by Hantz, Sara
I burst out laughing. “You’re so ridiculous. I’ll write it down anyway so at least we have something on the list.”
“Ooooo. I’ve had an idea.”
My heartbeat quickens—Maddie’s excitement is so contagious.
“What? Go on, tell me.”
“Tell everyone he’s been spreading rumours about you and then if he tells them they won’t believe him.” She pauses a moment. “You know if I say so myself that’s a great idea.”
Well, Maddie might think so but I don’t. Then again she doesn’t know Ryan like I do (or did). You know, it seems just like yesterday when I saw him for the first time. And call me dreamy, but I knew the moment our eyes met, over the pile of rucksacks, that he was a special boy.
And when the cords of our bags got all tangled while we were taking them off the pile and we ended up connected to one another; well, it was a sign. And Ryan felt it too. I could see. It was written all over his face. And from that moment on we were inseparable. I lift my feet up onto the chair and wrap my arms around my knees as a feeling of warmth engulfs me. There was nothing to dislike about Ryan. He was kind, funny, sensitive (not in a girly way) and to me, at age sixteen, perfect.
I remember holding his hand while sitting beside the river watching the boats go by, and laughing at the fishermen desperately trying to catch something to take home for tea and justify their absence from home the entire day.
In the evenings we’d sneak out of our cabins to meet. And when we decided to do it, it just seemed the most natural thing in the world. Ryan didn’t try to persuade me. We both wanted to. And I never regretted it for one single moment. And I’ve also never wanted to do it with anyone else since. How could I, it would just be sex for sex’s sake? And I know lots of girls my age don’t care. But that’s because they haven’t had what Ryan and I had. But that was over a year ago.
I shake my head to try and rid the memories. Things have changed. I’ve moved on, at least in some ways I have. Ryan has definitely moved on. Dreaming about the past isn’t going to change the future. Even so, I can’t consider anything that might harm him.
“Sorry, no. It’s too mean. It’s not his fault I’ve got myself into this mess.”
“Here we go. You’re too soft. Look, remember he’s standing between you and Guy. You do still like Guy don’t you?”
“You know I do. But I don’t want to hurt Ryan if I can help it.”
“Suzy. What are you on? One minute you’re prepared to do anything, killing aside. And now you don’t want to hurt him.”
“I know. I know. It’s hard. I just don’t want everyone to hate him. Though they don’t even know him apart from Starbucks. I wonder what school he goes to?”
“Why? Are you planning to go see him? To beg him not to—” Her voice slows right down and I know we’ve got it.
“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” I ask, dropping my legs to the floor and sitting upright.
“It depends on what you’re thinking.” Maddie replies.
“That I should speak to him and find out what it will take for him to remain silent.” Why are all the best ideas the most simple?
“Yeah. I don’t know why we didn’t think of it before. It certainly beats killing him. And a lot less messy.” She can say that again.
***
“Suzy. Suzy. Come and sit here.” I glance up without thinking at the sound of Lori’s voice which effectively ruins my plan to sit as far away from her this morning as I can. Not for any reason other than she’s going to want the low down on last night. And I feel as much like discussing it as I do flying to the moon. I was even thinking about sitting next to Janey, though that probably isn’t a good idea. I can’t hack dealing with anything else at the moment.
Quite understandably I got virtually no sleep last night, spending most of the time working out how to approach Ryan and what to say. In fact I didn’t drop off until about half an hour before my alarm sprang into action—not that it will do that again. In my temper I threw it across the room. Not a good move, I’ll probably be late for school every day from now on.
“Hi,” I say dropping down on the chair and resting my bag on my lap while I start to take out my books and pens.
“Well?” She says, her eyes all wide and expectant, excitement clearly getting the better of her. “How did it go?”
“Good.” Well, I’m hardly going to say otherwise. “Went to see the latest Stephen King movie, which was awesome.”
“I bet. What did you see that for? You should’ve made him see what you wanted.”
“It was my choice.”
Lori rolls her eyes to the ceiling. “Are you sure? I hate movies like that. And how was tea? Did Guy behave himself?”
“He was perfect. I’m sure Mom and Dad liked him.”
“What do you mean? Didn’t they say? My mom always makes her feelings known about my boyfriends.”
Now she mentions it, it’s strange that Mom hardly said anything about Guy. When I think back to Rosie’s boyfriend Steve, who she was seeing before the accident, Mom always said how much she liked him. He was nice. Probably still is. Similar to Guy in many ways, as in he’s rich and popular.
“Hey Suzy,” calls Aaron when he walks past my desk, forcing my mind back to the present. “Good job.”
“Thanks.” I turn to Lori, after he’s gone. “What’s he talking about?”
“No idea.”
“Yay, Suzy.” Mark comes over and pats me on the back.
“Thanks, Mark. But I haven’t a clue what you mean.” He drops his bag on my desk and leans on it.
“You haven’t seen the notice board then?”
“No. I—” My jaw drops to the floor. Shit. He can’t be talking about— “Do you mean I’m—”
“Yeah. You won the vote. You’re on the Committee.”
A broad smile crosses my face and sticks like glue. And all I can do is flash it at everyone. This is so amazing. I wish Rosie was here to see it. She’d never believe I could do such a thing. Well let’s be honest, I never believed I could do such a thing. And Maddie will just die—with shame or pride, I’m not sure which.
“Awesome.” I finally manage to reply. My jaw aches from smiling, but I can’t seem to relax it. I’m going to look stupid if I grin through the entire lesson.
“You rock, Suzy,” Lori says giving me a hug. “So the best girl really did win.”
Yeah, the best, lying, two-faced, manipulative girl won. Oh crap. That soon wiped the smile off my face.
“Thanks.” I pull away from her and pretend to rummage through my bag for more books and stuff.
Suddenly my euphoria has turned to major-angst. What is the point in reveling in all this popularity when all too soon it will turn to shit? Unless by some absolute miracle Ryan disappears in a puff of smoke and my tangled web remains in tact. I’ve got to get to him as soon as I can. Trouble is I don’t know what shifts he’s working. He did say after school and weekends. Maybe I should risk going to see if he’s there today, rather than waiting for the weekend. As long as no-one from school is there. If anyone sees me talking to him and it gets back to Guy or Lori I’ll be in big trouble.
“Let’s go out after school to celebrate,” Lori says.
What is it with this girl? Does she have a hotline to my most dreaded thoughts?
“Sorry I can’t. Promised Mom I’d meet her in town to do some shopping. What about tomorrow?”
“Can’t tomorrow. Netball practice. The weekend then. Unless you’ve already made plans,” she fixes me with a penetrating stare. “Have you?” She giggles then draws a heart on her pad and puts Guy and Suzy in the middle of it.
“Weekend’s great. I haven’t made plans with anyone.” I lean over and scribble out the heart. “Don’t. In case anyone sees.”
Chapter Twelve
I shield the top of my eyes to reduce the glare from the glass and press my face against the window, lucky I have a small nose or it could be painful. But I still can’t mak
e out whether Ryan is there or not.
I can see the pretty blond girl, that all the guys have a thing for, swinging her hips as she walks to the tables and picks up the dirty mugs. And standing behind the counter serving is a geeky looking boy who I swear is barely twelve years old. Other than that, nada. And not many customers either.
Knowing my luck he isn’t working tonight. Then again, it was a long-shot, especially as he worked yesterday. They probably share out the shifts. Looks like I’ll have to come back tomorrow, though I could go in and ask when he’s next working. If I dare. And if I can be sure none of them will say anything to anyone from school. That’s all I need, for some gossip-tart to tell Lori or whoever that I’ve been asking about Ryan.
I turn around and lean against the window with my arms folded, debating what to do. In my peripheral vision I see someone waving but that’s all I can make out. As they get closer I realize that the wave is, in fact, meant for me. Oh, yay. Now what am I to do? It’s too late to do a runner.
“Suzy, hi.”
I stand away from the window, whilst inwardly debating the probability ratio of Guy turning up and finding me—help I’m a math geek and someone forgot to tell me.
“Guy. What are you doing here?”
Of all the people in all the world I had to bump into him. It’s like he’s electronically tagged me or something. I mean it’s very strange that he turns up at just the right moment. If I didn’t know better I’d say he’s stalking me. Yeah, right. Just like he’s prepared to go on stage to declare his feelings for me. I really need to get a grip. That or stop drinking so much diet cola because something seems to be fuddling my mind.
“I could ask you the same question. You told me you were working on your project tonight.” He doesn’t miss a trick.
“Well I was, then Mom asked me to meet her, but she hasn’t turned up. I bet the car’s broken down again. We’re always having trouble.” I roll my eyes upward in pretend frustration at our car. Which really is in perfect working order, even if it is several years older than the new car Guy’s parents bought for him.
“Shall we go into Starbucks and wait, before this drizzle turns into a shower?”
Drizzle? I didn’t even notice it start raining. It might be nice to go inside now I know Ryan isn’t there, and actually enjoy my drink rather than rush it like last night.
“Sure. I’ll text Mom and tell her not to come. I’ll catch the bus. It’s too late for shopping now anyway.” Just listen to the lies drip out of my mouth.
“I’ll give you a ride.” A smile plays around the corners of his mouth and I feel all gooey inside. He’s such a sweetie. And of course I wasn’t angling for a ride home when I said I’d catch the bus. As if I’d be that manipulative.
“Thanks. And my treat in Starbucks.”
We walk in and Guy goes to find a table while I head for the counter and stand in line behind a woman with her two children, and in front of them a couple of girls about my age. I turn to watch Guy from behind as he strides across the floor. Not that I’d say this to anyone, other than Maddie and probably Janey because she’s not in the club so won’t find it inappropriate, but he has an awesome body. I knew there had to be a purpose to the football team training sessions he attends twice a week.
“Suzy. Back again?”
No. No. No. This isn’t happening to me. I swallow hard. Tell me that voice and smiling face don’t belong to Ryan. That it’s just a hallucination. It’s got to be.
“Suzy?” he repeats.
“One grande caramel frappuccino, no cream, lots of caramel and a mug of coffee with milk please.” I desperately try to resist the urge to bring my hands up to my cheeks and hide the extent to which they are burning up, because that will only draw attention to them.
“Coming up,” he says smiling at me and appearing totally oblivious to my dilemma. He takes the money from my hand. “I’ll bring them over to you, if you like,” he says after giving me my change. “You’re over there with that guy, aren’t you?”
“You know Guy?” I ask, my voice sounding more like a strangulated cat than remotely belonging to me.
“No. Why?”
“You said his name. You said I’m here with guy and—”
“That guy, I said.” He laughs. “I don’t know him. So don’t worry.”
What did he mean by that? Does he know I’m worried about what he might say? Or is it a veiled threat? Don’t worry now but just watch out because sometime when you’re least expecting it I’m going to drop you in it from a great height.
“We need to talk,” I whisper. “Can you meet me?”
“Sure,” he replies in his normal voice. Hasn’t he heard of discretion? “Give me five minutes.”
“Not here,” I say through clenched teeth. “What about after school tomorrow at Victoria Park.”
He puts down the mug in his hand and stares at me, a puzzled look crossing his face.
“Is your boyfriend coming?” He nods in the direction of Guy.
“Don’t be silly,” I hiss. “Of course he isn’t. Will you meet me or not?” I glare at him. Stop it Suzy. You’re not exactly in a position of power here. “Sorry I didn’t mean to snap. Is it okay?”
“Yeah.” He shrugs. This boy certainly has perfected the art of acting cool. “Four o’clock by the children’s play area. Okay?”
“Thanks.” Phew. I could kiss him. Maybe that’s not such a good thought to be having.
“I’ll wait for the drinks, no need for you to bring them over.” I move to the side, so he can serve the person who’s just turned up behind me, and watch. He’s hardly changed a bit; maybe grown some and broader than before. And he still has that dimple in his chin. I used to think it so cute and—
Crap.
He’s only wearing the diamond stud earring I gave him. I can’t believe he’s kept it this long. This is getting worse by the minute.
“Caramel frap and coffee.” A female voice cuts right across my thoughts.
“Thanks,” I mutter, snatching them from the counter and escaping back to Guy.
“I’d almost given you up for lost,” Guy says when I give him his coffee. “That new guy must be really bad at his job. Or were you catching up on old times?” He gives a laugh.
He should only know the truth, then laughing would be the last thing he’d be doing.
“A bit of both actually.” I arch an eyebrow. Oops, here I go again imitating my mother. “He’s still learning so he’s not very fast and he asked me if I remembered someone from camp. But I didn’t.”
“He seems okay. Ask him over for a chat.”
“No. No. Absolutely—” oh crap. I take a long deep breath. “I mean, we can’t do that he might get in trouble. For mixing with the customers. I’m sure that’s not allowed.”
Guy frowns. “Why ever not?”
“I don’t know. Maybe because it stops them looking after the other customers. I don’t know. I’ve never worked in a place like this.” I twist the bottom of my t-shirt around my finger until it’s creased to bits. Hardly a good look.
“I’ve never had a job,” Guy says dismissively. “Have you?”
“Of course. Everyone in my old school had a job. I worked in a supermarket. Really boring it was, packing shelves. How come you haven’t worked before?”
Guy turns his nose up and suddenly I feel like a lower class person.
“I don’t have to. My parents give me money. They’d rather I concentrate on my studies. They say there’s plenty of time when I’m older for me to work. And I’m more than happy to go along with them.”
“Oh. Well lucky you. Lots of guys I know have to work or they’d have no money.”
Guy shifts uncomfortably in his chair and sort of coughs.
“Sorry Suzy, I didn’t mean to sound like a snob. I understand that some people less fortunate than us have to work.” God he sounds like a pompous ass. And with an attitude like that you’d think he was fifty not eighteen. I blame his parents.
> “Yes, well they do. So think yourself lucky your parents give you everything you need.” I sit back in the chair and fold my arms.
Then, yet again, I drink my frap straight down and don’t enjoy it.
“I take it that means you want to go,” Guy says nodding at my finished drink.
“Yes please. I’ve got to finish my project tonight and it’s already late.”
As we’re on our way out Ryan walks past and winks. I can’t help but grin in response. Lucky Guy is walking in front of me so doesn’t see.
Chapter Thirteen
“Ouch.” I cry, banging my arm on the side.
I give it a quick rub then resume pulling on my jeans. Trying to change in a small cubicle in the girls’ bathroom at school isn’t exactly what I’d planned during my pre-meeting planning session with Maddie last night. I’d got it all sorted: take the bus home after school, change, grab something to eat so my stomach doesn’t rumble, and get Mom to take me into town. Simple. And nothing could possibly go wrong.
So I thought. What I didn’t bank on was the freakin’ Principal asking all the Student Committee reps to meet him in the hall after school for a quick run through of what he expects of us. Like we need to be told how to behave and stuff. I don’t think so.
Lucky for me when I phoned Mom she agreed to bring my jeans and shirt to school at lunchtime or it would have been a nightmare—although she did take a bit of persuading. Imagine if I’d had to go in my uniform. At the moment all Ryan knows is I live around here. Who knows what might happen if he finds out where I go to school. Though I suppose if he really wanted to find me it wouldn’t be hard as he’s bound to see who I hang out with, we go to Starbucks so often. All he’d need to do is ask one of them, on the pretence of me leaving something there.
My other problem is getting out of school without being seen. School regulations state we have to be in school uniform all the time until we get home. I reckon they have an easier time in prison than we do here sometimes. Especially with all these silly rules. Like who cares if I take my tie off after school?
