He should have really kissed her. He should have devoured her while he had the chance because her disgust would have been better than the torment of not knowing what the rest of her was like. The lightning bolt of lust that had struck him was worse than what he’d felt for his first love—the mother of his child—the woman who had slept with a seventeen-year-old when she was in love with another man. He thought nothing would ever compare to the torture of watching his first and only love marry someone other than him, but he’d survived it finally. There had been other women since that first one—temporary women. Certainly, he was not an easy man and most women hadn’t lingered long.
But he’d thought he’d understood a lot of things about love and life and himself until he’d talked to Sabine. The woman had told the newspaper he was nothing more than a great chef. Well, he was a lot more than a chef. And at thirty-seven he should have a more grounded sense of himself. So why didn’t he?
Losing his parents as a teenager had hurt. Losing the mother of his child had hurt too, but at least he’d gotten to keep his daughter—mostly. Now she had gone to college and his life was more empty. But if he lost Pekala too . . . No. He would not let himself dwell on that loss.
Pekala was ready to go. She had told him as much. “Just send my body home to the islands after” had been her only command to him.
But what kind of life would he have without her support? Of what real value was a TV show that bored him in a dreary city where sunshine was rare? It paid well, but fame was not what he wanted for his life. Gaining more fame was not worthy of being his dream. He wanted to see pleasure on the faces of those he fed. That was the purest joy. Only kissing the soft-mouthed Sabine had held near as much satisfaction for him.
“When was the last time I felt like I had to have a woman or die?” He asked the question aloud hoping his mind would provide a quick answer. But he honestly couldn’t remember wanting a woman this badly since the first one he had wanted half his life ago. Sabine’s kiss had made the longing even stronger than when she had stood to bid for him. Had he really fallen in love so quickly?
“Ka Honi Mai Me Ke Aloha,” Koka whispered, thinking once more of his mouth on hers.
As he went to shower, he prayed fervently to the goddess for another chance.
Chapter 7
What was the matter with the woman? Sabine was ignoring his phone calls and had turned voice mail off her phone so he couldn’t even leave her messages. He hadn’t lowered himself enough yet to actually chase her down at her place of business, but he wasn’t far from doing that.
First, he had an idea that would let her see him again in a public situation where she might feel safer. But it would provide him another chance to convince her to go out with him.
“Edwina, I want you to invite Sabine Blakeman to guest on the show,” Koka said flatly.
Edwina stared at the most difficult talent she managed in complete disbelief. “You want me to ask the auction woman to come on your show and do a guest spot? Do you know what she does for a living?”
“Yes. I had Sabine thoroughly investigated. As you know, the last stalker made me cautious. I investigate anyone now that makes me nervous, even in a good way,” Koka said.
Edwina blinked in shock. “You had the woman investigated? Well I sure didn’t see that coming. Sabine Blakeman’s online profile at the PR company she works for says she’s an image consultant. That means she helps people improve their public persona. Inviting her on the show is like giving her company thousands of dollars worth of free advertising. I don’t know if the execs will go for it.”
“Ask anyway,” Koka ordered. “She’s ignoring my phone messages and I want to see her again. Be discrete though. Sabine will be less likely to rebel against this if she thinks this is your idea.”
Edwina snickered at the high school approach Koka was taking, but fortunately caught the full laugh before it escaped. “Not to be crude, but I just have to ask this. Why are you chasing a chubby, older blonde when attractive women fall at your feet wherever you walk?”
Koka frowned at Edwina’s description of Sabine. “Chubby? I don’t think she’s chubby at all. But Sabine’s physical attractiveness is not the only reason I’m interested. I like her, Edwina. Sabine is Ke Aloha. I am only asking you to help fate along.”
Edwina studied her most finicky talent while he stared serenely back at her. The man’s expression gave nothing away. Surely Koka had to know how strange his request was, at least the part she understood. He knew damn well she didn’t speak Hawaiian.
“The woman couldn’t have been that good,” she said.
“Do not harass me over the first real favor I have asked of you. Just do this, Edwina. You said we needed to start inviting guests on the show. You invite Sabine and I’ll do one with the woman that wrote that book you love.”
Her eyebrows shot up in the air. “I stand corrected. Evidently, she was that good. Okay, you have a deal.”
“But Edwina—no Sabine, no author either,” Koka warned.
“Oh, I got that was part of the deal,” Edwina said sharply. “No worries. I’m just as good at my job as you are at yours, Chef Lake.”
“I am counting on it,” Koka declared. “It’s my last resort before I go to her work.”
Edwina shook her head. “Is that one woman really worth all this trouble?”
“Her ex-husband married someone much younger right after they divorced. From what I learned, there were several younger women before that one. Sabine sees herself through his eyes still. It makes my sincere interest in her seem unbelievable. However, she knows I reject that reasoning which is why she is avoiding me. She knows I would make sure she puts her past away.”
“I can’t believe you seriously got all that from one dinner with her. You never fail to surprise the hell out of me,” Edwina declared. “Now I want to talk to her just to see what kind of woman snagged the heart of The Sexy Chef.”
“You know I hate that moniker,” Koka said.
“And yet you wear it so damn well,” Edwina declared, grinning at his glare. “I’ll get back to you after I’ve spoken with her.”
“Thank you. This means a lot to me,” Koka said, breathing a sigh of relief as he walked to Edwina’s office door.
At least he had done something productive today about resolving his problem with Sabine. He would have to content himself with that until she showed up.
***
“No, Blanche,” Sabine said. “This involves my personal life, not my business one. The man asked me out. I said no because I wanted to say no. End of story. The rest is no one’s business but mine.”
She ignored Blanche’s look of disbelief and went back to her paperwork.
“Maybe you didn’t hear what I said. Todd Lake’s producer called Anthony. They want you on his show to promote their matching contribution to the charity Seattle Live supported. What the hell happened on your date, Sabine? The man is chasing you full out. And why in the hell are you running away so hard?”
“Nothing happened on our so-called date. Chef Lake fixed me dinner and sent me home in the limo Seattle Live paid for. That’s all,” Sabine said, not raising her gaze.
Blanche snorted. “Bullshit—but that’s beside the point. Anthony told them you’d do it without checking first. It never occurred to him that you’d turn down an opportunity to be on Seattle Live. If you refuse to do the show, Anthony’s going to shit bricks and be extremely embarrassed. He said they even offered to pay if you wanted money.”
“Great. Tell them I want six thousand dollars,” Sabine joked, not really serious. She just was tired of talking to Blanche about her evening with Koka.
“Fine. I’ll get Anthony to call them back and give them your price,” Blanche declared.
“Stop—don’t you dare.”
Sabine huffed out a breath and swore as she tossed down the pen she’d been using.
“Damn it, Blanche. I wore my blue tunic, black leggings, and flats. I did not wear a dre
ss or stripper heels or even talk all that nice to him. The man fixed me dinner—that’s all that happened. I swear.”
“If that was really all that happened, then going on his show should cause you no problems at all. Right? I’ll just tell Anthony you’re happy to do it,” Blanche declared, crossing her arms.
Sabine found herself locked in a stare down with her immediate boss, but in the end, she was the one that looked away first. “I can’t believe Anthony would expect me to do this. I’m not going to date the man just because Anthony wants a social connection to Todd Lake. There will be no favors asked as a result of this. He’s a good person. I won’t tolerate him being used because of his connection to me.”
“Listen to you. Who said anything about exchanging favors? Anthony didn’t call Seattle Live. They called us—about you. Chef Lake is the one asking. I can’t believe you’re not fainting with joy that The Sexy Chef is crushing on you. Was he like crass or gross? Did he ask you to play naughty games?”
“Stop it, Blanche,” Sabine said. She couldn’t listen to another insinuation. “He was the perfect gentleman and the perfect host. The food was wonderful. It was an incredible evening. I’m just not ready to date. I told him that.”
“Then what—for the love of God—is your problem with going on his show?” Blanche demanded. “You’ll both be on a set full of professional people filming. You’re not even going to be alone with him.”
Sabine leaned back in her chair and groaned. “You don’t understand how complicated this is. When I went to that damn auction, I bid on the wrong man. Todd Lake was not who I went to win, but I made a mistake. So I ended up with the wrong Todd and we both made the best of the situation. Maybe if Chef Lake had come along a year or two from now, things might be different. Who knows? But at the moment, I’m not ready to date one of Seattle’s premiere bachelors. That’s my final decision on the matter.”
“Woman, you need to get some serious therapy. Do you know how hard it is to find someone really worth dating in this town? If you don’t get it now, you will in a year or two of bar trolling and online dating services. I’m telling Anthony that you’re excited about doing the show. You can thank me later for lying for you. In the meantime, you need to find a way to manufacture some positive emotion for it, even if you don’t feel any for the man every other red-blooded, normal woman is drooling over.”
Sabine glared. “Are you saying I have no choice but to do the damn show?”
Blanche glared back. “I’m saying none of us do, Sabine. And if you ever want to make partner in this firm, you better put on your big girl panties and buy a dress that makes you look thin on TV. You just became the spokeswoman for the company. Maybe if you’re really lucky, something will knock some sense into your head and you’ll say yes to anything Todd Lake offers you. Honey, men like him don’t come sniffing around very often.”
Too upset to discuss the matter any longer, Sabine got up and stomped out of her own office, leaving Blanche behind shaking her head.
***
“Go away. I don’t want to talk to you either. If I hear the name Todd tonight, I may just scream.”
Joe laughed as he patted Sabine’s back. “You’re going to need something a lot stronger than diet soda to take the edge off that kind of mad. I’d recommend sex to burn it off, but I guess that’s out of the question since you keep turning down dates.”
Sabine snorted. “He actually tricked me. His producer called my CEO to ask me to be a guest on his show. Blanche ordered me to do it. Apparently, I have no say in the matter. Why should my career be jeopardized by my refusal to date?”
“What are you complaining about? It’s not like it’s a real date. It’s a TV show,” Joe said. “So technically you’re still holding out on him. I don’t know why you would want to, but hey, I’m willing to validate your insanity for a little while longer.”
Sabine stared into her drink, frowning as she pondered what she had to do. “I am under orders to buy a dress that makes me look thirty pounds thinner—for the good of the company’s image. I’ll have to wear two layers of spandex just to go down one size.”
“Blanche didn’t use the F word did, she?” Joe demanded.
Sabine shook her head. “No. But it was heavily implied.”
“Ha. Ha. Was that whining you just did supposed to be a weight joke?”
Sabine pushed the cola aside enough to lay her forehead on the table. “He asked me why I hid my body from men. Did I tell you that?”
Joe’s eyebrows rose. “And what did you tell him?”
“Nothing. I said nothing. I shut up and licked my fork while he watched and drooled,” Sabine reported.
Joe’s loud laughter had all eyes turning to their table. “You must really like him to tease him that way.”
“I do really like him,” Sabine admitted. “But can you imagine what would happen if we dated? Every newspaper and magazine would be posting all the fat photos they can find of me. All the scorned women that he’s ignored would be laughing their asses off that someone with a body like his would be interested in someone so average and normal like me. I do this publicity thing for a living, Joe. I know what kind of press a TV celebrity who looks like him generates.”
“Wait . . . I’m confused. I thought this was about your insecurities, not your Todd’s popularity with his female viewers,” Joe said. “Because I can tell you honestly that real men don’t care about a few extra pounds on a woman—or man in my case. And sweetie, that’s all you have. What they care about is a willing, hot body. Talented fork licking would be considered a huge bonus.”
“Oh, shut up. You’re gay. How would you know what a heterosexual man likes?” Sabine demanded.
“I have three mega heterosexual brothers. Besides—fork licking is a non-gender specific talent appreciated by all. I’m sure you know that at your age. If you don’t, you have permission to kill my younger brother for being so totally worthless in bed. I’m sure Mom wouldn’t miss him at all because she’s still mad at him for cheating on you.”
“Martin wasn’t totally worthless. If he had been, I would never have stayed with him so long. He was plenty talented in bed. He just wasn’t faithful. But he—like most men—liked his women to look better than he did. Every time he cheated on me, he blamed it on my lack of caring about what I looked like.”
“Well what else was he supposed to say to the perfect woman and mother of his children? He’s afraid of getting old and dying. You know that’s Martin’s problem. He hyperventilates every time he sees a new wrinkle on his own face, much less yours. Why are we rehashing this?” Joe demanded.
“Because I ignored his petty excuses about cheating, but now I’m the one panicking over how I look. There’s not enough time to fix myself to go on any TV show. I let Martin’s behavior depress me, and the next thing I knew, I was forty and round. I validated his complaints by making them my reality. Hell, I was sleeping alone anyway. What did I care what I looked like?”
“Sabine, how many of your friends have solid relationships despite carrying around a little extra weight?”
“Several I suppose,” Sabine admitted.
“Then only you can decide how important it is for you to look a certain way, and whether or not it’s going to stop you from finding happiness,” Joe said. “You look great. Most people think you’re in your thirties and those mythical pounds you see in the mirror aren’t even noticeable. You’re just afraid Martin might be right. Let Todd Lake prove him wrong.
“Next time Blanche tells me I need therapy, I’m going to give her your phone number,” Sabine said.
Joe shrugged. “When you forget to judge yourself—or forget to do that stupid comparison thing—you are so damn charming that every guy wants a piece of you. Chef Lake tapped that best side with less effort than any man I’ve ever seen cross your path. That’s pretty rare.”
Sabine swore softly as she realized she was about to fall in line with plans she really wanted no part of. Maybe she should ju
st call Koka back and get the “real date” he wanted over with. Maybe she should ask him to come scratch her current itch so they could both get some relief from their non-dating.
“I guess tomorrow I’m shopping for industrial strength spandex and a fitted black dress,” Sabine said, thinking how uncomfortable all that would be.
“You’re thinking about it all wrong. Don’t downplay the negative. Instead, highlight the positive. Get your hair curled and fluffed, and buy a fitted red dress with a full skirt. Show as much breast and leg as possible without being obscene. It is just a cooking show after all.”
Sabine rolled her eyes. “I’ll look like an outdated fifties housewife trying to fit into the sixties.”
Joe grinned. “Yes. But you’ll also look like a skinny Marilyn Monroe. How’s that for a perspective?”
Sabine leaned over and laid her head on Joe’s shoulder as he laughed. “I love you. I truly love you.”
“I know, baby. I know. But you need to give your Todd a chance to replace me. My love life is doing a lot better than yours. I won’t always be available to mop up after your pity parties. It’s time for you to get cheerfully laid.”
“Okay,” Sabine said, sitting upright again. “Red dress. Fitted top. Show some boob. I can do this.”
“Just be prepared for a stronger reaction than you got to the fork licking,” Joe warned.
Sabine closed her eyes and thought once again of banana rum flavored kisses.
Chapter 8
“She’s here,” Edwina informed her nervous chef, marveling at the way Koka’s face lit up as his gaze searched the set. “Well, not here—here yet. They’re touching up her makeup, but she looks great. All that fluffy hair makes you focus on her face more than the rest of her. She’ll do well on camera. So you like blondes, eh?”
Koka shook his head. “Not necessarily. I just like Sabine.”
“Right,” Edwina said, hiding her grin in her hand. Like was an understatement. “Okay. Let’s get prepped. We’ll start filming when your Sabine arrives. The audience is being seated now.”
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