Garbage Island

by Fred Koehler

  Chasing the spiders in the Abigail, it had taken Archie several moments to notice that the rest of the ships had not joined his pursuit. That they were, in fact, running away. They’d lost precious minutes by the time he’d maneuvered the houseboat alongside the lead warship and scurried up to the helm.

  As Edward began to explain his cowardly command, he caught a familiar gleam in Archie’s eye. In fact, the dung beetle swore that he’d seen that expression on Merri, but only when she was getting ready to fight.

  The shrew scooped up the beetle in one paw and swung him over the side of the ship.

  “We’re going back,” said Archie.

  “It’s hopeless! Insanity! Suicide! Besides, I’m in charge! You have to do what I say!” A dorsal fin sliced through the water. Edward tried to roll himself up and away from the waves, but he could reach neither the shrew nor the side of the boat.

  “We’ll do it your way, then,” said Archie.

  Edward shrieked, expecting to be dropped into the ocean. But the shrew held firm. (To be perfectly honest, he may have allowed his grip to slide, but only a little.)

  “I hereby relieve Edward the Dung from his duty as captain of this fleet. For cowardice. For dereliction of duty.” None of the soldiers on deck moved or said a word.

  “I know you all took an oath,” the shrew continued, looking around. “You made a promise to set out from the island whenever others were in danger. And you knew, going out, that you might not make it home. So today you’ve kept your promise. You’ve set out. You’ve faced danger. However, if we don’t make it home today, we’ll lose everything we’ve worked for. I know I’m not in charge. But if I were, I’d have us all sail full speed to protect our home.”

  Captain Shift, the leopard gecko who’d threatened to sink them just the day before, stepped forward, spear in hand. A half dozen other soldiers stood by her side. Had Archie gone too far, pushed too hard against the protocol of the island? Edward the Dung offered no help, merely wriggling and squealing in Archie’s paw. The shrew finally set the beetle back on the warship’s deck.

  Captain Shift raised herself up to her full height, a shrew and a half taller than Archie. “Every one of us has a family back there. We only volunteered for the Order of the Silver Moon to keep them safe. You lead us. We’ll follow you, Admiral Archibald.”

  “My name is Archie.”

  Archie had always thought leadership was giving orders and making others do what you wanted. But this—this was something altogether different. He felt weak and strong at the same time—weak because he was powerless on his own, yet mighty because he had earned the trust of his comrades.

  “Let’s go home!” shouted Archie. A roar of approval met his ears. He boarded the Abigail and chugged toward the island at the head of the fleet.

  They made good time, and soon Garbage Island loomed larger. But now another shape, long and low, rose up between them and home. Archie adjusted his looking glass.

  “What is it?” Captain Shift called from the next ship.

  “It’s Colubra.”

  Snakespit! In the melee with the spiders, they’d forgotten about the snake. The shrew’s hopes plummeted. They’d barely survived the first spider assault. How could they possibly overcome an even bigger spider force and a giant, raging snake, both obsessed with their annihilation?

  “Prepare for battle! Ready the catapults!” Behind Archie, the sounds of rustling animals mixed with the steady rhythm of ocean waves. Paws and tails sent signals to the other ships in the fleet.

  Archie watched through his telescope as Colubra slithered toward them. “WAIT! What’s the word for stop? BELAY THAT ORDER! WEAPONS DOWN!” Huxley swam beside his mother. Together they towed a tiny vessel, no bigger than a butter dish. A white flag fluttered. A paw raised in a gesture of peace.

  “IT’S MAYOR POPLI!”

  Edward the Dung argued that it must be a trap, that Colubra had probably killed Mr. Popli and brought him along as bait to lure them all in. Captain Shift ignored the beetle and asked Archie for his orders.

  “Captain, I know this is going to sound a bit crazy, but I don’t think Colubra is here to fight us. Let me run ahead with the Abigail and see what’s what. If anything goes wrong, I want you to go straight to the island and fall in with Merri and the rest of the Order.”

  “Yes, Admiral.”

  “Captain, you’ve taken more risks on me than I deserve. I won’t forget it.”

  “You proved yourself to me when you stood up to Edward.”

  “Yes. Well. About Edward the Dung …”

  “If he tries anything else, I’ll put him in the catapult and pull the trigger myself.”

  The two waved to each other. Then Archie raced toward Mr. Popli and the slithering predators who swam with him. The fleet followed at a distance, ready to split up and circle toward the island should the snakes show any signs of aggression. Which, based on the islanders’ beliefs about Colubra, was almost certain.

  The reunion with Mr. Popli and Huxley would have been more joyous for Archie if not for the threat of imminent death from an army of spiders and the fear of an even more immediate death from a giant, shrew-eating snake. Colubra circled the Abigail as Archie helped Mr. Popli and Huxley onto the top deck.

  “Mr. Popli—”

  “Archibald, you’ll never believe it!” the mouse interrupted. “When Colubra bit me—bruised ribs and some puncture wounds, no more—I thought I was going to be eaten, but then Huxley refused to eat me, which made Colubra rather cross. (She’d prefer we call her Bright Scales from now on, by the by.) And then we had the longest talk and I made her really, really angry, and Huxley saved me again! And now we’re to have peace! At long last, Archibald!”

  “So you’re not here to kill us?” Archie addressed the giant snake.

  Bright Scales shook her head. “Not today.”

  “Not ever, if we can manage to keep our end of the bargain,” said Mr. Popli. “Isn’t it wonderful?”

  “Yes … But the spiders—” said Archie.

  “Don’t worry about the spiders. They’re leagues away. They’ll never find us.”

  “They found us. They’re attacking the island right now.”

  “Archibald Shrew! Why didn’t you say so?!”

  “Because you were going on and on. I never know how to stop you when you’re doing that.”

  “Is there a plan?”

  “Fight and probably die.”

  “That’s not a very good plan.”

  “It’s all we have.”

  “What if we had a snake on our side?”

  “And a second snake,” said Huxley.

  “Neither of whom have eaten in days,” added Bright Scales.

  “Well, now. That could certainly open up some possibilities.”

  Chapter 34

  As the sun set, spider gliders circled Garbage Island, keeping watch on the fleet gathering near the gate on its southernmost tip. They’d overtaken the island, sending all of the citizens and members of the Order into their homes to hide. Now it was a siege, and they only had to wait.

  Merri began to spread the word amongst the islanders—calling through one barricaded door after another—that the snake was on their side, that the fleets were back, and that they had a plan to get rid of the spiders. Each time she checked in with the fleet, she brought small containers of oil from the storehouses. They’d need it if anyone got caught in the sticky spider silk.

  Meanwhile, Captain Shift volunteered for the dangerous task of undoing the trap that had been set for Colubra. Their plan was essentially the same one they’d had before–except this time instead of trapping the carnivorous snake in the wall, they were going to let her loose in the island. This meant someone had to get through the wall, past the spiders, and then remove nails and move all of the heavy garbage they’d used to block the exit from the secret passage. Captain Shift hefted a spear up on one shoulder.

  “You’ll need some extra muscle,” said Edward the Dung, looki
ng rather sheepish. “I was a coward. And I don’t deserve to be a part of this mission. But I can still push better than anyone. Will you let me help?”

  “There’s hope for you yet, Mr. Dung. You’re in!” said Captain Shift. “What weapon can we give you?”

  “Oh, I won’t be much good in a fight. Too slow for a weapon. But at least I’ve got armor. I’m sure they’ll kill you long before they get to me.”

  “Now there’s a comforting thought.”

  In the dead of night, not a single spider noticed the gecko and beetle sneak silently onto the island. None observed them enter the secret passage in the wall. None overheard Edward’s muffled profanity when he got stuck in the shrew-sized hole intended for Archie. And not a worry crossed a tiny arachnid brain when Captain Shift finally wrestled him through, nor when the two stumbled right into a giant patch of sticky web.

  The trap was guarded by the biggest spider they’d ever seen. It was snoring loudly.

  Edward stifled the shriek rising up in his throat.

  “Don’t move!” hissed the gecko. “Archie was right about the sticky web. This could get bad very quickly if we struggle. Which leg is the oil pouch tied to?”

  “Back right. I’ll see if I can move it toward your hand.”

  “Careful! You’re shaking the web!”

  “Do you want the oil or not?!” The giant spider yawned and twitched. The pair stood still as starlight till the spider stopped moving.

  “Hurry,” Captain Shift whispered. “And let’s get out of here before we wake her up.”

  Edward and Captain Shift poured the oil on any body part stuck in the web, slowly freeing themselves.

  “What about your spear?” asked Edward. The weapon lay back across the sticky web, firmly stuck and beyond reach.

  “We’ll have to make do without. Unless you want me to toss you back over there to get it.”

  Edward declined.

  “Shall we get to work?” asked Captain Shift. “Most of the spiders should be dozing like this big guy. If we’re lucky.”

  “Since when were we lucky?” Edward asked, tripping over a bent wire. He nearly collided with a tower of stacked bottle caps that would have fallen with a clamor. Captain Shift caught him just in time.

  “There’s a first time for everything.” The gecko turned, her tail swishing past the stack of bottle caps with just enough breeze to send it toppling right onto the giant spider’s head. Hissing and spitting, the spider shook off the fallen bottle caps and glared at the two with eight menacing eyes.

  “He looks grumpy,” Edward commented.

  “You would be, too, if you’d been woken up by heavy things crashing onto your head,” said the gecko. She looked for a place to run, but she was trapped between the spider and its web. “Get ready! It can’t possibly handle both of us.”

  The spider lunged. Unfortunately, Edward had already fled. Cursing, Captain Shift jumped to one side and scoured for a new weapon. She found the broken end of a plastic fork with three remaining tines. The utensil was awkward, too clumsy to stab or parry. But she swung at the spider with the fork and slashed with her tail, using the weapon also as a shield when the predator leapt and snapped.

  The captain had fought and killed dozens of spiders when they swarmed the armada, but never one this large. It sidled easily away from her attacks and lashed out with hooked claws on thick legs, trying to catch the gecko to draw her toward its deadly fangs.

  Pinned against a rusty spray can, fangs nearly at her belly, Captain Shift struggled to keep the spider at bay between the broken tines of the fork. Just when the gecko thought she’d reached the end of her luck, a battered cricket ball came crashing past her, rolling over the giant spider with a satisfying squish. Edward the Dung emerged from the shadows, grinning.

  “You know you could have just as easily crushed me with that thing.”

  “I’m a dung beetle. I roll things. I’m rather accurate.”

  “Well then, thank you, I suppose, for … rolling so accurately.”

  Now aware of the sticky web traps as well as the oversized spiders that guarded them, the comrades set to work clearing the debris that blocked the secret entrance. As quietly as they could, Edward rolled away bottles, tins, and driftwood while Captain Shift worked on removing the nails one by one.

  “Shh,” hissed Edward. “You make more noise than a sea lion!”

  “I’m not the one bungling around like a crocodile in a crab trap!” replied the gecko.

  In reality, the pair worked rather quietly and quickly. By the time the stars began to fade and the sky shifted toward its deep purple, premorning hues, a path was clear for the citizens to retake their island.

  Chapter 35

  The Abigail sat low in the water, heavy-laden, with spider guts and webbing adding further blemishes to its severely damaged exterior. Mr. Popli grimaced at the condition of his beloved houseboat, but it was the least of his worries.

  A hundred members of the Order of the Silver Moon pushed and elbowed for breathing room inside the hull. Overcrowded and grumpy from being cramped so close together all night, they waited for the order to attack. The other ships in the fleet carried only the wounded. Like a toothless tuna, they had no weapons—their job was to hold the spiders’ attention on the other end of the island.

  “There!” said Mr. Popli. “They’ve done it!” He handed the looking glass to Archie.

  The shrew peered through it and saw Captain Shift waving a bit of orange thread, the prearranged signal that their mission was a success and all was ready for them to proceed.

  “It’s about time,” said the shrew. “Now let’s take back our island!”

  “Careful,” replied the mouse. “You’re beginning to sound a bit like me.”

  After ferrying the small army through the secret door, Mr. Popli and a skeleton crew navigated the houseboat back toward the rest of the armada. With its new team of pilots, the Abigail spat and jumped and stuttered along a winding course around the island. “Well, of course it’s hard to pedal. Put some muscle in it! That’s the brake! Not the steering! No, no, no! You pull right to go left …”

  The plan was simple. Use the element of surprise and secret serpent weapons to clear the island from one end to the other. Once they’d secured the badlands and the inhabited area, Bright Scales and Huxley would take the lagoon, plucking the spiders from the surface as the Order of the Silver Moon drove the remaining combatants toward them.

  Archie had spent the night making dozens of weapons, from more arrow launchers to blowguns to handheld saltwater cannons. When Captain Shift asked about the salt water, he’d explained his theory that ocean water was poisonous to the spiders.

  “The first time we fought them, I noticed that the injured ones who couldn’t walk on the water curled up almost as soon as salt water touched their exoskeletons. It even explains why they built their homes so high up on their island.”

  “So if we’re about to be overwhelmed, all we have to do is jump in the ocean?” the spotted gecko asked.

  “As a last resort, of course,” said Archie. “They can still capture us in nets and webbing, but I don’t think they’ll touch anyone until the salt water dries off. It could give us extra minutes or even hours depending on how sensitive they are to the salt.”

  “And what if we jump in the water and your theory is wrong?” asked Edward the Dung accusingly.

  “Hmm … In that case I suppose that we increase our chances of being eaten in one big gulp by a fish, without of course decreasing the odds of having the spiders turn our insides into a venomous soup.”

  “Oh.”

  Most of the troops were now armed, and they waited in the wall for Merri to signal that the distraction had begun.

  “Snakespit! Sorry, Colubra—I mean Bright Scales.” Archie fumbled on his words. “Where is Merri?”

  The signal was supposed to be the sound of glass beads clanging down the steps of the Watchtower, released by Merri as soon as the ships on the
north end of the island began their mock assault. The ships had already volleyed a dozen cannonballs at spiders on the gate, afraid to send more because of the citizens who might still be confined indoors. But Merri failed to signal that everything was going according to plan because, as usual, it wasn’t.

  This was so much easier the first time, thought Merri, flitting backward into a dive. This time the spiders were prepared to do battle with a bird, even one of Merri’s ferocity and savvy. She narrowly missed a net of sticky web that two gliders carried between them before sending the pair spiraling down in their own tangled gob of webbing. Two down. Ten to go.

  That’s when Merri noticed that these gliders, and the spiders that piloted them, seemed bigger than the ones they’d faced yesterday. Another one shot past her, spraying sticky web onto her wing. Definitely bigger! The advance guard must’ve been their youngest and weakest. She shook her wing but the webbing would not come off. Another hit like that and I won’t be able to fly.

  Merri zipped down as close to the water as she dared, a half dozen gliders swooping after her. She could beat the spider gliders in a sprint, but they flew tirelessly and relentlessly, gaining on her every time she slowed down. She saw a perfect wave ahead. Closer. Closer! The gliders nipped at her tail feathers. Almost! Just a little closer!

  She swooped under the crest of the wave and turned upward, shooting like an arrow straight through the spray and out the other side. The spider gliders were not so lucky. Five of them crashed straight into the wave; the last one pulled up just in time, narrowly missing the fate of its comrades.

  Looking back, Merri thought, I’ll bet they never saw that one coming. Then she flew straight into an unfurled net of sticky web that was waiting for her, stretched between a pair of gliders. She crashed into the ocean, dragging the two gliders with her into the water.