by Hadley Quinn
His face fell. I witnessed his happy, peaceful expression descend. “Okay,” he replied cautiously. “You can tell me anything, Jo.”
I took another breath to build my courage and glanced at his laptop. “Can I use your computer for a second?” He nodded. As I moved around the desk to type into the web browser, I added, “I’m going to leave you with your lunch while you give this a look, okay?”
“What is it?”
“Well…I like to do some writing.”
He nodded. “Yes. You’ve told me so.”
“Mmhmm. Well, what I didn’t tell you is that I have an online blog. It’s anonymous, and it’s been a lot of fun to chronicle some, um, stories…”
He seemed confused. “And?”
I clicked “enter” for the webpage and stepped aside. “And people read it. And a particular someone read it recently and…she offered me a publishing contract.”
He came around the desk but slowed. “A publishing contract? Seriously? Wow, Jo, that’s amazing.”
He pulled me into another hug, and although it felt marvelous, I knew I was only halfway through my confession.
“I haven’t agreed to it yet,” I told him, pulling away.
“Why not? You wrote something worthy of being published. Why wouldn’t you want it to be?”
I took a deep breath. “First, you need to read it. And then we’ll discuss it. Okay?”
Still seeming perplexed, he shrugged. “Okay.”
I motioned to his chair and then slipped around the desk again, setting his food closer to him.
“You’re not staying to eat with me?”
“Nope, only got food for you. But…make your lunch break productive,” I pointed to the laptop. “Call me when you want to talk. Or…complain.”
He scoffed. “Complain? Why would I—”
“Just read.” I leaned over the desk for a kiss, and he met me halfway. “We’ll talk later.”
He agreed with a nod but seemed worried. Maybe I’d been a bit cryptic, but I couldn’t come up with another way to break him into it. What if he was completely disgusted that I documented my run-ins and dates with him? What if he never looked at me the same way again?
What if it changed things between us?
~33~
Knowing he’d been reading my intimate words caused my blood pressure to rise. I had no idea how he was going to take it, and furthermore, if I was even going to go through with publishing it.
What if I showed him everything I’d written for nothing?
Josh worked late the following few days. I would have been worried about the constant extra hours if he hadn’t assured me it would just be for a couple weeks—until the facility was up and running fully and all the kinks were worked out. Plus, I got to see him more than before because they’d fired their receptionist for being too flirty with the clientele.
I’d been filling in for the past two days, per Josh’s request, and it had been interesting.
Clark stopped by to check on the extremely advanced gaming equipment he’d installed a week prior. I thought it was just a “boys and their toys” kind of thing, but after I saw all the high-tech options it included for rehab and performance testing too, I was impressed. Josh said it was popular amongst pretty much everyone in the facility. I was proud of my geeky, tech-genius cousin, but because Clark had talked Josh into the charity cruise coming up, I had a bone to pick with them both.
When Clark left and the building was locked up at nine p.m., I gathered my things and wandered down the hall to Josh’s office. I peeked through the open door and saw him reading from his laptop.
Oh God. Was he reading it?
I started to panic. Did he hate it? Was he embarrassed? Was it awful? I knew there were a lot of entries for him to get through, and he’d been reading here and there to finish it. He’d told me he wasn’t going to give his thoughts on it until he was completely done.
Thanks for the anxiety.
I cleared my throat, and he looked up, pausing for a second before leaning back in his chair. “Well, well, well, if it isn’t the not-so-average Jo.”
Not knowing if I was supposed to laugh or cry, I slipped into his office and shut the door behind me. I honestly didn’t know what to say, and he wasn’t making it easy on me. I even sat in the chair across from him, his desk looming between us.
“Say something,” I finally said. “Anything.”
He leaned forward, curious. “You’re really stressed out about this, aren’t you,” he stated. “But I still have two more entries to go—”
“I don’t have to agree to it. I just wanted to share it with you because… Well, if I do publish it, you should know. You’re in it. And…I don’t want to keep something like that from you. Or if I should change some things and—”
“Jolie.” He cut me off, paused, and then sighed. “Fine, you’ve forced my hand. I don’t like seeing you so stressed out.” He hesitated again and then cleared his throat. “Do you not realize how good this is? No wonder someone sought you out. Even if it was your stupid neighbor that got it going,” he added dryly.
He so had a problem with handsome Harlan living next door to me, and it was extremely sexy. Truthfully, Harlan and Josh had spoken several times over the past couple weeks, and I was positive they liked each other. My neighbor stated that Josh was “a manly specimen not much to his liking but decent enough,” and my boyfriend once commented that Harlan was “a pretty boy with some likable charm he could respect.”
Somewhat opposites, they secretly had man crushes on each other.
“I refused to let Harlan read that,” I argued for the third time.
“I know. He was devious and untrustworthy. As I warned.”
I snorted. “Mmhmm.”
“But he knows good writing, even if it was invading your privacy.”
“Which you already threatened him about.”
Josh smiled with satisfaction. I knew he was proud of that. But he tilted his head in consideration as he studied me. “Did you not hear what I said, Jolie? This blog—your writing—is amazing. I haven’t been able to put it down. I groan when I have to spend time with a client because all I’ve wanted to do is read this.”
I mused for a few seconds. “Because half of that is about you,” I replied smugly. “Why wouldn’t you want to read about yourself?”
He chuckled matter-of-factly. “Well, true, but that’s not the point.”
“What’s the point?”
He eyed me for a moment and then closed his laptop as he stood. “The point is… Wow, I don’t even know because you are so fucking sexy right now.”
Heat rippled through me as he came around the desk, watching me the entire time. I knew the building was empty, and honestly, I’d fantasized about this kind of moment for a while. I was even wearing some sexy hosiery under my skirt, which he was eyeing hungrily when he stopped in front of me.
His hand went to the back of my head; the other one went to my hip and then slid down my thigh only to inch back up into my skirt. He kissed me, and the second his fingers felt the lace on my thigh-high pantyhose, he growled against my mouth.
He kissed me harder and backed me to the desk, sitting me down as he undid his pants. The swiftness and furiousness of the moment was hot and exhilarating; I wanted him so damn bad. Josh locked the door and turned off the main light. His desk lamp was still on, and it cast a sensual glow in the room.
“You are so beautiful,” he exhaled after unbuttoning my shirt and slipping it over my shoulders. He hiked my skirt up to my waist and kissed my neck. “Slow me down. I’m about to fuck the hell out of you; I don’t wanna hurt you.”
“You won’t.”
But I actually wasn’t sure. We’d had some doozies now and then, and Josh was always careful when handling me, but this time, there was something so wild in him, I wondered if it’d be different. I, myself, was feeling such erotic instinct, I was ready for unbridled passion.
Seriously unbridled.
> “Josh, just take me. Now.”
And he did. And it was fervent and impulsive and completely amazing. I felt a rush of desperation, like I couldn’t get enough of him—like recklessness and haste were the only things that could tame my need for him. Items fell off his desk and our sounds were not kept in check, but not once did I worry that someone might be in the building or knew what we were up to.
I didn’t care one damn bit.
When we were both depleted yet satisfied, we ineptly put ourselves back together, casting knowing smiles at each other while doing so. I knew I’d have to make it out of his office in such disarray but seriously wasn’t concerned.
“It’s too bad there’s no one here to witness my walk of shame,” I snickered. “I’m a bit disappointed.”
He smiled as he finished buttoning his pants. “Shame, my ass. Walk of distinction.”
I laughed out loud but had to agree, and hell, after trying to walk to the door, it made me second-guess myself. I had newborn deer legs. Amazing how fanatical, acrobatic sex could do that to you.
Josh eyed me with a smirk. “You okay, there?” And then he frowned. “Jo, did I—”
“No, I’m fine. I mean…that was fine. More than fine. It was…I have no words. Thank you.”
Jesus, I was thanking him for banging me so hard I could barely walk? He was even eyeing me funny like I was completely out of my mind. Maybe I was. Maybe he’d literally screwed me senseless.
“You know, you did say once that you wanted nothing more than a ginormous cock inside you.”
My eyes shot wide open with the recollection. “Holy shit, you heard that?”
He laughed. “Heard it? Hell, those words haunted me for days. I thought, ‘Jesus, my sweet little Jo turned into a ho.’”
“You didn’t.”
“I kinda did. I figured, well, it’s been ten years. Thought maybe you’d lived quite a different life in that time.”
I could tell he was actually serious. And it made me wonder… “So, did thinking that have anything to do with…”
He smiled sheepishly. “Maybe. Kinda. Jo, the way you kissed me— That doesn’t excuse my behavior after the fact,” he added quickly. “I’m still sorry about—”
“I know,” I cut him off. “But I put you in your place. We’re good.”
He was amused yet watchful as he replied, “You sure did. And I’m glad.”
I gave him one final kiss before leaving. “I’m going to shower at your place, okay? Be waiting for you.” I blew him a kiss before exiting his office, sure to walk with confidence and poise.
The effort was there, at least.
When I got to my car, I had to roll down the windows. Even the barrel room sexcapades hadn’t been as freaking hot as what had just happened in Josh’s office. My heart was pounding just from thinking about it while I drove to his house. What in the world had flipped that switch in him?
My blog.
Oh wow, was he seriously that turned on from reading my blog? I chuckled to myself, wondering what part he’d been reading. Maybe it had been about the barrel room. I’d plainly stated one time since then that I wished we could have been a little less…restrained.
I laughed. I’d never been so grateful for speaking my mind. Well, writing my mind. And it had surely paid off. Even if he hadn’t been reading that account, there were certainly others that could work in my favor.
I’d become someone I no longer recognized. And that was a good thing. No, it was a great thing. I felt revitalized and strengthened; I was now someone I could feel proud of.
Giggling to myself, I considered that thought in depth. Proud of myself for being screwed senseless on my boyfriend’s desk? Now, that sounded a bit odd. But I knew what I’d truly accomplished. I’d broken free from that timid, self-deprecating creature who had been molded by someone more cunning and egotistical. Chris’s selfish and dictatorial personality had governed my life for almost a decade.
But no more. I’d become an independent woman who knew her worth and knew I deserved far more than I’d ever been given. Although direct with a bit of an edge, Josh was far from domineering. He was upfront in all the right ways but respected me, could communicate, and treated me like an equal.
And hell, the man could enliven my soul with just a touch. I knew we’d have our flawed moments, but I truly felt there was nothing we wouldn’t get through. I cherished how he’d changed over the years. It had made him a better man. Better for me and the ways I’d change. I was completely, and without question, in love with him.
I also needed to tell him.
~34~
It was surreal—so completely dreamlike, I could only stare at it for ten whole minutes.
A day after Josh finished reading my blog, we had a very long discussion about the publication of it. Josh was one-hundred-percent supportive of my decision, whether it went one way or the other. But he’d been so impressed by my writing, and so expressive about how proud of me he was no matter what I chose to do, it infused me with a mountain of confidence and determination.
I really did want my words published as a book. But before I signed the contract with Leesa, I informed her I wasn’t interested in doing any sort of book tour. She advised me that the publishing company might not agree to it, but she’d fight resolutely for my demands to be met.
And if my demands weren’t met, she knew my answer would be no.
I loved being anonymous. I didn’t need for anyone to know who I was, and I absolutely didn’t need validation. Not anymore. I had all the love and support I needed from the people who were already in my life. I still hadn’t shared my blog with my family, or with Anna, and I wasn’t sure if I ever would, but for the time being, I was happy with my life as it was.
And now there I was, two weeks later, staring at the mockup cover for my soon-to-be published book.
It was amazing, and the title—“Death of a Mediocre Marriage”—made me feel unsure at first, but the more I considered the contents of my work, the more I realized the importance of ridding my life of mediocrity. There were too many things to enjoy, too much happiness and security to cherish. Wasting time on people and things that didn’t complement my existence were not meant to fill my calendar.
That might sound selfish, but because of Josh, I knew it was possible to find someone who could fit into every nook and cranny of my life—even the unpleasant aspects. We weren’t always joy and sunshine, but we bent and conformed equally when the other needed it.
Trust. Communication. Respect.
They were the recipe for a loving, unbreakable connection. A partnership. Equal give-and-take. Laughter in not only the good moments but also the bad.
These were the life lessons I had learned over the past ten years, and my goodness, I was so thankful to have learned them. I’d never felt my life was over when my marriage fell apart, but I definitely questioned if there was even such thing as true love and if I was ever meant to find someone to be my “perfect” match, or could even feel content if I didn’t.
Josh Cameron had given me that and more. And now I was staring at what would soon be tangible proof that the past can be the forerunner to a wonderful present, and in turn, that present situation can be testimony that the future can hold even more. I knew we would hit some bumps along the way, but I also had complete faith that we’d get through them together.
“Hey, beautiful, you look deep in thought.”
I hadn’t even heard him enter the house. He set his things on the table, and I motioned him over. “Come here. Look.”
He crossed the room and sat next to me on his couch, studying the image on my laptop. He whistled. “Wow, that looks awesome. You like it?”
“I love it. It’s just…I don’t know.”
He kissed me hello and returned his attention to the screen. “So you have a month to finish up three more entries? And then submit the entire thing for all the editing and such?”
“Yes. And release date in about six months. I do
n’t even know how it will feel to hold an actual book in my hand. My book. Maybe I’m jumping too far ahead, though. All of this could change.”
“Nah, you heard Leesa. They’re excited for this because it’s fresh and honest. Something people can relate to on so many levels.” He kissed me again. “I’m so proud of you, Jolie. You’ve done an amazing thing, here.”
I considered that for a few seconds. “Oh? It’s not just your ego talking?”
He laughed, and hell, I’d grown to love every bit of his laugh. Truthfully, his laughter was a total turn on, and he knew that by the way I was looking at him.
“Now, now, we have dinner plans with your family,” he warned playfully. “Being late would reflect poorly on me.”
He was being serious, so I valued his concern. It would be the first time seeing my parents since high school, and Josh knew it’d be significant.
I stood so I could change my clothes, but upon passing the dining room table, glanced at a few papers sitting on his laptop. The words contract and offer caught my attention.
“What’s this?” I asked, holding them up but scanning them at the same time. From what I could see, it was a serious job offer from another company—one that worked exclusively with the Dodgers and the Lakers.
In Los Angeles.
“Oh, it’s nothing,” Josh replied, standing. “I turned it down, so nothing to even consider.”
I read even further until I’d scanned the entire offer. “Josh, are you serious? This is an offer for you to be head of their training facility? You can’t possibly turn this down.” I looked at him to make sure. “Really? This isn’t something you’re interested in?”
He’d come across the room and took the papers from my hand, setting them on the table again. “No, it’s not. I’m happy right here where I’m at.” He kissed me again, softly running his hand along the side of my face and neck. “I belong here, with you, and nothing would even come close to that.” He searched my eyes. After what seemed like a prolonged exploration for something, he finally said, “I love you, Jo. More than anything. I’m so in love with you, I don’t even care where I am or what I’m doing, as long as I have you to come home to. You are the ultimate promotion, and you always will be.”
