“I noticed your co-workers call him Todd Lake, but yet you know his real name,” Halia said.
Sabine shrugged. “I’m used to looking after the true identities of clients. Sometimes, especially with celebrities, it’s easier to keep your private life private if you have a different name.”
“Koka means Todd in Hawaiian,” Halia explained.
“Oh, I know,” Sabine said, smiling in recall about how she found out. “When your father told me that, I thought he was joking at first.”
“The network didn’t think his Hawaiian name would be easy to pronounce or remember. So they gave him Todd Lake to use. I don’t know why they chose Lake though. He didn’t argue. Pekala was just starting to get sick then. The job allowed him to provide for her,” Halia said.
Sabine nodded as she smiled. “Your father is a very, very good man, especially when it comes to taking care of his family.”
Halia smiled, but shrugged. “He is also quite bossy and inflexible about certain things. Plus he is terribly messy about his clothes. I don’t know how he ever finds anything in his room.”
Sabine laughed at the youthful echo of her own disgust. “Is that your clever-tongued Whitman way of asking me if I’ve seen the inside of your father’s room?”
“No. Pekala already told me you cooked breakfast for her Saturday morning. I assumed this meant you slept with him,” Halia said.
Sabine sighed and ran a hand over her face. “Okay. I slept with your father. Since I have daughters your age, I’m also used to personal questions. So tell me . . . why are you here?”
“I came to meet you and because Pekala asked me to share something with you,” Halia said.
Sabine smiled. “Tell her I’ll be fine, so long as being seen with me doesn’t tank the ratings for your father’s show.”
Halia frowned. “So your concern is for him?”
Sabine nodded. “I met your father less than a month ago. I’m still pinching myself that we’re dating. And yes—I often wonder if he’s going to wake up one day and want one of those other women back.”
“He won’t,” Halia said with confidence. She removed the photo gently from the envelope where it was stored in her purse. “My father looks at women differently than you would think. Now I know why Pekala sent me with the photo of him and my mother.”
Mentally rolling her eyes at Halia’s pronouncement, Sabine took the photo she was handed. She stared at it in complete disbelief, then raised it closer to her face. “This is Koka?”
Halia nodded. “Yes. He and my mother were both grossly overweight when I was born. When I was three or four, my father decided his weight was setting a bad example for me. So he found someone to help him lose the weight. You know the rest. It is all hard work. When I start to gain a few pounds, I watch his cooking show. When I see him, his appearance reminds me that food is for sustenance. If I’m lonely, I go do something with friends instead of eating.”
“The change is absolutely amazing. Koka must have lost more than a hundred pounds,” Sabine said.
“Closer to two hundred I think,” Halia said. “It took a long time. He didn’t get to his current weight until just before he and Pekala moved to Seattle. My mother eventually lost some of her weight too, but she is not obsessive about it like Dad is. My stepfather loves her anyway. He was never overweight. My mother found two great men.”
Sabine looked at the picture. “Koka looks so young, but also very happy in this picture. I think he must have loved your mother very much.”
Halia nodded. “Pekala has told me the story of their love all my life, but my mother was unable to love him back. It had nothing to do with her or his weight. She just loved my stepfather more than my actual father. Dad has burned all the old photos of himself except the ones Pekala hides. She says the past makes us appreciative. I think she also saves them for me.”
“With what your father has accomplished, I can see why he wouldn’t want to see any reminders of the past. He’s incredibly attractive now, however he got that way,” Sabine said.
“My great-grandmother says Dad still sees this man in the mirror. That’s why he’s like he is—I think she means the arrogant, sullen, moody stuff,” Halia said.
Sabine nodded. “But when he smiles, he transforms. And when he does his show, he is amazingly confident. You immediately feel at ease with what he says. Not to mention the fact that he’s an exceptional cook. I’m sure his restaurant will do great when he opens it.”
“The restaurant—that’s his big dream,” Halia said. “What is your dream?”
Sabine laughed. “What is my dream?” She shook her head as she thought. “I don’t know. It’s been a long time since I had a dream. But one thing I do know is that your father is one of the best men that ever walked the earth. For all his male posturing, Koka always seems to know just the exact right thing to say when I need to hear it. Plus, you can forgive a lot, even a messy room, when a man has the ability to make you laugh all the time.”
Sabine handed the photo back to Halia. “Thank you for sharing the story of your parents with me. I agree with Pekala. The past makes us appreciative.”
“So do you believe he loves you now? Kupunawahine said you had doubts when he told you,” Halia said.
“Well, if I do, that’s really between me and your father to work out,” Sabine said.
She admired the girl’s nerve for coming to see her, but wasn’t willing to let Koka’s daughter push her into completely admitting her feelings. “I understand the message Pekala is sending me with the picture. I understand now that Koka probably doesn’t judge me as much as I’m judging myself.”
“So will you at least continue to date my father then?”
“What if I say no?” Sabine asked. She chuckled at the thought of any Whitman she’d met actually taking no for an answer.
“Kupunawahine will be gravely disappointed that Dad has chased away his sunshine,” Halia said dramatically, wishing her great-grandmother could hear the Hawaiian in her voice. “Dad and I will have to listen to her lecturing about you until she has taken her last breath. You would be saving us all if you could at least pretend that you like him until she returns to the goddess. She is old. It shouldn’t be too many years from now.”
Sabine laughed loudly and long. “Okay. You’ve worn me down. I’ll continue to date your father if you’ll tell me the real reason the man collects so many damn skillets.”
“I honestly don’t know. I think he’s just weird about them. Don’t tell me—Dad made you go the mall so he could buy another one,” Halia said with sudden understanding. “Well, better you than me. I was hoping to stay home this break and just eat his cooking for two or three days. Maybe his trip with you has saved me the trouble of going. Better yet, maybe he’ll be afraid to go again because you made the news.”
“I’m not going again either. Indulging his skillet habit has already cost me several ounces of public humiliation,” Sabine said, being agreeable.
“Well, at least you didn’t say it cost you ‘pounds’. That’s the kind of joke my father would make about what the news implied about you,” Halia declared.
Sabine’s laughter rang out through the office. “Yes—he would make that kind of joke, especially if he thought it would embarrass me.”
“Thank you for seeing me, Sabine. Are you going to lie to your work friends about why I came to see you?”
“Yes. But only until I decide what to do about your father,” Sabine said. “Give Pekala a hug for me. Tell her I’m going to be fine.”
Chapter 16
After Pekala had echoed the same sentiment as Joe about leaving Sabine alone, Koka had given her a week to ignore his phone calls. They still hadn’t talked about the newscast, but his greatest disappointment was that Halia had gone back to school without even getting to meet Sabine.
He pulled his attention back to Edwina as they planned the next week of shows.
“Have you even looked at her book yet?” Edwina asked. “
If we do this, you’re going to have to talk to her about it, at least a little bit. It’s not a novel so you can probably skim and pick up enough.”
Brooding over keeping his promise to Edwina, Koka accepted the book she handed him. “Sandwiches Don’t Hug Back,” he read. “Strange title.”
“Not strange—catchy. It’s about the emotional relationship many people have to food. The author offers lots of advice for eating healthy, but also some pointers on how to stop using food to fill emotional needs,” Edwina said. “I thought you could fix some vegetarian dishes that were low-fat and healthy.”
Koka nodded in reply to Edwina’s food suggestion, as he flipped the book over and looked at the back cover. “No one overweight will believe her. She’s too skinny. What could she possibly know about the struggle of losing weight?”
“A lot—actually. She wasn’t always skinny. She used to weigh over two hundred pounds. I know because I was her roommate in college before her dramatic change into a fitness guru,” Edwina declared.
Koka felt his eyebrows go up. “Why didn’t you tell me she was your friend? I wouldn’t have fought so hard about having her on as a guest. I also might have been kinder in expressing my disbelief.”
Edwina grinned and shrugged. “Because I wouldn’t exactly say she’s my friend. It’s more like I feel a need to make up to Ellen for all the ugly things I once thought and felt. She was a perfectly nice person, but I wasn’t always kind about her issues. I was just as direct with her as I am with you. Weight was never a problem for me. And teenagers are much too selfish to appreciate anyone’s struggles but their own.”
Koka looked at the woman on the book cover with new eyes. “The change was certainly dramatic.”
Edwina nodded. “During our initial interview, she told me it took her eight years to reach a size and weight that she was comfortable with. I can’t imagine the kind of effort that must have taken. Along the way, she had married and had a family. She said pregnancy was the only time she ever backslid and packed on the pounds again.”
“I was overweight as a teenager too. It took me over a decade to lose the weight, but by the time I was twenty-five I was okay with how I looked, or at least I was in my head. Lifting weights has taught me body sculpting, but I sometimes think I have replaced one obsession with another,” Koka said.
“Well, you’ve done a great job sculpting yourself. Your body is a machine. How overweight were you?” Edwina asked.
Koka lifted his gaze from the book to Edwina’s. He searched her eyes wondering how much he should admit. He rarely told anyone, and when he did, almost no one ever believed him.
“I lost two hundred eighteen pounds. What I have gained back in weight since is mostly muscle,” Koka said.
“Wow,” Edwina exclaimed. She stared at his nearly perfect body sitting in the chair. “If I didn’t know how incredibly honest you were, I would think you were lying. But you’re not, are you?”
Koka shook his head. “No. I lost the weight as Halia grew up. For the first ten years of her life, she watched me reinvent my physical self year after year. The muscle building was just one of the tricks I tried, but I liked the results of that most. What I didn’t account for was the very different way I would be perceived once I got to what I look like now. I think I am still adjusting. And I admit I think poorly of those who think they know who I am by judging the way I look.”
Edwina laughed. “Now I get it. Sabine Blakeman’s mistake at the bachelor auction is exactly why you liked her so much. And in her line of work, I imagine she sees right past a person’s exterior anyway. Combine that with her beautiful face and quick wit and you get the perfect woman.”
“I won’t argue your conclusion. Sabine is unique, and nearly perfect in every way,” Koka said. “Tell your author friend I’m happy to have her on my show. I’ll look through her book tonight. Maybe we can schedule her later this week if she’s free. You’re going to have to modify the set though if I’m going to keep having guests. Sabine and I were okay with the tight space, but I don’t imagine others will take my arm swipes so graciously.”
“Depends on how attracted they are to you,” Edwina said, laughing at the glare she received. “I’m teasing. I’ll have the guys work on it after today’s shoot. I imagine it won’t take much to expand the set two or three feet. It’s the camera guys who’ll have to make the real change. We’ll have to do fewer close-ups of that pretty face of yours.”
“I plan to marry Sabine,” Koka said, annoyed when Edwina laughed again.
“Marry her? Didn’t the woman just get divorced?”
Koka sighed. “Yes. But not from me.”
Edwina shook her head. “I can only imagine the two of you debating that demand. She’s a forty-three-year-old mother of two who needs to drop about thirty pounds. I’m not saying she’s not pretty, but it’s obvious to everyone that she’s not as pretty as you. I bet she has doubts every moment of every day.”
“I cannot worry about changing what others think. It’s hard enough to change what Sabine thinks,” Koka declared.
Edwina steepled her fingers on her desk as she pondered something risky, but interesting. “What if we could change what everyone thinks?” she asked.
“What do you mean?” Koka asked back, not trusting the calculating glint in Edwina’s gaze on him.
“I have an idea, but it will only work if you think Sabine is worth the embarrassment,” Edwina declared.
***
“I promise I will not steal any pictures from you,” Koka swore, crossing his heart.
Pekala lifted her chin. “Even if I had such a picture in my memory box, what do you want with it?”
Koka sighed and sat in the chair Denise had put next to Pekala’s bed. “I’m going to use it for my show. I’m having a guest on this week who lost over a hundred pounds. I’d like one of myself when I had a similar amount to lose.”
“I don’t know if I have any of just you alone. You burned most of those,” Pekala said.
“Then I’ll take one of me and Leileiana. I know you and I fought over those. I’m sorry I was so mean about it. You were right that Halia has a right to understand her parents and know the past.”
Pekala frowned. “Begging is not like you, Koka. What’s wrong? Are you upset that your sunshine still stays away?”
“Yes,” Koka admitted. Pekala was the only person who could truly understand.
“Then you are allowed to be upset. I miss her too,” Pekala said sharply. “But she is coming back. I think Sabine just needs a little more time.”
Koka’s sigh echoed through the room. “Well, she is taking too long. I’m lonelier now than before I met her.”
“Now that sounds more like you. Maybe you will make it after all. This has taught you appreciation,” Pekala declared.
“Kupunawahine,” Koka said sternly in warning, but ended up sighing again when she laughed.
“You are so like your father and his father when you boom out in that big man Hawaiian voice. Sabine likes it though. You are a very lucky man,” Pekala said, nodding.
Koka sat quietly and stared at her for what had to be five minutes before his grandmother finally relented.
“Very well. The box is in the top of the closet behind the big stack of blankets. Be careful picking it up. It is as old as I am. The lock does not work well anymore,” she ordered.
A few minutes later, she passed him the only two pictures she had of him.
“Mahalo. These will do just fine,” he said.
“Swear again that you will return them to me,” Pekala ordered.
“I can do even better. I will scan them into my computer and not even take your copies from the house,” Koka said softly.
“You can do that?” Pekala said in amazement. “Wonderful. Send the one of you and Leileiana to Halia.”
“That’s a good suggestion. I guess I should talk to my daughter before I confess on TV,” Koka said.
Pekala snorted. “Halia has been looking a
t this picture of you and her mother since she was a young child. It was helpful to her to know the past so I showed it to her.”
“She has seen this picture? Why did she never tell me?” Koka asked.
Pekala shrugged. “Probably for the same reason you have trouble seeing why Sabine is struggling. Women are complex creatures. Their confidence does not come from lifting heavy things.”
“I never said women weren’t complex,” Koka denied. “And I’m not ashamed of the man I was. I just had to keep focused on where I was going. Lifting helped me.”
Pekala reached out and patted his hand. “You have a right to be proud. For women, the journey to their true self is an emotional jungle. But hopefully Sabine will realize that a big Hawaiian man with a machete wit might have his usefulness.”
“Sabine is fine like she is. I have no wish to change her. I just want her to forget her hurtful past and be happy with me,” Koka said.
“For Sabine, great patience and great love will be necessary for Pilialoha. You are capable of both,” Pekala said firmly.
Koka nodded. “The question is how long shall I wait to use my big man Hawaiian voice on her?”
Pekala laughed at her grandson’s teasing. “Your heart will lead you. Do what you plan. See her after.” She shrugged at his frown. “The clouds can move, but no one can tell the sun when to shine.”
Koka snorted. “Are you going to call her that when she moves in here with us?”
“Yes. She likes it. I will make her feel appreciated. Her first family did not do well with that,” Pekala said.
“You just want her to fix French toast for you again,” Koka said, laughing when Pekala smacked his arm with a strength that surprised him.
Chapter 17
The call from Edwina inviting her to watch today’s show had come at the same time she had finally cleared the cobwebs from her brain. She had planned to come by earlier though and get the initial confrontation over, but the timing hadn’t worked out. For one, it had taken most of the morning to find another dress that fit well. She hadn’t seen Koka in over a week, and the weekend had been miserably long and lonely while she prowled her house and thought.
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