could now feel Thomas’s eyes on him, Tate looked down at the little boy and made himself offer a smile that was much calmer and reassuring than he felt at that moment.
Then he looked up at the stranger—yes, she’s a total stranger to me now—opposite them. “It really is me.” There, that was better than nothing.
“I saw your hair,” she said, halfheartedly pointing at it, then she caught her lip behind her teeth like she used to as a kid, and Tate had the insane, and really fucking stupid, impulse to reach out and comfort her.
She took another step forward and twisted her hands together. “How have you been? Are these…are these your children?”
Tate wondered what she would’ve said or done if he’d said yes. But he wasn’t about to lie, so instead he shook his head. “No. They’re Logan’s brother’s.”
Jill’s mouth parted and Tate heard her mutter, “Oh,” as she nodded. Then she smiled again at Thomas, and Lila chose that moment to tap him on the arm. “Unca Tate.” He glanced over his shoulder at her, and she held her arms up. “Lift.”
Tate ran a hand over her hair and said, “In a minute, missy.” Then he raised his eyes just in time to see Logan come strolling around the corner. He had a massive smile on his face, a hand in the pocket of his shorts, and he was rattling a can of nuts.
Damn, this is not going to end well.
“Found ’em,” Logan said as he reached the end of the cart and tossed them inside, and when Tate didn’t immediately respond, Logan frowned. “What’s wrong?”
“Ran into someone,” Tate said, and gestured with his head behind him.
As Logan looked around his shoulder, Tate saw his eyes narrow and the smile fall from his face, then he muttered, “Shit.”
“Shit!” Lila shouted, proudly mimicking Logan. Both of them swung their heads around to the little girl, who grinned at them.
“Oh no. No, Lila,” Logan said, shaking a finger in front of her. “You don’t say that word.”
“That’s a bad word,” Thomas said. “That’s what Mommy says whenever Daddy uses it.”
“And she’s right. It’s a bad, bad word,” Logan said as he aimed his eyes at Tate. “You okay?”
When Tate nodded, Logan let his eyes wander past his shoulder to where Jill no doubt still stood. “How about you go deal with her while I try to remove my foot from my mouth over here?”
Tate took in a deep breath and then let go of Thomas’s hand before he turned around and made his way back over to where his sister stood.
When he was close enough that he could talk in a lowered voice and not be heard by the kids, Tate said, “Was there something you wanted, Jill?”
She flinched at the cool tone, but Tate wasn’t going to feel guilty, not even for a second. Here was a woman who not only rushed his coming out to his mother, but then stood by while she’d disowned him and thrown him out of their home. Throwing him away as if he were nothing more than a piece of garbage.
Not once had Jill tried to reach out to him. Even when he’d been in the hospital, she’d only visited when their mother had come by, and when Tate had finally woken and kicked her from his room, Jill had been nowhere in sight.
He remembered when his father had come to him after that. When he’d shown up at Logan’s condo and extended an olive branch. Somewhere in the back of his mind he’d expected to see Jill standing right there beside him. But no, not even after their father had separated from their mom had she bothered with the brother whom she’d once said “disgusted” her.
So, no, he didn’t feel guilty for the anger and betrayal he felt in that moment. He felt that those emotions were pretty fucking justified. She’d had countless opportunities to make things right, to come to him, and she hadn’t taken one of them.
“Well?” he said, wanting her to either speak or get the hell out of his way. He’d been having such a great day, too. Jesus, talk about a mood spoiler.
“I…” She stopped and took in a deep breath, raising her chin so she could face off with him. “I miss you. And when I thought I—when I saw you standing there, I knew I had to say something. Even if there was a chance you might ignore me or just keep walking.”
He hardened his heart against the automatic softening that was taking place. “And why shouldn’t I do either of those two things?”
“Because you’re a better person than I am.”
“No, I’m not,” Tate said, crossing his arms. “If you could read my mind right now, you wouldn’t be saying that to me.”
Jill went to reach for his arm, but then thought better. “You have every right to hate me—”
“Yes, I do,” Tate said.
“I understand.”
“Do you? Do you understand why I can’t even stand to look at you right now? You made your choice, Jill. You made it four years ago, and so did I. Goodbye,” he said, and turned, about to head back to the family waiting for him, but he felt a hand on his upper arm.
He froze with his back to Jill and his eyes locked on Logan’s worried ones, then he turned back to see his sister was holding out a card to him. Tate lowered his gaze to see it was a business card, and then looked into eyes that resembled his own.
“This is my business. It has all of my numbers on it. If you ever change your mind, I’d really like a chance to make this right.”
Tate thought about just walking away, but something in her eyes had him reaching for the card. As he gripped the small piece of cardboard, she kept a stubborn hold of it, reminding him that the two of them shared that particular trait.
“You seem happy,” she said.
“I am.”
“I’m glad,” she said, and then let go of the card. “I hope you call, Tate. It was good to see you.”
Tate said nothing in response to that. He couldn’t. He was numb. Instead, he just turned on his heel, forced a smile on his face, and headed back to where Logan stood with the kids.
THE STRAIN ON Tate’s face as he walked back toward him and the kids made Logan want to wrap his arms around him and tell him that everything was going to be all right. But he could tell from the way Tate was trying to play it off with a bright smile for the children that that was the last thing he wanted right then.
When he came to a stop in front of Lila and lifted her from the shopping cart to blow a raspberry on her cheek, Logan let his eyes slide to the woman still watching her brother.
Jill looked the same as she had four years ago. Maybe a little more mature from the years that had passed, but there was no major difference from the woman Logan last remembered seeing seated on her mother’s couch that horrible day Tate had been kicked out of his house. And just as that thought entered his mind, Jill’s eyes found his, and Logan had to admire the way she held his stare, because he knew his was full of anger and judgment as he sized her up.
What did she say to him? Logan was dying to ask. But as he finally tore his gaze from hers, he decided he would wait until later. Right now he just wanted to check in with Tate and make sure he was okay. He placed a hand on Tate’s lower back and leaned in to kiss his cheek.
“You ready to go?”
When Tate looked at him, Logan could see the hurt swirling in his eyes. But Tate smiled at him and nodded. “Sure am.”
“Okay,” Logan said with a final glance at the woman now walking away from the four of them. “But you and I, we’ll talk more about this later. Yes?”
Tate leaned in and pressed a kiss to Logan’s lips. “Yes.” Then he looked down at Thomas and said, “Let’s go home. We have pizzas and sundaes to make. Right?”
Thomas pumped a fist in the air and exclaimed, “Right!”
As Logan reluctantly let Tate go, he took Thomas’s hand, and a look of silent understanding passed between the two of them.
He would follow Tate’s lead on this and push it to the side. But when he was ready, when the reality of what had happened here today found it
s way through the anger, and the hurt set in, then Logan would be right there ready to catch him.
Chapter Fifteen
AFTER THE PIZZAS were made and in the oven, Logan set the kids up in front of the TV on the living room rug, where he could keep an eye on them, and then headed back into the kitchen, where Tate was cleaning off the island and stacking the dishwasher.
All through dinner preparations Tate had laughed and joked around with the kids as he always did, but he couldn’t fool Logan. The light that usually sparked in his eyes was missing tonight.
“Hey there,” Logan said as he picked up the sponge on the counter and came around the end of it. Tate looked over his shoulder and aimed a tight grin his way.
“Hey.”
“You need some help?”
“Nah, I’ve got it,” Tate said as he pushed the bottom rack of the dishwasher in and shut the door. Logan tossed the sponge into the sink and leaned up against the island, waiting for Tate to turn around, and when he did, Logan loved that his eyes automatically went to check on the kids, but…
“Tate,” Logan said, wanting his attention, and when he had it, he asked softly, “You doing okay?”
“Yeah. I’m fine.”
“Fine, huh?” Logan said as he crossed the kitchen and placed a hand on his chest. “You don’t have to pretend right now. It’s just me.”
Tate brought a hand up to lay it over the top of Logan’s. “I’m not pretending.”
“Well, I don’t believe for a minute you don’t feel anything.”
Tate shrugged as if to say, Sorry, can’t help you there, but Logan wasn’t going to let him get away with that. He smoothed his hand up over Tate’s shoulder to cup the back of his neck, and looked him dead in the eye.
“The man I know, the man I love, he feels everything. He taught me to feel things I didn’t know I was capable of feeling. So, I’m going to ask you again. Are you doing okay?”
Tate licked his lips and then sighed. “Okay, fine. No. I’m not. But tonight’s not the time to talk about it. And honestly…” Logan waited, knowing there was more coming and not wanting to interrupt. “I don’t know how I feel about it yet to even be able to talk about it.”
