“Damn. You’re so beautiful.” Stepping toward me, he crushes his body to mine. I tingle in every place we meet, every millimeter of my skin igniting instantaneously. He trails his hands up and down my back, and I arch into him with a greedy moan. “Sadie.” He utters my name with the same reverence as a prayer. Lowering his mouth to mine, he kisses me slowly and sweetly at first. But it quickly transforms. Pulling me in close, he gasps as his lips claim mine, possessively, hungrily, as if he’ll die if he can’t taste me, over and over again. Each kiss kindles the fire building momentum inside me until I think I’ll spontaneously combust.
Without warning, he rips his lips from mine, gracing me with a naughty grin. We are both noticeably panting. I shriek when he unexpectedly throws me over his shoulder and runs toward the sea. I shriek again when he swats my butt as we reach the water’s edge. “Brace yourself.”
We splash into the sea, rivulets of warm water cascading over our conjoined skin. I squeal when he gently places my feet on the soft seabed. Indulgent, fresh waves lap at my heated skin, and I revel in the foreign feeling. I grasp his hand as my toes sink into the supple golden sand underfoot. With my other hand, I trail the tips of my fingers through the water, relishing the sensation trickling across my skin. The manufactured sun beats down on us in all its glorious intensity, reflecting the different contours of the water as we wade through it.
Beaming at Logan, I’m so happy to have him by my side for this first. Emotion balls at the back of my throat.
He presses his mouth to mine, and we continue what we started on the beach. While he’s kissing me, he pulls us deeper and deeper into the water until we’re submerged up to my chest. Jumping up, I wrap my legs around his waist, as his arms snake under my butt. The smooth, hard contours of his body mold against me, sending tremors of evocative desire ratcheting all over my body.
This is like the embodiment of my girlish dreams. Me locked in the arms of a hot guy on an idyllic beach as he worships my body.
I don’t ever want to leave this place.
To ever run from his arms.
To be with anyone else but Logan.
He is mine, and I am his.
Forever.
CHAPTER 8
Logan breaks the kiss a while later. I grin at him as I touch my swollen lips. “I think you must overestimate my level of control,” he pants out. “We need to stop before I do something we might both regret.”
“I could never regret a single moment with you. I want you, Logan.”
He groans. “Definitely not helping.”
He rakes a hand through his damp hair, and I lean into his chest, snuggling against the expanse of hard, naked flesh. “Is it wrong to feel so happy right now?” I ask, with a pang of guilt. “When we have so much crap to deal with, and so much hangs in the balance.” I peer up at him.
He cups my face. “No. It isn’t wrong to steal this moment for ourselves. We nearly died today, Sadie. Your happiness, your vitality, is definitely something to celebrate. As is the love we feel for other each. All the other shit will still be there tomorrow. Right now, it’s just us.” I beam up at him as he glances over my head, his smile wavering. “Or not,” he mutters unhappily.
I follow his line of vision, and guilt jumps up and bites me. I wrench away from him as if electrocuted. Ax stands on the beach, like a forlorn soul, arms folded across his chest as he stares at me and Logan.
“Crap,” I mutter. “I need to go to him.”
Logan’s chest heaves as he nods.
I plow through the water toward the beach. Ax follows my movements like a man starved of affection. It does nothing but add to the mountainous pile of guilt. When I reach the edge of the water, his eyes roam lazily over every curve and swell of my body. He doesn’t even attempt to hide his admiration or his longing, and I can only imagine what Logan’s feeling and thinking right now. I walk toward him with a burning hot face.
When I’m only a few meters away, he turns abruptly and stalks back toward his room, obviously changing his mind.
Are you freaking kidding me?
“Ax! Wait! Please.” But he ignores me as he flounces out of sight.
What the hell? I flop down on the sand and moan in frustration. Extending my hands out over my head, I stretch my body lengthways in a weak attempt to alleviate some of my stress.
A shadow crowds out the sun as tiny speckles of water land on my skin. Shielding my eyes with my hand, I look at Logan looming over me with lust-filled eyes. He stares wordlessly at me as his gaze ravages me, devouring me from head to toe, several times over. Where once I may have felt self-conscious, now, I only feel like the most adored woman on the planet. Desire curls low in my belly, and I squirm on the sand.
I prop up on my elbows. “What?”
“I’m committing this vision to memory, because, damn, Angel, you look good enough to eat.”
I’m grateful he’s keeping the tone light, and I appreciate how much of an effort that must be, but, still, the mood is ruined now. One look at his face tells me he knows it too. I extend my hand and he helps me up. “Come on.” He gently steers me forward. “Let me run that bath for you.”
I’m sitting between Fern and Izzy, at a long table in the dining room, when I’m ambushed from behind. Cold hands wrap around my eyes as a recognizable alien voice says, “Surprise!”
“Dali!” I spring up and pull her into a hug. “I’m so glad to see you!” I fall back, giving her a quick once-over. Her typical glossy, straight hair falls in bouncy, soft waves down her back, and she’s sporting a darker shade of tan. Distressed denim-type shorts and a light cropped pink tee hug her magnificent curves, exposing more flesh than I’m used to seeing on her.
The look suits her.
Her green eyes twinkle brightly, and her entire persona radiates happiness. Like she has a glow-bug embedded under her skin. I spy an equally tanned Win over her shoulder, making his way to the end of the table to sit alongside Neve, Logan, and Haydn. “I take it things are going well with Win?”
She grins widely. “Yep! I’ll tell you all later.” Slivers of vibrant pink flit underneath her skin.
I make quick introductions. Ax is distantly polite when he acknowledges her. Of course, they are already acquainted with one another, having met at a few of the Heir’s Summits over the years. His eyes momentarily fix on mine from across the table. Making excuses, he gets up to leave. “Leaving us so soon?” Haydn calls out from the far end of the table. “Not hungry?” He casts a glance at his half-eaten plate. “Or is the company lacking?” He drills me with a none-too-subtle look.
That was downright mean.
“Knock it off,” I snap. “Hate me all you want, but leave Ax alone.” Haydn and I enter into a face-off across the table. Logan reaches for him, an argumentative look on his face. “Stay out of it! You can’t keep fighting my battles.”
He glances at me, grimacing as he drops his hand to his side. “I don’t like how he’s speaking to you.”
“Me either, but it’s my mess. Please don’t interfere.”
“The company’s lacking all right,” Ax responds. “But I’m not talking about Sadie.” His gaze hovers between Logan and Haydn, making his intent clear. Haydn opens his mouth to retaliate, but a razor-sharp look from Logan has him clamping it shut again.
Ax throws a last look at me before he walks out of the room in that long-legged stride of his. Izzy shovels a forkful of food into her mouth as she stands. I send her a grateful smile before she runs out after him. Dali leans forward on her elbows, eyes out on stalks. “How long have I been out of the loop again? What was all that about?”
“I’ve so much to tell you, but, honestly, I can’t get into it now,” I admit truthfully. I’m sick of my own drama. “Tell me what’s been going on with you.”
“Not much, unfortunately.” She reclines in her chair as a casually attired maid places a dinner plate in front of her. “We’d only visited two planets before we were forced to flee here. It was touch and go
for a while, and we barely avoided capture.” She shudders briefly before placing her hand on mine. “King Coryn is a formidable ally, and I think we can pull this off if Logan, and the other heirs, agree to the plan.”
I open my mouth to inquire, but she holds up a hand. “I’m sworn to secrecy. The king wants to discuss it with Logan in private. I also get the sense that they have some personal business to attend to.” I nod. “You know what beef is between them?”
I tuck my hair behind my ears. “Yes, but it’s not my business to share.”
“Of course, and I would never ask you to. All I’m saying is, I hope they can put aside their personal differences for the greater good. This plan can work, but only if everyone is on board.”
After dinner, we retreat to an outside seating area as the sun begins a gradual descent across the dusky sky. Haydn has made himself scarce, and I can’t say I’m unhappy. This brief sojourn is going to be over in the morning, and I want to milk every last drop of bliss before then. I don’t leave my position on Logan’s lap, except to go to the bathroom. He messes idly with my hair as we chat to the other couples around us. Every so often, I lay my head on his shoulder or sweep my fingers up and down his arm. Without conscious thought, he repeatedly presses kisses to my temple or brushes his lips against my jawline. It’s effortless and natural, and I wish this night never had to draw to a close.
However, tiredness eventually comes calling, and when I can no longer keep my eyes open, Logan bids everyone goodnight and we retire to bed.
It’s the middle of the night, and I can’t sleep. Logan’s gentle snores are weirdly comforting. At least one of us is getting some rest. But I’m wound up tighter than a ball of yarn, and sleep continues to evade me. The dull throbbing that has taken up residence in my skull isn’t helping either.
Quietly—so as not to wake him—I slip out of the comfy bed and pad to the window. Tucking my knees into my chest, I stare at the starless navy nighttime canvas. Every so often, strange silver streaks ping across the sky, briefly illuminating the dome. Water casually laps the edge of the sand in a soothing backward-and-forward motion. My grief skyrockets when I spot a lone figure sitting hunched over on the sand. I lift my head up fully.
Ax looks like he’s shouldering the weight of the world.
I need to go to him.
Hauling myself to my feet, I suck in my cheeks as I ponder the wisdom of creeping out in the middle of the night to talk to a man who isn’t my boyfriend. I don’t want to do anything to hurt Logan. I doubt he’d be pleased to discover this secondhand, but I don’t want to disturb him or give the impression that I’m asking permission.
This is my call, and I’ve already made it. But in the interests of openness and honesty, I want to be upfront with him, so there is no room for crossed wires or additional unwanted drama.
“What’s wrong?” Logan asks in a sleep-deprived voice. I spin around. He rubs his tired eyes as he props up against the headboard.
Skipping over to his side of the bed, I settle on top of the comforter. “I need to speak to Ax. I can’t let this fester any longer.”
He wets his lips and scrubs a hand over his stubbly jaw. Sluggish eyes probe mine. “It’s the middle of the night.”
“I know, but he’s outside, and he looks so lost.”
Logan is quietly contemplative. “Okay, if that’s what you think is best. Do what you need to, but don’t take too long. I can’t guarantee I won’t come looking for you.”
“Thanks for understanding, and I won’t be too long. But, don’t wait up.” I lean in and kiss him softly. “You need to catch up on your sleep. I’ll be right beside you when you wake up.”
My footsteps are virtually silent as I tread across the soft sand toward Ax. His spine stiffens slightly, indicating he’s aware of my approach. Plopping down beside him, I secure my robe tighter around my body.
“It’s beautiful here.” The balmy breeze lifts wisps of my hair, blowing them across my face. Ax reaches over and tucks the loose hair behind my ears. I flinch, jerking away from his touch. A wounded look washes over his face before he shuts down. “I’m sorry,” I murmur. “I don’t know how to do this. How to make it better.”
He fists handfuls of sand, and speaks without looking at me. “You can’t.”
“I’m really sorry, I—”
“Stop. Please, stop saying you’re sorry. It isn’t helping.” He finally looks at me. His pink eyes glow differently in the dark, almost like there’s a contrasting color underneath.
I bunch my hands in my lap. “What are your plans?”
He raises his hands, letting the sand slip through his fingers. “I don’t know. It’s not like I have many options. You were all I’d left in this world.”
I maneuver around to face him. “I’m still here, Ax, and I’m not going anywhere. You’re important to me.”
He harrumphs. “You know,” he says, after a few minutes of awful silence, “before you came into my life, I used to pray every day for a brother or sister. Because I was so lonely and so starved for attention.”
“Why didn’t your mother ever marry? Or have more children?”
His shoulders lift up and down. “She was engaged once, before I came along. I don’t know all the details, but it broke her, hardened her heart. Or at least, that’s what the rumor mill says. Then my father didn’t want to know, apparently, and she was saddled with a kid she didn’t want.”
I reach out to touch him but stop myself in time. The urge to comfort him is all-consuming, but that won’t help things. I pull back before he notices the gesture.
“As leader of Torc, she could have her pick of men, but marriage doesn’t appear to interest her. Her bedroom’s been like a revolving door for years, and it’s always disgusted me.” He shakes his head in revulsion. “But bedding one of my schoolmates, when he was fifteen, was low even for her.”
My cheeks pucker sourly. “That’s sick.” I can’t keep the shock from my face.
He looks sideways at me. “I know. What’s worse is that he’s the one that’s stayed the course these last few years. None of the others ever lasted more than a few months. You met him, at that meeting.”
I easily recall the hot guy with the irritating personality who seemed to enjoy riling Ax up. I bob my head.
“And somehow he has become her greatest confidant. She shares things with him that she should share with me as her natural heir. Rhys is the type of man she wishes I was.”
“That’s not true.”
“Oh, it’s the truth all right. She thinks my love for you has made me soft, and she doesn’t trust me. Maybe this is the best thing that could’ve happened.” Something fierce and dark burns behind his eyes. “Maybe, now that I’ve lost your love, I’ll turn into the type of person she can be proud of. Someone she believes can lead Torc into the future.” He hops up, dusting sand off his pants.
“You don’t mean that. You can’t.” I scramble to my feet alongside him.
“What else is there for me now?” I hate to hear the pitiful resignation in his tone. This is not the quietly confident Ax I’ve come to know. It guts me that I’m the reason for his metamorphosis. “When you came into my life, I invested everything in you. I thought we were on the same page, but I always worried something like this would come to pass. I saw those recordings of the future, saw how much you were in love with him, but I convinced myself it didn’t matter, because what we had was more profound than that. I should have tried harder to keep you on Torc, to stop you from leaving. If I’d kept you there, then none of this would’ve happened.”
Unease slithers in my veins, but arguing with him over hypothetical situations won’t do either of us any favors. “You’ll find someone else. Someone who will love you as you deserve to be loved.”
His face hardens. “You don’t get it!” he snaps. “I don’t want to find someone else. You’re it for me. No one could ever mean as much to me as you do.”
“I am still in your life,” I whisper,
feeling hopelessly inadequate. I’m ill-equipped to deal with such potent emotional torment, and my natural instinct is to curl into a shell and ignore it. But Ax deserves better than that from me.
“As your friend?” he spits out.
“Would that be so bad?” I inquire, instinctually touching his arm.
This time he is the one to shrink back. “I don’t want to be your friend, Sadie. I am your husband, whether you choose to accept that or not. That may not mean anything to you, but it means everything to me. When I made those vows, I meant them. You will always be my wife, my mate, in here”—he slaps a hand over his heart—“and that’s the only place where it matters.”
CHAPTER 9
My whole body starts to tremble, and I’m fighting a losing battle with my tears. Ax has laid himself bare, stripped himself raw, and it’s still not enough. I don’t need to say it, because he can see it written all over my face. He turns away but not before I see the tears forming in his eyes.
I’m devastated all over again. I want to comfort him, but I don’t know how to and that’s killing me inside.
“This is why we can’t be friends. Why I don’t want to talk to you.” His speech is subdued by the breeze, and he’s refusing to look at me, but I don’t push it. “It will never get easier or comfortable for me to be with you when you’re his. It’s why I can’t stay here.”
He starts to walk off, but I fist a hand in his shirt and pull him back. “You can’t leave. Please. Don’t go. I don’t want you to.” My nerves are frayed to stretching point. I can’t keep him safe if I don’t know where he is.
“Then make me stay,” he dares, pivoting around to face me. His warm breath oozes over my skin as he inspects every part of my face. Peering into his pleading eyes, I wish I could give him what he wants.
But I can’t.
The challenge lies unanswered between us. After a couple of tense minutes, he gives me a weak smile. “As I thought.” He brushes his thumb across my bottom lip. “I can’t be around you, Sadie. Not when it’s destroying me. Not when I want to touch you every second of every day. I can’t bear to see him hold you and kiss you. It makes me want to …” He doesn’t need to finish the sentence. I get it. His hand falls loose. “Unless you change your mind, please respect my decision, and I’d appreciate it if you would leave me alone. It’s easier for me that way.”
Saven Defiance (The Saven Series Book 4) Page 11
