by Hantz, Sara
“And?” I lean in toward her.
“He’s nineteen and goes to college. And—”
“Janey,” calls a disheveled looking Amy, another girl from school, as she walks along the bus. “Geez,” she continues, clutching a hand to her chest. “I’ve just run half a block. I really thought I was going to miss the bus. I couldn’t believe it when it was still at the bus stop. The driver tried to close the door on me before I got on but luckily I shoved my arm in and it opened automatically.” She rubs her arm.
“Are you okay?” I ask. “I bet that hurt.”
“Yeah, I’m fine. It didn’t hurt that much. Move over and let me sit down.” Lucky we’re all small as three on a seat made for two is nothing if not intimate. “How was the party on Friday, Janey? As boring as you thought?”
“Depends on what you mean by boring.” Janey smirks. “I was telling Suzy about it, wasn’t I?”
“Yes, and we’ve just got to the interesting bit. Come on Janey, what happened? I’m getting all hot and bothered just thinking about it.”
Janey and Amy both look at me with bemused expressions of their faces. I think I might have said something wrong.
“That’s not the sort of comment we’d expect to hear from a member of the Virginity Club,” says Amy, her tone distinctly sarcastic.
What the—
“I’m not. Well I am, but I only went on Friday. How do you know?” And more to the point, does she know what else happened?
“I saw you leaving Starbucks with Lori and Rachel.” Phew. “I know that’s where they go so I put two and two together and got my answer. Hardly rocket science.” She rolls her eyes.
What a bitch. I used to think she was okay. I shrug. “Oh, right.”
“We had such a cool time,” Amy says, averting her gaze from me to Janey. “And there’s this real cute guy working in Starbucks. Have you seen him?”
I think back to Friday night when I was there for all of one minute. I don’t remember seeing any guys working there. Only girls.
“No,” says Janey.
“Neither,” I say.
“Well hands off, he’s mine.”
“Well, that might be a bit hard,” says Janey. “Seeing as we don’t even know what he looks like.” She glances at me and starts to giggle. “So maybe we’ll fight you for him.”
“Count me out,” I say emphatically. “I’m definitely not interested.”
“Because?” asks Janey, arching an eyebrow.
Luckily the bus pulls up outside school before I have time to answer. I pick up my bag from the floor, wait for Janey and Amy to slide out of the seat and follow behind them as we make our way to the door of the bus.
Looking out of the bus window I see Lori leaning against a big oak tree, and my heart plummets as the reason I’m dreading going to school this morning comes flooding back. My steps slow to a crawl in an attempt to prolong the inevitable. I’m so pathetic. Where on earth is in-your-face-Suzy who dare face anyone and anything?
I can’t delay stepping off the bus any longer as there’s a line of students behind me. Maybe Lori won’t notice me if I slouch and tuck in behind Janey.
“Suzy, over here.” Crap. She’s seen me. But she doesn’t sound as if she hates me. Not that I can tell after three words. I suck in a deep breath, but it doesn’t seem to slow my pounding heart.
“Hi,” I say when I get to the tree. I give my best and brightest smile. “What are you doing here?”
“Waiting for you.” She folds her arms and looks decidedly fierce.
Uh oh. Waiting for me so she can tell me not to go to the VC again and not to talk to any of them in future. I knew it. Things were going too well for something like this not to happen. And it’s no-ones fault but my own for being so stupid and for launching into act-before-thinking mode. Only when I was like this before I couldn’t care less about the consequences.
“Oh right,” is all I can utter as I wait for the onslaught. I focus on my shoes, unable to look her in the face.
“Yeah. To apologize.”
My eyes shoot up in surprise. This has got to be a joke, right? But she looks serious enough. Why would she want to apologize? I don’t get it.
“Apologize?”
“Yes,” Lori replies, hopping from foot to foot and looking uncomfortable. “For being so unsympathetic on Friday. I didn’t mean to drive you away. I felt awful all weekend. I couldn’t phone because I went away with my parents and didn’t get back until late last night. So I decided to wait for you this morning.”
I shake my head and pinch myself for good measure—just to make sure I’m not dreaming. Lori is apologizing to me, after the complete dick I made of myself with Guy and everything. I think I’ve entered a parallel universe.
“No worries,” I say. “My behavior wasn’t exactly cool. Especially after I got all silly with Guy. I don’t suppose he’ll be talking to me much after that.”
“No, you’re wrong. He felt as badly as I did. He said so when we were at my house later.”
“Oh.”
So I was Friday night’s cabaret, despite being nowhere near the place. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. Well, that does it. There’s no way I can face Guy today.
“Hey, Guy. Over here,” shouts Lori over my shoulder.
Crap.
Chapter Seven
“Hey, you two,” Guy says grinning at both of us.
How does he manage to look so hot at this time of day? I daren’t even think about what my hair’s doing at the moment.
“Hi.” I smile then turn back to Lori. “Sorry, I’ve got to go to the library before first period. See you in class. Save me a seat. See you, Guy.”
I know, running away isn’t the most mature thing to do but there’s only so much a girl can take first thing on a Monday morning; and an apology from Lori and finding out what she and Guy, and probably loads of others, have been saying about me is more than enough for anyone. I pick up my bag from the ground and throw it over my shoulder before striding away like a girl on a mission.
“Suzy, wait.” The sound of Guy’s voice echoes in my ears. Now, I have two choices. I can either stop and wait or play it cool and pretend I didn’t hear him.
“Hurry up then,” I call over my shoulder. Okay, so playing it cool isn’t the preferred option today. “I don’t have much time.”
“I’ll walk with you to the library. I’ve a book to take back.”
As we head toward the main school building I notice out the corner of my eye that we’re walking in step. It’s so sweet when that happens. I reckon it’s a sign. It means we’re on the same wave length and we have a great future together. Okay, maybe I’m being a little optimistic here. But it’s definitely a sign. And Maddie will agree. She’s into signs in a big way.
“I can take the book back. Save you having to go all the way.” Which isn’t so daft as it sounds, because it’s just dawned on me that if he’s with me I’ll have to find something to do once we get there. Though I could get a book out for the bio assignment we’re doing next. Mine’s on snails—how exciting is that?
“No worries.” He flashes a leg wobbling smile. You’d think I’d be used to it by now. But, no. My heart is now pitter-pattering all over the place. I haven’t felt this way since—well, just since. And I refuse to think of him now, and how stupid I was.
“Good weekend?” I ask, then inwardly kick myself for forgetting that in theory Friday night counts as part of the weekend.
“Okay. You?”
“Um. Not really.” Don’t be pathetic. “Well, what I mean is, fairly quiet. Hung out at home.” If he didn’t think me boring before, he certainly will now.
“I missed you on Friday night at Lori’s.”
I stop dead in my tracks causing Guy to stumble over my foot. I think we must have got out step without me realizing.
“You did?” Breathe. In, out. In, out. I am calm. I will not make a complete dick of myself. “That’s nice.”
That’s nice? Shut up. Shut up.
Shut up.
“Yeah. There was something I wanted to ask you.” A sort of weird, nervous look crosses his face. I bet he’s going to ask me to keep well clear of him at the next VC meeting unless I can tone down my behavior. Well, I’ve almost definitely decided that in deference to my sanity I’m going to give the club a wide berth. So it won’t be an issue.
“Oh. What’s that then?” I raise a nonchalant eyebrow, not wanting to give the impression that I care. Can eyebrows be nonchalant? I like to think so. But I’ll check it out later when I get home and have access to a mirror.
“Um—I—um.” What’s going on? Guy lost for words. No, that can’t be right. You know, I swear he’s blushing.
“What?” I say, a little harsher than intended.
His mouth closes. Ooops. That’s blown it. I guess he won’t be asking me anything.
Scratch that. The corners of his mouth are twitching. It looks like he’s going to say something after all.
“Sorry. I-just-wanted-to-ask-if-you-fancied-going-to-the-movies-sometime-this-week?” he asks in a garbled rush.
I think I’ve died and gone to heaven. Guy has asked me to the movies. Despite my Friday night behavior. I can’t wait to tell Maddie. This is the best thing to happen in ages. I can’t believe it. I clench my fists at my side. I am not going to let them wave about in excitement. In case he retracts the invitation.
“Yeah, sure.” A good response. Keen but not over keen.
“Great. Wednesday?”
Wednesday. I’m sure I’ve got to go somewhere on Wednesday but I can’t remember what it is. Oh well, it can’t be that important if I’ve forgotten about it already.
“It’s a date.” No. No. No. Why did I use the word date? It’s like something my mother would say. And even if I do use that word, which I don’t, did he say anything about it being a date? No. So why did I see fit to call it that? Because I’m a stupid idiot that’s why. “I don’t mean date, in that way. I mean date as in date like for a meeting or something.” Shut the hell up.
Guy stands there shaking his head and laughing. “Suzy, you’re so funny. That’s why I like you so much. Call it what you like, I don’t mind.”
You know, Maddie couldn’t be more wrong when she says someone like Guy would be up themselves. In fact I hate to say this but he’s almost too nice. Not that I mind. Nice is okay. And it’s sweet that he’s being like this. There’s a lot of guys I know who could learn a lot from him.
***
“If you say you wear this I’ll just die,” says Lori as she stops flicking through my closet and pulls out my favorite long black skirt.
When I told her about going out with Guy she insisted on coming back with me from school to check out my closet. By the time I remembered about all my previous-life clothes hanging in there it was too late, she’d already opened the door and was rifling through. If she spots the Doc Martens she’ll really have me down as a freak.
The best way to describe the way Maddie and I dress is that we’re on the fringes of Goth. Or in my case, I was on the fringes of Goth. When we moved I got Mom to take me shopping for some ‘normal’ clothes. I figured that however painful dressing normally might be, it’s certainly a necessity if I’m to achieve my goal.
“Only for costume parties,” I say quickly moving to where she’s standing and taking the skirt from her and putting it to the back of the closet, surreptitiously grabbing a couple of Green Day t-shirts in the process.
I angle myself between her and the closet and pull out a load of recently purchased clothes and take them over to the bed where I spread them out.
“Hmm,” Lori says, while she rests her chin in her hand and frowns. “If it was just the movies I’d say go with these pants and this shirt.” She picks up my new green skinny jeans and white kaftan. “But say he takes you somewhere after. Maybe something a bit—,” she pauses. “Ah ha. This is perfect.” She holds up my pink and silver stripy singlet—that I’ve yet to wear, as it’s sooooo pink. “With this over the top.” This being my white wrap-around top.
“Okay. More to the point what about my hair? Up, down, straight, curly, hat?”
Lori burst out laughing. “Hat. That’s so funny. I love it down and curly.”
What is this girl on? Down and curly? She must be kidding. Only in my worst nightmare do I see a guy for the first time with my hair down and curly. Not that I’ve been out with loads of guys. Anyway, that aside, when has Lori ever seen my hair like that? We have to wear it up for school. So she can hardly comment.
“Thanks for the advice, but important occasions like this definitely don’t get the down and curly treatment. Sleek and straight, with a lot of effort on my part, is probably what I’ll go for. Unless I don’t have enough time then I’ll put it up.”
“Whatever. Tell me about other guys you’ve seen. Have you ever been tempted to—you know—do it?” She perches on the end of my bed and fixes me with a baby-blue eyed stare. No, I am not jealous of her blond hair and blue eyes. Absolutely not. No way.
I shuffle awkwardly and start to fiddle with the button on the side of my school skirt.
“Not tempted exactly.” Liar. Liar. Butt’s on fire. “Just a bit of over-the-clothes fumbling.” My mouth’s all dry and I’m struggling to get the words out. “You know.” Not that she probably will know, if she follows the guidelines in the handbook.
“I’m sooooo pleased.” She is? Nah. She’s being facetious. “I’ve done that too and I’ve been feeling really guilty about it.” My jaw drops and I have to force my mouth to close to stop the goldfish impression. “You know what Jamie says. If you start doing stuff like that it becomes much easier to take the next step. We must resist, like the virgin handbook says.”
“Virgin on the ridiculous handbook, if you ask me,” I quip. Lori frowns. “I don’t mean the handbook is rubbish,” I hastily add. “What I mean is it seems like everything is all or nothing but I think you just have to be sensible.”
“How sensible?”
“We’re told not to touch anyone, right? To me, that implies we have no self control. Which is crap. We’re perfectly capable of knowing when to say no. And that doesn’t mean we can’t hold someone’s hand or, dare I say it, even kiss them.”
You know Lori might be Miss Popular here, but she wouldn’t last five seconds at my old school. She’s naive and immature in so many ways. No wonder she thinks Janey North is the biggest slapper of all time. When in reality Janey’s no different from Maddie and me.
“I guess.” She doesn’t look convinced. Hardly surprising I suppose, seeing as I’m new and she’s had months of Jamie’s indoctrination.
“Trust me.” Ha ha. That’s a joke. “So who’s this guy you fumbled with? Anyone I know?”
“George. He’s in our Classics class. We went out for a while, until the club started and he wouldn’t join so I finished it. Jamie says we shouldn’t go out with anyone who isn’t prepared to take the pledge. It will only put pressure on us.”
Jamie. Jamie. Freakin’ Jamie. That man. Talk about prize brain washer.
“Yeah, I know him. He seems a nice guy. And definitely hot. Shame you had to finish. You couldn’t persuade him to join then?”
“I nearly did, then he came to a meeting, heard Jamie and said he wasn’t going to be told how to live his life by some wannabe do-gooder.”
You go, George. A boy after my own heart.
“Poor you. Yet you decided to stay a member. Why?”
A pensive expression crosses her face.
“If I tell you promise you won’t say anything.”
“Promise.”
“Um—well. You see—I’m—well. It’s like this. I’m—-”
“Lori. Just say it. This is me you’re talking to.”
God knows what she’s going to say but she’s redder than the cushions on my bed.
“Okay,” Lori says. She stands up and walks toward the closet, keeping her back to me. “I know you’re going to laugh but at the time the main reas
on I joined was so I wouldn’t have to have sex. The thought really scared me. And I wanted not to have to think about it until I’m older.”
That’s so sad. Then again, I might have thought that if it hadn’t been for you know who. Actually, no. I wouldn’t have thought it.
“That’s okay. Lots of girls feel like that.” Okay, I’ve no idea if that’s true or not. But I can’t let the poor girl feel like such an idiot.
“I didn’t realize.” She turns back to face me, a smile of relief on her face. “Trouble is it cost me George.” The smile disappears.
“Did you explain to him how you felt?”
“What do you think?” Yes, well I guess that was rather a dumb thing to ask.
“Sorry. So now we’ve just got to work out a plan to get George to ask you out again.” Especially if it stops her crush on Jamie.
“No point. He doesn’t even speak to me any more.”
“And do you speak to him?”
“No. In case he ignores me. And I don’t want him to know I’m bothered.”
“We’ll think of something. This is my specialty, after all. Just ask Maddie about the time I got Dean, this guy she had the hots for, to ask her out.”
Lori grins. “What if he wants me to leave the club?”
“Look, Lori. If you’re only in it because you’re scared of sex then—”
“No. It’s different now. That was my initial reason. Now I really see how beneficial it is. How much it can help people. I don’t want to leave.”
“Oh.” So all I need to do is convince George to give the club another try. Hmm. Not too much of a mission.
Lori wanders over to my dresser and starts to peer at all the photos I have on there.
“Hey, love the frame,” she says picking up one of the glittery blue and green ones from the back. Who’s this with you? She’s really pretty.” Oh no. she’s picked up Rosie and me.
“Rosie.” Please don’t ask.
“Who’s Rosie, a friend from your last school?”
“Um—no. She’s my sister.” Lori frowns and turns to face me.
“You didn’t say you had a sister. You said it was just you and your Mom and Dad when I—.”
