“Steph, you have no idea how sorry I am. I was drunk and it just happened. It was only that one time. I’ve been fighting her off ever since.”
Stephanie bore down on Mo. “You know, I defended you to my mother today. She saw you with your new love on the news last night. She knew. She saw you with Michaela for seconds and she figured it out. PJ knows too, doesn’t she? God, I was so stupid to trust you.”
Mo pulled herself into standing position. “No, you weren’t stupid, I was, and the guilt has been eating me alive. Please, Steph, you have to believe me. I love you, only you. I don’t want this to destroy us.”
“It already has.”
Mo reached out for Stephanie. “I made a mistake.”
Stephanie fell into the rage she had been holding at bay. She jerked away from Mo, seething. “A mistake? I don’t think fucking around on your wife fits in the mistake category. It fits in the ‘I just threw away my fucking family for a piece of pussy category,’ but no, this wasn’t a mistake.”
Mo tried again to come nearer, but Stephanie lashed out.
“Don’t you ever fucking touch me again!”
Stephanie ran down the stairs. Mo followed.
“Steph, listen to me, please. I’m already trying to get out of my contract. I called a lawyer. He’s trying to find a way out.”
Stephanie was crying now. She lost all control of her rage and turned on Mo. “Well, call him back and tell him you need a divorce. I won’t fight you. She can have your sorry ass, but Colt and I are keeping the house. I want you out of here tonight.”
Mo kept her distance. They never fought like this. Mo appeared stunned by the venom in Stephanie’s words.
“I’m so mad right now, I could kill you!” Stephanie shouted.
“Calm down, before the neighbors hear you and call the police.”
“Fuck the neighbors and fuck you!”
They were standing next to the dining room table, still set for dinner. Stephanie - mild mannered, don’t rock the boat Stephanie - picked up the platter with the prime rib and threw it at Mo. It splattered against the wall and bounced off, the platter shattering at Mo’s feet. Mo came toward Stephanie and tried to grab her before she could throw anything else. She wasn’t fast enough. The china plates flew across the room into the wall, followed by the glassware. This activity fulfilled Stephanie's rage and she couldn’t stop. She was sobbing and out of control.
Mo fought her way through the flying crystal and captured Stephanie from behind, pinning her arms to her sides. “Stop it! Stop it!”
Stephanie crumpled and fell away from Mo onto the floor. She heard a deep moan and realized it came from her own mouth. Mo landed on her knees beside Stephanie.
Tears tangled with Mo’s words. “Oh, God. What have I done?”
“You’ve ruined everything,” Stephanie managed between gasps.
She crawled away from Mo and into the corner of the room. The sobbing turned to wailing. A part of her wondered if she was truly having a breakdown. Stephanie struggled to regain control, but it was no use. She glanced at Mo.
“Get out!” Gasp. “Leave now!” Gasp. “I don’t want to look at you.”
Mo stood up slowly. She looked down at Stephanie, saying, “I can’t leave you alone like this.”
This broke Stephanie’s crying jag, just long enough to say, “You left me a long time ago. Get the fuck out!”
Mo walked away slowly. She disappeared into the office and emerged a few minutes later with her laptop bag. Stephanie watched, still a quivering ball in the corner. Mo came back into the room, more composed than before.
“Steph, I’m going to go now, because it’s what you want, not what I want. I never wanted you to know what happened. I never wanted to hurt you. I know you don’t believe me right now, but I do love you. If you’ll let me, I’ll do whatever it takes to win you back.”
Stephanie was calmer now, her breathing almost normal between the shudders from the crying. She looked up at the love of her life.
“This isn’t a movie, Mo. There isn’t going to be a happy ending.”
#
Stephanie was on her hands and knees, wiping up the juices from the prime rib that had exploded all over the room. She’d already picked up the shattered dishes. Stephanie could barely see the floor through her tears, but she just kept cleaning. She wanted something normal to do, something to distract her from the aching. She heard a key in the front door and panicked. If Mo came back, she’d just throw her out again, but if it were Colt, how would she explain all the mess?
PJ’s voice was unexpected, but welcomed. “Steph, are you okay?”
Stephanie answered, her voice still shaky. “I’m in the dining room.”
PJ came into the room. “Oh, honey. Here, get up off that floor. I’ll clean this up.”
PJ helped Stephanie into a chair and took the rag from her hand.
Stephanie looked at PJ. She had no more energy to cry. The tears just leaked out onto her cheeks, a continuous faucet she wished she could turn off.
“PJ, you knew didn’t you?”
PJ went to work on the floor. “No, Steph, I didn’t know. I suspected, but Mo never told me, at least, not until a few minutes ago.”
“She went to you? I thought she’d run into the arms of that little bitch,” Stephanie spat out.
PJ looked up and smiled. “She probably wishes she had. I didn’t provide the support she was looking for. In fact, I left her crying on my couch and came over here.”
“When I heard the key in the door, I thought it was her. I was trying to decide what to throw next.”
“Looks like you took care of most of the china.”
Stephanie laughed despite her misery. “Yeah, the dog next door is my new best friend. He’s having prime rib for dinner.” She saw the look on PJ’s face and added, “Don’t worry, it bounced out into the hall before the glass started flying.”
PJ looked at Stephanie, taking in her current state. Her clothes were covered in food stains. Her hands were bloody from picking up glass. PJ put the rag down and stood up.
“Why don’t you go clean yourself up? I’ll take care of this mess and then we’ll sit and talk, or not talk, whatever you want to do, but I’m not leaving you here alone. Okay?”
“Okay,” Stephanie said, glad for the help.
She moved up the stairs slowly, not wanting to go into their bedroom. Images from the previous night’s love making flashed in her mind. Stephanie shook her head to make them go away. There would be no more nights like that for them. No more waking to watch Mo while she slept. No more hugs and soul melting kisses. This was the beginning of many lonely nights. Stephanie knew she wouldn’t sleep in that bed again. She’d move into the guest room in the morning. Tonight she was too exhausted to do it, but she would never go into that room again after tomorrow. As soon as she could sell this house, she and Colt would move to a new one and start over, without Mo.
#
Stephanie showered quickly and dressed. Everywhere she looked, there were reminders of Mo. Her favorite shampoo was in the shower. A pair of her earrings rested in the dish by the sink. Her robe was on the back of the bathroom door. Stephanie buried her face in the robe, taking in Mo’s scent. This began another wave of tears, so she rushed to get out of the room.
Stephanie found her cellphone on table at the bottom of the stairs. She dialed her office and left a message, letting them know she wouldn’t be in to work tomorrow, and went back to the dining room. PJ had finished cleaning and removed all the debris. The only signs of the confrontation were the bloody stains from the rib juices that ran down the wall. Stephanie hadn’t known she was capable of that kind of rage. Until today, she’d never had a reason to know it.
“Remind me never to make you mad,” PJ said, coming out of the kitchen with a wine bottle and two glasses. “Let’s go sit in the den.”
Stephanie followed, glad to let someone else make the decisions for the moment. PJ sat on the couch and poured the
wine. She handed Stephanie a glass as she sat down on the other end of the couch. They both took a swallow and sighed almost simultaneously.
“Damn, I can’t believe this. You two were always the ideal couple. From the first time she saw you, Mo has been head over heels in love with you. I had hoped to find a relationship like yours. Now, I know even the perfect relationship can have its pitfalls.”
“Why didn’t I see this coming? I thought the stress from all the recent attention was getting to her. I never dreamed she was having an affair.”
“Don’t throw anything at me,” PJ said, holding her hands up in surrender, “but I need to clarify something. An affair is a very different beast than what Mo did. There was no emotional attachment. It happened once and she was mortified by her behavior. I know you have a hard time believing that, and it does not diminish the magnitude of what she did in any way, but she never stopped loving you. She’s heartbroken, as are you.”
“I hope it hurts like hell. I hope she can’t sleep, or eat, or work. I want her to hurt like this, even worse, because she deserves to feel the consequences of her actions.”
“Steph, you’re mad and you have every right to be, but don’t make decisions now, not when your emotions are running so high.”
Stephanie swallowed the rest of her wine and held her glass out for more. She was going to get drunk. At least it would dull the pain, she hoped. PJ poured more wine, while Stephanie spoke.
“I know you’re not suggesting that I forgive her and let her come home. You can’t possibly think this can be fixed.” The wine glass now full, she took a swallow and continued. “Mo betrayed me. I gave her all of me, every ounce of my being. I trusted her to keep it close and safe. Where was that trust while she was fucking another woman? Tell me that.”
PJ sat back. “I don’t have an answer for you.”
The wine disappeared from Stephanie’s glass and she held it out again. PJ hesitated.
“Pour me some fucking wine or I’ll drink it from the bottle. I’m going to drown my sorrows tonight and then try to make sense of my life in the morning. You can stay and watch, or you can leave, but I’m getting blind drunk.”
PJ stood up. Stephanie thought she was leaving, but then PJ walked toward the bar in the corner of the room. She took down two shot glasses and a bottle of tequila from the shelf. She returned, set the glasses on the coffee table, and poured them both a shot. She handed one to Stephanie and took the empty wine glass from her.
“All right, girl. Let’s throw down, but tequila is quicker and the hangover won’t last for days like the wine.”
Stephanie smiled. “Ah, the voice of experience.”
PJ laughed. “Unfortunately, that is so damn true.”
They tipped up the glasses and slammed back the fiery liquid. It burned Stephanie’s throat and she gagged. She really wasn’t much of a drinker.
“Don’t worry, the rest of them will go down easier,” PJ said.
Stephanie coughed. “Aren’t we supposed to chase this with limes or something?”
“Lemon wedges. You got any lemons?” PJ laughed again. “What am I saying? Of course Martha Stewart has lemons.”
It was a term of endearment Mo and PJ used for Stephanie, because they said she was the perfect hostess. This time it stung, a little.
“Is that what you really think of me, that all I worry about is keeping a nice home and throwing dinner parties? Did I bore Mo? Did she tell you she wanted more out of life? Was her family holding her back? Is that what she said?”
PJ seemed to realize the error she made. “No, Steph. Mo was always so proud of you. You’re an accomplished businesswoman, a great mother, and a wonderful wife, not to mention beautiful. Mo had it all, everything we single women are looking for. She found it in you.”
“It wasn’t enough though, was it? She obviously found something in that other woman she couldn’t get at home.”
“What she got was a hot, young lesbian with more money than God, who would not take no for an answer. She wore her down, got her drunk, and took advantage of her.”
Stephanie stood up. “Please, tell me you’re not defending her.”
PJ stood up too. “No, I’m not defending her, but I saw it from a distance. I warned her. She knew she was flirting with danger… uh, poor choice of words, but her career was attached to Michaela, after she signed that contract. She couldn’t get away from her without letting her dreams go.”
“What about my dreams? What about Colt’s? Did she stop to think about that? I wish she’d never made that fucking movie. What a crock. ‘Just Fine.’ How fine does she think our kid is going to be when he finds out what she’s done?”
“Are you going to tell him?”
“No, I told her she had to. I’m not doing the dirty work. I’ll just be the one dealing with his anger and hurt, while she’s off living the dream.”
PJ cocked her head to one side. “Does that mean you’re going to give her a chance to put things right?”
“With Colt, yes. He is her son and I can’t do anything about that, but with me, sorry that was a deal breaker.”
Stephanie walked toward the kitchen.
“Where are you going?” PJ asked.
“Martha Stewart is fetching the lemons, a dish of salt, and some snacks. This is going to be a long night.”
PJ’s cellphone jangled in her pocket. She pulled it out, looked at the screen, and said, “It’s Mo.” She answered, “Hello.”
Stephanie called over her shoulder. “Tell her I said stop moping on the couch. I’m sure her girlfriend would love to make her feel better. They can fuck guilt free, now.”
Stephanie put up a good front, but once she was out of sight, she felt the tears burning again. She listened to PJ’s part of the conversation.
“Yes, she’s okay. Still really pissed, but she’s okay… Well, this has to be the stupidest stunt you’ve ever pulled, Mo. You deserve to feel like shit… Go on to bed. I’m staying with her until morning… That’s entirely up to you. I don’t give a damn about the movie or your career at this point… I’ll always love you, Mo, but I don’t like you very much right now… I really don’t give two shits what you do… Yeah, well you fucked up your life all by yourself, now you can fix it all by yourself, too.”
Stephanie couldn’t resist calling out, “She can’t fix this!”
PJ laughed and then listened again. Finally she said, “No, I won’t tell her anything. If you want to talk to Stephanie, then you talk to her. I’m not your friend tonight. I’m hers… Well, first you need to figure out how to explain this to your son. He’s more important than your job… No, I don’t know you know that. Sometimes, I don’t think I know you at all… Yeah, well life’s a bitch and then you die. I’m hanging up now. If I were you, I’d get down on my knees and pray. Pray that you haven’t totally fucked up the best thing that ever happened to you… Good night, Mo.”
Stephanie wiped her tears, before PJ joined her in the kitchen.
“Damn, I hate this. You two were supposed to be together forever. This is going to suck, if you can’t work things out.”
Stephanie reached into the refrigerator for the salsa she made a couple of days ago. It was Mo’s favorite snack. Stephanie always had some freshly made. Since Mo wasn’t going to be around to eat it, Stephanie thought it would go well with tequila shots. She handed the bowl to PJ along with a bag of tortilla chips. She talked as she cut up a lemon.
“I heard some of what you said. Thank you for being my friend. I know you love Mo. I appreciate your staying here with me, but if you need to go, I’ll understand.”
“I’m not going anywhere. She can wallow in misery by herself. I’m not up for the Mo pity party tonight.”
“I was going to ask you last night why you were so upset with her. Are you sure you didn’t know what she was up to?”
“No, Steph, I didn’t know, really. I was upset with her, because I saw what was happening and I called her on it. All this Hollywood shit ju
st grates on my nerves. I left that world to come teach with her. I told her she didn’t know the soul stealers she was getting in bed with-- uh, another poor choice of words.”
Stephanie smiled. “It’s okay. I know what you’re saying. I saw it changing her too, but I didn’t know how to do anything but keep peace here at home and hope she found her way back to us. I should have said something, anything, but it’s too late now. I was worried about keeping our family intact, while she was off gallivanting around the country. I just never saw this coming. It never crossed my mind.”
PJ was skeptical. “Never? I saw that look on your face last night, when that bitch grabbed Mo practically out of your arms. You thought about it then, didn’t you?”
Stephanie piled the salt, lemon wedges, and napkins on a tray. She headed back to the den with PJ close behind.
“I saw her hand in the small of Mo’s back and I knew it meant something. I ignored it, because I didn’t want to believe it.”
Once they were seated back on the couch, PJ poured two more shots. This time they used the salt and bit down on a piece of lemon, before the conversation continued.
“Really, last night was the first time it crossed your mind that Mo would cheat?”
Stephanie was taken aback. She answered, “Yes. What are you getting at? Have I been blind all along? Has she done this before? Tell me the truth.”
“No, no,” PJ waved her hands in the air. “She never cheated on you, not that I know of, but she must be a better at covering her tracks than I thought.”
“What do you mean? Just spit it out. It can’t be worse than what I already know, can it?”
PJ poured another shot. She seemed to need the fortification as much as Stephanie.
“It’s just that even I knew, when she came back from the LA film festival in June, that something was wrong. She couldn’t look me in the eye, anymore. I thought she’d made some deal and it was going to fuck me over, but now I know that’s not what it was.”
Stephanie dipped her tongue in the salt on the back of her hand and downed another shot. She bit into the lemon, but it didn’t dull the burning in her throat. Mo always said Stephanie was a lightweight. Mo did the heavy drinking and Stephanie did the driving, but tonight Stephanie was determined to find out what drinking herself blind really meant.
Before It Stains Page 4
