I wanted to drag him back inside, but there was something that told me we should go out. I gentled the kiss using every last bit of willpower I had, and Connor let me do it. He looked down at me, his eyes droopy with lust and his lips damp from our kiss. I wanted to kiss him again, and then drag him inside to have those lips all over me, but I didn’t. Instead I said, “Where were you going to take me?”
He licked his lips and stepped back. The loss of his body pressed against mine was tangible. I wanted him tucked against me, to feel his large body protecting me from the wind and the cold and the fear in my chest. Was our relationship just about sex? I didn’t think it was since he was bringing me breakfast every day and he took me out to that horrible fishbowl that passed as a restaurant on our first date. But I had no idea.
“I, uh, well, I was going to take you somewhere. Somewhere I used to go a lot in high school. But we don’t have to if you want to go somewhere else or do something-“
“No,” I interrupted him. I was insanely curious about the boy I’d idolized. The man I was getting to know was wonderful, but the boy from my past was someone I still didn’t know. A glimpse into who he used to be was intriguing. “Let’s go. I’d love to see it.”
Connor wet his lips again and spun toward the car. He still had it running so the leather seats were warm when I sat down. Connor slid in beside me and gripped the steering wheel for a second before turning to me and pressing me into the seat with a quick, rough kiss.
He took a deep breath and shifted the car into gear, heading to the edge of town, past the high school where Addi taught, and toward the city. We drove in silence for a while, Connor’s one hand tight on the steering wheel, the other one resting lightly on my leg. I had my hand rested on his, not really holding his hand, but touching him. As we got closer to Hamburg, where we grew up, he entwined his fingers with mine and squeezed. We passed through Hamburg and kept driving toward Buffalo. When he reached the edge of Lake Erie he turned toward to waterfront and pulled into a small, deserted park. The parking lot was huge, telling me there were tons of people there in the nicer weather. A boat dock was beyond a small playground and a paved path wound past it all.
“I’ve never been here before,” I confessed as we stepped out of the car. The wind coming off the water whipped around us, slapping my hair against my face. I shivered, my coat not nearly enough protection from the icy blasts spearing me.
But I didn’t complain. I knew this was important for Connor, and even though I had no idea why we were there, I knew if I made him think I didn’t want to be there I’d never find out why he’d wanted to go.
“I used to come here all the time,” he admitted quietly. “It’s changed over the years. The playground is new since the last time I was here. It’s been a year since I’ve been here.”
I couldn’t help but wonder if him not speaking to his dad in a year had some significance in why he hadn’t visited the waterfront in a year, but I didn’t ask. I didn’t know anything about his past, and I wasn’t going to speculate.
“What did it look like before?”
Connor shook his head. “Just more tables. I’d come down here and run the path. It’s like I thought I could outrun everything. I never could though. I’d always have to go home at the end of the day.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, not knowing what to say.
Connor shrugged. “You asked me one time how I knew who you were, why I cared. High school wasn’t great for me. I played sports so I could get away from home. My parents were never abusive or anything, but they weren’t ever there for me. From the time I could see over the countertops, I was taking care of myself. My dad worked constantly and my mom drank as much as he worked. She would drink and go to sleep. I never saw either of them.”
“I always wondered who they were at your games.” I wondered what any of what he was saying had to do with how he knew who I was, but I wasn’t going to ask.
Connor snorted. “They weren’t ever at my games. They didn’t care. You were there though. My girlfriends always liked hanging all over me after the game, showing everyone who they were there with.” He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. I waited, barely breathing. I knew he’d had lots of girlfriends in high school, but I was certainly never one of them, or even friends with one of them.
“Everyone in high school was unsure of themselves, trying to show everyone the person they wanted them to see. We were all insecure and tried to impress each other with things that never mattered. My friends wanted to party at my house because my parents were never home or didn’t care. I let them because I wanted people to like me. Like if I was surrounded by friends then it wouldn’t hurt as much that my parents didn’t care. It never worked though because I was still alone. No one ever really knew who I was. I didn’t know who I was. But I knew who you were because you were different.”
I sucked in a breath at his simple admission. I’d been invisible in high school. I was myself because I didn’t know who else to be, but I wanted to be a part of the crowd that Connor Lee was in. I wanted to go to those parties and dance with boys and drink and have sex. I wanted someone to look at me the way he looked at Emily. I never had any of that in high school because I didn’t know how to get it.
“I was so envious of how confident you were. You knew exactly who you were, who you wanted to be, and you never tried to change that for anyone. I wanted to be that confident. When I saw you at Brady’s wedding I had to talk to you. See if you still had that infallible confidence, that security of knowing exactly who you were. At first I hoped it would rub off on me if we talked, if I could convince you to be my friend. But then we danced and I realized how perfectly you fit in my arms. I didn’t care about your confidence anymore, I just wanted to get to know you.”
He ended his speech with a soft kiss. His lips touched mine briefly then he wrapped his arms around me and held me close. We didn’t talk, just stood there holding each other.
I felt like everything in my world had just been uprooted. Connor Lee was jealous of me in high school. He was the guy who had everything. The sports superstar, the most popular guy, the one with a new girl on his arm whenever he wanted. He had everything.
But he was jealous of me.
Connor sucked in a deep breath and squeezed me a little tighter. “I’m sorry about everything I just told you. I sort of got wrapped up in the moment. I shouldn’t have dumped all that on you.”
I could feel him closing back up on me, but I didn’t want him to. I wanted to know more about who he’d been and how he became the man he was. The one standing before me.
“I’m glad you told me. I’m sorry things were so hard on you. I never imagined in high school that you weren’t completely happy with your life. I was always jealous of all the friends you had, and I was definitely jealous of your girlfriends. I wanted you to look my way, but I knew it wasn’t possible.”
“I looked your way all the time, Riley. I was just too self-absorbed to realize the people I surrounded myself with weren’t people who I should have been friends with. Now all I have is my career. All those friends vanished with high school. The ones who did stick around gave up on me when I quit playing football.”
I felt bad for Connor, something I never thought could be possible. Connor Lee, the boy I’d dreamt about talking to one day, was telling me he wished he’d gotten to know me in high school instead of all the popular people. Me. Riley Williams.
“Thank you,” I finally said, not knowing what else I could possibly say to express how I was feeling. It was all like a dream, a dream I didn’t ever want to wake up from.
“Thank you for giving me another chance, Riley. I probably didn’t deserve it, but I do appreciate it. Come on, I think I owe you dinner. And it’s fucking freezing out here.”
I laughed and raced back to the car with Connor, smiling and happy. With Connor Lee.
Nineteen
Connor didn’t stay the night again, but only because I had an early morning. I didn�
�t like working weekends, but I knew I had to be there to help Karen with the book signing for Amber Monaco. We expected a really good turn out and I wanted to make sure everything was perfect.
On my way in I stopped at Bite Me! Charlie baked cupcakes for me and I told her I’d pick them up. When I arrived she was in the kitchen and Kendall told me to head on back.
“Hey, Riles,” Charlie said happily. “I’m almost finished up. If you want to start boxing things up you can.”
I shrugged out of my coat and laid it across a stool next to the work station. I set my purse on top and turned to where Charlie indicated the boxes were. She had a whole display set up at READ, but transporting the cupcakes over there required her special containers. Plus, we had over a hundred cupcakes.
“I really appreciate you doing this, Charles. I don’t know how you do it, but it’s amazing.”
“No problem. I just hope it goes well. I love Amber Monaco.”
“Me, too. I’m really excited about this.”
“So things are going well with the loan and everything?”
I nodded. “Yeah. It was a whole lot easier than I expected it all to be, but it’s basically done. Before closing I’ll need to show them all sorts of paperwork again, but I’m approved.”
“That’s great news,” Charlie said with a smile. Charlie amazed me sometimes with how positive she was. She was constantly encouraging us to do more and take chances. She’d confessed once that she wished she’d opened Bite Me! long before she did, but she was scared. She said she won’t live her life like that anymore and doesn’t want anyone else to either.
“Thanks. I might be calling on you, Sam, and Claire to help me figure it all out though. It feels like such a huge thing to be dealing with, owning a business. I’m confident I’ll screw it all up.”
Charlie laughed, the light tinkling sound filling the air. Hearing her laugh was like listening to wind chimes blow in the breeze. I struggled to understand why she wasn’t attached, but I knew she’d find someone when the right person came along.
“I’m sure you’ll do fine,” Charlie assured me. “Plus, you know we’ll all help you anyway we can. I’d say my business is the most similar to yours since Sam offers a service and Claire’s is a non-profit service based business, but we can all help.”
“Thanks,” I sighed, grateful I’d met the wonderful ladies I called my best friends.
When Charlie and I finished loading up all the cupcakes we followed each other to READ. Pam and George’s car was in the lot, along with Andy’s and Karen’s. A year after I started working there, Pam and George decided to expand the hours from Tuesday through Saturday 10 am until 6 pm to be open seven days a week and until eight on weekends. When I was in college it worked out for me, but once I graduated and took over so much during the week so they could live a little, they hired Karen to help out. Karen and I got along well and I was glad she wanted to stick around when Pam and George left.
When we brought in the first load of cupcakes everyone walked back outside with us to grab more boxes. Within a few minutes we had all the cupcakes unloaded and Charlie went to work setting up a display amongst some of the books. All of Amber’s books were set out with each book having its own small display so readers could choose one, or more than one, before Amber signed the book. She wanted to do her talk first, followed by a Q&A, and then have the book signing. Throughout all of it people would wander around, but we hoped they’d buy books and stay to talk to Amber.
With everything set up and ready to go Charlie and I ran out and grabbed lunch for everyone. She wanted to stick around for the event and I assured her I’d introduce her to Amber. We grabbed sandwiches for everyone back at the store then ate quickly in my office before Amber and Piper arrived.
“It’s so nice to meet you finally,” Piper gushed as she pulled me in for a hug a few minutes later. She had a huge grin on her face, rich brown eyes framed by purple glasses, and a long gray dress that showed off her curvy figure.
“How do we live so close and haven’t met before?” she asked. “We’ll need to get together again one of these days.”
“Yes, definitely. This is my friend, Charlie Black. She made all the cupcakes we have here.”
“Oh, my god, you are amazing,” Piper said, grabbing Charlie’s hands. “I smelled those as soon as I walked in the door. I’m not sure the guests will get any. I’m about to start drooling.”
“Forget drooling, I’m just eating,” Amber said as she stepped up to us, an Oreo cupcake in her hand with a bite taken out of it. “This is amazing.”
“Oh my god. You’re Amber Monaco,” Charlie stammered. Her eyes grew round and her chest heaved with the effort to breathe normally.
“I am. Did you bake these?”
Charlie nodded.
“Well, then, now I’m your biggest fan. Do you have a card? I might need to use you for some functions I have coming up. I’m assuming you do catering?”
Charlie nodded again.
“Excellent. This is delicious,” Amber said, going in for another bite.
Charlie watched her, stunned. Piper and I grinned at each other waiting for Charlie to realize she was gawking, but Charlie never did. Finally I said, “Charles, card.”
“What. Oh. Yeah.” Charlie dug in her pocket and produced a card for Piper.
“We’ll be in touch,” Piper said, then turned to me. “Soup’s On was delicious. Thanks for the recommendation. When Amber finishes her cupcake we can get started. There’s already a good crowd here.”
I glanced around the store and found a good number of people browsing the aisles and even more sitting in the chairs we’d put out. I was happy it was a good turnout for Amber, not that I expected anything less.
Amber settled into her seat at the front and sipped her water. I brought over a microphone for her to use and handed her a bottle of water. I showed her where we’d stashed a cooler with more water just in case she needed another bottle and left her to get started.
“Hello readers! Welcome to READ. I’m Amber Monaco and I’m so happy to be here today.”
~*~
I breezed into my parents’ house the next night feeling like I was floating. Amber’s talk had gone remarkably well. We sold out of all the books we’d bought for the event and put a dent in the other local books we had. Some of the authors from the group I’d contacted came and asked about doing a similar event in the next few months. It was a great day.
I decided to tell my family about buying READ. Since my loan was finalized I wanted to share everything with them. They’d all supported me so much and I couldn’t keep it from them. I hadn’t really shared with them that I wanted to buy READ to start with so none of them thought anything of Pam and George retiring, but I really wanted to tell them.
Mom was in the kitchen when I got there. Sophie was chopping vegetables for a salad and I heard Jamie’s voice coming from the living room. I hugged Sophie and my mom then washed my hands and started helping slice bread and assemble the salad.
“How’s everything going, Mom?” I asked as we worked side by side. My parents were getting close to retirement. Mom had worked in JCPenney’s part time since we were in high school to help bring in extra money and my dad worked for the town in the building inspector’s office. They had saved though and at 55 my dad was getting ready to retire.
“Good honey. Dad’s finishing up his last few projects so he can get out without feeling like he’s leaving anyone in the lurch.”
I nodded. My dad was worried that him leaving was going to cause issues for some people. There were builders he’d worked with forever that always turned to him for help. Retiring meant they’d have to deal with someone new.
Mom was trying to assure Dad he didn’t need to worry about it, that everyone he worked with would take good care of the builders, but Dad didn’t want to hear it. He liked knowing he was the one they went to.
“How much longer does he have?”
“Three months,” Mom sai
d with a smile.
“For what?” Jamie asked as she walked into the kitchen.
“Until Dad retires,” I told her. “Everyone around me is retiring.”
“Not me,” Jamie said with a laugh. “I won’t ever be retired.”
We all laughed. Being a stay at home mom meant Jamie didn’t get vacations or days off. She loved it, but she was right. She’d never retire. Especially if they ended up having another kid like she was hoping.
“Well, having kids is a pretty fabulous way to spend your life,” Mom said, giving us all a squeeze as she walked past. “Let’s eat,” she called toward the living room.
We each grabbed a dish and carried it into the dining room. I was going to wait until after dinner to tell everyone about READ so I could enjoy my food without having to answer hundreds of questions. Everyone took their seats and we started to pass food around when Jamie cleared her throat and stood. “Since we’re all together, Chase and I have something to tell everyone.”
I glanced past Sophie to Chase. He looked a little pale, but he grinned up at my sister like she was his whole reason for breathing. Jamie winked at him then rested her hand on her stomach.
“I’m pregnant again. We just found out yesterday morning, but I’m feeling good.”
“Congratulations, sweetheart,” my mom said, standing to pull Jamie into a hug. We all followed suit, congratulating both Chase and Jamie then asking the kids if they were ready for a little brother or sister.
“I want a little sister,” Skyla said definitively. “I don’t like boys.”
“That’s my girl,” Chase teased and his daughter beamed at him. “I actually have another announcement.” Chase stood and smiled at Jamie. She looked confused about his announcement, making me a little nervous. If she didn’t know what it was I wasn’t sure he should be telling the rest of us. “I got a new job. I start in a little over a week.”
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