by Aileen Erin
I shoved my hands into my pockets and focused on the ship’s crew. It wasn’t an easy job to coordinate so many, but they moved calmly, precisely, checking in with each other as they ran through all the safety checks. I usually liked to be here for this part. Zaeshel—the Royal Captain that piloted any ship I was aboard—gave me a nod, and I moved through the bridge, taking my seat. The ship slowly rose from the ground, and I watched as Sel’Ani faded from view.
I glanced at the readout on the screen. We’d make our first jump in an hour, which meant I had time. To do what, I wasn’t sure, but I assumed Fynea had something scheduled.
Rysden’s ship’s path was in blue next to my red. Amihanna had been given purple. She was jumping in two hours.
“Thank you, Zaeshel,” I said.
She turned, giving me a bow with her fist to her heart before focusing on the screen again.
I left her to do her work and moved back to Fynea who was still typing away on her tablet in the back of the room. With the exception of Ashino, my guards had already wandered off without needing to be dismissed. I didn’t need them shadowing me while confined on this ship.
I thought about sneaking out the door, but Fynea cleared her throat. Which meant she’d noticed me, even if she’d given no other sign.
She finally looked up at me, and I was pretty sure she was going to tell me that I had to make some calls. That’s usually what it meant when she got so completely distracted. Coordinating my schedule was quite a feat.
“How many?” If she said anything other than zero, I was going to end up disappointing her.
“You’ve got quite the queue today, your majesty. We’ll wait until after we clear the solar system, but Councilman di Yenam is wanting to discuss the delicate trading situation between us and the Gsvina.”
“Councilman? Really, Fynea.” I knew she was as grateful as I was to be rid of them.
“Apologies. Habit. Former Councilman.”
That didn’t make me like him any better. “Amihanna took care of the Council. We’ve got bigger things to worry about right now than discussing absolutely anything with any of them.”
“What would you like me to tell di Yenam?”
To go away and never bother me again. True, but not very kingly. “Tell him that the Gsvinaish have chosen to back SpaceTech, and as a result, have been cut off as trade partners. There is no sense in discussing it unless he has confirmation that they’ve changed their current position on the larger, more important matter.”
Fynea let out a whistle. “Not in the mood to play nice today, are you?”
“No. No, I’m really not. They need to learn that I’m not my father.”
“Goddess save us all. It’s going to be a painfully long four days if he’s already in this foul of a mood,” she muttered it to herself, but not nearly softly enough.
It really was, but I wouldn’t apologize for it. Not yet, at least. “What else?”
“Well, if you’re not in the mood to talk to di Yenam, there’s no way you’ll want to talk to this one.” She scrolled down the list. “Or this one.” She scrolled more. “Or really any of these.” Her eyes grew wide. “Another request just popped in.”
“Who? If it’s an ally or a spy who might have information on any lucole weapons, I’ll take it. Otherwise…”
“Cheztkena wants to talk anti-SpaceTech strategy.”
Now that was a call I would take. Cheztkena usually liked to lead her people to be neutral, but the Naustlic system bumped up against the farthest of SpaceTech’s planets. “She knows something.”
“She’s telepathic. She always knows something. Oh, but she says she’ll be out of reach for a bit. She’s requesting a time in two weeks.”
That was thinking far in advance. I’d rather have talked to her sooner, but if it was two weeks or nothing, I’d take the two weeks.
“Is she coming to Telnon?”
“She didn’t say.”
I wasn’t sure what that meant. It was odd that she was reaching out to me now, yet not stating if she’d be on Telnon. She had to know that’s where I was heading. “Make sure I’m available whenever she requests. If something else gets scheduled, move it.”
“I’ll let her know.” She looked up from her tablet. “We’re refusing most requests, which means your schedule is clear for a bit except for Rysden. He wants to talk to you once he’s off-world.”
“Okay. Any word from anyone that I’ve reached out to about lucole?”
“Not yet, but I’m keeping a very close watch on all my message channels. I’ve also put out a few feelers of my own. I have a reliable source in the Zktra system that I’ve reached out to, but no word back yet.”
I grunted. “Not unusual for anyone in the Zktra. They couldn’t care less about anyone but themselves.”
“Fair, but I’m still hoping. She’s my best source.” She paused for a moment and then hugged her tablet to her chest. “Listen, Lorne. I hated what happened at Ra’mi as much as you did. You haven’t let me apologize—”
I cut her off with a look. “Don’t.” I didn’t want or need her apology. I understood why they acted without telling me. I didn’t like it, but nothing was going to change what happened, so I was moving forward. “The lab ship is with Amihanna? I want it close to her just in case.”
“Yes. Rysden wanted it with him, but I insisted and he couldn’t argue with your reasoning. Also, I heard just before takeoff that Audrey was able to grab a couple of very small samples from Amihanna before the poison was completely neutralized. Those from the floor of the market were completely unusable. The sprinklers destroyed them. But the team is working with the sample from Amihanna now. I will give you updates as I have them.”
“Good.” I tried to see if I needed anything else, and thought of one more thing. “Make sure you have the meet with Vyic coordinated. I know he knows something, and I’m going to find out what.”
Fynea shuddered, and I understood why. “It’s in the works. Leave it to me.” She sighed. “Even if I have nightmares for a month after, I will make sure we see him.”
I took a moment to think if there was anything else, but nothing came to mind. “Thank you.” I needed a moment by myself, without twenty people watching me. It was safe to head to my quarters now. I ached for Amihanna, and I needed to balance myself against the fear and worry I was feeling from her. I wouldn’t let myself lose control again.
Fynea followed me down the hall, but when I reached my quarters, I turned in the doorway to face her, took a single step back, and then closed the door—swiftly pressing the lock.
She was my friend. She understood that I needed to take a break sometimes.
This was one of those times.
I was still shaken by the sight of Amihanna with the go-bag, of her barely breathing on the floor of the market three days ago, of her in the dumpster…
I couldn’t tell if it was that she’d almost died just days ago that made this separation excruciating or if it was that the last time we parted thirteen years ago, everything that could’ve gone wrong, did.
I was still haunted by the screams of my crew when I lost control.
I could still smell the scent of their flesh burning.
And I couldn’t do that again. I couldn’t lose control.
So, I sat at the desk in my room quietly, and I breathed.
I gave it a few minutes, and then I pressed my hand on the desk, activating the screen. I punched in a few commands and then Amihanna’s face appeared on the screen.
There she was.
She was fine. Confused maybe, but fine.
Her eyes looked tired, but the brown depths saw straight to my soul. Her mouth twitched and she cocked her head, and I couldn’t help but smile because I knew the next thing out of her mouth would be pure snark.
“Miss me already?”
“Yes.” I did. I truly did. I’d become a sad man who had so much need, but that’s what I was. “This was a bad idea. I don’t care about protocol or
safety or whatever the bloody reason was for us to be apart.” It was horrible to admit, but I didn’t trust myself. Not even a little bit. “I can give coordinates. We’ll travel together. No one will know but us.”
Her eyes widened and I could feel her shock across the three light-years that already stretched between us. “Lorne. You won’t lose control again.”
“It’s too much of a risk. You keep nearly being killed. One of these times it won’t be nearly anymore and I won’t be there and—”
“Stop. Stop it right now.” She almost sounded insulted, but I couldn’t take back what I’d said. I couldn’t change how I felt.
“Do you think I’m weak? That I can’t take care of myself?” I was right. She was completely insulted.
“No.” I leaned closer to the screen. “No, it’s all me.” I pressed my fist against my racing heart. “I thought I could do this, but I can’t. I can do what I have to do, but we don’t have to do this apart. If something happens, I will lose it. I’ve been there before and it haunts me and—”
“Lorne.” Her voice held all the calm, and I wished she would lend it to me for a while. “Send the coordinates if you want, and I’ll join you. But you’re freaking out on me. We can’t go the rest of our lives with this fear of being separated. It’s not healthy.”
“I don’t care.” I was freaking out, but I couldn’t stop it. “I don’t care if it’s healthy or not. Where you go, I go. Where you walk, I walk. And that’s that.” I didn’t care if we weren’t married yet. I was in my heart, and I didn’t want to be apart from her. All I had to do was order her captain to meet us, and he would. I was the High King.
Panic clawed at my throat.
“Lorne. Your skin. You’re having a panic attack and you need to breathe with me now.”
I knew. Of course I knew. The strobing of the skin on my arms meant I was dangerous.
Very dangerous.
This wasn’t good.
Six in. Three out. Three in. Six out. Four in.
I focused on her face, her eyes, her presence as I breathed.
When my skin was back to a normal glow, she sighed. “I don’t know why I’m arguing with you.” She leaned back in the chair and crossed her arms. Her mouth was in an adorable slight pout. “I don’t want to be apart either. It’s completely iced.” She took a breath. “But this is supposed to be the right thing to keep everyone safe. And we have to know we can do this. I’m scared without you, and that’s not good. You’re panicking without me, and that’s definitely not okay. So, we get through it. We’ll be stronger for it because we can’t let the fear of being apart destroy us. Not when we have so many other things we’re going up against.”
I was a coward. I knew it, but Amihanna was right. I didn’t trust myself. “The last time we parted like this—”
“SpaceTech attacked with no warning. No one expected what happened. Now we know, and it’s made us smarter, safer, and better.” She leaned forward, until her face took up nearly my whole screen. “We can’t plan for everything in life. I know that’s a lot coming from a person who loves a good plan, followed by ten or more backup plans, but that’s only because I know how true that is. We can’t know what’s going to happen in this life.” She was quiet for a moment. “But I know that we’re both older now. We’re both more aware of the dangers ahead of us. And I know that we have a plan. We either meet on Telnon, or if something comes up, we meet somewhere else. We each have a fleet with us—fighter ships, warships, and all of them loaded with enough ammo to fight this war.”
I was trying to hear her, but I hadn’t expected to panic this much. It was too similar. Last time, I knew leaving was a mistake. I did it anyway, and it nearly cost me everything.
“So, I’m covered. I’m not here alone with just a few guards behind enemy lines. It’s not like last time. It’s really not. There’s nothing to lose control over. If anything goes wrong, you’ll be the first to know, and you’ll be able to come straight to me. Fynea knows when you’re losing it. When that happens, you go to her. She’s got your back. She won’t let you get to a place where you totally lose it. Be strong for me, okay?”
I huffed. “But you’re still afraid or anxious or something. I feel it, and—”
She looked off to the side and gave me a half-grin.
“What?” I leaned closer to the screen to see if I could see what she was looking at.
“Nothing. Roan was just teasing me for talking to you already.” She gave me a smile. “It’s kind of cute that you’re freaking out about this more than me. Maybe we should get you a go-bag. I always feel better when I have one close by.”
I didn’t need a go-bag. I needed Amihanna.
There was a chime at the door. Fynea, no doubt.
She rang again. And once more.
Amihanna lifted a brow. “Don’t you think you should get that?”
“No. It’s just Fynea, reminding me that it’s time to talk to your father.”
“Since he’s also your second-in-command and the head of your military and we’re probably about to walk into a trap, talking to him sounds like a smart idea.”
“Well, I feel like I’m allowed to wallow for a moment.” I braced my elbows on the desk as I massaged my temples. “I wasn’t expecting to panic like this.”
“Me either, but I’m glad you called me. You don’t let me panic alone, and I’m glad to be able to help you.” Amihanna put her hand on the screen. “I’m okay. I promise. But I need you to be okay.”
There was a three-tone alert as Nea overrode my lock and the door slipped open. “You said just one moment,” she said in very annoyed Aunare before glancing at the screen. “Goddess, you’re truly pathetic,” she said in Earther English. “You called her. Already? You’ve been apart minutes, Lorne. Minutes. And look at your skin.”
“Go do your work,” Amihanna said. “And don’t worry. You’re missing nothing over here. Roan’s quizzing me on the various key players in the meetings and their backgrounds. It’s boring as hell. You’re going to owe me big for this. Big.”
“I look forward to rewarding you.” I gave her an over-the-top leer, and she laughed just like I wanted.
“You better.”
Roan’s gagging came through the call.
She scowled at something just off-screen. “I really need a more mature best friend.” Her brown eyes looked back at me, and she smiled.
The frantic panic that had been rotting my thoughts disappeared with that one look.
“I love you. Go talk to my father.” And then the screen went dark.
“Did she just order you to do something and then hang up on you?”
I couldn’t help but grin. “I believe so.”
“Wow.” Fynea stepped toward me. “Wooooow.”
I wiped a hand down my face and leaned back in my chair. “What?”
“Your majesty. Please. For the well-being of everyone on this ship, please relax. Amihanna will be fine, and if anything actually does happen, she’s the most capable person I know. I truly have faith that she can get through any crisis.”
Fynea walked into an adjoining room and grabbed a carton of water for me. “Drink this,” she said. “Take a breath. And for Goddess’s sake, get your fao’ana under control. We have actual work to do.”
I glanced down at my skin, and sure enough, I was glowing painfully bright but not strobing anymore.
Fynea was right. Amihanna had lived through horrors and come out of it stronger. If something happened, I had to trust her to handle it, just like she handled everything else in her life.
Worrying wasn’t productive, didn’t solve anything, and usually served as a distraction from bigger things. That was something Rysden always told me, but I wasn’t sure if I was capable of not worrying about her.
So, instead, I focused on the rest of the things I could worry about.
Like stopping whatever SpaceTech was up to before we got to Telnon.
Because if there was one thing that Amihanna an
d I agreed on, it was that we were definitely walking into some kind of a trap. Worse—we were walking into a trap while separated.
We were weaker apart, and I’d let myself get talked into following tradition. That had to stop.
Rysden and I were going to have a nice strategy call today, and then I’d make sure everyone knew that I was not my father. I was a different kind of king entirely.
Except I’d been making mistakes. I’d been making them for weeks. Ever since I put on this crown.
That changed today.
Chapter Eighteen
AMIHANNA
I was in the dining room fighting against sleep while Roan held up the tablet for the one millionth time. He was asking a question about whatever he was showing me, but I couldn’t focus. I stared into the cup of warm wyso like it held the answers while he tried to get me to pay attention, but I figured if I ignored him for long enough, he’d give up.
I pressed a fist to my stomach. I knew I should eat, but I hadn’t been able to keep anything down. We’d arrive on Telnon tomorrow night, and Lorne was going to freak when he saw me. I was using some filters on our vid calls to keep him calm. Not anything crazy. Just the kind that evened out my skin tone, took away the circles under my eyes, and put a little color on my cheeks. I just didn’t want him worrying over nothing. I’d be fine once I got to Telnon.
Audrey was on another ship following us with Tyler, locked in her lab. I hadn’t realized how truly awful I looked until I stupidly forgot to use a filter on our vid call during day one of travel. It only took two minutes of talking before she informed me that she was coming over to do another scan.
I asked her why the lab ship was with my convoy instead of Lorne’s. Apparently, she wanted to be close in case I had any lingering effects of the lucole poisoning. The last thing I wanted was another scan, but she didn’t listen to me.
Three scans later, we were pretty sure it had to be just the jumps that were killing me. That didn’t have anything to do with the lucole. It was more important that she kept studying the little bit of poison they found in me. It was beyond critical for us to know how to counteract it quicker the next time we saw it. Because that would happen. Sooner than we’d like.
