Damn I hate Mondays, I mentally scowled at the prospect of having to endure school.
I entered the car, greeted him gruffly and then closed the door with more force than I intended.
“Someone’s grumpy,” he chuckled.
“Just drive,” I sighed, checking in the mirror if there were any bags under my make-up free, light blue eyes, and thankfully finding none. I sincerely hoped our ride to school would be spent in a comfortable silence.
“About yesterday,” he started reluctantly, “you shouldn’t have...”
There goes the quiet car ride, a bitter whiny voice disturbed my spinning thoughts.
“I know,” I cut in, sighing again, my gaze dropping to my lap.
“It’s just that I think that Tim deserves better than,” he paused, looking for words, “you know...”
“To be used” were the words that hung in between us, unsaid but definitely understood.
No matter how much I had tried to deny it yesterday, the way I had acted was most definitely not something I was used to. That selfish and manipulative girl from yesterday was not me. I had gone on a date with a really nice guy for the sole purpose of unnerving another... how low was that?
“I won’t lead him on any more than I did,” he turned towards me and opened his mouth to say something, but I beat him to it, “and I won’t drag him into my... err, issue with Jonathan anymore. I promise.”
It was mostly because of guilt and self-loathing that I decided to stop involving Tim in my complicated situation with Jonathan. He definitely deserved better.
He nodded at me, his bright green eyes filled with something that looked like pride, and then faced the road again with a small smile adorning his face.
I looked outside the closed window and couldn’t help but sigh yet another time.
“What’s bothering you?” It must have been bugging him ever since I had entered the car and he was finally giving in to the temptation of asking me.
“There’s this tiny part of me that has kept reminding me of Jonathan yesterday all through the date, the same part of me that sometimes tells me I should give it a try, see if it works – for it might actually work, you know,” I rushed out in one breath, inhaled deeply and then released the air through my nose in frustration, “But then there’s this crippling fear I feel that prevents me from giving him – us – a chance... I don’t know what to think anymore.”
“Your fear of werewolves, you mean?”
“I’m not as afraid of him as a werewolf as I imagined I would be. It’s the mate side of him that frightens me more,” I cracked my fingers in pure nervousness, “In fact, I’m scared of opening up to him and becoming vulnerable, I’m scared of accepting him and giving him the power to hurt me like no one ever did before, I’m scared of losing control and ending up like Cole.” The last bit came out as nothing but a broken whisper as I felt a lump rising in my throat and my eyes tearing up.
“If you don’t try to overcome your fear, you’ll eventually regret it, until the day you die.” His hand reached out to mine and gave it a comforting squeeze.
As I blinked away the tears, I dumbly nodded in response, agreeing begrudgingly with him even though I knew it wouldn’t be as easy to come out of my shell as it sounded for I had been living in my own little bubble, contented with the way things were, for way too long.
Chapter 22
Too Soon
The hallways were as usual bubbling with life, annoyingly noisy as I left Seth, waved goodbye at him and then went straight to my locker. Needless to say, I hadn’t been approached by anybody... what, with my having Seth as my only friend, there was no wonder there.
I retrieved what I needed, slammed the door of my locker shut and then, sighing, rested my forehead against its cool metal, trying – and failing – to clear my mind a little bit.
All of a sudden, the bell rang, startling me out of my musings, making me realize that that failed attempt of mine had taken much more time than one would have thought. I straightened up and then turned around, preparing myself for some running-in-the-hallway exercise, but found my gaze caught under the spell of those mesmerizing electric blue eyes I had desperately tried but failed to hate... true, I hadn’t gotten to the point of loving them but I most definitely did not despise them as I had hoped I would.
“Good morning,” his voice was what broke the spell.
I was finally able to break the eye-contact and let my stare fall on the black dress shirt that stretched across his toned chest, and then on his dark blue jeans that were just the right seize –neither too tight nor too baggy.
The sight was pleasant, yes, but it was too soon – much too soon – for me to confront him. I had hoped I would have more time to get my wits together, but life wasn’t that simple and luck had never been on my side when it was most needed.
“Hi,” was the weak response he got as I stubbornly – and truth be told, cowardly – avoided his questioning gaze.
“How are you?” though he had yet to invade my personal space, his nearness was almost overwhelming.
Scratch that, I mentally corrected, as it is, his mere presence is enough to disturb my peace of my mind.
But then again, my mind hadn’t really been at peace to begin with. I had been thinking about him, about the mess that was our ‘relationship’ and whatnots. His showing up was not helping, not in the least bit.
“I gotta go to class,” the hold I had on my things tightened a little bit, my gaze darted to the empty hallway before I scurried away, making my escape... or not, for I could hear him following me.
Space. I freaking need space, I mentally bit out but refrained from lashing out at him in reality.
On a second thought, maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing after all –having to face him, that is. I needed to stop running away from my problems and start facing them.
Easier said than done, I mentally snorted. My thoughts, that were spinning out of control, clashing then fading away as quickly as they appeared, were nothing short of an indescribable mess.
“You seem troubled,” he observed from behind me, seemingly courteous enough to let me enjoy the little advance I had on him.
I could almost taste a little bit of worry tainting his words and I had to bite the inside of my cheek in order to stop my bitter, fiercely independent I-don’t-need-you-to-concern-yourself-with-me retort.
“I’m fine,” I was being purposely dismissive, hoping to put an end to the conversation.
“Are you sure?”
Damn is he insistent! My muscles were getting tenser and tenser and the urge to snap at him grew stronger.
“Yes,” I hissed through my greeted teeth, practically jogging through the hallway, wishing I would soon be entering the classroom.
“I’m not buying it,” he replied tautly, “Why must you rebuff me all the time?”
I kept my lips zipped, trying to maintain some sort of composure and not give in to the temptation a snappy scornful retort presented.
My chest heaved with a silent sigh of relief as I finally reached my destination. The classroom was no longer a word synonym of boredom or studies. Just then, I almost pictured it as my sanctuary, my way of salvation for, surely, once inside, he couldn’t carry on like this.
Without a second thought, I turned the knob and walked in, affecting a calm, much slower pace when there was nothing more I wanted to do than run straight to my desk.
I had to free myself from his unnervingly disturbing presence if I ever wanted to have a chance at linear thoughts... but that wasn’t happening anytime soon, was it? He had after all transferred to all of my classes.
I nodded, giving the teacher a pale apologetic smile as he finished his scolding and then made a beeline to my desk where Jonathan, of course, followed me since he occupied the desk right next to mine.
This is going to be long day, I silently sighed.
Chapter 23
Ticking Bomb
And it had been a long day all right.
All through our morning classes, Jonathan’s gaze had not left me at all, and it had both unnerved and excited me. And, naturally, the excitement part of my body response made me angry at myself, and that in turn made me even more unsatisfied at having him by my side as I walked into the cafeteria.
“Will you cut it out already?” I sighed, giving him a sideways glare.
“I didn’t do anything.”
The flat way he said that made him almost sound clueless as to what was unnerving me at the moment. “You’re just following me around like a lovesick puppy. Other than that, you didn’t do anything,” I rolled my eyes as I got in line to get lunch.
“Mates are impossibly attracted to one another but they don’t fall in love at first sight, you know,” he drawled, his serious tone making me turn my head to look at him, “You can’t love someone you don’t know.”
“And your point is?” I obviously knew what he was getting at, but I played dumb for I wanted to get it all in the open.
After using Tim and feeling awful about it, I was no longer so interested in playing jealousy-slash-taunting games with him to drive him away. And after the hauntingly vivid nightmares that left me raw, all I wanted was to get it over with once and for all. I simply did not enjoy mingling with werewolves.
“Don’t reject me before you even get to know me,” his strikingly blue eyes were holding mine captive, the intensity of his stare making it hard to focus, to breathe even.
I ripped my eyes away seconds later, all too happy to get air into my lungs at the proper flow again, “I don’t want to fall in love with you.” I shrugged nonchalantly. The truth seemed to unsettle him as he visibly stiffened. “I don’t want to be tied to you by some stupid mate bond.”
There, all out.
“Is it really that you don’t want to?” He paused, his hand reaching out to my cheek before I could dodge it, turning my face so I would look at him, “aren’t you simply scared?”
My eyes widened at that and lots of unwanted memories bombarded my mind. Before I knew it, a lump had formed in my throat and tears were about to spill.
I cannot show weakness. Not here, not in front of an audience, and not in front of him. That was my sole thought as I abandoned the tray on the counter and left at an unhurried pace, my head slightly bowed so my bangs covered my eyes. Hopefully, no one saw the glimmer of tears in my eyes.
Damn him and his old, know-it-all alpha-ultra self! There was no way I had let my fear of werewolves show in front of him, so he had to have guessed it somehow. He wouldn’t have, had he not been so damn old though. Argh, damn him!
He allowed me to reach the schoolyard before confronting me. Truth be told, I was thankful he hadn’t before. The two minutes it had taken me to reach the tree I was currently leaning a hand on had been enough to get my wits back together.
“It’s not good to bottle it up all the time, you know.” And there was his unnerving trust-me-I-know-what-I’m-saying tone again.
I shot him a glare but kept quiet, not trusting my voice to come out normal, fearing it’d crack –the tears had deserted me but the lump oppressing my throat had not.
“Do you ever talk about it?” I was surprised to note that his eyes weren’t probing mine for answers and his voice only held concern.
“What’s there to talk about?” my voice had not come out as strong as I’d have wanted it to, but it had not cracked, and that was all that mattered to me at the moment.
“The rogues, Cole,” he shrugged nonchalantly, his posture deceivingly relaxed, “anything else that might bother you.”
My whole body trembled. I could not help it and it infuriated me.
Nobody talked to me about those two subjects. They knew it was taboo to me. I might wake up screaming in the middle of the night and cry myself to sleep afterwards but I never breathed a word about it. That was just the way things were –and I liked it that way.
“Shut up!” I shouted, no longer caring if someone were to see us. Nothing mattered at that moment as long as he just stopped talking.
“Why? You’re afraid to lose control, aren’t you?” He insisted, unfazed by my obvious annoyance.
“Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!” I repeated angrily while he carried on, “You’re so afraid to lose control, you don’t even realize you’re like a ticking bomb already.”
I was so frustrated at not being able to retort or even express myself correctly, tears had started to flow down my cheeks... and I hated myself for that, and it only added fuel to my already flaming anger.
“Just shut up already!” I shouted yet again just as a nearby breaking roar was heard.
I blinked numbly, looking at him through narrowed eyes, wondering what the hell had happened, getting no response from him. And then I realized I was no longer leaning against the tree. When had I moved it? A quick look to the right told me all I wanted to know.
I had lost control.
I had let his words get to me. I had let my emotions get the better of me. I had let my ability bring about destruction without my wanting to. I had simply failed to remain in control like the green witch I was. The feeling of helplessness washed over me, quickly followed by self-loathing. I was not even mated to the guy and yet I was affected by his every word.
“As I said it’s not good to bottle it up,” he sighed, giving me a small smile before offering me his hand, and I just cocked my head to the side in silent question.
“People are approaching, we should leave.”
His flat response had me following him to his car. It wasn’t like I could explain what had happened. If I had beaten him to a pulp, I could have said he had made me so angry I had lost it. Explaining how the upper half of a tree laid in small broken bits was not the easiest task there was... I was not that great a liar.
“Hey, how are you doing?” I heard him speak on the phone as he drove us through the city, “I’m gonna need you to send an eraser to the high school.”
An eraser, huh? I mentally sighed in relief, halfheartedly mad at myself for not having thought about it myself.
In such situations, that was the only option. An eraser was a vampire whose job was to make people forget they had seen something paranormal. It sure was useful. If only I, too, could forget a few things.
No, how could you ever want to forget? You’re better off knowing what the real world is like, my stubborn side scolded me for my vulnerability. I had vowed to myself I’d never show weakness and I had promised Karl he’d never have to bid me farewell... After today’s events, it all seemed like the empty words of a child living in an adults’ world.
Chapter 24
Distraction Time
The ride had been pleasantly silent. I had been in no mood to talk about my outburst and Jonathan had – thank god – chosen to let me be. When he finally parked the car after who knows how long, I realized we were at the woods.
How typical! Werewolves and their forests, I mentally snickered but felt grateful really. I liked nature, it represented all which I was not at the moment, a still and contained force –it calmed me.
It also made me contemplate all that had happened.
He grabbed a blanket out of the backseat and the Chinese take-out he had bought on the way here and then laid it on the grass. He cocked his head to the side in a silent invitation, not breaking the comfortable silence, and I obliged.
It all felt absurdly domestic, but I had to admit I liked it.
OK, I did more than just like it, I truly appreciated it. I was, truth be told, plainly grateful.
“Thank you,” I muttered as I ate a forkful of the deliciously spicy noodles.
“Why, you’re most welcome milady,” his playful words made me giggle. His blue gaze was soft as it settled on me and it made me warm inside. I tried not to acknowledge it –the chemistry sizzling between us, that is.
“Why do you have a blanket in the car?” I tried to shake those last disturbing thoughts.
“Jealous, sweetie?” he smirked at me,
eyebrows shooting up in amusement, as he discarded his empty box to the side.
“You wish,” I rolled my eyes, my tone teasing. While tucking a strand of hair behind my ear, I averted my eyes from him and ate another forkful.
“Oh, I do wish so,” he readily agreed, his voice noticeably huskier, and I suddenly felt all too close to him despite the 5 feet separating us.
“Please Jonathan...” I started only to have him cut me, “We must talk about it sometime, Jasmine.”
“Can’t we do it another day?” My shoulders slumped in a defeated manner as I deposited my still half-full box on the blanket.
“Today is as good a day as any,” he countered, his voice wary.
“What do you want me to say?” I began on a sigh, “as cliché as it may sound, it’s not you, it’s me.”
“We’ll take it slow,” he offered, eyes the color of the bright sky, almost impossible to look at. I averted my eyes, not wanting to let my hormones get the better of me.
“I can’t. I...”
“I wish you’d let me help you overcome your fears,” he cut in, his hand enveloping mine.
“I...” unable to continue because tears gathered in my eyes –yet again– I let the rest hang heavily in the air.
He tugged on my hand and before I knew it, he had me on his lap. I felt a blush creep on my face since this was the first time I straddled a guy. I tried to get off but the arm around my waist just tightened making my escape impossible. His right hand cupped my cheek and he oh-so-softly leaned in. His forehead resting against mine made me calmer yet excited at the same time. My mind no longer lingered on disturbing matters, my body’s response to his intimate embrace making it foggy with heady desire. I gave in the urge to just let go and my eyes fluttered shut.
I was relaxing at last.
And then his lips softly brushed mine and the desire I was finding already impossible to bear spiked. The soft comforting kiss soon turned passionate. His tongue dove in my mouth, uninvited but pretty wanted, exploring, possessing, commanding submission and my own slick appendage rose to the challenge.
The Alpha's Seduction (The Forbidden Mates Book 1) Page 8
