by Lisa Lace
Was she flirting with me too?
I smiled. “It’s Friday. I bet you’re ready for the weekend, right?”
“I sure am! I love the kids, but they take a lot of energy. I’m ready to collapse. What do you have planned?”
I caught her eye. “Nothing. To tell you the truth, I’m completely free.”
Jenna’s lips parted slightly in surprise. The remark had come out like an invitation, and she didn’t know how to react. She laughed a little and distracted herself by tidying some crayons from a nearby table. “I hear Sam and Carla are going to a food fair out of town this weekend. Maybe you could tag along.”
My dreams fell apart in an instant. I called Harriet and held out my hand to her. “Yeah, maybe. I guess we better get going.” Harriet ran up to me, and I lifted her into my arms. I met Jenna’s eyes one last time and smiled. “See you around?”
“Sure. Next week, I guess.”
“Have a good weekend.”
Jenna quickly moved away to tidy up, and I watched her for a moment. She had a strange look on her face like she was angry at herself. Maybe she was kicking herself for not acting on my hint that I was free. I briefly considered whether I should go back to her and ask again, giving her a second chance to show some interest.
No.
Not now. If she wasn’t into me and I went in there full-steam, it would make for an uncomfortable school year. I decided to let things simmer a little longer.
Time would tell.
Harriet and I arrived home. I set her up with some cartoons which she watched from the kitchen table while I made some macaroni for a snack. My sister would be coming around later that night with takeout for us.
“Harriet, what did you do at school today?”
“Looked at some bugs.”
“That sounds gross.”
Harriet giggled. “Yeah, they were icky.”
“Did Miss Dawson hold one?”
“They was in boxes so she didn’t have to.”
“Does that mean you didn’t hold one?”
“Nope.”
“I bet you would have if you had the chance. Maybe a big, ugly grasshopper?” I crossed the kitchen and ran my fingers up her arm like they were the steps of a cricket. “You would have carried that bug, right?”
Harriet shrieked with laughter and pushed me off. “No way!”
“Really? Does that mean you don’t want a pet beetle, then?”
“No!”
“That’s a shame. I was going to pick you up a nice big, fat beetle for your bedroom.”
She was laughing so much that she was shaking now. “Ew! No!”
“Hmm. Maybe not, then.” I gave Harriet a wink and returned to the stove to give the macaroni a stir. “I thought we said we would eat more vegetables this week. What happened to that? I thought you told me ‘Daddy, I want more broccoli.’”
Harriet giggled some more. “You’re silly, Daddy.”
“So vegetables are silly now, are they?” I poured some frozen corn into a pan. “Well, I’m giving you some anyway. They will help you grow big and strong.”
I finished cooking the food and sat down at the table while she ate. It gave me time to ask her more about her day and what she was going to do with Grandma tomorrow. For a four-year-old, my daughter was good company.
After dinner, I washed Harriet and got her ready for bed. Every night we did the same thing. I had to read her favorite bedtime story, Fireman Doug. It was a series of books about a firefighter puppy who saved all the other animals while going on adventures. Harriet loved to ask lots of questions about whether I had ever saved a duck from an icy puddle, or rescued a sheep that had fallen off a cliff onto a ledge.
I had to make up a lot of things. Usually, I would tell her something along the lines of, “That’s exactly what I did today! You know what? That duck was so slippery, I could barely catch him!” or “I sure did! That sheep made one heck of a noise!”
She was too young to know the realities of her daddy’s job. Fighting fires and saving lives weren’t all adventure and glory. Sometimes we got there too late or couldn’t beat the fire before the it consumed people. It was better if Harriet thought I was out keeping ducks safe from frozen puddles.
I’d just finished putting Harriet to bed and reading the story when Kacey arrived with our takeout order. I let her in and greeted her with a kiss on the cheek.
“Hey Kacey, how’s it going?”
“All right, thanks, but I’m dead on my feet! I showed the Wilsons six properties today.”
“Ouch. Have they put an offer in on anything?”
Kacey looked at me with a single raised eyebrow and sighed. “What do you think?”
“You’ve got to be kidding me! How many properties total is that now?”
“Twenty-three.”
I began to laugh. I took the bag from Kacey and headed into the kitchen to unpack it and serve it onto plates. “I guess it’s a big decision.”
“They’re treating me like a damn tour guide.” Kacey opened my refrigerator door and glanced inside. “Please tell me you’ve got some wine?”
“Bottom shelf.”
“Thanks. If I drink too much, I’ll crash here and take Harriet straight to preschool in the morning. What time are you in tomorrow?”
“Starting at 4 am.”
Kacey made a face. “At least I don’t have to start work at the crack of dawn. Not that any of you guys actually work until there’s a call.”
I grinned. Kacey was always ribbing me about that. “You know there’s lots we do when we’re not on call.”
“Cleaning the engines and doing push-ups. Brutal.”
“Something like that.” I handed Kacey a plate of Chinese food, and she traded me a glass of wine. We made our way through to the sitting room and both collapsed onto my sofa. I switched the TV to a game show, and we could both finally unwind. “How was your group tonight?”
Kacey flicked a glance my way and gave me a tired smile. “Tough. One of the poor girls is having a nightmare of a time over the custody battle for the kids.”
“I bet. That must be hard.”
“It is if you were married to an asshole. And you know he’s doing everything he can to poison her reputation and make her look bad in front of the judge. It’s not fair. Thank God Vince and I never married or had kids.”
Vince was Kacey’s ex-boyfriend. They had dated when she was in her early twenties, and he’d been a real piece of work. Heroin was his vice. The guy had been a total junkie, but Kacey had been too young and love-struck to walk away. She’d been convinced she could fix him.
That never happened. First came the lies, then the stealing, then the abuse. Kacey took it all, hoping one day Vince would miraculously get back on the straight and narrow and realize she had been an angel. Instead, he’d nearly destroyed her as she tried to save him. It was her family who had to pull her away in the end. We’d held an intervention to get her to walk away from him after the bruises started to become larger and more frequent.
Time had helped Kacey realize she’d been in a losing battle with Vince and she was far better off without him. After a while she studied to be a volunteer counselor for female survivors of domestic abuse. She ran a support group on Wednesday evenings.
“I’ll drink to that.”
Kacey turned to me. “And what about you? How’s life? How’s work?”
“Fine, I guess. Nothing particularly exciting.”
“Are the boys okay?”
“They’re great.”
“How’s Sam getting along with Carla?”
“Like a house on fire.”
“Really? I kinda thought she’d have eaten him alive by now.”
I laughed. “Her man-eater days are over, I think. Besides, Carla was never cruel. Just indecisive and scared of missing out. She wanted a piece of everyone.”
Kacey smirked. “Now she’s had a piece of everyone and she’s ready to settle down. Is that what you’re saying?”
>
“Be nice. Carla’s a good woman, even if she is a bit on the wild side.”
Kacey’s smirk softened into an apologetic smile. “I know. She’s always been really nice to me.” Kacey twisted and rested an elbow on the back of the sofa and let her head fall onto her hand. She gave me an intense, counselor’s look. “And what about you, Nate? Have you met anyone?”
I rolled my eyes. “Come on, Kacey. We’ve talked about this before. Don’t push me on this.”
“Sorry.” Kacey held up her hands apologetically and sat back. “I won’t ask again.”
I cast her a sideways glance. She had turned her guilty gaze to the TV. She knew that I didn’t like people prying into my love life ever since Marie passed, and especially not Kacey. She was always acting like my therapist.
I could see that she was concerned for me and acting out of love, not nosiness, so I threw her a bone. “There’s a new woman working at Harriet’s preschool. She seems nice.”
Kacey furrowed her brow, and then her face lit up. “Yes! I’ve seen her. The brunette? Slim? Pretty.”
I smiled. “Is she? I hadn’t noticed.”
“What about her? Are you interested?”
I ran a thumb up the stem of my wine glass in thought. “Perhaps.”
Kacey offered a warm, affectionate smile and laid a hand gently on my forearm. “Nate, it would be so nice to see you putting yourself out there again.”
“I don’t know if anything will happen. I kind of made a move today, and she didn’t go for it.”
Kacey’s face fell. “What did you say?”
“I suggested I was free over the weekend.”
She rolled her eyes. “That’s not a pickup. Geez, Nate — you’re losing your touch!”
I laughed. “I’ve still got it.”
“Maybe you weren’t clear enough.” She gave me an encouraging nudge. “I’d try again.”
“You think so?”
“Sure. What do you have to lose?”
“I’ll think about it.”
Kacey was satisfied with my response, and turned back to the TV with a smile. I sat back too, thinking about Jenna. Kacey was right. What did I have to lose?
Chapter Six
Jenna
It had been another good day. I still couldn’t believe how easy my new life was coming together. A couple of months ago, I would never have believed that one day I would be living a free life. For so long, Victor had haunted every waking hour. I was used to constantly looking over my shoulder, feeling him breathing down my neck, or hearing him bark commands. Finally, I was starting to feel like I didn’t need to be afraid.
After all, everything was falling into place. I loved my new apartment. At first, the silence had seemed daunting, and it scared me, but as the days passed, I was growing to love the peace and quiet. I filled the environment with things that warmed my heart, like little plants and lots of books. It was starting to feel like a sanctuary and a home.
Then there was the job. It was going so well! Victor had kept me away from studying so I could support him while he chased his dreams. I had to learn to put aside my yearning to work with children, as I slaved away behind a desk dealing with irritable and rude people every day. Now I was one step closer to my ideal job and in a classroom at last. Each and every one of those kids was a ray of sunshine in my life, and at last, I was living in summer.
Then there was Carla, an instant best friend. Almost every day, I would stop by her coffee shop, and we’d giggle, gossiping like schoolgirls. Sometimes I even forgot why I’d come to this place, and why I ran away. It felt like I had come home. I was learning to be happy again.
I set off for my apartment with a smile on my face.
I was walking home when I spotted him. Nate leaned with his forehead and fists against the side of the fire station building, a restrained look of anguish on his face. I felt a strange tug of attraction toward him even in his despair. In fact, the look of agony pulled me to him even more. It proved even gods feel pain.
He was only wearing the bottom half of his fire gear. He had a white T-shirt on, showing off arms which always caught my eye. His skin was dirty like he’d just come from a call, and his hair was disheveled. As I watched, he swore and kicked the wall. I hesitated before approaching him.
“Hi, Nate. Is something the matter?” He turned around and looked surprised to see me. He quickly tried to regain his composure and make his face expressionless, but I’d already seen him looking like his world was crumbling. “What’s wrong?”
Nate shook his head. “It’s just work.”
I came to stand closer by him and looked up into his stony face. His jaw was set tight. He was gritting his teeth. But his striking blue eyes told a different story, like terrible thoughts were turning inside. “Do you want to talk about it?”
He forced a smile onto his face. “I doubt you’d want to hear me talk about my problems.”
“You’d be surprised. Tell me.”
A big breath escaped Nate’s lungs, and he slumped back against the wall. He looked at me carefully like he was trying to decide how I would react, then decided to tell me anyway.
“We got called to an auto accident this morning about a mile out of Fort Wayne. We arrived on the scene, and a car had flipped onto its roof. Pretty much totaled.”
“Oh my God. What happened?”
“There was some debris on the road. A steel rod. It looked like it had fallen off the back of a truck. Seemed like the driver spotted it too late, swerved, and took a roll down the bank.”
“And the driver?”
A muscle twitched at the edge of Nate’s mouth, and he simply shook his head.
I instinctively reached out to put my hand on his arm. “I’m so sorry.”
“She was alive when we got there. Screaming at first. You would think you wouldn’t want to hear a scream, right?” He shook his head again. “For me, I love the sound of screaming. It means people are alive. It means people can be saved. When she stopped making any noises, I knew we didn’t have much time.” He let out a long breath and rested his head against the wall to stare at the sky as he spoke. “The paramedics were trying to help her, but she was trapped in the vehicle. We managed to secure the car and disconnect the battery before we started extricating her. But the paramedics went into a frenzy. She had stopped breathing. We managed to get her out and lay her on the ground…we were too late.”
“I’m so sorry.” I was repeating myself, but I didn’t know what to say. “That’s horrific.”
Nate kept his expression straight. “It’s part of the job.”
“Still, you’re not made of stone. I bet it’s still impossible to be there when…” I couldn’t finish my thought.
“Thanks, Jenna.”
“How are the others? Sam and… Lewis, is it?”
Nate smiled. “They’re fine. A bit shaken up, but we’ll all be back at work tomorrow, ready to fight another day. We’re running drills in the morning.”
It blew my mind to think that one day these guys could be pulling bodies from cars and reset to doing sit ups and circuits the next day, as though nothing had ever happened. It almost made me believe they were callous and unfeeling, but I had the sense that wasn’t true.
Nate looked distant. Even though he was here with his feet on the ground and his face expressionless, I could tell his mind was miles away. I could only imagine what kind of nightmares days like today could give him.
“So, what happens now. I mean, for you guys?”
“We file an incident report and debrief. We get the engines and equipment ready for another call.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah. Unfortunately, it’s a side of the job a lot of people don’t think about.”
I hadn’t considered it at all, but maybe that was because I’d dated Victor, and he never seemed to have had a bad day. In every one of Victor’s stories, he’d been the one to save the day.
He was always the hero. He’d never failed. Never be
en defeated. Always got the job done. At least, that’s what he’d always led me to believe. Then again, Victor had always wanted the glory of a title. Reputation was all that mattered to him, so if he had ever failed, he would have been unlikely to share it with a lowly tag-along like me.
“What are you doing after work?”
Nate shrugged. “I’ll go home. Put Harriet to bed. Then I guess I’ll watch some TV.”
“You should come over to my place.”
I said the words out loud at the same time as I’d made the decision in my mind. I knew more about Nate and the life he’d led now. I knew he’d lost his wife. I knew he lived alone with Harriet. I couldn’t bear to think of him going home alone tonight after a horrific day with nobody to talk to and no way to off-load.
How hard must it be to watch a woman die and then read your daughter a bedtime story and sit in front of a TV alone?
Nate looked surprised at the invitation. “Are you sure?”
“Yes. I’ll make you dinner.”
A flicker of a smile crossed his face, and he nodded. “All right, then.”
“I live in Carla’s apartment building. You know the place?”
“I do.”
I smiled. “Great. I’m in 5D. What time’s good for you?”
“I finish my shift at six. How about seven-thirty? That will give me time to get home, find a babysitter, and say goodnight to Harriet.”
“Seven-thirty. Perfect.”
I gave Nate one last smile, nodded, and turned to walk away. My heart was thumping, and I felt a strange exhilaration dancing inside me. I wondered if I would have made an offer like that if I hadn’t already been having such a good day and feeling like things were going well.
Then again, I told myself, this wouldn’t be a date. I was offering up my shoulder for a friend to cry upon. Not that I could imagine Nate crying over anything tonight. He was far too strong for that. Far too much of a man’s man to ever break composure.
When I got home, I busied myself with tidying my apartment, imagining how it might look through Nate’s eyes. I wanted it to look perfect. I vacuumed, polished, and picked up the loose clothes in my bedroom. God knows why. There was no chance we were going to end up in there. Still, the thought didn’t fill me with horror. I bit my lip and rushed into the kitchen to begin preparing for dinner.
