by Aileen Erin
“Yes, you do!” We all—everyone who had been in the lift, all of her guards on the roof and mine—said together.
I watched her face, staring at the spots, and thinking about how close I came to losing her.
Again.
Again.
How did this keep happening?
The only good part about this was that all of it was recorded. All of it. The market was very well monitored, which meant everyone would see the assassination attempt.
I wasn’t sure what that would do for the Aunare people, but I hoped that it angered them. I hoped that it showed our allies that we were not the aggressors here.
And when I officially declared war within the hour, I hoped this proved that our side was the right one.
The side of truth.
Goddess help them if they couldn’t sort the truth from the lies because I was done watching Amihanna pay the price for SpaceTech’s evils.
I was done, and I wasn’t sure what that meant for the Aunare.
Chapter Fourteen
AMIHANNA
A day in the pod plus another half day of testing left me a little stiff and moving slower than normal. I itched to stretch and work out, but I was feeling too lethargic for either. Instead, I opted for a long shower. I usually didn’t like to have it too hot—Abaddon cured me of the love of hot showers—but today, I made an exception. I turned on the steam function and sat on the bench in the shower for a bit, hoping it’d make me have a little more energy. It worked, sort of.
I was moving from the steamy bathroom to the adjoining closet when I heard my father arguing with Lorne in quick Aunare.
What now?
Maybe I didn’t have the right to complain when I’d caused a lot of the drama myself. Going to Ra’mi without consulting my father or Lorne hadn’t gone over well with them, but I was a warrior. And if I was supposed to be a ruler, then I needed to have the ability to act in the manner that I saw fit.
Hadn’t a day and a half spent in a pod and in medical testing been enough of a punishment for acting without waiting for their advice?
Either way, I’d achieved what I’d set out to achieve—we had spies in our custody and my serious injury allowed us to declare war. Lorne did it as soon as I was safely in a pod. I’d watched his speech later, and he’d been amazing and fierce and exactly what I thought a good High King should be.
I hoped what I’d done was worth it.
So, why were Lorne and my father still fighting? Clearly something else was wrong now, and I hoped it wasn’t my fault again. But no matter what, I couldn’t change what I’d done. I didn’t exactly regret it either.
I walked into the closet and just barely stopped myself from grabbing what I wanted to wear—leggings and one of Lorne’s sweaters—and went to the rack of the prearranged outfits. The one I pulled out first included a more structured pair of black pants.
Almya worked so hard to make clothes that suited my personality and my position—which were pretty opposite of each other. But she’d done an amazing job. The pants were fitted with zippers along the ankles to give them an even more snug fit, but the material was stretchy so that I could almost fool myself into thinking that I was wearing leggings. She’d paired it with a loose, silky black tank top. My arms would be visible, but my back would be hidden, which was a safe compromise. She had booties, with athletic soles good enough for running, in a bag attached to the hanger. I started to slip them on, but the voices grew louder.
I froze, straining to make out their words.
I wished I could understand more Aunare. The language was coming quicker for me lately. I could catch words here and there instead of struggling to understand anything. It wasn’t much, but it was a big improvement from nothing. I caught a few words that my father was saying, but not enough to make any kind of sense.
Aghnat. Duty.
Methesha. Honor.
Ketetra. Enemy.
Fet. War.
The voices got even louder, and I couldn’t convince myself that escaping would be anything other than cowardly. And there was nothing I hated worse than a coward.
Better to face them now.
I finished dressing and stepped out of the closet, through the bathroom, then quickly walked through the bedroom—which added up to more space than any other place I’d ever lived before. I was still getting used to it.
I paused in the doorway between the bedroom and living room to get a sense of what was going on. They hadn’t noticed me yet, but from what I saw, I wasn’t going to like whatever they were talking about.
The fireplace was turned off, but the massive vidscreen hanging over it was on and split into screens—not just our news, but Earther stations and those from other systems, too. My father was perched on the edge of the large U-shaped couch, and Lorne—with skin glowing, hair falling in his face, arms waving as he spoke quickly—paced between the large leather ottoman and the fireplace as he talked.
I moved into the room, and the talking cut off. I felt them watching me as I stopped in front of the bar to the right of the screen and grabbed a bag of ba’na. The little puffy yet crunchy squares were the perfect balance of salt and sweet, and they’d help me get through whatever drama I was about to wade into. I hadn’t eaten yet today—some of Audrey’s tests required fasting—and even if the drink Plarsha had given me when I left the healing pod was rich in nutrients, it didn’t fill me up for long. I’d message her for food, but not yet.
This—whatever it was—looked like it might take a while.
My father and Lorne silently watched me as I crunched a few bites.
“I can have food brought in,” Lorne said. “Let me just—”
I gave him a small shrug. “I’m fine.” Whatever was happening here was more important. “What was all the yelling about?”
Lorne muttered something under his breath that had my dad laughing, and then he brushed past me to the bar. He dug around in the cold compartments before pulling out a see-through carton of gray-green liquid.
“You can’t keep doing this.” He took the bag of ba’na from me and handed me the drink. “This first and then the ba’na. But you need real food as soon as we’re done here.”
“Plarsha has something for me to eat, but I guess we have some stuff to talk about before I send for it.” I held up the carton to the light and saw little chunks floating in it.
Oh yuck. This wasn’t going to be pleasant. “What is it?”
“Nutrition,” Lorne said.
“Is it good?”
My father laughed.
“Oh, great. It’s disgusting, isn’t it?” I held out my hand. “Give me back the ba’na. It’s high in calories.”
“But also high in sugar.” Lorne held the bag just out of reach. “You’ll crash too hard. Drink first. Then you can have the ba’na.”
“I’m not a child.” I took a steadying breath. “You’re not my parent. I—”
“No, he’s not. But I am,” my father said. “Ba’na is dessert, daughter of mine. The drink’s not so bad. Just down it fast.”
“You’d think I’d already been tortured enough, but no. Drink the nasty stuff, they say,” I muttered. I ripped the top off, and then took a good sniff. It didn’t smell bad, but the floating stuff in it made me think it was going to be much worse when—
“Drink it so that we can get on with things.” Lorne’s skin was burning bright, the energy around him blazed with anger, and I knew it wasn’t just about the drink or the fact that I’d skipped a meal.
It was that I’d almost died. Again.
That we’d declared war.
And something else. It was the last unknown thing that had me the most worried, especially since it’d made Lorne so on edge.
Lorne looked at me once and then at my father before pacing away from us. He stared out the window and took timed breaths.
Oh man. This was going to be bad. I tried to brace myself for whatever was coming next, but it seemed like no matter how prepared I th
ought I was, something unexpected and equally horrible would happen.
Guess I should down the damned drink already.
Three.
I made a face, holding it to my lips. Two.
Just do it quick.
I chugged it down, trying not to think about the taste. It was bitter and sour and the little chunks in it kept making me gag.
When I was done, I spun, slamming the carton on the bar. I held a hand over my mouth to keep from throwing up and turned back to Lorne. “Gimme. Gimme!” I waved him over.
He handed me the bag, and a few handfuls later, I was pretty sure I wasn’t going to throw up.
“Okay.” I was never ever having one of those drinks again. It was a vow I was making to myself here and now. “Never again. Whatever that was. Never. Ever. Swear to me now or the wedding will be painful for you. I’ll find a way—”
“No. The wedding day will be amazing.” Lorne laughed. “All right. I swear, but only if you swear not to skip meals.”
I narrowed my gaze at him. “You’re a little mean today.”
He sighed, but his glow didn’t dampen even a little. “It’s been a long two days, and it’s getting longer.” He rubbed a hand down his face. “I didn’t sleep much the night before the attack in the market, and it’s safe to say I haven’t slept since.”
I felt awful that I’d worried him so much. I probably should’ve warned him before I played bait to a bunch of spies. “I’m okay.”
“You are. Now. But…” He swallowed and I knew he’d been scared. Again. I hated that, but I was also glad it had been him and not me. I don’t think I’d do well if he was hurt.
But that was something I didn’t want to think about. “What has you two screaming at each other?” When I’d left to shower, they’d seemed okay. I’d only been in the bathroom for maybe twenty minutes, and I wasn’t sure what could’ve happened in such a short time.
That was a dumb thought. The worst could happen in even less time.
I crunched on another bite of ba’na, thankful that we’d all agreed I’d never have that drink again.
My father rose from his spot on the ottoman. “Our allies have called a meeting.”
I set down the bag, no longer even the least bit hungry. “I don’t understand. This is what we wanted, right? I thought you’d been trying to get a meeting since I got to Sel’Ani.”
“That’s not what I’m angry about,” Lorne said.
“Then what?”
“SpaceTech has disappeared,” my father said. “Their ships are gone from where they’d been on the border of our colonies’ territories. We’re tracking them now, but it appears as if they’re headed back to Earth.”
“What the hell does that mean?”
“I don’t know, but it feels like a trap,” Lorne said. “We finally get a window to declare war, they run, and then our allies finally want a meeting?”
Lorne was right. It did feel like a trap, and if it felt like a trap… “Okay. It probably is a trap.” But I wasn’t sure I cared. “But we know we need to talk to our allies. This is our opportunity, and since we already know that it’s probably a trap, we can make a plan or three. This doesn’t sound that bad.”
“It’s not just that,” my father said.
I glanced between Lorne and my father, who were in some sort of staring competition or silent conversation.
“Just tell her everything.” Lorne sounded beyond frustrated, and I was with him.
My father took a breath—finishing whatever it was that had been happening between him and Lorne—and then faced me fully. “There’s some information going around that they’ve developed a weapon that could destroy us all.”
Okay. That sucked. “Then it’s even better that they’re running scared. That gives us time to find out more about this weapon. Couldn’t we do that at the meeting? SpaceTech is a conglomeration built for moving merchandise. What’s better than building a weapon that could take out your enemy? Getting someone else to pay for it. They wouldn’t build a weapon without trying to sell it to other people. SpaceTech is one-hundred percent capable of doing exactly that. It’s their MO. The allies have to know more than they’re willing to say right now. In person, we can press them.”
“But there’s a risk until we can obtain information from our allies about the weapons,” my father said. “We can’t defend against something we don’t understand.”
“There’s always a risk in life. Everything carries a risk.” That was just part of being alive.
“You’ll have to travel separately to mitigate that risk.” My father said the words and I saw Lorne’s skin light out of the corner of my eye.
That. That was it.
That’s what they’d been arguing about.
Lorne wiped a hand down his face, and everything inside me stilled. That one move and I knew who had won the argument.
No.
No.
Absolutely not.
I focused back on my father. “Wherever we go, we go together.” I was pretty firm on that.
“Your father thinks that if one of us dies, the other will be alive to continue the fight.” Lorne’s tone held a hint of can-you-believe-that-idiocy to it.
And I agreed. Completely.
Was my father insane? That clueless? I knew he didn’t get me, but I thought he knew Lorne better than this. “You think if I die, Lorne would be mentally well enough to fight?” I was pretty sure he’d proved otherwise a long time ago.
My father remained quiet.
Got it. Not that then. “You think that if Lorne dies, that I would still be okay enough to fight?”
“Yes.”
I started to laugh, softly at first, but then I was doubled over. My father was an idiot.
“This isn’t something to laugh about.” My father sounded confused, and maybe it was okay that he was. “You’ve survived worse. You’re strong. You’re a di Aetes. You will fight because you can’t do anything else. I know you because you’re mine. We’re the same, and even if it was impossibly hard, you’d get up. You’d get up from your grief and you would fight. You’re that strong.”
“No.” I sat on the couch and caught my breath. When I looked up at him, he was staring down at me, arms crossed, daring at me to say he was wrong.
My poor father didn’t understand me at all because he was so incredibly wrong. “It’s nice that you have so much confidence in me, but if Lorne died, I would be a mess.” I was pretty sure mess would be an understatement. “I might’ve gotten through the last thirteen years better than Lorne, but that’s only because I was a child and I trusted my mother when she took me to some butcher of a doctor who stole away every single shred of my memory until I didn’t even know he existed anymore. No one’s going to be able to do that again. I’d kill them first. I’d kill them and anyone that got near me.
“And if somehow anyone was left alive and I made it through that grief without following Lorne wherever he went, you think I’d stick around to rule people that will probably hate me again without him? Ice that. Ice that until hoarfrost coats this planet and the next and the next until the universe has turned into a bunch of floating frozen rocks because that’s not fucking happening.”
“Amihanna.” My father dropped his hands to his sides and his mouth was opening and closing as he tried to take in my words, but there was no point for him to argue.
I’d said my truth and that was that.
Lorne’s chin was pressed against his chest and his hair blocked my view of his face. But I needed him. I needed him to be okay or I wouldn’t be okay anymore.
If they even touched Lorne, I would lose it. Completely. It’s why I stepped in front of the bullet meant for Lorne. He was everything to me.
And suddenly, what Lorne had done thirteen years ago—killing anyone who got in his way until they’d had to sedate him and lock him up—didn’t seem so impossible anymore.
I got it.
I more than got it.
I felt the ex
act same way.
And just like that, my skin was bright and flashing.
Oh shit.
Chapter Fifteen
AMIHANNA
As if he could feel my freak-out, Lorne rushed to me, and suddenly I was in his lap on the couch, pressed against his chest.
I sat there breathing in the scent of him, hearing his heartbeat, feeling his skin against mine, but it wasn’t enough. “I get it.” I didn’t need to say more. I didn’t need to voice that I understood how he completely lost control because I’d nearly lost control at just the idea of losing him. And yet he’d lived through it again and again.
“I never wanted you to get it,” he said so softly that I barely heard him.
I twisted in his lap until I was straddling him with my face buried in his neck.
“You have to start letting go of the power you just built up. Let it go slowly.”
I nodded. I was trying, but I felt like every nerve in my body was on fire.
“You really need to get a better handle on your abilities.” There was a reprimand in my father’s voice, but I didn’t care. Not this time. Not when he was right.
“You’re not safe like you are now. Not to yourself or anyone else. Where are your bracelets?” my father asked.
“Bedside table,” I said without pulling away from Lorne.
I didn’t see my father leave to get them, but he was back a second later. Lorne pushed me away enough to carefully wrap them around my wrists. They started to glow almost instantly, but they’d slowly siphon off more and more of my power until they were fully charged.
“We need time to work on this,” Lorne said, tapping the bracelets.
“I know. But when?”
He shook his head, and I knew we should make the time, but there wasn’t any. Especially not now.
“I think we should bring a lab ship with us to the meeting with our allies,” Lorne said, changing the subject. “You’re exactly right about SpaceTech selling the weapons. I have friends among our allies that might not say anything unless we meet in person. One reached out to me already to set up a meet, and now that you mentioned it, I think he alluded to knowing more about the lucole weapons without saying it.”
