by Anna Black
I was doing better today than I’d thought I’d do, but I felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest at the sight of her body being lowered into the ground. I held on to Angelica tight, because she was all I had left. As much as I wanted to convince myself that I was okay, I wasn’t. When everyone dispersed, I couldn’t move. I let Angelica go over and hug her father and speak to him, but my legs wouldn’t move.
“Come on, baby,” Jayden said.
“No,” I said. “I don’t want to leave her alone.” I knew I had to sound like a nutcase, but it was true. I didn’t want to leave my baby there in that hole.
“Baby, you have to be strong, okay? Let’s head to the car.” He pulled my arm, and I snatched it away.
“No, no, no,” I yelled. “I can’t leave my baby alone. I’m not leaving her right now. She needs me!” I didn’t want to bury my child. I wanted to take her home. I shook my head. “I can’t. I can’t leave her.”
Jayden held me close and let me cry my eyes out. I had made it through the service without breaking down, but the thought of leaving her in the ground had an entirely different effect on me.
“Josie.” I heard Sam’s voice.
I looked up and saw her and Andrea.
“Jayden, take Angelica to the car,” Sam said. “I’ll stay with Josie.”
Jayden nodded and headed to the limo with Angelica.
I looked around. José was gone, and I thanked God that the two uniformed officers had taken him away. I didn’t want to look at him.
“Rough day, huh?” Sam smiled as she stood to my left.
“The worst day of my life,” I said and sniffled.
Andrea stepped up a little closer to me and stood on my right side. She and Sam both took one of my hands.
“You know God is going to watch over her for you, right?” Andrea said.
“Why did He take my baby from me? I know she wasn’t the best kid, but she is the one He gave me. And He took her,” I cried.
“I’m sorry you lost Ana, Josie, but God knows best. I don’t have any answers or any reasons why, but what I do know is He is going to bring you through this. He does what He wants to do and how He wants to do it, but He loves us all so much. We have good days, and we have bad days, but I guarantee you that the good always outweighs the bad. Ana was headed down a horrible road, and sometimes God decides to save us from ourselves. We may not understand it, but we have to trust that He is going to be with us.” Andrea voice and words were soothing, but my heart still ached.
“Andrea, I can’t see any good in this,” I said quietly.
“Of course not, darling. You’ve lost your child. I’m not saying you should be celebrating. All I’m saying is you have to accept it and asked God to help you cope. It’s grim now, but it will get easier.”
“Yes, Josie, it will get easier,” Sam said. “Now, we will stay here as long as you want, but the longer you stay, the harder it will be to leave.”
I knew she was right. I wiped my eyes and let out a deep breath. We stood in silence until I was finally ready to go. They walked me over to the limo and promised to meet me back at the hotel, where the banquet room was set up for dinner.
Hours later, after everyone had left the hotel, I felt a little more at peace. Back home I kissed Angelica good night and went to remove my dress. Jayden had already taken off his suit, so once I had changed, I joined him on the sofa. He handed me a drink that wasn’t wine.
I frowned. “What’s this?”
“Vodka and cranberry. I thought you needed something a little stronger tonight.”
“I do, to be honest.” I sipped. “Today was hard, but I feel better. I know Ana was not a good girl, and I know God had His reasons for taking her. I just pray that she prayed for mercy for her actions. I don’t know. I’m not a big religious person, but I know some things, and I know God don’t like evildoers.”
“Well, the best way to deal with those feelings is to try not to guess or figure it out. She’s gone. Where her spirit is now, there is absolutely nothing you and I can do about that, so don’t try to figure it out, Josie. It will drive you insane.”
“I know, Jay. And I know that in time it will get better.”
“Yes, it will.” He held me in his arms, and I sipped my drink.
We sat in silence and listened to the smooth jazz he had playing. A little later we called it a night, and I prayed and asked God to give me peace of mind. I drifted off to sleep in Jayden’s arms and woke up with a smile on my face. God had allowed me to have a dream of Ana. She was smiling and happy in the dream. She told me not to worry, said that she was okay. I didn’t know if that was just what my heart wanted to hear, and so I’d dreamt it, but it was just what I needed to be at peace with her passing.
Chapter Thirty-eight
Andrea
Since I was five months pregnant and divorced, Quentin didn’t want to wait any longer to get married. I wasn’t for a courthouse wedding, so I asked a minister friend of ours to perform the ceremony. He agreed. I thought he’d be against it because of Jeremiah, but he told me that he was in no position to judge. We exchanged vows in a very small ceremony. Only close friends and family members attended, and we all headed to Sammie’s to eat and celebrate afterward.
Quentin and I were happy with our decision, because the only thing that mattered to both of us was becoming husband and wife.
I hadn’t seen my kids in a couple of weeks, because Jeremiah had kept playing me off, so I broke the agreement and went by the house. He wasn’t home to put me out, so I spent a couple of stolen hours with my kids. Kelly missed me just as much as the little ones did. She said that she was tired of being a mom. She wanted to go back to being a big sister, instead of doing everything. Jeremiah was hardly ever home, and she said that Brother Franklin was always coming over now. She said that he was often there late at night and that she felt something was going on.
“Going on like what, Kel?” I asked her point-blank.
“Unnatural things, Mama Ann. One night I came down for a drink of water at three in the morning, and his coat was on the sofa, but he and Daddy were nowhere to be found. I had a feeling he was in Dad’s room, but I was too afraid to knock. And then I heard them through my vent. They are disgusting. I sleep in your room just to keep from hearing them.”
“Oh, my God, Kelly. I’m sorry, baby.”
“I just want you to come home. We miss you, and Daddy just makes pit stops to check on us. He gives me a ton of chores to do, Mama Ann, and I can barely finish my homework. All we eat is takeout and pizza.”
I felt horrible. I knew he was working her like a slave since I wasn’t there anymore.
“I will talk to him about hiring someone, Kelly. Don’t worry, baby. And I’m taking him back to court. It won’t be long before I can see you guys more often.”
“But we want you to come home,” she cried.
I held her. “I know, baby, but I can’t. Your dad and I are divorced, and I’m married to Quentin now. And you will have another little sister or brother soon. Things are just different now.”
“But it doesn’t have to be. We can come live with you, can’t we?”
I felt so bad. Her real mother couldn’t care less about her now, since she had a new man in her life, and now I was gone. I knew it was hard for her. Even though I knew that her living with me would never be possible, I said, “I’ll try, baby. I have a lawyer helping me, and as soon as we go before the judge again, I will try.”
“Okay.” She sniffled.
“I have to go now, before Jeremiah comes home. If he sees me here, it’s going to make things worse.”
She walked me to the door and hugged me tight. “I love you, Mama Ann, and please try. We want to be with you,” she said.
“I will try. I promise, baby.”
I left the house, and as soon as I got in my car, I dialed my attorney. I wanted to know what was going on and how we could speed things up. I wanted my kids back. Yes, including Kelly. Jeremiah w
as a demon, and having that man in our house, in his bed, with our children being there, was just wrong. I had to get them out of there before they caught him doing something inappropriate with his lover.
Not happy with the red-tape bullshit that my lawyer fed me over the phone, I hung up with an attitude. I headed to the church and marched right into Jeremiah’s office. Several people were there, including Franklin. Everyone looked at me.
“Ann, what are you doing?” Jeremiah asked as I stood in front of his desk.
“I need to talk to you,” I snapped.
“Well, I’m busy. You can make an appointment with my secretary.” He chuckled, blowing me off.
“If you don’t want me to go to the press, you need to stop what you are doing and talk to me.”
“You can’t barge into my office with demands, Ann. You’re not my wife anymore.”
I looked at Franklin, who sat in one of the armchairs. “Brother Franklin, if you don’t want me to discuss your meetings at our home, I suggest you tell your pastor to give me a moment.”
Franklin looked scared to death. He was the first one to stand. “We need to give you two a minute, Jeremiah,” he said.
Everyone else stood, and then they all vacated the office.
“If you don’t give me my kids, I will go to the press with this.” I hit PLAY on my phone to start the video clip and then held up the phone.
He stood to see what it was. When he realized what it was, he lunged at me. I hadn’t expected that at all. He grabbed me by my throat, pushed me against the wall, and took my phone. He looked at the video clip, which was still playing, and slammed my phone on the table. The sound of him moaning and groaning still played, so he went over and threw my phone in the blazing fire that was burning in his office fireplace.
“You bastard!” I yelled and started pounding him on his back.
He turned to me and pinned me down on the table. “You whore! You will not destroy me! I will kill you, you hear me?” he said with his hands around my neck.
Franklin rushed in just then and pulled him off me. I stumbled to the door.
“You will not get away with putting your hands on me this time, you bastard! I’m going to the police,” I shouted, threatening him.
“Go to the police. This city can’t touch me,” he said, gloating.
“I’m pregnant, you bastard, and if I told my husband what you did, he’d beat the shit outta you!” I yelled.
“Ann, just go,” Franklin advised. “Please.”
I didn’t hesitate. I got the hell out of there. I was pregnant, and he had attacked me and had destroyed my phone. I knew Franklin’s wife was not going to out them or come forward, so I was on my own. I got in my car and sobbed, hating myself for confronting him alone.
I should have told Quentin my plan. I knew he would kill Jeremiah once he found out what he had done to me. I went straight to the police and filed a report. They called my husband. He met me at the station and vowed he’d kill Jeremiah. I begged him to calm down.
When the police had collected all the information they needed, we headed home. Quentin was still on ten, pacing and yelling and fussing at me for going alone as we stood in the living room.
“I know it was stupid, Q, but I didn’t think he’d attack me. Not there, not at the church.”
“I’m going to kill him, Drea!”
“No, please, Q. Stay away from him. He’s won. He can’t be touched. The police will pick him up, and he’ll be home in an hour. Jeremiah thinks he is God.”
“Well, he’s not God. And, Andrea—” he said, pointing a finger at me, but I interrupted him.
“Please, Quentin, please promise me you will stay away from him. This battle isn’t ours. God is going to deal with him.”
He came over and held me. I had never seen him that angry. I couldn’t let my husband go to jail. I had to be patient and do things the legal way. Jeremiah was as crooked as they came, and could buy his way out of anything. If Quentin went and did something, it would make matters worse. I’d never see my kids again.
Going to the press would be pointless, because I didn’t have any proof, and the media would let Jeremiah convince them that I was the crazy ex-wife and was trying to get even.
“I want to take a bath,” I said, breaking free of his embrace. I was exhausted.
“Okay, baby. I’ll make you some tea.”
I nodded and headed upstairs. I ran the bathwater, and Quentin came up with a cup of tea for me a little later.
“Here you go, babe. I’m going to run out to Sprint really fast before they close and get you a new phone.”
“Thanks, baby, and promise me you won’t go anywhere near Jeremiah.”
“I won’t. As much as I want to beat his ass, you’re right. It will only make things worse, and I know how bad you want the kids, so I will let it go for now.”
“Thank you.” He left, and I got in the tub.
When he got back with my new phone a few hours later, I saw that I had a text message from Kelly.
I heard what happened at the church, and I’m sorry. Dad is here with Franklin and is saying some horrible things about you.
I texted her back. Stay out of it, Kelly. Your dad is a man on edge. Don’t provoke him and anger him more.
I’m in my room. I can hear them through the vent.
Just don’t get involved, Kelly.
Does this mean we have to stay with him? He said you will never see us again.
For now, Kelly. We have to be patient. Just please don’t provoke your father.
I won’t. I love you, Mama Ann.
I love you too, baby.
Gn.
Gn.
I felt so bad. While Lena and J.J. were too young to know what was going on, Kelly was old enough to understand everything. I hated that she was being affected by this.
I said a prayer and went to bed. There was nothing else I could do at that point, so I gave it to God.
Chapter Thirty-nine
Samantha
It had been six months of trying to get pregnant, and I was about ready to give up, but Charles suggested that we talk to a doctor. He said that there might be some medical issues that were causing the issue, so I agreed.
We got to the appointment, only to learn that we were already pregnant. I was blown away. Since we weren’t expecting to get a positive result, I didn’t know what to say when the doctor asked me how far along I thought I might be. I had just had a menstrual the month prior, so I knew the miracle had occurred a couple of weeks ago, when we’d decided to just make love. No ovulation kit, no temperature taking, and no pillows under my ass to elevate my pelvis.
“Pregnant,” Charles repeated.
I had the same astounded look on my face that he had. “Doctor, are you sure? I mean, we’ve taken a test every month.”
“Well, sometimes you can get a false negative, so we are going to do a vaginal ultrasound to see how far along you are,” she answered.
“Okay, but I do want to add that I was diagnosed with vaginal herpes a few years ago,” I said.
“Oh yeah? When was your last outbreak?”
“Oh my God. It’s been over three years now.”
“That’s amazing. I mean, that virus is a nightmare for some and a breeze for others,” the doctor noted.
“I’ve heard, and we’re blessed that my husband hasn’t contracted it.”
“And he may never, but unless you two are working on babies, I recommend you still take protective measures.”
“I’m not worried,” Charles said, taking my hand.
“I’m sure, but if you can prevent it, you should,” the doctor told him.
“I know, but I’m with Sammie forever, and I’ll handle whatever comes our way.” Charles smiled at me. He was truly in love with me, and he had my back.
“Okay, but I want to be honest with you, Mrs. Cooper, with that being a factor, a vaginal birth won’t be an option. We can’t risk harming the baby.”
�
��What about during the pregnancy? Are there any concerns?” Charles asked. I wanted to know the same thing.
The doctor shook her head. “No, none at all. In your womb, your baby will be safe.”
I let out a sigh of relief. “Thank God.”
“Well, let’s take a look, and as we get closer to your due date, we’ll determine the date for a scheduled C-section.”
I nodded and stood. She walked over and gave me a gown.
“I need you to remove your clothing from the waist down, and I’ll be right back.”
I did as she instructed, and Charles and I waited nervously. He stood next to me, holding my hand.
“I can’t believe we are pregnant, baby. This is so surprising, I mean, wow. We are pregnant.” I smiled at him.
“I know, Sam. I mean, baby, I’m bursting. I can’t believe this. Are you happy, baby?”
“Yes, I am elated. I’m just scared, honey,” I said.
“Why? She said you will be fine.”
“I know, but I really wanted to have a vaginal birth. And there are so many concerns about C-sections.”
“Baby, don’t worry. Women have them every day, and this is the best thing for the baby.”
“I know.” I smiled again. “I hope it’s a boy.” I knew Shana had given him his first child, but giving him a son would mean so much.
“I didn’t want to say it, but me too. Charlie is adorable, and I love my baby girl to death, but a son, a little replica of me, would be . . .” He paused, grinning. “Let’s just say I’d love to have a son.”
Just then, the doctor came back in, with a nurse in tow. They had wheeled in a piece of equipment, and I assumed it was the machine that was going to tell me how far along I was.
They dimmed the lights, and twenty minutes later, we learned we were approximately ten weeks along. I had been getting false negatives, apparently.
