Slowly, the tree started leaning with a groan and picking up speed. When it crashed, shanking the ground, he turned the chainsaw off and turned to the boys. “Don’t you ever tell your mothers or me ‘no’ again,” Bruce warned in a low voice, walking back to the garage. When he came back, he was carrying two small hand saws.
“Use these to cut off all the branches. You two will come out here every day until it’s done,” Bruce said, handing the two little boys the saws. They just looked at their cool climbing tree in disbelief. Hearing someone running up behind him, Bruce turned around to see Matt and Jake stop, looking at the tree.
“Told ya Dad would cut the tree down,” Jake said, looking at Matt.
“I knew he would, but I didn’t think they would let him,” Matt said, waving his arm out at Angela and Stephanie.
Still staring at the downed tree, Angela yelled, “Bruce, you could’ve hurt them!”
“I’m not finished yet,” Bruce said. Stephanie was still staring at the tree with an open mouth. “I could care less if they climb trees. Hell, all kids do, but they will not tell us no!” Bruce snapped. “Don’t think this is the first tree I’ve cut down because kids wouldn’t come down,” he added, looking at Matt and Jake.
“What?” Angela asked.
Frozen in disbelief at what she had just witnessed and still looking at the tree, Stephanie mumbled, “Jake and Matt got in trouble with Nancy and Debbie. They took off running because they were going to get a spanking and climbed up an oak tree.”
Angela looked over at Bruce, and he was pointing at the other side of the yard to a stump that was three feet tall. It was at least seven feet around. “Mike and I get a call at work saying, ‘Come home and kill the boys now.’ Knowing it was us or the boys, we chose them and left work to come kill them. We get here and see the two up in the tree, laughing at their mommas. We grabbed chainsaws and just cut it down,” Bruce said.
Letting out a huff, Matt said, “Yeah, after the beating, they gave us hatchets and made us cut it up. It took us six months.”
“Bruce!” Angela gasped.
“What? There are consequences for not listening to the parents, Angela. If the boys wanted to climb the tree, who cares? If they fall, they learn a lesson. Gravity works. Think about it; if they fall, they will hit branches, slowing them down. Granted, they will break a few bones, but that will reaffirm the lesson. All actions must be thought out, and after some painful experiences, sometimes, you figure out they aren’t worth the risk,” Bruce snapped.
Finally, Stephanie regained her composure and looked at Bruce. “Bruce, I’m not saying I don’t agree, but you started cutting it down while they were at the top. It could have fallen on them,” she cried out.
With a nonchalant attitude, Bruce said, “They wouldn’t have been hurt bad.” He walked over to a branch and snapped off two limbs. Pulling out his knife, Bruce started shaving the leaves off.
“Bruce, I’m just saying,” Stephanie said, watching him.
Not looking up from his task, “Where are the twins?” Bruce asked as leaves flew off the limbs.
“Marcus took them hunting,” Angela said, watching Bruce.
When he was done, Bruce handed the two switches he made to them. “Here, use them and tell them why,” Bruce said.
Stumbling back, Stephanie yelled, “Now?!”
“Little boys have the attention span of a sparrow. You don’t beat them, Stephanie, just spank them,” Bruce said, forcing the switch in her hand.
Not needing any encouragement, Angela grabbed the remaining switch. Moving to Cade first, Angela started popping his butt, and PJ started backing away from them. “Don’t run, PJ; it will only be worse,” Jake advised. PJ looked at Jake like he was foolish as Stephanie grabbed him, popping his butt. Then, Angela and Stephanie traded kids. Finished, they moved back by Bruce.
The two tree climbers looked at them with shock. They had blue jeans on, so the switches didn’t really hurt; it was just the thought that the mommas had spanked them.
“Jake, Matt, stay here with the boys, and show them the correct way to use the saws,” Bruce said and looked at the two tree-climbing boys. Both had tears in their eyes as Bruce spoke. “Be careful with those saws. If you cut yourself, you won’t get to use them anymore. You will have to chew the branches off,” Bruce said, guiding Angela and Stephanie away.
When they were around the corner of the house, out of sight of the boys, Stephanie collapsed down on her knees. “I can’t believe I beat the kids!” she wailed, throwing her hands up.
Putting her hands on her hips, Angela said, “Stephanie, you barely popped them.”
“They were crying hard,” Stephanie wailed covering her face.
“Jesus,” Angela huffed. “Stephanie, you have got to get tougher than this.”
“I’m a monster,” Stephanie moaned.
“Damn it,” Angela shouted and dove on Stephanie. Stephanie let out a yelp as Angela knocked her on her back. “Quit it!” Angela shouted, sitting on her chest.
“Get the hell off of me!” Stephanie shouted. Seeing Angela had no intention of getting off, Stephanie rolled, throwing Angela off her chest. Spinning around and getting on Angela’s back, Stephanie put her in a headlock. “Doesn’t feel good, does it?” Stephanie shouted, getting to her knees, but Stephanie’s victory was short-lived. Angela forced her weight to one side, throwing Stephanie off-balance popping her head out of the headlock.
As Stephanie fought on her knees to keep her balance, Angela spun around and pushed her over, diving on Stephanie’s back. She wrapped her arms around Stephanie’s chest, catching her in a bear hug. “Damn it, you’re squishing my boobs!” Stephanie screamed in pain. Reaching up and grabbing Angela’s wrist, she broke the hug and rolled on top of her. “That hurt!” Stephanie yelled at her.
“Sissy!” Angela yelled as she rolled, throwing Stephanie off her. The two continued to wrestle hard and even threw a few elbows at each other as Bruce watched.
Feeling a monster headache coming, Bruce started rubbing his temples. “If I ever get back in the bed, I’m never getting out,” Bruce vowed then heard snickering behind him. Turning around, he saw Danny, Buffy, and Mary with a shitload of people behind them watching the two wrestle on the ground. Then, from around the crowd, he saw Carroll walking over, and that made Bruce smile.
When she stopped beside him, Bruce looked back at the two on the ground, still going strong. “Will you stop them, Carroll?” Bruce asked.
“Nope,” Carroll said, making Bruce step back in shock. Seeing Bruce’s reaction, Carroll said, “Bruce, one thing I’ve learnt is you be leaven a pregnant woman the hell alone, and you gots two of ‘em. Let ‘em go until they get tired,” Carroll advised. “We can patch ‘em up if theys get hurt.”
“Great,” Bruce said as Danny came over.
“Dad, they do this quite frequently now, like you and Daddy Mike used to and Matt and Jake do now. I think they’re part boy,” Danny said.
“Danny, if I’m not mistaken, you and Mary had a wrestling match just a few weeks ago,” Bruce said as Angela finally got Stephanie in a headlock.
“Ah no, I was showing her I can yell at Jake whenever I want to; he’s my brother,” Danny snapped.
“He’s my husband, and that was mean!” Mary yelled.
“I can yell at him when I want to, girlfriend!” Danny yelled, spinning around.
“You want another beat down!” Mary yelled.
Danny held her arms out. “You damn sure didn’t whoop this ass, girl!”
“You two quit it,” Carroll snapped at them.
“Ms. Carroll, with all due respect, butt out,” Danny said, dropping her vest to the ground. Seeing that, Mary dropped hers, and they charged each other like football players landing in a crash. Then, the two started wrestling around.
Bruce put his face in his hands. “The
women in my life are totally insane and will not be happy until they take my sanity with them,” he moaned.
“Bruce, what the hell is going on?” Nancy yelled, walking up with Mike.
“They’re talking it out,” Bruce said, taking his hands off his face.
“Now, this is enough!” Nancy yelled. None of the four listened to her and kept going.
“Nancy, even you and Debbie wrestled several times,” Mike said with a grin.
“Mike, shut it,” Nancy snapped and walked over to Angela and Stephanie. “You two stop it right now before I put my foot up both your asses!” Nancy yelled at them.
Both stopped wrestling, looking up at her with dirt and grass strewn through their hair. “Maybe not the best choice of words, Nancy,” Bruce advised.
Ignoring Bruce, Nancy continued. “Now, get up. This is immature!” she barked at them.
Angela and Stephanie lunged at Nancy, grabbing her legs, taking her down. Angela put her in a headlock as Stephanie put one of Nancy’s legs in a leg bar. “Who’s immature now with a whooped ass?” Stephanie yelled.
Carroll grabbed Bruce’s arm. “That’s why you leave ‘em be. Don’t go givin’ ‘em a common enemy,” she said wisely.
“Bruce, make ‘em stop,” Mike said.
“Damn it, Mary, quit biting me!” Danny yelled.
“Mary, you quit biting her now!” Matt yelled, running over to pull Mary off. He never saw Jake.
Jake hit him at a full run, taking him down. Mike looked at Bruce. “Bruce, stop them before they hurt Nancy.”
“You do it; Nancy earned this ass whoopin’,” Bruce said. Mike moved over to the three as Bruce added, “But if you touch either of them, we go down as well.”
Hearing that, Mike stopped and considered his options. He was not in the mood, and he saw from Bruce’s face he felt the same. Shrugging, Mike stepped over the pile, walked to the side of the house, and grabbed the water hose. Tuning it on, he started to spray each of the three wrestling matches.
Everyone stopped as Mike sprayed them down with the water. Nancy sat up, coughing. “What the hell did you spray me for?”
Shrugging, Mike said, “Friendly fire,” and turned around to shut the water off.
Getting up, Stephanie held out her hand and pulled Angela up. “I’m sorry I pulled your hair, Angela.”
Angela shivered. “I’m sorry I hurt your boobs,” she said, hugging Stephanie. Angela turned to Nancy. “I’m sorry for trying to choke you out.”
“That’s okay,” Nancy said, hugging her.
Matt walked over to his dad. “That was really uncool and unnecessary,” he said.
The wet people went inside to get more clothes as everyone else left. Bruce went to watch PJ and Cade until Matt and Jake came back out. In the time Bruce was waiting on them, he was toying with the idea of going to sleep for three or four years. When Jake and Matt showed back up, Bruce went to the Center and sat in his chair.
Contemplating on how he could just disappear, Bruce just sat and stared straight ahead as Millie set a plate down with a glass of tea. “Bruce, don’t say nothin’ to ‘em. Just agree with ‘em,” she said.
“I know, Millie; I’ve had a pregnant wife before. I think God is punishing me for hating him earlier,” Bruce told her.
“Maybe,” Millie said, grinning and patting his shaved head.
“This could be regarded as cruel and unusual punishment,” Bruce said, grabbing the glass of tea.
Millie chuckled. “No, Bruce, if that was the case, then Danny and Mary would be pregnant also.”
Bruce nodded. “Yeah, didn’t think about that,” he admitted.
Millie laughed and left him to eat as Mike came in and sat down. “You could’ve stopped them. Now, I’m not getting some for a few days because of that water hose,” Mike said as a plate was set down in front of him.
Bruce chose to ignore him as the rest of the family came in. Matt and Jake led the two wood cutters to their seats and sat down by their wives, who were texting each other. It didn’t matter they were sitting beside each other. As was the way of the family, nobody was mad at each other as the plates were sat down. Those that missed it were laughing as the descriptions of the wrestling match. Marcus and the twins were the only ones not at the table.
Pausing his eating, Bruce looked up at Angela. “How far along are you?” he asked.
“About ten weeks,” she replied.
“And you told me one week ago!” Bruce yelled.
“Well, excuse me,” Angela snapped as Bruce turned to Stephanie.
“How about you?” he asked.
“The same,” she said, making a funny face and sipping her tea.
“Excuse me,” Bruce said.
“Ten weeks. You know, it’s after nine weeks and before eleven,” Stephanie shot back.
“You mean neither of you know?” Bruce said, looking at both of them.
“Well, since we were both on Depo and it wore off around the first part of August, that is the timeline we used. When you come off Depo, your cycles don’t become regular for months. It wasn’t until two weeks ago that I was throwing up in the bathroom that Angela said something,” Stephanie snapped, and Angela started.
“I never threw up, but Stephanie was trying to puke up her toenails, and I noticed my boobs were getting bigger,” she said, and Bruce snickered. “Hey, they aren’t much, so I can see when they get bigger, shithead,” she snapped. Ted spit tea out his nose and took off running to the bathroom.
Angela ignored him. “We didn’t use anymore Depo because we’re almost out. The ones brought in lately haven’t been stored correctly. We knew you’d been neutered, so we didn’t worry about it. We used Depo like the others here just to stop the damn periods!” she yelled.
“I had a vasectomy; I wasn’t neutered!” Bruce yelled.
“Same thing!” Angela yelled back as Carl jumped up and took off running to the bathroom, laughing.
Bruce took a deep breath. “What I’m trying to say, baby, is you told me ten weeks in,” he said then froze, seeing the looks on both of their faces.
“Bruce, we just found out. With the hospital we built in Hope, we went down and did a blood test for Beta-HCG, and it was at the ten-week range. You were off killing the mega horde when we found out. Call me old-fashioned, but neither of us wanted to blurt it out over the radio. We waited till we could get you alone,” Angela popped off.
Stephanie threw down her fork. “What the hell stinks!?” she yelled.
Willie looked up. “I don’t smell anything,” he said. His wife, Nancy, Mike, and Cheryl all kicked him under the table. “Shit!” Willie yelled, and his wife, Maggie, stomped on his foot. Finally getting the meaning, Willie just looked down at his plate and continued eating.
“What the hell do you mean you can’t smell it? Shit, it’s about to make me pass out!” Stephanie yelled, looking down the table at Willie daring him to say otherwise.
“It’s probably something the cleaning crew used; it’s making me sick too,” Nancy offered.
“Let’s shoot their asses for using it,” Stephanie snapped as she covered her nose.
Looking at Stephanie, Bruce said, “Stephanie, you can’t shoot anyone until you talk to me.”
“Fine, I don’t care. I’m good with my knife now; I’ll just shank ‘em,” she barked.
“No, baby, tell me; I’ll do it.”
With a soft sigh and cooing eyes, Stephanie smiled. “Thank you, baby.”
Angela started laughing and snorting. “I’ve tried to tell her about the smells, but she doesn’t listen,” she said.
“Pipe down, Little Foot,” Stephanie advised. “Emily hit my boob last night, and I woke up crying. All I ever heard about pregnancy was how good it was. If this is good, then the female half of the species is fucking insane!” Stephanie yelled.
“You’ll get used to it,” Angela said.
“Oh, like you are the role model. You pulled a knife on the radio operator when you just busted out crying for no reason,” Stephanie said.
“He was snickering at me.”
“I never heard it,” Stephanie said as Marcus and the twins came in. The twins came running over to Bruce. Each was holding a dead squirrel up by the tail.
“Look, Daddy, what we got,” they cried out together.
“Good girls,” Bruce said, hugging each of them.
Angela busted out crying. “How could you? They’re so cute!” she wailed, jumping out of her chair and running out of the Center.
Stephanie stood up so fast her chair hit the floor. “They stink!” she yelled then put her hand over her mouth as she started to gag and ran after Angela.
Watching both mommas run out, the twins turned back to Bruce with confused expressions, and he just shook his head. Cade and PJ were in their places beside the spots the two just ran from. Bruce looked at the twins then at the boys. “Kids, I would like to tell you your mommas are possessed by aliens, but I can’t. Remember they are pregnant and have crazy hormones racing through their bodies. They will yell at us and cry for no reason. Just do whatever they say as fast as you can. Be really nice to them, and hurt anyone that makes them mad so they don’t get mad at you.”
“That ain’t nice to be sayin’, Bruce,” Carroll said.
“I’m being honest,” Bruce said as Steve started laughing.
“He told me and Jake the same thing when Mom was pregnant with Danny,” Steve said.
Carroll just shook her head at Bruce, giving up. Bruce looked at the kids again. “You don’t have to understand; just do it. If they start to go crazy, run for me,” Bruce told them and they nodded at him with stunned expressions. “It will get better, I hope.”
Buffy just shook her head. “It only gets worse the older you get,” she said, making Bruce look at her. Throwing down her fork, she yelled, “How come I have to be a girl and not a boy? They don’t have this crazy possession shit!”
Blue Plague: War (Blue Plague Book 6) Page 4
