His tone was serious. ‘The more I get to know you the more I want to know.’
Her shoulders felt so good. ‘There’s nothing to tell.’ Except she loved the way his hands worked.
It came out of nowhere and she wasn’t prepared. ‘Tell me about the man who was Mia’s father.’
‘Sorry?’
‘Mia’s father?’
The room became suddenly claustrophobic. ‘What about him?’
‘What was he like?’
What could she say? Nice one minute, an emotional blackmailer the next. ‘Hard work. And in the end too hard to stay around.’
‘So an amicable separation?’
Amicable? The hard lump of a sarcastic snort lodged in her chest. She’d escaped in the night and never looked back. Just the little issue of Mia thinking he was dead.
‘Why are you asking this?’
‘I want to know.’
‘Why?’ Because she didn’t want to talk about it.
He looked at her and she could tell he was turning cold, but she couldn’t help that, and she got it now that she wasn’t good at sharing stuff. So she was shutting him out because she didn’t want to go there. They could be friends, maybe lovers, but she didn’t want to be accountable to any man and that included talking about her past because he felt he had a right to know. He didn’t have that right.
She’d managed this on her own for seventeen years and she could manage for the next seventeen. No guilt. Well, maybe some guilt, but she didn’t need to be reminded about it.
‘I have this feeling I’m missing something. Something I should know.’
She should probably tell him. She’d told Lorna, and Daphne a bit. Not the lot. Why couldn’t she tell Morgan? ‘Nothing you should know. Very boring.’
She looked at the slate of the kitchen island bench, suddenly fascinated by the swirls of different coloured minerals.
‘Billie?’
‘I just don’t want to talk about it.’ She could feel the wall growing like Jack’s beanstalk shooting up between them. She had the suspicion he was watching it grow, too.
He said unexpectedly, ‘When my fiancée left me standing at the front of that church I discovered things that I could’ve helped her with if only she’d let me. But she shut me out.’ He ran his hand through his hair. ‘Maybe we could’ve saved the trauma of her imploding and running away if I’d known more about her life before we met. I don’t want to make that same mistake.’
‘I’m sorry. There’s nothing to tell.’ They both knew she was lying. She looked around for her handbag. He’d gone ahead and ruined the night. Or they both had.
She stood up. ‘Thanks for the massage.’
‘You don’t have to go. I was going to make dinner.’
‘I can’t give you what you want, Morgan.’
‘It’s not hard. Just talk to me. If you need protection I can do that.’
What did he know? He couldn’t know. Nobody knew.
‘I have no idea what you’re talking about.’
‘Don’t shut me out, Billie.’
She found her keys. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow.’
All the way home she was asking herself why she couldn’t have just told him the facts and admitted she’d made a mistake that had resulted in Mia thinking her father was dead.
TWENTY
The next evening everyone was waiting for the rain to come. The previous night they’d had a sprinkle so light it had only made Soretta kick the dirt as she went across to check the troughs.
Not fair, Sorretta thought. It was raining so much in Adelaide that they’d called off the cricket, and that was only four hours away. It had looked promising all day, but the disappointing and dry electrical storms set everyone’s teeth on edge.
Then they’d heard that an hour and a half across the border they’d had a deluge. So far there was none at Blue Hills. The heat increased the pall of anxiety in the homestead and the air seemed to palpate with tension.
Grandad looked as edgy as she felt, as they watched the sky because the house water tank was almost empty. He’d gone into town to order another tank just in case the heavens opened, which they had the money to do now, and Klaus had started up the old bulldozer and scraped the empty dam another few feet deeper in case they had a deluge they could capture.
Billie had offered to pay the water carrier to bring a load for the house, but it wasn’t just the house that needed water. Soretta was praying the water table they were using from the bores to keep the stock alive would hold up. They’d certainly given it a run over the last months. She knew everyone felt it was so close to rain that the waiting was torture, made worse by hearing that it was raining everywhere else.
She glanced across at Daphne who looked jumpy. Soretta knew she was on call tonight, but knowing Daphne, she’d be more worried about Rex than herself, flying with thunder and cumulonimbus everywhere.
Lorna had started talking about moving out to a retirement village to save water now, because one less person using the tank might help.
And to top it off, Mia had let slip she’d picked up Joseph and how uncomfortable she was every time he spoke to her. Of course she’d instantly fired him. And maybe she had been a bit harsh when she’d told her off for not saying anything earlier.
Another rumble of far-off thunder reverberated through Soretta’s nerves and the whole house simmered with the strain.
An hour later Billie wandered outside. The clouds had slipped away again and the air hung still as the scorching afternoon sun hit the top of the gum tree outside the back door before it plummeted behind the hills.
Billie needed air, a release, and then she heard that bird she and Daphne hadn’t been able to identify, and jumped on the excuse to be diverted.
Finally she saw it. Sitting at the top of the tree, singing exuberantly to its intended mate, and she pointed the video on her phone to capture it for proof. They’d be able to have a good look later when she googled it and the birdsong would help.
Another movement caught her eye and she blinked, discerned the outline of a man walking towards her across the yard, but the sun was in her eyes and she shaded them.
Adrenaline tingled her skin and whipped her head up.
Jock. After all these years. As if she’d conjured him by all the thoughts she’d been having lately. So he’d found them. Her heart sank, almost with relief. At least she wouldn’t have to worry anymore.
Then he spoke softly. ‘Do you have a secret, Williamina?’ Deceptively mild, the words floated in the hot air with a hint of derisive amusement. All she could think about was the whereabouts of Mia. Whether it was at all possible to keep her daughter out of sight from this man.
He stepped out from behind the bush and his classic good looks, far from attracting her, made her physically wince at her own stupidity. She couldn’t believe she’d ever been so blind not to see through him. She knew what that full mouth hid. How those eyes were constantly sizing up what could be used to his advantage.
A man who had started from a privileged family, had burned chance after chance until his family had cut him adrift, had lost job after job, never able to see anything good, could only inhabit the negative world he created for himself and his status as victim of that world.
She didn’t know what had happened in his past to form him that way, but she knew nobody could help him until he woke up to himself. She’d chosen not to let him spoil her life like he’d destroyed his own.
Years of dissolute living had left marks on his face. There were traces of weakness he couldn’t hide behind his white teeth.
Her voice was stark. ‘How did you find me?’
‘Honey, I’ve been here for a week. Just didn’t know it was you over here at the homestead.’ His voice purred, ‘Pure divine intervention.’
‘Hardly divine.’
‘Luck, then.’ He shrugged and smiled lazily. Confident now he held all the power. ‘I met a man in a pub.’
‘Your whole life begins a
nd ends in a pub.’
He stepped closer. ‘Nasty. But in this case I’m delighted I met that particular man in a pub. Not only did he suggest I do some prospecting up here, but I found you as well. My dear old girlfriend.’
‘Ex.’
He ignored her comment. ‘Not only have I found my girlfriend but I’ve found out she’s a mother.’
She jumped.
‘You are a mother aren’t you, Williamina? The mother of my daughter. Such a sweet girl. Exactly the right age to mean she’s mine as her birthday was last week.’
Her heart sank. ‘You’ve spoken to her?’
He laughed and it chilled Billie’s soul. ‘Her? Still afraid to say her name to her rightful father?’ He smirked at her. ‘Yes, my daughter, Mia.’
‘You’re not her father.’
More smirk. ‘I think the mirror might tell you differently.’
She lifted her head and spoke evenly. ‘You lost any chance when you threatened me. When you turned into a man I couldn’t trust.’
His eyes flashed and she saw the glint of him turning and it was as plain to see as a bolt of lightning illuminating a dead tree.
‘I was drunk. You got it wrong.’
He’d always been the victim, Billie thought. It was always everyone else’s fault except his that his life wasn’t what he wanted it to be. Billie had moved on but she wouldn’t forget those seams of narcissism and violence that could never be cured by anyone but himself.
She almost felt sorry for him. But not quite.
She’d hoped her daughter would be spared this exposure, but it seemed it wasn’t to be. Finally, she could accept that it had to happen one day. That she couldn’t protect Mia forever from the truth. All she could do was hope Mia was grown up enough to understand why she had excluded him from both their lives.
‘Don’t you think I should be introduced to my daughter?’
Footsteps fell behind her and she knew with sickening despair who it would be. ‘Mum?’ Mia looked between the two of them. ‘What’s Joseph doing here? Soretta fired him.’
‘His name’s Jock.’
‘Ah. The princess.’ Jock smiled. ‘Your mother knew me as Jock.’ Billie wanted to slap him for the hurt he would cause Mia. But anything she said would only incite him more.
He went on. ‘Oh yes, I’m leaving. Now I’ve found the person I’ve been looking for.’
Mia looked from one to the other. ‘What do you mean?’
‘Your mother.’ He gestured grandly towards Billie. ‘My old girlfriend.’
Billie shook her head. ‘I walked away from you years ago.’
‘You ran away.’
‘Yep.’ Fatalistically, Billie said what she should have told her daughter. ‘As far and fast as I could.’
Mia was staring at them in shock. ‘And me?’
He laughed. Held out his hands. ‘You’re my daughter.’
She looked at Billie with a world of hurt in her eyes. ‘My father is dead.’
‘Your father was dead.’ Jock laughed. ‘But now I’m alive.’
Mia threw another glance at Billie, pleading for her to dispute it. ‘Mum. Him? Is this true?’
Mia was looking at her like she’d been stabbed and Billie felt the pain slice into her heart, but the stakes were too high for this to come out the wrong way. She would win this battle no matter what.
She lifted her chin. ‘Genetically. But never intentionally.’
Mia whispered, ‘All these years you lied to me.’ Billie saw the hurt. Winced at the damage she’d caused when all she’d wanted to do was protect her.
Now she met her daughter’s horrified eyes. ‘I made a mistake trusting him once. You didn’t need to make the same mistake.’
Mia gave her a long hard look that made Billie cringe from the contempt it held and then turned slowly towards Jock. Looked him up and down. For one horrible, interminable moment Billie thought Mia was going to choose to go with him. Find out for herself.
Jock smiled and held out his hands. ‘Come to Papa.’
Mia shook her head at her mother, before saying, ‘You might have made a mistake but what makes you think I would be so stupid?’ Then to Jock, ‘Get out of our house and leave my mother alone!’
Billie was almost as shocked as Jock. But not quite. She saw his face change. Saw the lack of control and rise of violence. She stepped forward and pulled Mia behind her, ignoring her resistance with a strength she didn’t know she had.
‘Get inside.’ She pushed Mia towards the house, before turning back to Jock. ‘And you get out.’ There was steel in her voice. She would never be afraid of this man again.
She realised, too bloody late, that it was only Mia’s distress she’d ever worried about. And finally, she felt the load of guilt and shame and fear of the past fall away like a musty coat she’d been dying to strip off. Hopefully, she wouldn’t pay the ultimate price for doing so.
‘Yes, get out.’
Lorna’s voice rang out over their heads. She stood on the verandah behind them. Repeated Billie’s words with barely a tremor in the voice that held all the authority of a woman who had faced greater danger than this before.
Stupidly he laughed. ‘Spare me.’ He looked at Lorna. ‘I’ll come up there and push you over, you old bag. Then I’ll sort out my,’ he paused, shooting Billie a death look, ‘family.’
‘Really.’ There was no feebleness in Lorna’s response. ‘I’d like to see that. And I’d like to see you girls come back up here to me, please.’
Billie backed towards the step, her stomach hollow. Three wasn’t necessarily better against him because now she would be responsible for Lorna as well. At least Mia for once did what she was told and scurried back up to Lorna.
‘Leave.’ Lorna spoke again while they were moving, and Jock laughed.
‘What’re you going to do about it, old woman?’
He advanced towards the verandah and his sudden menace glinted in the sunlight. Billie drew in her breath and shot a look at Lorna, who for some reason looked relieved.
Lorna’s voice was conversational. ‘Are you threatening us?’
‘Bloody oath I am,’ he growled, all pretence of humour gone from his voice.
‘Then I’ll protect myself and those I love.’ She lifted the four-ten shotgun and rested it on the rail.
Jock laughed. ‘An old witch with a gun that would knock you on your back if you were stupid enough to fire it.’
‘She won’t fall over. I’m right here helping her.’ This was Daphne’s voice. She stepped out of the shadows and hugged Mia into her.
Soretta stepped into Lorna’s other side. ‘And me.’
Five women. A hundred times stronger than the pathetic man in front of them.
‘Get out,’ said Daphne and Soretta together.
Jock began to recognise the united steel.
Billie looked down at him. ‘Leave. Never come back. Or I will see you prosecuted to the full extent of the law.’ She picked up the phone, and let out a sigh of relief that the bird video was still running. She waved the phone. ‘It’s all recorded.’
She saw it sink in. Saw the colour leave his face as he realised he was beaten. ‘Bitch.’ He glared pure hatred but it bounced off Billie now, fell harmlessly to the red soil at her feet like a handful of dry dirt that would blow away in the next breeze. Defeated, he turned away.
Soretta pointed in the direction of the gate. ‘Get off our land.’
None of them moved until they heard the sound of his car roar into life and the acceleration of anger down the driveway.
Lorna broke the silence. ‘Oh my,’ she said and began to shake.
Soretta stepped in and relieved her of the gun and Daphne helped her sit down. Daphne swallowed and looked shudderingly at the firearm. ‘Is it loaded?’
Lorna shook her head. ‘Didn’t have time.’ Daphne and Billie’s breath whooshed out in weak surprise and Mia laughed.
‘I believed it was loaded,’ Mia said. ‘And he did
, too. But what would you have done?’
Lorna patted her apron. Shotgun shells rattled in her pocket. ‘I have buckshot—loaded with salt. Wouldn’t have hurt him but it would’ve made a big bang.’
As if to underline her intent a huge clap of thunder rattled the windows and into the silence straight after came the plop, plop of the first few rain drops.
Big drops. Puffing little columns of dust into the air. Then a few more and finally a steady patter. Then the heavens split open and it started to really rain. Drilling holes into the dirt. Huge sheets of fresh cool water that just got heavier and heavier and louder on the tin roof of the homestead until it drummed like a hundred horses were stampeding across the roof.
It took a few seconds for it to sink in, and then they all turned to stare. Soretta first, then Mia, and they clapped their hands and laughed out loud and stared disbelievingly as it continued to get heavier.
Pathetic men in muscle cars were forgotten in the euphoria of a true rain storm. This was steady, soaking, life-giving rain. A deluge getting heavier. Certainly tank-filling, dam-filling solid rain and the cracked and dry ground drank it thirstily as it went on and on.
‘Oh my goodness.’ Billie grabbed Daphne and followed Soretta, who ran to the rail as the gutters started to overrun and she leaned over and put her arms out so the water ran down her arms. Then she dashed out into the yard and danced under it. The water poured down her face in tiny rivers, and even through the water Billie could see the stunned disbelief, and the incredulous relief, and the tears of joy.
Billie watched Mia run after Soretta and start to jump up and down, too. Laughing, her daughter’s clothes quickly grew saturated and stuck to her, the muddy water splashed over her legs.
Lorna laughed as well and tottered to the rail to grin and reach her hand out into the downpour. ‘Oh my goodness indeed.’
Billie felt Daphne take her elbow and they walked arm in arm to stand beside Lorna, grinning at the crazy girls dancing under the opening skies, and Billie realised that because of where she was, because of who she was with, and because of how they had all grown to be a family, she would never enjoy the start of a rain storm as much as she was enjoying this moment.
The Homestead Girls Page 23
