Dan breathed through a wave of frustration. “It’s a perfect case.”
“A perfect case to settle. There’s no need to push our luck to make a point.” Graham opened one of his desk drawers and deposited his notes inside. He was done with the discussion.
Dan wasn’t. “We won’t see another case as clear-cut for years. And by then—”
“By then, the law will be settled and we’ll just need to do our jobs.”
How could Graham be so infuriatingly calm about this? “Look, I know as well as you that the law in North Carolina is far from settled, especially since the repeal of HB 2. But this is the perfect moment to nail it down. Create some precedent for a change instead of sitting back and waiting until the State decides to come kicking and screaming into the twenty-first century.”
Graham sighed. “It’s not in our client’s best interests.”
“Sometimes best interests involve taking chances,” Dan said a bit more forcefully than he’d intended.
“Dan, you’re overreacting. Sure, the guy’s sympathetic. If you think about this rationally—”
“Are you that cold?” Dan snapped. “The man’s just lost his job. He may even lose his husband, and you’re talking about what’s rational?”
“I don’t doubt both of those things are difficult. And to have them happen at the same time must be like having the weight of the world on your shoulders. But that isn’t a reason to litigate.”
Graham walked over to the window and gazed out. His shoulders were tense, and the mask Dan hadn’t seen in months replaced the calm-but-focused expression. Was this riling him up? Good. He could use a kick in the ass.
“Has it occurred to you,” Graham said in a measured voice, “that this is about more than just the case? That maybe you’ve got an emotional dog in this fight? That you see yourself in Phil?”
“Of course I do,” Dan said, the last of his patience dissolving under the heavy weight of Graham’s words. “But not in the way you think.”
“Oh?”
Okay. That was his limit. “I get where you’re going, but you’re wrong.”
“I am?”
“This isn’t about losing Benn.”
Graham turned to face him. “Okay. Then what’s got you so dead set on this?”
Dan took a long moment to gather his thoughts. “Like Phil said about sending a message. About wanting to send a message. About sticking up for the little guy. That’s what it’s about.”
“Sticking up for the little guys? Is that what you think we do here?” Graham laughed and shook his head. “This is a business. If all we did was stick up for the little guy, we’d have our asses kicked all the way to Asheville on a regular basis, not to mention we wouldn’t be able to pay staff salaries.”
“How can you ignore the bullies?”
“You’re going to preach to me about bullies?” Graham growled. “What the hell do you know about bullies? You, who had everything he ever wanted? Who everyone looked up to? They fucking worshipped the ground you walked on, Dan. You don’t know a damn thing about bullies except how to be one.”
Dan stared at Graham. Where the hell did that come from? “You don’t know anything about my life,” he said, the words tumbling out. “You may think you know me, but five months isn’t near enough to understand how—”
“But I do know you.” Graham narrowed his eyes and glared at Dan. Dan had never seen him even approaching angry. He had the definite impression that he’d been missing something all along. That he’d misunderstood something fundamental to Graham.
“What?”
“I know you, Danny.”
No one other than his parents had called him that in years. Not since—
“You say you want to help Phil. That you want to vindicate him and teach his employer a lesson. Does that make you feel better about who you were? About what you did when you were younger?”
Dan knew his mouth must be hanging open, but he didn’t care. Graham’s words hit way too close to home. “How do you…?”
“How do I know? Do you think that because I’m no longer the fat, pimple-faced kid everyone made fun of in high school, I don’t remember what it feels like to be bullied?” But for the rise and fall of Graham’s shoulders, he could have been cast in bronze. But a statue could never know the pain reflected in those green eyes.
“I’m sorry, I—”
“I looked up to you. I thought you were a fucking god.” Graham clenched his jaw and knitted his brow. “But in the end, kids like me just have to deal. Your guilt is misplaced. Kids like me… we survive. We don’t need someone to pretend to save us.”
“I don’t understand.” Dan couldn’t think clearly. The answer—the understanding—was just beyond reach.
“You probably don’t remember me,” Graham said, his voice losing none of its power. “But I remember you. I remember looking up at you, my ass in the mud, waiting for you to do something. Waiting for you to—”
No. It wasn’t possible. An image flickered in Dan’s mind, one he’d revisited more times than he could count. Jimmy Zebulon sitting in the mud, tears streaking down his cheeks. Dan pushed aside the guilt that always accompanied the memory and focused on Graham. “You… you’re…. Jimmy?”
Graham’s eyes grew wide. Did he really think Dan could forget him? Did he think that Dan hadn’t known who he was back then?
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Dan’s shock fell away and anger surged red-hot.
“What difference does it make who I was back then?”
“It makes a hell of a lot of difference, Graham. It means you lied to me.” All this time, Graham hadn’t told him. For what reason? To cut him down? To hurt him the way he’d been hurt?
“I never lied. I simply chose not to tell you about my past.” Graham was infuriatingly calm, but his voice wavered and his face paled. Had he planned this?
“All this time, I trusted you.”
“Jimmy Zebulon died fifteen years ago,” Graham said without emotion. “Rest in peace. End of story.”
“But you…. You recognized me the day we met. You knew who I was, and you… what? You strung me along?” No, his brain rejected it. Graham wouldn’t do this! His heart leapt forward, undeterred.
Graham blanched. Had he not understood what this would do to them? No. Of course he understands. “No, I—”
“Was this some sort of fucked-up revenge for me being a shit to you? Because don’t get me wrong, I was a shit. But to wait until I’d fallen in love with you to tell me the truth…. Did you want to hurt me? Were you waiting for just the right moment?”
Graham said nothing. Good. Well, fuck him. He’d gotten his revenge. Dan didn’t need that kind of shit. He didn’t need the job, and he sure as hell didn’t need someone like Graham to spend the rest of his life with.
“Don’t you have anything to say? You wanted your revenge. You knew this would ruin things.”
“Dan, I….”
“I’m waiting,” Dan snapped. “Nothing to say?” He waited. For something. Anything. An apology. An explanation.
None came. Graham turned away. Was he so disgusted that he couldn’t even look Dan in the eye?
“We’re done.” Dan spoke the words calmly, but he wanted to scream. This isn’t fucking happening! “But you knew all along that’s how this would end, didn’t you?”
And still Graham said nothing.
Fine. If that’s what you want, you got it.
Dan quietly picked up his file, his pen, and his phone and walked out the door.
GRAHAM watched the door for the longest time. He’d expected Dan to leave. Sure, he’d hoped Dan would stick around a little longer, but he’d expected it nonetheless.
He’d lied when he’d called himself a survivor. When he’d told Dan off, he’d felt momentarily powerful, but not because he’d triumphed over the bullies. Because he’d gotten his revenge.
You’re no better than they are.
Outside, the sun had nearly set. He pulled off his jacket
and loosened his tie. He ignored the urge to go after Dan. What would he tell him? Nothing would change the fact that he’d known all along who Dan was and he hadn’t told him the truth. A lie of omission was still a lie.
The clock on his desk ticked the minutes by. The urge to throw something passed, but the anger remained. He tried to tell himself that Dan had gotten what he deserved, but he knew better. He had gotten what he deserved, not Dan. In the end, he was still that pathetic kid crying in the mud. Unable to express himself.
Fuck this.
He strode out of his office and waved at his assistant. He knew she’d be surprised to see him leaving so early. Had she overheard their argument? Probably. She’d keep it to herself, though. He’d hired her because she was discreet. He valued his privacy.
Five minutes later he closed the door to his apartment, tossed his jacket and tie on the couch, and kicked off his shoes. Outside, the stars had begun to appear in the darkening sky.
Dan’s words echoed in his mind. “But to wait until I’d fallen in love with you to tell me the truth…. Did you want to hurt me for what I did to you?”
In all the months they’d spent together, neither of them had spoken of love. Graham hadn’t even thought about it. Things with Dan were comfortable and easy. He’d begun to look forward to his time with Dan and Lacey, even covet it. He now rarely spent weekends in the office. He’d come to see the late nights spent working for the excuse they were—before Dan, he’d had nothing but his work.
Do I love him?
Silence was his only answer.
Chapter Thirty
GRAHAM straightened a stack of papers on his desk and glanced at the clock: 11:20 a.m. He tapped the phone. “Veronica, is Mr. Parker in yet?”
“I’m sorry, Mr. Swann. He won’t be in today,” Dan’s assistant said. He hadn’t been in yesterday either. He’d left after their argument and hadn’t come back.
“Any particular reason?” You know the reason.
“I’m sorry, sir, I don’t know,” she said. “I got word from Ms. James this morning.”
Terri was in Statesville at a trial expected to take at least a week. Dan must have spoken to her by phone early that morning. To tell her what? That he’s leaving the practice? Probably.
There were repercussions to Dan’s leaving so soon after signing the partnership contract. Dan would lose any right to the year-end bonus tied to the firm’s revenue. He’d also lose the $10,000 payment he’d made only last week to begin his buy-in. Graham wouldn’t hold him to that last provision, and he knew Terri wouldn’t either.
This is your fault, not his.
Knowing that didn’t make Graham feel any better. Still, he figured Dan would have had the balls to tell him to his face.
This had never been about revenge. Graham had sworn he’d never be helpless again, but the seeds of desperation had begun to take root. He’d gotten used to working with Dan. He’d gotten used to spending time with him. And Lacey….
Stop it. You’re a grown man. Act like one!
He forced his gaze back to the papers and picked up the highlighter. Two minutes later he slammed it down again. He pulled out his cell and tapped one of the presets.
“Terri, call me when you finish up. Please. I really need to talk.”
The rest of the day dragged. It was nearly six thirty by the time he made it through the documents for a deposition—a task that normally would have taken him two hours, tops. Every time he regained his focus, his thoughts strayed back to Dan’s words. “But to wait until I’d fallen in love with you to tell me the truth….”
Why hadn’t he answered? Because you were shocked that Dan actually remembered you. Because his entire universe, the truth on which he’d built his adult life, had shifted when he realized Dan remembered him—the him he’d been back then. He’d been so stuck on that he’d barely heard Dan’s confession.
And now he thinks I set him up.
“Shit!” He slammed his hand down on the desk. What had he done?
As if on cue, his cell buzzed. “Terri?”
“The judge kept us a bit longer today, so I didn’t have a chance to call back soon—”
“I’m sorry to bother you. I… I made a huge mistake. With Dan. Something I… regret. I understand he’s probably pissed as hell with me, but… Dealing with it this way… Leaving the firm… That isn’t the way to deal with it. I know… I know I’m terrible at this sort of thing, but I was… I was sort of hoping you could help me figure out how to apologize and—”
“Leaving the firm? He’s leaving? But he—”
“It’s my fault, Terri. I don’t know what to do.”
“Hold up, Graham,” she said. “Dan called, but just to tell me he wouldn’t make it in the rest of the week and he wasn’t sure when he’d be back in the office. I didn’t realize he hadn’t called you.”
“I’m sure it’s coming,” Graham answered, his stomach churning. “He’s… I’m sure he’s probably letting us both down easy after what I pulled.”
“Letting us down? No. Listen, Graham, I don’t know what the hell’s going on between you two, but I don’t think you understand.”
“Of course I understand,” he put in, frustrated.
“I don’t think you do. Dan isn’t out of the office because he’s holding some grudge against you.”
Terri’s words finally sank in. Graham’s chest felt tight and he struggled to catch his breath as the feeling of dread intensified. “Tell me. Please.”
“It’s Lacey,” Terri said with a tremble in her voice. “She’s really sick, Graham. She’s in the hospital.”
Chapter Thirty-One
DAN LISTENED to the heart monitor. At first, the rhythmic beeping had set him on edge, but over the past few days, it meant she was still alive. Still, seeing her attached to tubes for fluids, antibiotics, and oxygen made him wonder how much a small body could take.
Lacey, sweetheart, I can’t lose you too. He pushed away thoughts of Graham. He couldn’t think about that. He could only handle one nightmare at a time.
He let go of Lacey’s hand and stood. She probably didn’t even know he was there—she’d been unconscious since he’d brought her in early Tuesday morning—not to mention holding someone’s hand with latex gloves didn’t feel right at all. The clock over the door read 5:23 a.m. He didn’t remember falling asleep the night before. The recliner in the corner of the pediatric ICU room had been made like a bed with sheets, a pillow, and a blanket, but he’d fallen asleep in the chair by the bed.
The nurses would be changing shifts soon and the doctors would be making rounds in about an hour. He needed some coffee or he wouldn’t be alert enough to even remember the questions he wanted to ask.
Her night nurse had come in around midnight to check Lacey’s vital signs. “We should have the results of the second lumbar puncture sometime tomorrow morning,” she told Dan as she scrubbed her hands and pulled on a pair of gloves. “We’ll know then if the antibiotics are doing their job.”
“Thanks.”
A soft knock on the door startled him alert. He got to his feet and opened it to find the day nurse, Sarah, waiting patiently. “There’s someone outside, waiting to see you,” she said. “He came around dinnertime last night, but he asked not to disturb you. I told him he might want to come back in the morning, but he insisted on staying. He said he’d wait until you took a break.”
His father? He’d meant to call his parents yesterday, but he’d forgotten. Maybe Terri had called them. “I’ll go see him,” he told her.
Sarah offered him a smile that nearly made him cry: kind, with an ample dose of compassion. Dan wondered how anyone could do her job day in and day out, knowing that some of her young patients might not survive.
That won’t be Lacey. He needed to stay strong. Graham’s revelation on Monday had kicked him on his ass. He’d barely had a chance to assess the damage to his heart when Lacey had woken up that night with a high fever out of nowhere. She’d told him her
neck “felt hard,” and when he’d turned on the light to check her temperature, she said it was too bright. Then she’d begun to vomit. She hadn’t stopped until she’d nearly fainted in his arms.
He stood and rubbed his neck, the yellow scrubs they’d given him making a strange crinkling sound as he moved. He tossed them and his gloves into the basket by the door, then washed his hands as the nurse had shown him. A quick glance in the mirror showed a five-o’clock shadow that was threatening to become a beard. He’d ask one of the aids for a razor the next time one came by.
He gently closed the door to the room behind him. The ward was still quiet as he made his way toward the waiting area. He might have overlooked the tall man who slept on one of the chairs, head leaning against the wall, but for the familiar way he folded his long legs.
“Graham?”
His eyes fluttered open. Even as exhausted as he must be, his green eyes burned with intensity. Dan took a long breath to dispel the surge of emotion that traveled through his chest and lodged in his throat at seeing Graham here. Had he really waited all night to see him?
“I’m so sorry, Dan,” he said without hesitation. “How is she?”
“I… I don’t know.”
Graham frowned. “What happened?”
“Bacterial meningitis. I don’t… I tried but…. The ear infection she had the week after Thanksgiving….” Dan rubbed the bridge of his nose and tried to focus his thoughts. “The doctors don’t know for sure… this probably isn’t the same thing, but… it may have made her more susceptible.”
“Don’t they have a vaccine for that?”
“It doesn’t…. It won’t work on every kind. Bacteria. They’re different.” Dan wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and fought back tears.
“How’s she doing?”
“Her brain…. She’s unconscious. Probably swelling. They say that’s normal….” He swallowed hard and tried to breathe through a wave of terror. “I can’t… I keep worrying…. What if she won’t wake up?” He didn’t even want to consider the possibility that there’d be damage even if she recovered.
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