by Anna Black
She handed me a tissue. “Shhh. Come on, beautiful. Don’t ruin your makeup,” she said and turned my chair so that she was closer to my face.
I dried my eyes, and she touched up my makeup real quick. “God is a good God, so whatever it is that has happened to you, you still thank Him for life. If it’s not terminal, you praise Him for that. It’s not over until they bury you six feet under, so you ask God to send you someone who can deal or cope with your imperfections. It didn’t end for you with your ex. Do you hear me?” she said.
I smiled and nodded. “Yes. I guess you are right.”
“Come on, gorgeous. Look at you. You are what? Five-seven? With long, beautiful legs. And you’re slim, and you got junk back there. Your hair is banging. You are a ten. Someone will love you again. This, I know.”
I stood and looked in the mirror, admiring myself. “I do look good, don’t I?”
“You do, so go home, put on something sexy, and just enjoy you. I mean, that’s what I’d do if I was single.”
“Hey, it’s early. I have a restaurant. I’d love it if you’d join me tonight. I just want to celebrate my new look. I mean, if you don’t have plans.”
“I’d love to.” Andrea smiled.
I gave her the address of the restaurant and then headed out. I climbed in my car and checked my rearview mirror five times before I pulled off. I was gorgeous and could attract any man with my new look, but who’d want me? I was a walking infection.
Chapter Three
Josephina Ramirez
Looking up from the front desk when I heard my apartment door shut, I caught a glimpse of Ana, my eldest, trying to breeze by without me seeing her outfit.
“I’m sorry. Can you hold please?” I put the caller on hold before he agreed to be placed on hold. “Hold it. Where are your clothes? What the hell are you wearing?” I asked my teen.
“Mom, it’s the latest style. I don’t want to go out looking like a nerd. Enriquez is going to be there.”
“I don’t care who is going to be there, Ana. You go and put some real pants on, and not those see-through tights. And that fake belly ring needs to be thrown out. Have some self-respect. You’re only seventeen,” I griped.
“And soon I’ll be eighteen and won’t have to listen to you,” she snapped back.
“And then you can get out of mi casa. Now, go and change, or you will stay home!” I ordered.
My oldest daughter was a pain in my bottom. She was driving me crazy. I was a single mother of two now, because my husband—well, now my ex-husband—was in prison for doing every illegal thing under the sun that you could name. I just prayed my youngest daughter, Angelica, didn’t follow in her big sister’s footsteps. Ever since her daddy went to prison, Ana had been flipping out on me, and I was at my wit’s end.
I remembered then that I had someone on hold.
“I am so sorry, sir. Thanks for holding. How can I help you?”
I took care of my guest and then waited for Ana to come back down. When she did, she had changed clothes, but she had a bigger bag than the last time.
“You must think I’m stupid or something. What’s in that bag, Ana?”
“Clothes. I’ve decided I’ll stay with Enriquez tonight.”
I thought my Puerto Rican ears were playing tricks on me, because I knew damn well my underage kid didn’t just tell me she had decided she’d stay at her boyfriend’s house.
“Qué?”
“I’m going to stay at Enriquez’s, Mom, and you can’t stop me.”
“Ana, estas loca?”
“No, Mama, I haven’t lost my mind. I need a break from this place, and I’m tired of being here. Why can’t I just live my life?”
My heart was broken, and I was saddened. I only did what I thought was best for my girls, but Ana was out of control, and I was tired. “Ana, I’m tired. If you wanna go, go, but don’t come back. I will not have a disobedient child who doesn’t respect me in my house, so if you think you are grown enough to tell me that you are going to stay someplace I don’t permit, go and don’t come back to this place,” I said, pointing to my own chest. My eyes welled up. I had done all I could for her, but I had to let go, because I was tired of battling with her.
“Fine!” she yelled and stormed back inside the apartment. I assumed she had gone back for more of her things, but I no longer had the fight in me to argue.
I sighed and went into my office. I was fortunate to have my job. When José got locked up, we lost our house. I had worked my way up from housekeeping to general manager at the hotel where I worked, and God had stepped in and blessed me with a job that gave us a free place to live. My two daughters and I lived in the spacious manager’s quarters at the hotel. After sixteen years of hard work, I had done something on my own, and I didn’t want any more stress or heartache.
Ana had graduated from high school, by the grace of God, and was a couple of months from her eighteenth birthday. I had had her when I was fourteen, and after all the hard years, I was still here, doing my best. I just had to let go.
After twenty minutes, she came down with a packed bag.
“Mama, I’m sorry, but it’s time for me to go.”
“Good luck, child. Que Dios te bendiga ,” I said, giving her my blessing. I couldn’t hold on to her anymore.
“Bye.” She sniffled, and then she was gone.
I dried my eyes and asked God to strengthen me. I loved my baby girl, but she and I bumped heads, and she needed to get a dose of reality.
After I finished my shift, I sat and ate with Angelica and explained that Ana was moving out. She was fifteen and smart, so she didn’t have a lot of questions.
Not tired, I decided to shower and go out for a drink. I went to a restaurant that my girlfriend Samantha owned not far from my hotel, but I was shocked when I laid eyes on her. She looked like a new person. Her makeover had made her look amazing, like a brand new person.
“Oh, chica, you look fabulous. What happened to the bun?” I said.
“I needed a change.”
“Well, you look beautiful. I mean, you don’t look like you at all.”
Raising a brow at my words, she said, “Gee, thanks.”
“No, no, I don’t mean it in a bad way. I always thought that you were attractive, chica, but now you are hot.”
She came around from behind the bar and sat next to me on a vacant stool.
“Well, I went to the salon today and just went for it. I feel good.”
“You should, because you look good,” I said.
“Oh, there is Andrea.” She waved a woman over. “She is responsible for this makeover.”
“Maybe she can hook me up too, ya know?” I had a heavy Spanish accent, even though I had been in the United States for years. I still spoke Spanish on a daily basis to my Spanish-speaking staff and my family.
“Come join us,” Samantha said. “I’m not working tonight. I’m relaxing.”
“Are you sure, Samantha? I don’t want to impose.”
“Come on, Josie. You’re not imposing.”
We grabbed a table. When Andrea made her way over to the table, Samantha introduced us.
“Josie, this is Andrea. Andrea, this is my friend Josie.”
“Nice to meet you.” I smiled.
“You too.”
“Can you make me look like Sam?” I blurted. I wanted a makeover too.
Andrea nodded. “I certainly can. She looks amazing, doesn’t she?”
“Oh yes. I could hardly recognize her,” I said.
The three of us engaged in nonstop conversation. We got acquainted with Andrea, and I learned some new things about Samantha. I ate at her restaurant often, and she sent business my way, but we had never had an actual sit-down meal together. We drank and ate a lot. I could walk to my hotel afterward, but since Andrea and Sam had to drive home, we ordered coffee to sober up a little before heading out. Sam didn’t live far from the restaurant, and I learned that Andrea lived about ten miles away from our are
a.
“It was so nice to meet you, Andrea, and I have your card. I’ll be calling you tomorrow for sure for an appointment,” I said, standing.
“Yes, ma’am, and you ladies take it easy. I have your numbers, and as soon as I make it home, I will text you both,” Andrea said as she and Samantha both stood.
We departed, and when I got back to the hotel, I went straight to my bed. As soon as I shut my eyes, my phone alerted me that I had a text. I knew Andrea couldn’t have gotten home that fast. I grabbed my phone. It was Ana.
Mama, pls come get me. He doesn’t want me 2 stay.
Damn! I was too tired to move, but I had to go and get my grown baby.
Chapter Four
Andrea
When I walked in the house, I didn’t expect Jeremiah to be up waiting. He normally couldn’t care less where I was or who I was with.
“Where in the hell were you, Ann?”
“Out.”
“Out where? You are a pastor’s wife. You have no business walking in at this hour,” he bellowed.
“Are you serious right now, Jeremiah? You make prayer calls at all times of the night, and now I can’t walk in after midnight? Man, please. Good night!” I headed toward the stairs. He was two steps behind me.
“Have you been drinking?”
“Yes, I have,” I replied.
“You know you should not be indulging in God knows what and then getting behind the wheel.”
“Again, the Bible doesn’t say that. I’m not supposed to become a drunk. I had a couple of drinks. I’m not intoxicated. No way would I get behind the wheel drunk, Jeremiah, so go to your room so I can shower and go to sleep, sir.” I spoke as nicely as I could. I didn’t know why he had decided to act as if he cared anything about me. It was comical.
“Good night, harlot,” he said.
I just laughed. I laughed out loud in his face. I was over him and his psycho biblical philosophies. God had given me the gift of understanding too, and I wasn’t going to allow him to control me anymore. If he loved me like the Bible said to love a wife, he’d show me and not withhold love and affection from me. He constantly warned if I committed adultery, I’d burn in hell, yet he was pushing me to it. The Word of God told us not to deprive our spouse and not to tempt our mate to do ungodly things, but I was tempted. I was in need of love and intimacy, and if I couldn’t get it from my husband, I’d have to find it somewhere.
The next morning I dragged myself out of bed to cook breakfast for my kids. I had never stayed out after midnight before, and I knew I should not do that again if I had an early morning the next day. When I got downstairs to the kitchen, all eyes were on me, as if I was on trial.
“What’s with the stare down?” I asked.
“You overslept, and I had to make the kids breakfast this morning,” Jeremiah’s baritone voice thundered.
My eyes popped. “Overslept? What do you mean? What time is it?” I hadn’t checked the clock. I’d had no idea I was forty-five minutes behind.
“Time for us to get the bus, Mama, and we had to eat oatmeal. Yuck!” J.J. frowned.
“Yeah, Mom. We told Dad that you added fruit to our oatmeal, but he made us eat it without it,” Lena said before grabbing her backpack. The kids headed for the door.
“Foot,” I said. I’d wanted to use the word fuck so many times, but that was unbecoming. “I’m sorry, guys. I’ll make it up to you with blueberry pancakes tomorrow morning,” I offered. “Promise,” I said as they hurried out the door.
Jeremiah looked at me and shook his head.
“What, Jeremiah?”
“Why didn’t you check with me before going out last night?”
“Well, Jeremiah,” I said, going for the coffee, “I called you at least ten times, and you never answered, so I figured you were doing your missionary work.” He had probably been in the missionary position with one of our members.
“I was in a prayer meeting. I tried calling you several times after it, and you didn’t answer.”
I poured some coffee in a cup and took a quick sip. I needed the caffeine to get to work. I wouldn’t make it without a pick-me-up. “Well, the restaurant was loud, and I didn’t hear my phone. When I went to the ladies’ room and saw you had called, I just decided I’d see you when I got in.”
“Listen, I have to head over to the church. We will finish this conversation later. I expect to see you home on time today.”
“Maybe. I’m not sure yet. If something comes up, I’ll let you know.” I was not sure why I had said something so crazy, but I was just tired of being on standby for him and being exactly where he wanted me to be, while he was never where I wanted him to be—with me.
“Whatever has gotten into you, woman, you’d better pray it away. There will be order in this house. You will not act like the women of the world in my house.”
I clicked my tongue and rolled my eyes. I set my coffee cup on the counter and walked past him. I had to get dressed for work, and I no longer cared to hear his two-faced rhetoric. I was a lot of things, but I was not a fool. If he hadn’t laid his hands on me in over two years, he was laying his hands on somebody else.
“Yeah, okay, Ann. Do what you can afford. The wages of sin is a high price.”
“Whatever.” I went up the stairs, laughing to myself and shaking my head. I made a silent decision to start enjoying myself. I wasn’t going to continue to keep up a front for him and keep up appearances for him. I was miserable, yet I kept a smile on my face and walked around pretending that everything was fine, but it wasn’t. I decided I wanted a divorce, and I was going to get one.
* * *
My phone line buzzed. “Yes?” I answered. I was in my office, tallying the money we had made that day and preparing for my nightly deposit. My staff knew not to bother me when I was working with money.
“I’m sorry,” Carla said. She was my slowest stylist. She was a newbie, and she was always the last to leave. “There is a man out here looking for you.”
“A man? What man?”
“I don’t know, ma’am. He asked if you were still here, and I told him yes.”
“Well, can you ask his name?” I laughed to myself. Carla was sweet, but not the brightest bulb in the tanning bed.
“I did. He says he wants to surprise you.”
I looked at the monitor that I had mounted on the wall so I could watch the goings-on on the floor, waiting area, parking lot, and breakroom. It was a split screen, so it did the job of four sets. Even though the image was clear, all I could see was a man’s back. “Tell him to hold on a few moments.” I put the cash away and stuffed all the day’s credit card receipts and tickets into an envelope. I stood and did a mirror check. I needed to freshen up my lips. I was not going to approach anyone, male or female, without looking my absolute best. After a fresh coat of lip gloss, I adjusted my belt and collar and went out to see who had come to see me.
I made it to the front and could still see him only from behind. “Can I help you?” I asked his back.
The gentleman stood still and then slowly turned around. My eyes bulged, and my heart stopped.
“Quentin,” I whispered. I couldn’t believe my eyes.
He smiled. “Hi, Andrea.”
All I could do was blink rapidly as I tried to see a figure other than my ex-boyfriend, Quentin Hughes. “What, what ... wha ... wha ... whaaa ...,” I stammered. “I mean, where have you been? How did you know to find me here?”
“Facebook.” He smiled even brighter.
Instantly, I became furious. “Are you kidding me? Why are you here?” I yelled and folded my arms across my breasts. He was the heart-breaker who had left me before I’d rebounded to Jeremiah.
“I wanted to see you. I wanted to apologize, and I wanted to do it face-to-face.”
“Get out!” I yelled.
“Wait, Drea. Let me explain.”
“There is nothing to explain. Now leave. I don’t want to see you or talk to you.”
“Li
sten, I know I hurt you. I ... I ... I—”
I cut him off. “Get out!” I yelled again and pointed at the door.
“Drea, wait. Give me five minutes.”
“I will call the police, Quentin. I will,” I growled, threatening him, as I went for the desk phone.
He rushed over to me and wrapped his arms around me. His embrace made my body shake. I hadn’t been that close to a man in a very long time. I hadn’t felt the heat of a man’s breath on my neck in so long. I felt my body heat up. I hated this man for what he had done to me, and now I was locked in his grip. As much as I wanted him to let me go, I wanted him to hold on to me just as much.
“No need to call anyone. I’ll go. I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I wanted to tell you that hurting you is the only thing in my life that I regret. I was young and selfish and was only thinking of myself at the time, and what I did to you, what I did to us, I know is unforgivable, but I’m asking you to forgive me, anyway.” He spoke so close to my ear, the heat of his breath made me excited.
I stood there in his arms, breathing heavily. He placed his lips gently on the side of my head and let his kiss linger before he finally released me.
“I’m sorry for just showing up out of the blue, but I’ve wanted to apologize for so long. I couldn’t go another day with the guilt. So, there it is. I don’t know if you will ever accept it, but I feel better knowing that I’ve said it.” He loosened the embrace, stepped back slowly, and turned to walk away.
I was frozen in place. I had loved him once and probably loved him still, but I had never allowed him to occupy any space in my mind after he left me, and I had never, ever wanted any feelings for him to resurface. He had hurt me to my very core. I was madly in love with Quentin when he shattered my heart and took a part of me in the process.
I thought he was done and out the door, but he spoke again. “By the way, you are still as beautiful as I remember you. Your husband is a lucky man. I hope he makes you happy, Andrea. I was supposed to be the one, but I messed that up. I sincerely hope that he is putting a smile on your face each and every day.”
