by Hantz, Sara
He spins me around by the shoulders and before I have chance to scream, run or do anything he kisses me squarely on the lips.
Chapter Twenty
“Holy crap, Suzy. After all you said about keeping your distance and being just friends.” Don’t you just love Maddie? She instinctively knows which buttons to press for maximum effect.
“I know. I know. But in my defense let me say it was an in-the-moment-once-only kiss. It won’t happen again. It can’t happen again. I’m going out with Guy now. Ryan’s history.”
My mind wanders back to that moment before sanity stepped in and made me pull back; when Ryan’s lips touched mine and my arms instinctively wrapped themselves around his neck. For one split second nothing else mattered. It was like the time we hadn’t see each other vanished in a puff of smoke.
Lucky reality hit before it went any further.
“And after this in-the-moment-once-only full-on kiss did he declare his undying love and beg you to go back out with him?”
“Shut up. Of course he didn’t. Well not really, he—”I pause a moment to replay in my mind the events of earlier. How understanding Ryan was and the way he accepted everything.
“He what? Come on spill. What did he say? God Suzy, I knew this would happen. This had freakin’ trouble written all over it.”
“I know that. But if you remember I wasn’t exactly given a choice, was I?” Leaning forward on the wooden bench I’m sitting on at the bottom of our garden I stare absentmindedly at the grass. Right now I feel so—so— awful.
“Well, what did he say after you told him no?“
“He said he’s sorry everything turned out how it did, and he wants to be friends. He asked me to go out again to the movies or something. Just as friends. But I think no. Guy wouldn’t like it.”
“Don’t tell him.”
“No. You know I don’t do lying.” A huge snort reverberates down the phone. “If you let me finish. I was going to say I don’t do lying unless absolutely necessary.”
“It’s okay, I get it. Virgin status and Truck-fest are the only things important enough to warrant deception.”
A giggle escapes my lips and I sit back and straighten my legs out in front of me. Out the corner of my eye I notice Dad walking toward me holding the phone in his hand. He waves when he sees me looking.
“Phone,” he calls. “Lori.” Oh no. I forgot I was meant to phone her, and I bet Mom didn’t tell Dad to say I’m asleep if anyone calls. Or he forgot, which is quite likely, he’s hopeless when it comes to remembering things. I hope he’s not heading for one of those memory diseases, Mom and I couldn’t hack anything else.
“Won’t be a sec,” I whisper to Maddie. “The other phone.”
I jump up from the bench, run over to Dad and take the handset from him.
“Hello,” I croak, while strolling back to the bench and sitting down.
“Suzy, it’s Lori. I didn’t want to phone your cell in case you were asleep. Your Dad said you’re in the garden. Are you feeling better? You don’t sound it.”
“A little, thanks.” I try to make myself sound breathless, but to be honest it comes across more like someone in a porn movie than a sick person. “Got so hot upstairs I thought I’d come out for some fresh air. I’m hoping it’s just a twenty-four hour thing. How was the picnic?”
“Well, apart from Guy wandering around all pathetic because you weren’t there, it was great. It was so sweet to watch him though. Rachel tried her hardest to cheer him up.” Yeah, I bet. Bitch. “You know, he’s really got it bad. I haven’t seen him like this since—well—since ages.” She giggles and I’m tempted to join in except it’s hysterical laughter bubbling inside me, what with everything going on at the moment, and if I let it out Lori will think I’ve totally lost it.
“I wish I’d been there, instead of stuck in my room with no-one to talk to. Not that I can talk for long.” Cue the cough. “Sorry, it sounds worse than it is. I’m sure by Monday I’ll be fine. Especially if I take it steady tomorrow.”
“Hope so. You know I said about coming to see you?”
“Mmmm,” I reply nodding.
“I can’t.”
“Oh no. Why not?” Yes!
“Mom wants me to go out with her and Dad to my aunt’s.”
“Poor you. Sounds really boring. You could always pretend to be sick.” I laugh, then panic she thinks that’s what I’ve been doing. “But then you couldn’t come over to see me if they thought you were, so probably not a good idea.”
“I don’t mind going. We usually have fun with them. So looks like I won’t see you until Monday, if you’re well enough to come back to school.”
“I’ll be there. We’ve got the English assessment and I can’t miss it.”
“No, best not to. Okay, I’ll see you then. Take care.”
I say goodbye and put the phone on the seat beside me. I then put my cell phone to my ear.
“Hey, Maddie, you still there?”
“I can’t miss my English assessment,” she mocks in a high pitched voice. “In case I damage my nerdy image.”
“It’s a good job you’re far away,” I say laughing. “Because this nerd packs a powerful slap when provoked.”
“Sorry. I should be used to it by now. Hey guess what? I forgot to tell you. Mom says I can come for a visit in the next school hols.”
“That’s awesome news. How come?”
This is so not awesome news.
I love Maddie to bits but how can I introduce her to all my friends? She’ll stick out like a sore thumb. Her clothes, attitude, the constant swearing. In fact everything I used to be. What the hell am I going to do? There’s only about six weeks before we break up. Shit. This is a nightmare.
“Mom said she knew how much we were missing each other and she managed to get me one of those cheap flights. I can’t wait to meet Guy and Lori and the others. And don’t worry I know I’ve got to pretend to be all goody-goody like you. Hope you’ve got something for me to wear. And I’ll need a few lessons in nerdiness before you let me loose on them all. I promise not to embarrass you.”
God, I couldn’t feel more awful if I tried. How could I have doubted her? She’s never let me down before, so why would she now?
“You bet. By the time you meet them you’ll be the biggest nerd in California.”
“I don’t suppose I’ll be able to see Ryan again, will I? He was such fun at camp.”
“Don’t push your luck.” I giggle. “Seriously, yeah I’m sure we can go see him at Starbucks sometime.” All in the line of duty, of course …
Chapter Twenty-One
We walk up the stairs into a huge entrance hall and my arm tightens around Guy’s as the opulent surroundings hit me. It’s incredible. Huge windows with gold and maroon striped drapes, marble floor, and on every wall an enormous mirror. And as for the ceiling, it’s so high you need a pair of binoculars to work out the pattern, which is a shame if you ask me because someone went to a lot of trouble with all that plaster.
“Let me check your wrap,” Guy says lifting it from my shoulders.
He’s seems so grown up. He clearly isn’t scared shitless by the Country Club’s finery, like me. I follow him over to where a young girl in uniform is waiting.
“Careful,” Guy growls, as the girl accidentally drops my wrap when he hands it to her.
“Sorry, sir,” she says, her face turning bright red. Guy doesn’t say anything just glares at her.
“It was an accident,” I say quietly in his ear when he turns to face me. “She looks really upset.”
Now it’s my turn to get the treatment, if his arched eyebrows are anything to go by.
“Suzy, if you work in a place like this there are certain standards to be upheld.”
Oh, excuse me for being sensitive to another human being. Clearly that doesn’t happen in a place like this.
“Suzy, Guy.” The sound of Lori’s voice echoes around us, preventing me from turning this into a difficult
moment, and everyone in the hall peers in the direction of her voice. She rushes over and stands between us, linking her arms through each of ours.
“Lori, you look gorgeous,” I say.
She looks totally amazing in a dress that’s mid-calf and has a fitted blue bodice with sequins and a floaty blue and pink chiffon handkerchief skirt. She releases our arms and does a twirl.
“Thanks. I’m so glad you like it.”
“Like it? I love it. You make me feel really ordinary.” And I’m not just saying that so she can give me a compliment.
“Don’t be daft. You look so sophisticated. Black is definitely your color.”
Well I won’t disagree there. Maybe I should get out some of my previous-life clothes and wear them seeing as they’re all black. Hmm. Maybe not.
“Thanks. I bought it from Cleo’s in the mall.”
“Well, it’s totally fab. Come on and I’ll show you where we’re sitting.”
She leads us into a huge ballroom off the entrance hall. And I mean huge. There’s a dance floor which starts in the middle and goes all the way down to one end of the room until it reaches the stage—on which a band is warming up.
We follow Lori to the other side of the room and stop at one of the round tables (there must be at least fifty of them) with eight seats around it. In the middle of each table is a silver artificial flower arrangement, and attached to each chair is a silver helium balloon with Marlene and Bruce written on it, surrounded by red hearts. And every place setting has a silver napkin pushed through a silver heart-shaped napkin ring.
Oh. My. God. Is this over the top or what?
“This sure is something else,” I say to Lori, not sure what the correct reaction should be. For all I know she thinks it’s as crazy as I do.
“I know,” Lori replies. “Isn’t it the most adorable setting ever?” Okay. She loves it. I glance at Guy to see if his face is letting on what he thinks of it all, but he looks enraptured too.
It’s me. It’s got to be me. I’m way out of step again. I blame my parents for not having the sense to subject me to sufficient strange parties for my good taste to be eroded. I can’t wait to tell Maddie about it, at least she’ll laugh.
Already seated at the table is Rachel, with some guy I haven’t met before, Jana and Sam (who have just started dating—quite a shock to everyone because in the past they’ve never been that friendly toward one another even though we all hang out together) and George who Lori finally plucked the courage to invite.
“Ladies and Gentlemen,” booms a voice through a microphone from across the other side of the room, making me jump. “Please take your seats. Dinner is served.”
“Who’s that?” I ask Guy, nodding at the man on the stage who made the announcement.
“The MC, isn’t it?” Duh. If I knew, I wouldn’t be asking.
“MC?”
“Master of Ceremonies.” He noticeably shakes his head, and tuts. He clearly thinks I’m an idiot for not knowing. Well, at least I know which fork to use. Thanks to Rosie’s insistence on watching Pretty Woman on a regular basis.
Actually I’d know which fork to use anyway. My family isn’t totally devoid of social graces.
“Right. Thanks.” I go to pull out my seat—no fear of making a faux pas here as each place is named, I’ve got Guy on one side and George on the other—but Guy beats me to it and he holds out the chair for me to sit down.
“Thank you.” I sit down in a very ladylike manner, smoothing my dress underneath me and remembering to keep my legs together. No mean feat for someone used to wearing jeans or long skirts most of the time. “Hey, Lori,” I call across George who’s already seated beside me. “How come you’re not on the table with your parents?”
“It wasn’t easy,” she says giggling and shaking her blonde curls. “Took me ages to convince them that it wouldn’t be fair to leave you all on your own not knowing anyone. Not counting you,” she adds to Guy. “I want to have some fun tonight. And not sure sitting with them qualifies.”
“Probably not.” I grin, then pick the menu up from the table. “What’s Potage Nîmoise?” I ask no-one in particular.
“Roasted vegetable soup.”
“Thanks. A bit too—” Hey. That voice is familiar. And it sure doesn’t belong to anyone on this table. Nah. I’m losing it. It can’t be.
“You’re welcome, Suzy.” My head shoots around to the left. As if in slow motion I raise my eyes until they’re locked on the face belonging to the voice.
“Ryan,” I squeak. What is it with me and my voice in tricky situations? “You didn’t say you’ve been invited. How do you know Lori’s parents?”
He rolls his eyes upward. “Get real Suzy. I’m working. I’m your waiter for this evening. I don’t know these people.” His tone is decidedly frosty. It’s not my fault. I didn’t know he worked here, did I?
“Sorry. I’ll introduce you.” I turn back to the table. “Um, guys. This is Ryan.”
You know, I can’t believe I’ve just done that. Am I not trying my utmost to keep him away from my friends? And now, without even having a drink to blame my behavior on, I’ve gone and screwed it up.
They all say hi, with the exception of Guy who stares at Ryan. “I remember you from Starbucks,” he says. “The friend from summer camp. You get around don’t you? Are you sure you’re not stalking Suzy?”
He grins and looks to the rest of them for applause. Frankly, I think he’s decidedly unfunny but the others laugh. Apart from Ryan, who momentarily scowls, shrugs and pulls out his notepad to take our drinks order.
What say I get totally shit-faced? Then I won’t care if Ryan and Guy are in the same room. What say I get a grip and stop being so pathetic and just act like everything’s ok? It’s not like Ryan’s going to stand up and make some earth-shattering announcement about me and my virgin status and his role in the whole affair.
This is real life, not the movies.
***
Okay, we’ve got through dinner and everything’s going just fine. Fortunately Ryan, by design or otherwise (probably the former if his attitude earlier is anything to go by), didn’t serve our table after the initial time. He’s about ten tables over to the left. Anyway, I can’t see him unless I sit right back in my chair and peer over Guy’s left shoulder. Which is hardly polite, so I don’t do it too often.
“Suzy, dance?” Guy asks.
Before I have time to answer he jumps up from his seat. Looks like I have no choice. Actually, I was going to say yes. I love dancing. Though I can’t say I usually dance to this type of music.
“Sure.”
The dance floor is packed, mainly with friends of Lori’s parents all dancing like they’ve just stepped out the seventies and are on some sort of drug that strips you of any sense of shame.
We push our way through until we find a space just about big enough for us to dance in. And wouldn’t you just know it, the bandleader announces they’re going to do an Abba medley.
“Oh no,” I moan. “Want to go back to the table?”
“Are you kidding? Abba songs are great. My parents listen to them all the time. Have you seen that tribute band that tours here?”
“Um, no. Can’t say I have.”
Half an hour later there seems no let up to the Abba revival, and I’ve had enough. I signal so to Guy and his face falls.
“Just one more?” he asks.
“Sorry. Need the bathroom.” I don’t but at least it gets me away from here. I mean, there’s only so much Abba a girl can take and I passed that stage at least four songs ago. I fight my way back to the tables and then head out the way we came in. I’m not sure where the bathroom is but I guess there’ll be a sign somewhere.
I scan the entrance hall once out there but can’t see anywhere looking remotely bathroom-like. I suppose with these really smart places they try to be discreet about where the bathroom is. Like we don’t all use them all the time.
In desperation, I go through a door on the left a
nd find myself in an empty corridor. I wonder where this leads to? Probably the kitchen or somewhere. I carry on walking until reaching another door, which leads into the garden. It must be a back way because French doors in the ballroom lead out here too. Oh well, I’ll hang around here for a while. Keep out of sight.
“Suzy. Is that you?” So much for keeping a low profile.
“Yes.” I glance from side to side but can’t see anyone. “Who is it?”
“Me. Ryan. Over here, by the wall.” I stare in the direction of his voice and can just make out a dark shadow that looks about the right height, so I stroll over.
“Hey. What are you doing out here?”
“It’s my break. And I came out to cool off.”
“Why? What’s wrong?”
“You mean apart from it being hot inside?” I don’t like the way he’s speaking. It’s so not Ryan.
“Um—yeah.”
“Well, how do you think I feel when I see you mixing with all those rich people knowing you’d rather be friends with them than admit our relationship?” He folds his arms and glares at me.
“But—you know it isn’t like that.”
“Isn’t it? If you can dismiss everything that happened between us so readily, clearly our relationship meant nothing to you.” This can’t be happening. He must think I’m such a bitch.
“Of course it did. More than you’ll ever know. But everything’s different. What I’m doing now, it’s all about the future. My future.”
“And for the sake of your future, you think it’s okay to deny our relationship just so you can be a member of some club you had no business joining in the first place?”
I bow my head, not daring to face him. I really hate myself.
“No, it’s not okay. But what choice do I have, if I want to help Mom and Dad come to terms with Rosie dying? Surely you understand. It’s nothing to do with you and me. What we had. Well, that was so special and I’ll never forget it. But so many things have happened since.”
“Suzy, you just don’t get it, do you?” His voice is softer than before. Please let him understand. “This is you. And your life. You’re not Rosie. Not your mom and dad. You’ve got to do what makes you happy.”
