Graham reached for his water and took a deep breath. He knew an olive branch when he saw one, even though it still took all his focus to relax. He wouldn’t allow this man to get under his skin. “Good.”
“Lacey’s working on a picture for you,” Dan said as he dipped a piece of tuna in his mix of soy sauce and wasabi. “She wanted to know if we could go to the aquarium today.”
Graham laughed. He knew Dan had strategically changed the topic, but for once he didn’t give in to the instinct to steer the conversation back to business. If they were going to work together, he’d need to meet Dan halfway. “She’s a great kid.” He wanted to tell Dan he was a great father, but something about that felt too personal to share, so he held back.
“Thanks. I told her she needed to work on being patient. I also told her Mr. Graham and her dad need to work sometimes.”
Graham felt a strange mix of anticipation and fear talking about the trip down to the coast. But instead of telling Dan that he was backing out, he said, “Please tell her I’m looking forward to it.”
“I will. And I’m glad you’re coming along.”
Graham glanced down at his plate, at a loss for words. Why was making small talk so difficult? He took a swig of his tea and steeled himself. Why did he care if Dan thought he was an awkward fool? He had nothing to prove. “I’m sure being a single parent is a challenge,” he said finally.
“It is sometimes.” Dan’s kind expression and matter-of-fact response seemed natural. If he was uncomfortable with the topic, he didn’t show it. “But I knew what I was getting into when Benn and I adopted her. Not that I expected what happened, but there are never any guarantees.”
“That first day,” Graham said, “you were late because of Lacey, weren’t you?”
Dan tilted his head to one side, his lips parting slightly. “There was a bit of a complication with the babysitter, yes.”
“I shouldn’t have come down so hard on you.” There, he’d said it. “I’m sorry.”
Dan’s eyes widened and the edges of his mouth curved upward. “No need to apologize. You have every right to expect your employees to be on time. Especially on their first day.”
“There’s something else I meant to ask,” Graham said, emboldened.
“Shoot.”
“That night… in Wilmington…. Was that about Lacey too?”
Dan sighed and nodded. “My folks came down for the race. I think they let her get her way one too many times.”
“How so?”
“They have a hard time telling her no. It’s a grandparent thing. While I was doing my thing, my mom took her to the street fair. Best I can tell, she OD’d on fried chicken fingers and a milk shake. She threw up and sounded so pathetic….” Dan met Graham’s gaze. “I’m so sorry. Pretty unfair of me to leave without explaining.”
“I’ve had better first dates,” Graham admitted, then realized the implication of his words. Explaining what he’d meant would only draw more attention to the slip, so he left it like that. “Why didn’t you just tell me the truth?”
“I wasn’t thinking at the time. I was nervous. Would you believe me if I said you were the first man I’ve even thought about sleeping with since Benn died?”
“I believe you, but I’m surprised. You seemed so comfortable when we met at the bar.”
Dan lifted his tea and held it between his palms. “I’ve always been a pretty good actor. Besides, you seemed a little lonely, and I was too.”
Graham swallowed hard. Had he looked lonely? No one other than Terri had ever told him that, and here a man he’d just met got that vibe from him.
“I wasn’t looking for anything long-term from our hookup,” Dan admitted. “But it felt like the right time and right. The last thing I wanted was to leave you.”
Graham wasn’t sure how to respond, so he changed the topic. “Terri mentioned you played football in college.”
Dan nodded. “I was okay.” That was Dan—understated, humble. “Tore my knee to shreds in my senior year. Lost my scholarship.”
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have—”
“Best thing that ever happened to me.”
“Best thing?” Graham asked, stunned. He’d always thought Dan loved to play.
“It probably sounds strange,” Dan explained, “but my whole life was about the game.” He smiled and glanced up for a moment as if seeing a memory there. Pain glittered in his eyes. “I hated it.”
“You… what?”
“Yep. I hated it.” Dan nodded. “It was everything I’m not. I hated myself for buying into the bullshit, but I didn’t do anything about it. I played the game—and I’m not talking about football. I pretended I was the person they all wanted me to be. Thought I owed it to them.” He sighed. “I hated myself. And when I finally came out, I felt like I could do anything. Be anybody.” He paused, cheeks coloring with the admission. “I know it sounds crazy.”
“It doesn’t.” Life hadn’t worked out the way he’d wanted it to either, but Graham never regretted making peace with himself.
Dan met his gaze and touched Graham’s hand. The gesture wasn’t sexual, but kind and understanding. Comfortable. The anger triggered by the memory of sitting in the mud, listening to the taunts, looking up at the band members and football players, knowing he was a loser, slowly receded. Was it the epitome of stupidity, allowing himself to fall for Dan all over again?
He isn’t the same person, and neither are you.
“Dan, I—” he began, suddenly compelled to come clean about the past.
“How is everything?” the waitress said.
“Great.” Graham spoke quickly, relieved. It’d be even crazier, revisiting high school with a man who had clearly left that part of his life behind. Dan had been in the closet all that time, and he’d been miserable. Graham had gotten his revenge in the form of success. He wouldn’t look back.
“Great,” Dan echoed.
“I’ll bring the check,” the waitress said and flitted away.
“Sorry, you were saying…?” Dan prompted.
“Nothing,” Graham replied. “Only that I’m glad you’re willing to consider our offer.”
Chapter Seventeen
DAN loaded Lacey into the Forester and strapped her into her car seat as Graham watched. After the lunch where Graham had offered him partnership in the firm, he’d pretty much figured Graham would cancel on him for the aquarium trip. He’d been wrong. Graham seemed nervous about it, but he’d shown up ten minutes earlier than expected, armed with snacks and drinks for the road and a coloring book that featured aquatic animals.
If anything, Graham seemed to focus on Lacey as a way of avoiding contact with Dan. Not that Graham had indicated he was interested in Dan as anything but a friend—their Wilmington near miss and the kiss in the kitchen aside. Still, Graham’s expression, when he thought Dan wasn’t looking, made Dan wonder if maybe there was hope.
Lunch on Monday hadn’t gone the way Dan had expected. Not that he wasn’t pleased about the partnership offer, since it meant more say in the operation of the firm, not to mention extra money for Lacey’s future, but Graham had taken the wind out of his sails. He’d been thinking about a relationship, and Graham had been all about the business. That’s what you get for having a rich fantasy life.
“Daddy,” Lacey said, “can I have my crayons?”
“What do you say?”
“Can I please have my crayons?”
Dan snagged the box and handed it to her, accidently brushing his shoulder against Graham. The warmth of the contact made his breath catch. Graham looked quickly away, but Dan wondered if he, too, had felt the buzz of heat with the touch.
“Thank you, Daddy.” She grinned when he nodded his approval.
A few minutes later, the three of them were on the road. “I’m glad you could come with us,” Dan said as he turned onto the freeway. He felt a little like a kid on a first date—awkward and uncomfortable, but keyed up with anticipation for something.
Graham smiled. “Thanks for inviting me.”
He needed to keep his focus on the road. Graham was way too distracting with his usually combed-back hair now tumbling freely over his forehead and the tips of his ears. He seemed more relaxed as well, draping his arm over the center console where his fingers brushed Dan’s elbow.
“You should probably thank my daughter for that.” Dan shook his head. “Don’t get me wrong. I’m glad she did. I figured you’d say no when she asked.” It was the truth, but Dan was thankful he’d had an excuse to invite Graham. Sometimes kids knew better than adults.
“I won’t lie,” Graham said, “I’m not looking for a relationship. But I enjoy spending time with you both, and I couldn’t think of any good excuse to bail on you.”
Dan smiled through his disappointment. It wasn’t a surprise, though. “I appreciate the honesty.” In spite of Graham’s words, he sensed an inner conflict, which played out in his subtle glances when he thought Dan wasn’t looking.
“Daddy, music,” Lacey said.
“Please can I listen to music,” Dan corrected with a sigh.
“Please can I listen to music?” she repeated.
Dan pressed a button on the console. “Radio Disney. Lacey’s favorite.”
“I take it not yours,” Graham said.
“It’s not as bad as you think, although after a while, ‘Funky As a Diaper’ gets old.”
“That’s a song?”
Dan nodded. “Yep. There are few things preschoolers find funnier than pottying.”
“Personally, I prefer indie rock.”
“Just you wait, Counselor,” Dan said in his best courtroom voice. “By the end of this trip, you’ll find yourself singing along.”
BY the time they arrived at the aquarium, Graham really was singing along and in a warm baritone that sent shivers down Dan’s spine. Dan, who had little in the way of a musical gift, happily listened to Graham and Lacey.
“You’re good,” Dan told Graham as they pulled into the parking lot singing another round of “Billy Joe McGuffrey.”
“Thanks.” Graham had given up music after high school. “I get that from my mother. She played piano at church sometimes. She taught me to play, although I haven’t touched an instrument in years.”
“Benn and I talked about using a surrogate for a baby,” Dan said off-handedly. “I was going to be the donor. In the end, though, Lacey came along and we were able to adopt. Anyway, thank goodness she isn’t musically challenged like I am. If she’d gotten my genes, we’d probably be making the neighborhood dogs howl.”
“Daddy’s funny when he sings, but I like it,” Lacey said as Dan opened the door and unbuckled her booster seat.
“A true compliment if I’ve ever heard one,” Graham teased.
“Better watch out, or I’ll sing and both of you will need to run and hide.”
Lacey giggled and hopped out of the car. Dan held out his hand, but instead she grabbed Graham’s.
“Should I be jealous?” Dan seemed more than pleased that Lacey was comfortable enough with Graham to take his hand. Lacey shook her head and took Dan’s hand as well.
They walked with Lacey swinging between them.
“Better than the machines at the gym for upper arm strength,” Graham quipped.
“Just wait until she asks if she can ride on your shoulders.”
They purchased their tickets and made their way to the first exhibit, an enormous tank full of fish found in the coastal areas of North Carolina.
“Daddy, what does breakish mean?” Lacey asked.
“Brackish,” Dan corrected. “It means the water is a little salty. Not as salty as the ocean, though.”
“She can read?”
“She saw a TV show about a boy who could read when he was two,” Dan explained. “She pestered me until I bought her some primers. I’ve been teaching her.”
“Daddy says I’m a good reader.” Lacey jumped up and down, then let go of their hands to run to another exhibit.
“Our neighborhood school has a gifted and talented program for kindergarten,” Dan said. “We’re supposed to have her tested, but as quickly as she learns, I’m pretty sure she’ll make it in.”
“You must be really proud of her.”
“I am. But if I didn’t think she’d be happy in a special program, I wouldn’t even consider it. It’s nice that she’s reading at a higher level than most kids, but it’s not as important as whether she enjoys school,” Dan explained as they met up with Lacey again.
“Are you excited about kindergarten?” Graham asked Lacey.
“Yep.” She nodded emphatically, her big brown eyes bright with excitement. “I turn five in January, you know.”
“Really? When in January?” Graham asked.
“January 8.”
“That’s my birthday too,” Graham said.
Lacey frowned and put her hands on her hips. “Really?”
“Nope. But I really was born in January. January 26.”
“You’ll come to my birthday party,” she announced. “Daddy says he’s going to buy a cake and I can invite my friends.”
“Lacey, I’m not sure—” Dan began.
“You said I can invite my friends,” Lacey said emphatically. “Mr. Graham is my friend.”
“I’m glad to hear it,” Graham said.
“So you’ll come, won’t you?” Lacey pressed.
“I’ll do my best. How’s that?”
Lacey pressed her lips together and frowned as though thinking it over. Then she smiled and said, “That’s okay. Right, Daddy?”
“Right.” Dan glanced at Graham and mouthed, I’m sorry.
“Don’t be,” Graham said as Lacey charged off again. “As long as her father says it’s all right, I’m happy to come.”
“You may live to regret it,” Dan said. “Entertaining a mob of preschoolers is hard work.”
“I don’t doubt it.”
“Shall we?” Dan motioned to a huge circular tank with coral and fish, like rays and eels. Inside, a diver was hand-feeding a large sea turtle.
“Look, Daddy!” Lacey pulled them both closer. “What’s that man doing?”
“He’s feeding the turtle, I think,” Dan replied.
“What’s that on his back?”
“It’s a big bottle with air in it,” Graham explained. “That’s a scuba diver. That thing in his mouth is called a regulator. It helps him breathe air under the water.”
Lacey ran back to the tank and waved at the diver, who waved back.
“Do you dive?” Dan asked.
“It’s been forever. They offered a certification course at my college, but I haven’t been since I founded the firm.” He wished he could find the time to dive again.
“I’ve always wanted to learn,” Dan said. “Benn and I talked about it before we adopted Lacey, but after that….” Dan wore a faraway expression.
Graham touched Dan’s arm. “I’m sorry.”
Any fear that he’d said the wrong thing evaporated when Dan turned to him and said, “Thanks. I really appreciate it. It’s been three years, but there are times when I can’t help but think about him. Hearing me talk about him must be pretty dull.”
“Not at all. In fact, I’d like to hear more about him.” He spoke the truth. Graham wasn’t sure why he wanted to know more about Benn. Maybe he just wanted to understand Dan better.
“Are you sure?” For the first time since they’d met against as adults, Dan looked insecure.
“I’m sure. Really. How did you two meet?” Graham asked.
“Purely by accident,” Dan said with a smile. “I was looking for a rental in Manhattan with a broker, and we both wanted the same place. We talked a little, exchanged contact info. He ended up putting down his deposit before I did, so he got the place. But he called me.”
This didn’t bother Graham. He chastised himself for being jealous of a nonexistent female partner when he felt comfortable hearing Dan speak of his
real-life husband. Dan had clearly loved Benn, but he never seemed to judge Graham, or any other man who might take Benn’s place, as inferior.
“Graham? Something wrong?”
“Not at all. I was just thinking how at peace you seem with things the way they turned out.”
“At peace, yes.” Dan’s wistful smile said it all. The good with the bad. Love and loss. “Do I wish he was still alive? Of course. I never got to speak to him after the heart attack—he never regained consciousness—but I imagine he’d have kicked me in the ass if I’d held on to him like that.”
“Held on to him?”
Dan nodded. “I did, to begin with. After spending most of my life in the closet, I was pissed at the universe that I’d found the right man to share my life with and he died.
“It probably sounds trite, but as Lacey grew, I realized I was exactly where I wanted to be. A father to an amazing kid, and with a long life left to be lived.”
“Not trite,” Graham said. “Sometimes loss opens the door onto things you never even considered.”
“Sounds like you have some experience in that area.”
“When my stepfather died, I was devastated,” Graham explained. “I’d planned on returning to Tennessee to practice law, but the thought of living there without him around… I couldn’t do it. I met Terri the next year. We were both studying for the Tennessee bar exam. She convinced me to sit for the North Carolina bar as well. I’d never have moved here if I hadn’t lost him. Now I can’t imagine living anywhere else.”
“Daddy! Look! Can I touch them too?” Lacey was standing by a pool filled with stingrays and horseshoe crabs.
“Only if I can too,” Dan said and knelt down next to her.
Graham watched as Lacey laughed and shouted her excitement. Through each exhibit, Dan let her explore, then asked her questions about it. Thoughtful questions, the answers to which he appeared to relish, as if he was learning something new at the same time she was.
“I double dare you to touch a stingray,” Dan told Graham with a mischievous grin.
“They’re slimy,” Lacey said, her expression much like Dan’s.
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