by Claire Adams
I had to meet him today to discuss some betting options. On myself. I needed the extra money, and I knew I was a good fighter. By betting on myself, I would win the fight and earn even more money from the bets. Hopefully it would be enough to knock down all the medical bills. I needed some sort of a break to get financially ahead.
His hangout was right by the gym where I trained, and I didn’t really want people to see me go inside. The fighting community knew about him. They knew where he hung out. I didn’t think anyone would really care, but I still didn’t need or want any rumors flying around about me. When I left my house, I made sure to put on a baggy hoody and pull a hat over my head. It wasn’t much of a disguise, but this way no one would recognize me with a passing glance.
I looked around in case anyone I knew was in the vicinity. When I didn’t recognize anyone, I walked into the bar. It was smoky and dark like always. I spotted Markie sitting in a corner booth. I walked over to him quickly. When I greeted him, he just sort of grunted at me. It was normal for him to act this way. He was an asshole. He had gained a lot of power around town for being the biggest, baddest asshole. People didn’t particularly like him, but they feared him. That was the only reason why he had so many lackeys with him all the time.
“I want to make a bet,” I said. I waited for him to motion for me to sit down. If he didn’t want me there, his bodyguard would kick me out.
He pointed to the seat across from him, and I sat down. I wasn’t sure what to expect. He could cause some serious hurt in my life if he wanted to, so I knew I had to work him a certain way.
“It’s about time Mr. Goody-Good comes over to the dark side. I’ve been tellin’ my guys how much of a badass you’d be if you just dipped your toe into somethin’ real for a change.”
I nodded my head because I didn’t know to say to him at that moment. I wasn’t the kind of person to seek out a loan shark for fun. This was serious business to me. If I had the money, there was no way I would be anywhere near him. Ever.
He rested his cigar in the ashtray and leaned over the table. He folded his hands in front of him and looked me up and down slowly. When he finally spoke, he asked, “What kind of bet are you lookin’ to make?”
He had one gold tooth that shone when the light hit it. I think he got it to make himself look tougher, but I thought it made him look like a phony. I didn’t dare say that aloud, though. Not there. Not in his place of business.
I looked him in the eyes to let him know I was serious about this and that I was not going to back down. He wouldn’t loan me the money if he sensed even a small amount of fear.
“I want to bet on myself for my next fight.”
Markie’s eyes lit up with excitement, and his lips spread across his face with a sadistic grin. “Careful—you don’t wanna get cocky.” He nudged his bodyguard, who snorted lamely. I looked at the bodyguard and wondered why someone would want to live their life surrounded by fake affection. The guy was clearly only into Markie for the power and money. I could tell he didn’t really think his boss was funny.
I leaned in a little bit. I didn’t want to seem like I was backing down. I stared Markie down for a few seconds. I didn’t blink. I didn’t turn away.
“I’m serious, Markie. I can win. I know I will, but I really need the extra money right now. I’ve got old bills piled up so high I can barely see straight. I’m sick of it. Something’s gotta give.”
I really needed for him to take me seriously because if he didn’t, who knew what would happen to me. This place was full of Markie’s minions. They would have me out on my ass in a second if Markie gave the word.
“You know it’s gonna cost you a pretty penny, right?” he asked.
“Yeah. That’s why I was hoping I could get a loan from you,” I said. My voice was firm, confident.
Markie laughed and picked his cigar back up. He took a long puff and blew it at me. I thought it was rude, but I knew better than to say anything. “You know what happens when people don’t pay me back, right?”
I tried not to show how nervous I was. I knew exactly what happened when someone flaked on Markie. They got hurt. Badly. Sometimes they lost their house. Sometimes they lost a finger. Sometimes worse.
“Yeah, I know,” I said with a confident nod.
“It’ll be a pretty penny. Ten grand is the lowest I go.”
“I’ll take it,” I said quickly. I didn’t need to think twice about it.
“Alright. You understand that if you don’t pay me back, I’ll come after everything you own and everything you love.”
“Yes,” I said without breaking eye contact. I held out my hand. We shook on it, and I excused myself. I heard him laughing as I left the bar.
When I stepped back outside, I made sure to cover my head again. I went right home and thought about the decision I’d just made. It worried me more than I wanted to admit. I did have a daughter, and he was great at threatening families. Still, I knew I could do it. I’d be able to pay off all the back bills, win my fight, and pay Markie back. There wouldn’t be anything for me to worry about after Wednesday. I pushed the sick feeling down and cleared my head. I didn’t want to think about what could happen.
I let my mom know I was back from running my errands, and she returned with Margie twenty minutes later.
“Daddy! Grandma took me to the play area in the mall! I met a little girl named Lily, and we played together the whole time!” she said as she wrapped her little arms around me.
“That’s awesome, baby,” I said and held her close. I was determined to make her proud of me and to give her an amazing life. She would have everything her heart desired.
I thanked my mom again for watching Margie and said goodbye. After she left, I sat down on the couch to watch a movie with my beautiful, smart, funny daughter. I needed to spend more time with her.
I started to realize how selfish it was to go get massages all the time. Both because it cost money and because it took away from spending time with Margie. As much as I enjoyed seeing Anna, I knew it wasn’t necessarily the best thing for my daughter. I held Margie close and came to a conclusion that made me a little sad.
Chapter Four
Anna
Sunday drug on endlessly. It had been a rather productive day. I cleaned my house and then went into the studio to make sure everything was organized. I was a good masseuse and needed to stay fit for my clients, so I never spent a lot of extra time just laying around. I stayed busy, but my mind never drifted far from thoughts of Justin. When Monday finally arrived, I couldn’t help the way I felt.
There were still a couple hours before Justin’s appointment, but I was already nervous. I didn’t understand why I was so nervous. I was always more excited for Justin’s appointments than my other clients. That part wasn’t new, but I had never been so nervous before one of his appointments.
I busied myself with paperwork so I wouldn’t hype myself up too much before he got there. When I heard the front door open, I whirled around quickly with a smile already on my face. I turned to see Ally walking in. My face fell immediately. I hated to admit it, but I was disappointed it wasn’t Justin. I thought he had decided to show up a little early.
“There’s my favorite sister,” Ally said in her “I just graduated college and don’t have much to worry about right now” voice.
Her lack of responsibility made me a little jealous. She lived with roommates, so her rent was fairly cheap. She had a paid internship for the summer, and I couldn’t help but wonder what it was like to be her, so relaxed and care free.
“I’m your only sister,” I said. I didn’t want to deal with her right then. I was too nervous, and I didn’t want her to sense it. I knew she would pull my leg again like she did at Justin’s fight. As hard as I tried though, I just could not seem to calm down. My face, like always, gave me away.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
Great, I thought to myself. Here we go. “Yeah, I’m fine. What are you doing here?” I start
ed tapping my pen on the counter.
“Just wanted to come by and see my sister. Is that a crime?”
The funny thing is, she never really took the time out of her day to just stop by and see me unless she needed something. Whether it was money, or there was something she just had to tell me in person. I really did love my sister, and I tried to keep my irritation in check, but it was hard. I was sure it was just a big-sister-little-sister thing.
“No, but I am pretty busy today,” I said, trying my best to keep my voice calm and even. If she thought I was annoyed it would just prompt her to find out what was wrong. She wouldn’t leave until she got to the bottom of it.
She started telling me about something with her internship, but I was too focused on other things to really pay attention to what she was saying.
“Are you listening to me?” she asked. I hadn’t responded to anything she was saying. She had been talking for a full two minutes, but for some reason, everything she had said had gone in one ear and out the other.
“Yeah, totally,” I lied.
Ally eyed me for a minute before she finally asked, “Why are you so nervous?”
“I’m not,” I said. I shook my head at her like she was crazy.
“Then stop tapping your pen on the counter,” she said, pointing at the pen in my hand. Without realizing it, I had been erratically beating it against my desk since Ally walked in. I stopped.
“Fine. If you must know, Justin has an appointment today, and I’m a little antsy. Alright?”
Ally laughed. “I should have guessed it was about him. Man, you have it bad for him, and you guys aren’t even seeing each other. You might as well just admit it.”
“I do not ‘have it bad’ for him,” I said, making air quotes around what she said.
“Yes. You do. If you just be honest with yourself, it’ll make things easier for you in the long run.”
I let out an exasperated breath that would hopefully let her know I was not in the mood to play her games right then. “Fine. He’s hot. Are you happy?”
“No, it’s more than just that.”
It took everything in me to keep from shoving her out the front door and locking it behind her. I stared at her, clearly frustrated, but she just stared back with a silent challenge on her face.
“Okay, yes. He’s hot and funny and a fucking great fighter. Which is a huge turn on for me, by the way, which I had no idea it would be. I like him a lot.” I paused when a horrifying realization dawned on me. “Oh no. You could see it all over my face, couldn’t you?”
“I could the other night, too,” she said, reading my mind. She plopped down in a waiting chair. She picked up one of the magazines laying on the table in front of her and began mindlessly thumbing through it. “You’re really transparent,” she said, almost as if she were really bored with the subject at hand. As if it was something that should be obvious to everyone in the world.
“Fuck. I wish I wasn’t. I don’t want him to find out so easily. I really hope I can keep my shit together,” I said.
“I’m sure he can tell.”
My mouth almost fell open. I didn’t know why she had to be so blunt.
“It’s fine. He totally wants you too,” she said, still thumbing through the magazine.
I wanted her to leave. Every word out of her mouth made me feel even worse. I was already nervous enough about seeing Justin. I did not need anything else weighing on my mind during his session.
“You really should go,” I said. “I have to finish getting ready for my next appointment.” It was a lie. My next appointment was Justin, and that was still about an hour away. Ally was driving me crazy, and I couldn’t take it anymore.
“You mean for Justin?” she said with a small laugh. She stood up and added, “Call me later and give me the deets. Okay? Bye. Love you!” She waved behind her and let the front door slam as she disappeared into the parking lot. Ally showing up unannounced had always been a huge pet peeve of mine. It was trumped only by her tendency to make me admit things I never wanted to admit. Like my feelings for Justin.
With Ally gone, I felt a little less nervous, but my heart was still pounding uncomfortably inside my chest. I went back to my paperwork and reorganized a few things to pass the time. Staying busy helped keep my nerves in check.
An hour later, right on time, Justin walked in. He seemed a little different today. His eyes looked darker, more thoughtful, and his face was downcast. It almost seemed like something was bothering him. All of his excitement from Saturday was gone.
“Hey,” I said. I couldn’t quite pinpoint what I was feeling in the air between us. There was tension, but I didn’t know if I was imagining it. “You ready?”
“Hey,” he said back. “Yeah, I’m ready.”
I led him to a massage room in the back, and he stripped down to his boxers before lying face down on the cot. I usually left the room before a client changed. So, I hadn’t been expecting him to just change before I had a chance to leave the room.
I started to massage him slowly. I worked on his shoulder blades first and slowly worked my way down his back. His muscles were a little more tense than usual, and the room was scorching. I tried to keep my mind from getting worked up, but for some reason, it was a lot harder today than it had been before. Looking at Justin’s bare skin was enough to make me sweat.
“How was your Sunday?” I asked casually, trying to make small talk. I needed something to do to keep my mind off my wayward thoughts. If I didn’t get myself under control, I might have ended up trying to seduce him right then and there. I surely would have humiliated myself and lost a great client in the process.
“It was good. How was yours?” he asked. His voice was muffled slightly by the table.
“It was alright. I cleaned mostly,” I said. I paused and debated whether to keep the conversation going or not. I decided it couldn’t hurt. “Did you do anything fun?”
“Not really.” His short answer told me I should probably stop asking questions. I didn’t know how to handle his surly mood. Justin was always a lot more talkative during our sessions. In fact, most of the time he was the one asking me the questions and not the other way around.
But I continued to massage him slowly as I tried to get him to relax a little more. I admired his body as I worked. I admired the way all his muscles looked and felt. It was a major turn on, and sometimes, at home, I would find myself thinking about his half-naked body. All my protestations seemed ridiculous at that moment. Of course, I found Justin attractive. I always had.
I continued to work on his backside, and when the thirty minutes were up, I asked if he wanted me to work on his front for the last thirty minutes.
“Yeah, that would be good,” he said.
He rolled over so I could massage his arms and chest and shins. Almost instantly, I felt a spark between us that I’d never felt before. His chest and abs were my favorite part of his body, and I couldn’t tear my eyes away as my hands glided over them. I was glad his eyes were closed. At least he wouldn’t see me staring at him like Ally had after his fight.
The thirty minutes were up sooner than I hoped, and when he sat up, I was still standing next to the massage table. He was inches from my face. Our eyes met, and he looked at me with such intensity that I let myself think he might kiss me. Unconsciously, I leaned in half an inch. Then, he spoke and snapped me back to reality.
“I’m so sorry, Anna. But I can’t come get massages anymore,” he said. I took a small step backward in surprise.
“I’m sorry to hear that,” I said because I didn’t know what else to say. I was trying to remain professional, but I was incredibly confused.
“I just can’t afford it. I have too many bills, and I need to spend more time at the gym and with my daughter. It’s just a luxury I can’t afford right now,” he explained.
“I understand,” I said, trying to muster up my most professional smile. I stepped outside of the room and let him get dressed in private. While
he got dressed, I tried to wrap my head around what just happened. I thought for sure he was going to kiss me, and instead he told me he couldn’t see me anymore. He was only talking about getting massages from me, but besides his fight the other night, we had never talked outside of work. The idea of not seeing him anymore made my stomach feel heavy.
I stood at the counter and waited for him. When he walked up to the counter, he didn’t say anything. As he paid for the session, the air between us felt thick with unspoken tension.
“Well…goodbye, Anna,” he said.
“Goodbye, Justin,” I said back.
I couldn’t help the overwhelming sadness I was starting to feel. I didn’t know him that well yet, but I thought things were starting to turn a corner for us and now he was saying goodbye. It didn’t seem like a simple, “I’ll see ya around” kind of goodbye. It felt final. At that moment, I felt like I would never see him again.
I tried to get through the rest of the day without thinking about him, but it was hard not to. My mind kept replaying everything in my head.
Had I done something wrong? Maybe when he saw me outside of this place, at his fight, he realized that I’m not who he thought I was. Maybe it was because I had admitted to being scared at the fight. Whatever it was, I could not help but feel like it was my fault. Like I had made some mistake along the way that made him not want to be around me.
I was glad I had cleared my schedule for the day because I knew I wouldn’t be able to give any more massages that day. I wouldn’t be able to make it through without thinking about Justin.
The worst part of it all was how heartbroken I felt. It made no sense. We hadn’t even kissed. I mean, we were about to right before he ran out, but it didn’t happen. And for some reason, I was feeling absolutely crushed. Ally had been wrong. She’d read Justin’s feelings for me all wrong, and it bothered me. How could she have gotten my hopes up like that?
Even though Ally bothered me so much lately about the whole Justin thing, at that moment, I wanted nothing more than to talk to my sister. For all her faults, Ally was still my best friend. I wasn’t sure what kept me from calling her, but I decided it was better to hide the whole thing. She might be judgmental, and it would tear me apart if she told me I’d done something wrong, something to screw things up. Besides, I still needed time to wrap my own head around what happened before I involved anyone else.
