by Mina Thorne
“This is all getting out of control,” Dad interjected, holding his hands up as if to separate two prize fighters. “You both need to calm down.”
“No, you need to tell your wife to stop talking about Mom like that,” I said. “Especially when—”
I was about to accuse her of fucking Taylor and conspiring with Becca to ruin my life, but I realized it was a mistake before I ran my mouth off. We need solid proof of both things before we accused her. “Especially when what?” Elaine asked and shot daggers at me with her eyes. “What do you need to say about me, Stephanie?”
“Especially when Dad is still so obviously in love with her,” I replied in a deliberate, forceful tone. “It’s so clear that I wonder why he ever left. He’s desperately in love with my mother.”
Elaine’s left eye began to twitch and the silence in the room was so thick it was almost suffocating. I had just thrown out the first thing that had come to my mind to shut her down, but the arrow I slung seem to have hit its mark.
Dad sputtered and stammered his response, but it was too late. Elaine stomped off, her high heels clattering almost comically as she fled the room.
“Well that was quite the homecoming,” Roland announced after she was gone. “David, Barrett here tells me he’s had some trouble at school. Shall we get our heads together and figure out what we need to do to get him back into classes?”
“Uh, yes,” Dad said and looked relieved. “Why don’t we discuss this in my study?”
They left and I stared at Barrett who shook his head and offered me a sardonic grin.
“They’re so fucked, aren’t they?”
“A little,” I laughed. “I guess they fit in around here…the whole family does.”
He walked towards me and lifted his hand to my hair, tangled his fingers in it and held me like that. Intimately. Like I belonged to him now.
My knees trembled and I had a sudden sensation of falling forwards into his arms.
So I did it, I let myself relax and I let him touch me, pull me into his embrace and murmur, “I’m sorry I left you,” into my hair.
I sighed and said, “I know. I’m still mad about it but I’m tired now. So tired.”
“Can I take you to bed?” he asked and kissed my forehead. “Just to hold you, Steph. I ached to hold you the entire time I was away.”
If I’d been a stronger girl I might have stomped my foot and told him he needed to grovel, to make it up to me.
If I’d been a demanding bitch who led her man around by his balls, I might have pushed him away and demanded something in exchange for the hurt he had caused me.
I had a feeling girls like Becca and women like Elaine would force their man to spend money or humiliate themselves, prostate themselves before them just to have access to their affections.
But perhaps I was my mother’s daughter after all because I sagged against him and said, “Please come with me. I need to feel your arms around me. I missed you so much.”
“I’ll never forgive myself for leaving you. I have so much to tell you,” he said, looking down at me. He shook his head and his gorgeous, normally arrogant face softened into something like disbelief. “Where did you come from, Steph? How have you managed to turn my world upside down after such a short time?”
“I could say the same thing about you,” I smiled up at him. “Now let’s put everything on a shelf right now and go to bed.”
He cupped my face in his hands and I felt delicate and beautiful as he looked at me. He kissed me, his mouth hungry and desperate as if he wanted to make up for the time that we’d lost.
After a moment or two we walked hand in hand upstairs to my room. He dragged my heavy curtains across the windows, we stripped down to our underwear, and true to our pledge to one another, we just held each other until we fell into a deep and restful sleep.
And even when I was sleeping, deep in my dreams, it was like I could sense Barrett’s presence there.
I could almost hear him breathing in my dream world, I could almost smell his natural musk and feel his hands on me, his arms wrapping tightly around my body from behind.
Because even when ugly shapes rose up from the dark, they were immediately banished from my mind. His love for me kept me safe and every time something bothered me in my sleep, this comfort made them dissolve into smoke and mist and dissipate into the air.
I was loved, I felt loved, and I was safe.
Chapter 44
“I want you to come home,” Mom said on the phone when I told her about the lake incident.
Barrett and I had slept all day, only waking for dinner with Dad and Roland, Elaine was conspicuously absent. Neither one of them had said a thing when we’d come down together, our hands almost touching as we shared secret looks and smiles thick with hidden meaning.
That night I’d called her, our usual Sunday night catch up session. I hadn’t been able to keep anything from her and I’d started to cry when I was curled up in my big comfy chair under a knitted throw, I’d told her everything.
“I can’t go back to school there,” I said and sniffled. “I want to, but I’m not sure they’d let me transfer back this far into the year.”
“I’m sure they would, we could get your father to throw some money at the problem as he does with most everything,” she insisted.
I hadn’t even been sure up until that point if I was going to stay in Harrisburg, but two things cropped up that helped me make up my mind.
First and foremost was Barrett.
I couldn’t hide it anymore, I was head over heels for him. I was devastated just thinking about leaving him behind and never seeing him again.
And secondly, Mom pressing the idea of me returning to my old school really brought it home for me.
I didn’t belong there anymore. Not that I entirely belonged at Westview Academy, but it was closer to my stomping ground than my old school had ever been.
“But what if I don’t want to come home?” I asked quietly.
I heard her draw in a long breath on the other end of the line and exhale slowly. She started to speak, stopped and took another breath. “I was worried you’d say that,” she said finally. “I was prepared to lose you for your senior year but I never imagined they would put you through such abuse, Stephanie. My heart breaks for you when I think about what you’re going through. The same things that broke up my marriage to your father.”
“What does that mean?” I asked, startled by her sudden revelation.
“I mean I know what you’re going through,” she said. “With them. All of them. They’ll never let you belong, they’ll always see you as a California girl.”
“You didn’t go to high school here,” I replied. “It’s not the same thing.”
“I spent time in Harrisburg though, with your grandparents and your father’s friends. Before the accident…”
“What accident?”
“There was a fire at the club. Your grandparents didn’t make it out. I can’t believe David hasn’t told you about any of this, don’t you ever talk about his family?”
“Never,” I replied. “He’s never said a thing. How did the fire start?”
“Somebody lit it. They accused me at first, the whole town of Harrisburg, they all turned on me.”
“Oh my god. Did they ever find out who did it?”
“There was some talk that it was a waitress who had been fired, but nothing was ever proven.”
“I had no idea…”
“You never would if you waited for David to tell you it seems,” she said with an edge of tension to her voice. “I don’t know why he’s kept you in the dark. That’s why they were able to attack you again, because you weren’t prepared.”
“It’s not his fault my classmates are insane,” I replied. “I don’t want to talk about this, Mom. It’s too much. What I know is that yes, there are some psychos here. But in the end I have to say I like it here. I like the school and I like my classes. I’m getting an education that’s w
ay better than anything I’d get in California and I’ll be fine. I promise.”
She drew in another long breath and sighed. “Okay, I won’t say another thing about it. But just know if you ever need me or need to come home, Reg and I will always be here.”
“I know Mom, I love you,” I said.
“I love you too, kiddo,” she replied and we said goodbye.
I pulled the big knit throw up around me, curled up on my oversized comfy chair and soaked in the things she’d just told me.
Somebody had started a fire at the club, my grandparents had died, and she’d gone through bullying here in Harrisburg the same as me.
I couldn’t imagine what it had been like for her, so far from home and with nobody in her corner. At least I had Barrett here with me, and Mom and Reg and my friends back in California.
And to be accused of such a crime…it was horrible.
But I couldn’t help but wonder two different things. First, did my father stand up for her? I understood the grief and trauma of losing his parents in such a violent and terrible accident, but did he stick up for my mother?
And second…who had set the fire?
I couldn’t get to sleep after so much was on my mind. Not just the things that Mom had told me, but my anxiety about the next morning nearly vibrated through my limbs until I finally jumped up from my bed.
I grabbed my phone off the night stand and texted Barrett.
“I need you.”
He read the message but didn’t respond. I waited, the three little circles indicating that he was typing popped up and I held my breath.
But he never replied. The circles faded and I knitted my eyebrows together in worry.
He’d seen my message, started to reply, and hadn’t bothered to send it.
Was he going to withdraw from me again after our amazing nap cuddled in each other’s arms, talking and kissing?
I had almost worked myself up into tears again when I heard my doorknob click, a sliver of light flooded into my room where the door opened, and Barrett snuck in.
“Lock the door,” I said as he closed it.
“Already done, babe,” he whispered and I saw his dark form crossing my room.
I held my blanket up and he slipped underneath. I was wearing pajamas, he was wearing boxers and we both had this unspoken agreement that sex was off the table.
After what he’d done after we’d had sex, I was feeling too vulnerable to open myself up to him again. Not yet, not just yet.
I needed him, I needed his arms around me holding me tight so my anxious limbs would calm and I could sleep. I needed to feel safe, I needed the security of his body next to mine and his breath on the back of my neck.
But I couldn’t fully open myself to him again until I knew he was here for good now.
Until I knew he was mine.
And yet, as much as I held this resolve hard against my heart, I felt his thickness pressing against me as he cradled me gently.
He had told me himself one time that his hard ons were uncontrollable around me, and I could more than feel it now.
A memory of him inside of me, moving against me and stretching me wide flashed into my head and I blushed red hot.
“Are you okay, babe?” he murmured into my ear and settled in tighter against me.
“I’m good,” I said and smiled to myself. “Now that you’re here, I’m more than good.”
He nuzzled the curve of my neck under my ear and I sighed contentedly and closed my eyes at last. I felt the worries I was carrying around in my body easy from my mind and I fell asleep at last.
Again, safe, filled with love, and secure.
Chapter 45
“Don’t worry, I’ll knock Whitt down on his ass if he tries to talk to you,” Barrett told me on the way to school.
I was back to practically vibrating with nervous energy all morning, Barrett and Roland had both noticed.
Roland had surprised me by reaching over and resting his hand on mine for a moment before telling me, “If you need any asses kicked, just let me know.”
I’d thanked him and smiled, he was surprisingly kind in spite of looking so good and being seemingly so vain.
Barrett had been watching me the whole morning, concern etched in the lines around his eyes.
Dad and Elaine hadn’t noticed a thing though. Dad was deep into his newspaper business numbers and Elaine was texting like mad the whole time at the breakfast table.
Now in the car, I was chewing on the edge of my thumbnail and jiggling my leg nervously.
“I’m sure I’ll be fine, but I still can’t believe what they did,” I said and looked over at him. “They set me up so bad and I never saw it coming. I feel so stupid.”
“You aren’t stupid, you’re kind,” Barrett told me. “That’s not a weakness. Your kindness is your strength, don’t ever forget it.”
“It doesn’t feel like it sometimes,” I replied miserable. “I feel like an idiot. Like I keep falling for people’s lies and I never see them for what they are.”
“Did you fuck Whitt?” he blurted out suddenly, cutting me off.
“What?”
“Did you sleep with him?”
“Does it matter?”
He looked miserable now as he drove, his face was contorted into suspicion and mistrust and that angered me somehow.
“No, it doesn’t matter. But I want to know.”
“Do you think you deserve to know? You ran away from me.”
“I didn’t run from you, I ran from Elaine. My father asked me to come out and see him and I took the chance to get away from her.”
“She is pretty evil. You need support for your learning problems, not denial.”
“You know about that?” he said and his eyes widened as his head snapped towards me. He looked back at the road and hunched over. “Fuck, you must think I’m a worthless piece of shit.”
“I never would,” I told him. And I meant it. As much as we still needed to address some of the terrible things that had been said, I would never think of Barrett as worthless.
He looked over at me and his face was naked with pain. His mouth was twisted with it and he slammed on the brakes and coasted to the side of the road. A car behind us honked aggressively, so Barrett shoved his hand out the window and flipped the guy the middle finger.
“Fucking asshole,” he said and slammed the car into park with the motor still running and the music playing.
“What are you doing?” I asked and looked in the mirror, then turned around in my seat. Several cars behind us slowed one by one and swerved around, seemingly unfazed by the mid drive stopover.
“I need to talk to you.”
“Can’t it wait?”
“No,” he said and he took my hand in his. He looked me in the eyes and continued. “I was a piece of shit to you. I treated you horribly and I said the most terrible things to you.”
His voice broke and it was thick with emotion when he carried on. “You never deserved that, babe. You have so much to deal with already, with those fuckers from school, I shouldn’t have dumped my problems on you.”
“It’s okay,” I said. “Let’s just keep going to school.”
“It’s not okay, you deserve better. And I promise you from now on I will do better,” he said. “I won’t shut you out again. I won’t run from you or the way you make me feel. I won’t be a total douche fuck when I’m feeling stressed about life or Elaine or whatever.”
“I promise I won’t lash out either,” I said and squeezed his hand. “And no, I didn’t sleep with Whitt. Not that it would have mattered if I did, but you’ve been the only one for me.”
He visibly relaxed and smiled at me. He reached up pulled me to him and kissed me.
As our mouths locked together in passion, cars kept passing and a few more honked and one guy even yelled out his window at us as he veered around us.
We didn’t care though, it felt like we had confronted some of the ugliness in our blossoming r
elationship and had left it behind us.
We couldn’t run away from our feelings, that was obvious. Having somebody like Barrett meant we were growing together, moving towards a future where we could be proud of our love and proud of our relationship.
Finally we realized that it was almost the start of classes so he kissed me one last time and drove to school.
I made it to class without seeing anybody I really knew and almost got to class when I heard my name being called.
I turned around and found Sienna jogging down the hall towards me. Her hair was messy and her uniform was wrinkled, she looked like she hadn’t gotten much sleep in the last couple days.
“What happened to you on Saturday night?” she asked and tucked her shirt into her pleated skirt. “Chase brought molly and we got high as fuck. I’m sorry if I ditched you, but we were tripping hard, man.”
“You don’t know what they did to me?”
She smoothed her hair and said, “No, what happened?”
“Agnes and Marie got me to the beach,” I said.
“Why would you go to the beach? The party was at my place,” she said.
“Yeah, I know. They got me there, then Becca showed up with Whitt and the four of them left me there.”
“On the beach?”
“Yup.”
“Oh my fucking god, are you kidding me?”
“Not kidding,” I said. “Sorry, I have to get into class. Are you sure you didn’t have anything to do with it?”
Sienna’s face dropped and she held her hand on her chest. In a breathy voice she said, “God, no. I’m sorry those bitches did that to you. And Whitt? What the fuck!”
“I know, I had no idea,” I said and began to tear up again.
“Don’t cry,” Sienna said. “They’re assholes…they don’t deserve your tears.”
“I’m not said,” I replied with gritted teeth. “These are tears of rage. I’m so mad at myself for believing them, and I’m so mad at Whitt for playing me.”
“What are you going to do about it?”
“I don’t know yet,” I said and wiped my angry tears away. “But it’s going to make them hurt. I’m going to hurt them harder than they hurt me.”
