“Thanks for that, by the way,” Hermes interjected. He was still covered in the strips I'd used to bandage him.
“We definitely need to go shopping,” Demeter decided, looking around at all of us. She looked down. “I could use something fun too.”
“There’s a stripmall on the way,” Justin suggested. “If we hurry, we can make it.”
“To the stripmall!” I declared.
Lifting my chin, and stumbling only slightly, I strode out the door.
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
Laughter. Music. The smell of wood smoke. We were in the right place. It wasn’t exactly the wild bacchanals of ancient times, but it was close enough. The smell of sweat and cologne and alcohol was everywhere.
“Ready?” Justin asked.
I shrugged. Looking at the dancing, drinking, laughing people, I suddenly felt out of place. Alone. I wanted what they had. I wanted to have some mindless fun, to take a break from impending doom for once. But I didn’t know how. This was shaping up to be a big mistake.
“Let’s get a drink?” he suggested.
I shook my head. “No. I . . . I’ve had enough.”
The pleasant feeling I’d had back at the house was gone. Everything felt different now: brighter, louder, more intense. I wasn’t sure if I liked it. I was starting to think what I really wanted was to just go home and sleep.
“Caffeine, then,” Justin decided, catching me yawn. “They’ll probably have some soda by the fire. Come on.”
“We’re just going to walk over and join them?” I asked.
“That’s where you come in,” Justin said.
“My powers," I guessed. "Right. Wait here.”
I headed over to the fire.
A man I didn’t recognize stood up. “Do I know you?”
My heart jumped. He looked so much like Zeus, I almost did a double take. Something in the way he carried himself, the way he spoke. And the way he looked at me.
“This is a private party,” the girl next to him said.
His girlfriend. I could tell from the worry in her eyes. With the way he was looking at me, she was right to be worried.
“But I just got here. Can’t I stay?” I asked.
The man grinned. His girlfriend tried to grab his arm, but he shrugged her off.
“Derek,” he introduced himself. “This is my party. And you’re more than welcome to stay. On one condition. You sit by me.”
He gestured to one of the logs they’d been sitting on.
I walked over, but as I passed him, I turned and locked eyes with him. Derek was swallowed up by my infinite gaze.
“I have friends who’ll be joining us,” I told him.
Derek nodded. I gestured to where the others were waiting, and they wandered over.
I sat on the log next to Derek. His girlfriend quickly sat on the other side of him, so close she was almost in his lap. I felt for her. I’d played that role more times than I could count, so often that I’d had to finally face the truth long ago: if she needed to babysit Derek, there was no point. She’d already lost.
Hermes, Demeter, and Justin came into the firelight. No sign of Artemis. She’d stay unseen, standing guard, until she was needed.
Hermes was instantly at ease. He shook the hands of a couple of the guys seated across from me, chatting them up as if they were old friends. They were no match for his easy confidence and his charm.
Demeter followed, demure and quiet. But her body did all the talking she needed. She was quickly swarmed by excited--and drunk--guys.
Justin was more cautious. He’d grown up with these people. They’d probably even picked on him. And now he was being treated like he’d always been one of them.
He took a seat next to me, and Derek’s girlfriend looked at him, then at me hopefully. I rolled my eyes.
Before the situation could get any more awkward, loud honking in the parking lot caught everyone’s attention. Headlights flashed, blinding us.
“WE’RE HERE TO PARTY!” a loud, very drunk guy bellowed.
The headlights snapped off, and we could see a group of five or six packed cars. A crowd of twenty people, maybe more, began to pile out, laughing and talking too loudly to be sober. Trunks popped open, and soon they were carting enormous coolers toward us.
Someone had brought a stereo. He cranked the volume up as high as it would go. I winced. I was quickly surrounded by a sea of people.
“Maybe this was a bad idea,” I murmured.
“You wanted to blow off steam, right?” Justin reminded me. He was just as uncomfortable as I was, and he was taking it out on me. “So, go ahead and blow.”
“Fine,” I said. I had no patience for anyone’s moodiness, but my own.
I stalked off to see where Demeter and Hermes were.
I spotted Demeter first, surrounded by men. They were laughing at something she’d said. When she spotted me, she waved.
“I was wondering where you were,” she said. But she clearly hadn’t given me a second thought.
“Just checking in on you, getting a feel for things,” I told her. She didn’t say anything. She just waited expectantly, like I was supposed to say something else. “So, um, have you seen Artemis?”
I didn’t bother to use a fake name. The people around us were either too drunk to remember anything tomorrow, or they would be very shortly.
“I think I spotted her flying around somewhere,” Demeter replied vaguely, just as unconcerned as I was about the people around us. She looked at me shrewdly. “You don’t know what to do, do you?”
I didn’t disagree.
“Just find some people to talk to,” she suggested. “You know, make some new friends.”
I must’ve made a face, because she continued. “Or you could talk to Justin.”
I must’ve made another face. “Fine. Go dance. You used to love that. You remember? Before Zeus? Before you got all . . .” My eyes narrowed dangerously, and she didn’t finish.
“Look, there’s no right or wrong here, Hera,” she said. “Nobody’s watching. Nobody’s expecting anything. Nobody’s judging you. Just do whatever you feel. For once.”
That was the problem--I didn’t know what I felt anymore. But I couldn’t tell Demeter that.
“Hey, who’s your friend?” one of the men near Demeter asked, eyeing me.
I felt my power rising instinctively to my eyes. Demeter must’ve seen it too.
“Now, go!” Demeter insisted, shooing me away. “But stick close to Justin. He’ll watch your back.”
Justin. Justin. Justin.
I was sick of hearing his name. I was sick of everyone bringing him. He was all anyone seemed to talk about. And he was always around. Staring. Watching. Looking. Feeling. No wonder he was always in my head.
I just wanted not to think. About him. About anything. Why was that so hard?
I began to weave my way through the crowd. This had all been a huge mistake. Beer smelled terrible. My head was throbbing. This wasn’t for me. This wasn’t me. I didn’t know who this was. But I didn’t know who I was either. All I knew was that I didn’t belong here, in this mortal body full of mortal thoughts and mortal feelings.
I’d almost reached the edge of the crowd, and freedom, when I felt someone catch my arm.
“Are you okay?” Hermes asked.
“I’m fine,” I replied, shaking him off.
He didn’t seem convinced.
“I’ll be fine,” I amended. “I just need some air. It’s really . . .”
I gestured at the laughing, drinking, carefree people. It was everything I’d imagined, and I’d been right in the middle of it. But I might as well have been a million miles away. I couldn’t touch what they had. It just wasn’t in me. I was an outcast. A loner. I’d just never noticed before. I’d always been too busy. At least, in the Heavens, I was an outcast queen. Here, I was just an outcast.
“I’ll come with you,” he offered. He began to look for somewhere to put his two cups of beer.
“I don’t need an escort,” I assured him. “Besides, I have someone watching over me.”
I pointed meaningfully at the sky.
“God?” he asked dryly.
I rolled my eyes.
Hermes still seemed unconvinced. But I gave him my surest smile, and he reluctantly melted back into the crowd.
I breathed a sigh of relief. Onward to freedom. To solitude.
And that’s when I saw him.
Derek. He was standing against a tree a few yards away, just outside of the firelight. Easy to miss in the shadows. He hadn’t noticed me yet. I began to walk toward him, slowly at first, and then faster.
I didn’t know why. Maybe because he reminded me so much of Zeus, and Zeus reminded me of being a god. Of being focused and sure and too busy to care about being unhappy and lonely. Of being me.
Then, a girl appeared from behind the tree. A girl I didn’t recognize. And Derek smiled. A familiar smile. I hated that smile. I’d hated it for centuries.
Derek bent down and kissed her. They kissed deeper and deeper, more and more passionately. They disappeared behind the tree.
A few yards away sat Derek’s girlfriend. She was nodding absently at something one of her friends was saying, craning her neck to try to see around the crowd, searching for Derek.
That girl was me. I’d sat like that, searched like that, countless times, while Zeus was busy with his other lovers, not thinking or caring about me.
I felt the tears coming. I couldn’t stop them.
All for nothing. All the eons of effort I’d poured into my marriage. And it was for nothing. I was left with nothing. Nothing.
“Do you want to dance?”
I turned. I forced back the tears with enormous effort. I wouldn’t cry in front of mortals.
I didn’t recognize the relatively attractive man standing hopefully in front of me. He had sandy blond hair and blue eyes. He reminded me of Apollo. I liked Apollo.
“What’s your name?” I asked.
“Shane,” he answered. He smiled.
“Well, Shane,” I said, “I’d love to dance.”
I gave him my hand. He took it awkwardly and led me through the crowd to where a few other people were moving to the music.
Shane looked at me, unsure. I closed my eyes. I let the music surround and fill me. Before I knew it, I was moving, plaiting the sound with my body. I heard nothing, saw nothing, felt nothing. I surrendered to the wave, and it took me away. At last.
The song ended, and I opened my eyes. Shane was mesmerized. He blinked several times, as if seeing me for the first time. Then a new song began.
Shane seized his chance. He pressed against me, curving where I curved, fitting against me as tightly as possible. We moved together. His breath was warm and reeked of beer. I turned my face, but I didn’t push him away.
“Hera, what are you doing?” Justin demanded, appearing out of nowhere.
“I’m dancing,” I answered.
“Dancing,” he repeated. I didn’t like his tone.
“Dancing,” I snapped.
“With him?” Justin lifted his chin at Shane, who was totally baffled about what was going on.
“Why not?” I shot back. “I can dance with whoever I want.”
The silence hung between us.
“Enjoy your dance,” Justin said finally.
And then he was gone.
I felt Shane come up behind me.
“I think I’m done dancing for tonight,” I murmured.
I walked toward the parking lot. I could find my way back to Justin’s house from here.
“Hera!” Hermes called. He broke through the edge of the crowd and ran towards me.
“What?” I demanded.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
“I’m fine,” I snapped.
“Clearly,” he said. “Totally fine. Look, if this is about Justin--”
“Justin, Justin, Justin!” I fumed. “Why does everything have to be about him?”
“Really? We’re going to play this game?” he asked.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I replied.
“You’ve never lied before, Hera. Don’t start now. Not about this,” he said.
“I’m not lying,” I insisted. “But I’m getting pretty pissed off. So either explain yourself, or leave me alone!”
“Don’t mind if I do,” Hermes replied. I’d never seen him like this. He’d never spoken to me this way before. “Cards on the table. Agreed?”
I said nothing. I just folded my arms.
“Agreed?” he repeated.
“Fine,” I said. “If it’ll make you leave me alone.”
“I’ll take that as a yes,” he said. “Now, you know I’m Zeus’ best friend--”
“This conversation is over,” I said.
I started to turn, but Hermes caught my arm. I stared at him. He never touched me. No one ever touched me.
“Just hear me out,” he said.
I just stared at his hand. He let go.
“I’m Zeus’ best friend,” he repeated. “I love him more than anyone.”
I arched an eyebrow.
“We’ll settle for a tie,” he said quickly. “I love Zeus. But, believe it or not, I love you too.”
I blinked.
He cocked his head. Then his eyes widened. “No, not like that. God, no! Not that you’re not . . . That’s not the point. The point is I love you too. You are a great queen. In fact, you’re probably the best queen this whole miserable existence could ever hope for. You don’t think anyone sees that. But I do. And you deserve to be happy.”
I didn’t know what to say. So I didn’t say anything.
“The truth is, and I’ve wanted to tell you this for a long time,” he said, “the truth is that Zeus treats you like shit.”
I was stunned.
“He cheats on you. He takes you for granted. He’s a great king, and I love him, but he’s a really lousy husband. Like the worst. Ever,” Hermes said. “Gods, that felt good.”
I was equal parts moved and furious. I didn’t know whether to hug him or punch him in the face.
“I trust this highly inappropriate, not to mention treasonous, conversation has a point?” I asked.
“Yes, the point,” he said hesitantly. Which made me worry. If he was hesitating for the first time now, I really wasn’t going to like what he had to say next.
I decided to help him out.
“You’ve got ten seconds before I start walking away,” I said.
He looked at me helplessly.
“Nine,” I said. “Eight. Seven. Six--”
“You like Justin!” he burst out.
“You’re seriously mistaken,” I replied.
It was a warning. Hermes heard it--but he ignored it. He never used to ignore me. No one did.
“No,” he said stubbornly. “I don’t think I am. And I don’t think you really believe I am either.”
“You have no idea what I believe,” I shot back.
“You’re right. I don’t,” Hermes admitted. “But here’s what I believe. I believe you like Justin. I believe he likes you back. In fact, I believe that crazy boy is madly in love with you, despite the fact that a part of him knows how difficult that’s going to be, because you won’t let anyone love you, let alone love somebody yourself. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s Zeus. Maybe it’s what he’s done to you. Maybe it’s how hard he broke your heart. But I believe you deserve happiness, Hera. After everything you’ve done, after everything you’ve put up with, you deserve to be happy. But you’re so used to fighting that even when you have a shot at happiness, you’re fighting that. So just stop. Stop fighting. Let him love you. Love him back. Chances like this don’t come around that often. Not for us. You know that.”
I was trembling with emotion I couldn’t name. Anger. Sadness. Bitterness. Maybe something else entirely. I shook with the intensity of it.
“I’m your queen,” I reminded him through
gritted teeth. “And I’m married. And you want me to cheat on Zeus? My husband? Like he’s been doing to me?”
“No, of course not,” Hermes said. “What Zeus has been doing to you, that’s cheating. He lies. He goes behind your back. He does whatever he wants, even knowing how much it hurts you. And the worst part is he won’t stop. He can’t help himself. What I’m talking about is not cheating. I’m talking about something different. I’m talking about--”
“Don’t you say it!” I said sharply.
He paused. He chose his next words with care.
“Who ever said a king and queen have to be married to each other,” Hermes asked, “to rule together?”
“We love each other!” I shot back.
“Hera,” Hermes said gently. “Let it go. You know what Zeus does to you isn’t love. Betraying your trust over and over again, when you’ve made perfectly clear how it’s destroying you, that isn’t love. But Justin, what he’s done for you, what he’d do for you without a second thought, now that’s love.”
If his tone wasn’t so genuinely caring, so innocent and sincere, I would’ve used my powers on him and been done with it. As it was, I found myself at a loss. I’d never fought with someone who wanted to help me before. I didn’t know where to start.
“I don’t know if being with Justin will make you happy,” Hermes said. “But it’s worth a shot. It can’t make you any unhappier than you are right now. And have been for as long as I’ve known you. Maybe it’s time for things to change. Zeus, he isn’t strong enough to change them. But you are. You can change this sick pattern you two have locked yourselves into. All you have to do is take a chance and try to be happy.”
I took a deep breath. I tried to calm myself. But it was way too late for that. “Do you feel better?”
Hermes opened his mouth, but I cut him off with a gesture.
“Do. You. Feel. Better?” I repeated.
Hermes lifted his chin. “Yes. I do.”
“Good,” I said. “I’m glad. You’re drunk, so tomorrow, I’m going to pretend we never had this conversation.”
Hermes began to speak but I interrupted him. “Don’t talk. You’re done talking to me. Just nod.”
Hermes looked me one last time and then bowed his head, defeated.
Hera, Queen of Gods (Goddess Unbound) Page 25
