by Lisa Campell
Mildly dumbfounded, Sebastian sat down in the chair by the bed. He was at a loss for words. He was grateful that the worst he had imagined wasn’t yet coming to fruition, but also filled with sudden regret.
“I thought it would be difficult for her,” he said, somewhat honestly. “To see you the way you were.” The smile that eased his features was equal parts tremendous relief and joy to have some part of his sister back. “But I’m so glad you’re not that way today.”
Chapter Seventeen
Eliza did not know what to think, or how to feel. She knew Sebastian well enough to understand that he likely wasn’t pushing her away on purpose, but the sudden recurrence of his defensiveness had been both unexpected and hurtful. They had made such wonderful progress together, only to lose it in the wake of a meeting that had appeared to be so positive.
Still, Eliza did her best to be compassionate rather than judgmental. She was intimately acquainted with the pain of watching a loved one on the brink of death, about to go where they could not be followed. If it had been Matthew in that bed…she could scarcely bring herself to consider the agony. Sebastian deserved gentleness during this time, as hard as it was to step back and give him his space.
Besides, Eliza had something new to worry about. Over the last few weeks, she had sensed a difference in her body, a subtle change she could not at first identify. Then the time for her monthly ordeal came and went, and nothing happened. That was when she began to put the signs together. Just before Sebastian had left to return to Teresa’s side, Eliza had started waking up nauseous, her stomach tight, head spinning.
Was it possible? Already? It seemed like they had only just started engaging in the activity that could result in her apparent condition, although she had to admit they were often enthusiastic practitioners. With no small measure of amusement, Eliza wondered if Sebastian’s self-imposed vow of celibacy had had anything to do with how virile he was now.
But that was the only funny thing about it. A day into his sojourn back to the village, it dawned on Eliza rather unpleasantly that she was going to have to tell Sebastian, a gentleman who feared the conception of his own heirs, that the worst in his mind had happened and she was almost certainly with child. Even when he returned, it would still be too early to tell for sure, but the more Eliza considered the possibility, the more certain she became.
Something had changed. What else, if not the sudden presence of a tiny little lifeform? Eliza had never quite believed the mothers who’d triumphantly declared that they knew right away, but she couldn’t explain it herself. She simply understood that against his will, Sebastian had given her a child.
She worried about it deeply. The thought of his anger, directed at her, frightened and chastened her. She remembered his story about the unfortunate actress who had tried to do away with his first child and destroyed herself in the process.
Eliza’s heart dropped. Surely he wouldn’t expect her to take the same route. Sebastian had been so broken up as he recounted the harrowing experience on the carriage ride back to their home. He couldn’t expect her to act that way. Not after saying he loved her.
Not that it mattered. Eliza already knew she would fight rather than give up her child. Even if it meant clashing with Sebastian. That, too, made her sick to her stomach.
No. Seb would never do such a thing. Right?
By the dawn of day three alone in the house, Eliza’s head was spinning, and not just from the morning sickness. Her thoughts crashed into and over each other like the raging waters of an angry river. She hardly knew which way was up. Between her confusion over her emotions and the rapid onset of early pregnancy symptoms, Eliza quickly began to feel crushingly overwhelmed, paralyzed by the weight of everything happening at once in her life.
It was an awful time to be away from Sebastian, and yet it was also something of a godsend. She had no idea how she would have coped with keeping her little secret if he had been around every corner, or waiting for her in bed at night. He would’ve known instantly that something was wrong; he was the only one who knew Eliza’s body half as well as she did. In his own way, he would coax her until she gave up the truth.
That was what would happen the moment he got home from Monk Sherborne. Eliza tried not to fret over a theoretical encounter before it even had a chance to play out, but she was unable to stop herself. In the best-case scenario, Sebastian was proud and happy, willing to work through his fears in order to forge a future with her and their unborn baby.
In the worst outcome, he simply abandoned them both. This, Eliza knew beyond a shadow of a doubt, was utterly farfetched. It still terrified her. Much to her chagrin, she realized she was ill prepared to have any conversation whatsoever about childbearing with Sebastian, much less make the announcement that she was carrying his.
If he was returning with news of Teresa’s death…Eliza shuddered to think of the storm that would be unleashed.
Thus, she made the decision to follow the example Sebastian had so thoughtfully set only says prior. The only thing she could think to do was leave, buy herself some time to figure out a plan. How to soothe his anger if it came, and how to replace his apprehension with excitement and joy. Eliza desperately wanted their baby to be born into a happy life with two loving parents. She wanted Sebastian to enjoy being a father. If only he could let go of the darkness that was holding him back!
Leaving the house in the capable hands of their servants, Eliza set out on her own, considerably shorter journey over to Matthew’s estate. Judith was not surprised to find her sister-in-law on the front step. She was surprised to see the small suitcase she carried.
“Why, Eliza, what’s wrong?” Judith exclaimed. “Don’t tell me something’s happened with Seb. Matthew might kill him if he’s hurt you.”
Eliza shook her head. “It’s not that,” she said. “I need to tell you something.”
Seeing the uncharacteristic solemnity in Eliza’s eyes, Judith nodded and let her in. Eliza waited until the door had closed completely at her back before she placed her hand on her stomach and blurted, “I’m going to have a baby and I don’t know how to tell Seb.”
“Darling, why can’t you tell him?”
Eliza burst into tears. Judith reached out, taking her hand. She waited patiently, while Eliza haltingly told her everything. When she had finished, Judith sighed.
“I had no idea,” she murmured.
“What should I do?” Eliza asked.
“Though I haven’t known him for long, I do know that he’s madly in love with you.”
“I don’t know that.”
“I can see it in the way that he looks at you,” Judith said. “I don’t think for a moment that he’ll send you and the baby away, no matter what happens.”
“I’m not sure,” Eliza said, her hand on her belly, as if to protect the small, awakening life that stirred there.
“Well, if he does, you come right to me,” Judith told her. “You are always welcome here. If he does turn you out, then you can be sure that Matthew will bring him to account for it.”
“Goodness. I wouldn’t want that.” Eliza pictured a duel between the two friends and shuddered.
“I think Sebastian has learned the hard way that he must take care of you and this baby,” Judith told her. “From what you said of that poor girl…” she trailed off, a dark, sad look passing through her eyes.
“I can only hope that you’re right,” Eliza said. Though Judith’s words were comforting, she had no idea what to expect when her husband came home, grieving the loss of his sister, to find out that a baby was coming. One who might share that same sister’s horrible illness. Eliza wanted to be happy. But she felt wretched and terrified.
Chapter Eighteen
Teresa Campden persevered, as she always did, in the face of incredible adversity. Sebastian stayed at Monk Sherborne for over a week, and though her condition fluctuated from day to day, it never again plummeted to the dark depths that had prompted the letter. Still, Sebas
tian remained by her side until the physician could say with absolute certainty that he felt Teresa was out of danger. Only then did he prepare to return home to deliver the happy news to his wife, and then to explain himself to her.
“Once you have gotten some strength back,” Sebastian promised her. “I will take you back home, where you belong.”
She smiled serenely. “That will be a most happy day indeed, Brother.”
“Then I shall begin to make the arrangements as soon as I return home,” he told her. “I will hire on staff to attend to you.” He sighed.
“What ails you, Brother?” she asked.
“I left my wife at home,” he replied. “No doubt, she’s angry with me.”
“If she loves you, she will forgive you.”
She blew her brother a kiss and watched him leave the home from her window. Sebastian turned back once to wave. His heart was rarely heavier than when he had to leave her behind in that dreary place. She deserved to be spending her days in a family home alongside people who loved her.
It was something to discuss with Eliza once he’d managed to smooth things over What if she was angry at him? What if she refused to see him? These thoughts plagued him as he rode for Campden Hall. A murky cloud of fear settled into his very bones. Even the familiar façade of his own home didn’t do much to quell his fears that he had pushed her away to the detriment of their relationship.
When he entered, the butler opened the door. “Welcome home, My Lord.”
“Thank you. Where is my wife?” he asked, preparing to go to her and to beg for her forgiveness and understanding, yet again.
Then, suddenly, there she was, emerging from the corridor that led to the main drawing room. She was a vision, dressed in a bright yellow muslin. Her black hair was in a bun, with modish curls framing her cheeks. When she saw him, she beamed, wrapping her arms around him. . Sebastian kissed her passionately. It felt incredible to have her safe in his arms again.
“What news of Teresa?” she asked immediately after their lips had eased apart. “Oh, I’ve been so worried for her. And for you.”
“She’s recovering!” Sebastian did not hide his frank bewilderment at his sister’s vastly improved prognosis. “The physician doesn’t fully understand how it happened, but he says he’s not going to question a miracle.”
“I’m so happy!” Eliza kissed him again. “We must give thanks! Does this mean I’ll be permitted to accompany you next time?” She spoke playfully, but Sebastian’s chest was stabbed with guilt.
“I shall never deny you again, my darling,” he pronounced, setting her gently on her feet. “Not for a single thing.” He paused. “I was terrified that I might return home to find you gone, after I’d been so selfish.”
“You are very dramatic,” she told him, grinning. “And much too hard on yourself. You aren’t so selfish, Sebastian, although I admit I was a little hurt that you wouldn’t talk to me. But how can I fault you for wanting to be with your sister when you thought she was dying?”
Sebastian couldn’t take his eyes off her. “You are an angel, Lady Dain. I have no idea what I did to deserve you.” Then his face clouded over. Dark circles were pressed underneath her eyes, and her skin had an unhealthy pallor to it. He felt a wave of concern wash over him, at the thought that his wife, in her concern for him might have become ill. “You look a bit pale, darling. Are you well?”
“I’m so scared, Seb,” she admitted. “I—I’m afraid to tell you.”
“Scared of what?” Sebastian’s eyes grew bright and intense. Immediately, Lord Wyhurst and the Duchess of Hampshire arose in his mind. “If anyone has tried to hurt you, I’ll—”
“Shh.” She touched his lips with her fingers. “I’m not hurt.” Words seemed to fail her, and she took a few moments to collect herself. “I’m with child, Sebastian. Your child.”
Sebastian stopped cold, staring at her in shock. Of all the words she might have said, those were perhaps the ones he expected the least. Considering how vigorously they’d made love to each other, however, he acknowledged that perhaps he should have seen this coming. His first instinct was to indulge all the dark thoughts that came rushing to the forefront. How could he have allowed himself to perpetuate the cycle? Had he learned nothing from Teresa’s most recent brush with death?
Eliza took both of his hands in her own. She was looking into his eyes, as though trying to read the thoughts that he was leaving unsaid. “Seb?” she asked in a very small, frightened voice. “Please, say something.”
Sebastian looked at her for a long time. Her green eyes, so bewitchingly beautiful, pleaded with him to set aside his demons, to stand by her, hold her hand—to comfort her, because she was afraid, for the very same reasons that he was. Probably even more so, because she knew his history. She took his hand and placed it on her stomach, palm down. Inside, the first seed of a human being slumbered.
At that, Sebastian burst into tears. Eliza looked up at him, her eyes full of terror. He wrapped his arms around her, clinging to her as his grief and fear came pouring out of him. She was shaking, and he realized that she was crying, too. He held her tightly.
I will never let her go, he thought fiercely. Never. Whatever happened, he would stand by her side.
“I’m so frightened,” he admitted. After all that he had seen his uncle and his sister suffer, the thought that this child—his very own child—might suffer the same fate, was terrifying.
“I am, too,” she said, holding his face in her hands. She clasped his arm, leading him into the parlor, so that they could speak in private, though none of the servants were hanging about the foyer where they stood.
She closed the door after them. Sebastian looked around at the familiar room, recalling how his own parents had sat there, in this very room. Likely having a similar discussion.
All those years of attempting to not perpetuate the cycle, and here we are. Talking about bringing another child into this world. Sebastian could not help but think of the hubris of the situation. But he knew what he had to do, going forward.
Together, they sank down onto the settee. He clasped her hand in his tightly as he looked into her tear-filled green eyes. Sebastian reached up, brushing away the tears that covered Eliza’s pale cheeks. He loved her so much, that he would do anything for her. She was looking at him nervously.
“What is it, darling?” he asked.
“If you do not want this child,” she said, raising her chin defiantly. “I will go and stay with Matthew and Judith.”
“What?” he gasped.
“I cannot give this child up,” she told him, her voice breaking. “If you do not want this baby, then say so. I will be gone from here this very moment.”
He realized that this was why she had been frightened. She had expected him to not want the child at all—to not want her either. She’d thought that he was going to react in the way that he had before. He felt gutted as he looked into her eyes. He saw the despair there.
“Eliza, my darling,” he murmured, his heart breaking at the thought of her leaving him. He couldn’t even bear the thought of it. “If you leave me, I will never recover.” He swallowed, wiping at his own cheek with the back of his sleeve. “I am terrified that the dark curse of my heritage will fall upon our child. But I will never abandon you, nor this child. No matter what happens.” He couldn’t imagine sending her away from him. Not ever.
She looked into his eyes, fresh tears spilling down her cheeks. He knew that what he said was true. What was done was done, and Sebastian needed to be strong, resolute. He needed to be the strong husband and father figure that his wife and unborn child needed. She sobbed, and he wrapped his arms around her, holding her close. She clung to him, as though they were in the middle of a storm, and the only way that they were going to make it out alive was by remaining together.
“I love you,” she whispered, her breath warm against his cheek. “I always have.”
“I love you, too,” he murmured. “More than life it
self.” He realized then that he should never have left her behind. She was his wife, his sorrows were her sorrows. The reverse was true as well. For the moment, it was enough to hold her, to be held by her.
Chapter Nineteen
Eliza felt relief, at hearing that Sebastian wouldn’t send her away. It had been her fear—that he would be angry with her. That he would reject both Eliza and their unborn child. But he had not. She only saw love in his eyes—it was a fierce and overwhelming love, the very love that she had sought from him.
The light in the windows turned golden, then dimmed as the sun began to set. They remained where they were, seeking solace in the company of one another. Sebastian held her, in his arms. She looked up and into his eyes, seeking his lips with her own.
