by Riley Walker
Zoe looks up from her cup. “Morning, dollface. What are you up to?”
I pour myself a cup because no one should have to function before having coffee. “I’m going to the store to get the supplies we’ll need for tonight. Wanna come?”
Zoe shakes her head. “I would but I need to do a few things in the lab and take some samples. Don’t forget to run by the shop and grab some marijuana, it is the key ingredient.”
“Oh, no worries there. Dad has a humidifier vault in the back of his closet. There are several varieties to choose from. We can grab a couple to experiment with.”
Zoe stands up. “Alright then. I’ll get to work and meet you back in the kitchen around six. We can order some pizza or something?”
I nod at her. “Sounds like a plan. This is going to be so much fun.” I grab my keys and purse. “Later tater.”
The grocery store is not too far from the house. I grab a cart and head straight for the baking aisle, my list in hand. We aren’t going to go completely overboard tonight, but there are a few things I want us to try out: brownies, red velvet cupcakes, cake pops, different cookies, and a green tea.
A few hours, and a couple hundred dollars later, I am back in my car and heading home. Dobey greets me at the door and I give him the rawhide bone I bought at the store. After I unload the groceries, I go to my dad’s room to get the marijuana we’ll need for baking. Girls’ night is either going to be an epic success, or a horrible disaster. When I open the vault there are jars of different varieties, and I’m clueless as to which ones to pick. I study them for a minutes, then decide to ask the one person I know will be most knowledgeable.
Me: Which buds work best for edibles
Cash: Depends on what you are baking
Me: Um cookies, brownies, etc
Cash: Go with Purple Power for hallucinations the millennials love it
Me: What about relaxing?
Cash: Try Skywalker the yuppies enjoy that one
Me: Thanks Cash :)
Cash: Gotta make cannabutter for baking I sent ya instructions
I check out all the labels and find the two he mentioned. Curiosity gets the best of me though, and I open the others jars to smell the different aromas. The Super Lemon Haze smells amazing, so I grab that one, too. I think it will be perfect in the green tea.
It’s almost time to meet Zoe in the kitchen, so I grab the jars, close the vault, and take the buds with me to my room. It might be a long night and I want to change into something more comfortable. After calling in a large pepperoni pizza I changed into my favorite black yoga pants and a red v-neck shirt. I put my long hair in a messy bun, nobody wants hairy brownies, and head to the kitchen. Zoe is already there and staring at the Kitchen Aid like it’s going to bite her. She’s dressed similarly to me, except her t-shirt is bright pink and her dreads are in a high ponytail.
I place the jars of marijuana on the kitchen counter. “Hey, Zoe. The pizza should be here any minute. Are you ready to become Betty Crocker?”
She quirks an eyebrow at me. “Betty who?”
I can’t help but laugh at her. “Oh my god, I forgot you don’t know how to cook. This should be interesting.”
Zoe puts her hands on her hips and narrows her eyes at me. “I’ve never tried to cook before, but how hard can it be? If I can follow steps in a lab, I should be able to follow a simple recipe.”
The doorbell rings, causing Dobey to bark like crazy, and he follows me to the door. That dog loves pizza. I bring in the pizza to the kitchen, and Zoe already has plates set out for the cheesy goodness.
After dinner I pour us some wine and pull up the recipes on my phone. “Should we do this together or divide and conquer?”
Zoe points at the red KitchenAid. “I’ll do whatever keeps me away from that contraption.”
“You can do the brownies. Those can be done with a spoon. I'll forward the recipe to your phone,” I say while opening the cabinets looking for mixing bowls.
I place the ingredients for brownies and the cannabutter I made Purple Power in front of her. I grab everything I need for the red velvet cupcakes and the Skywalker cannabutter.
Zoe opens her phone and begins mixing the various ingredients. She has such a serious look on her face, so I hand her a glass of wine.
“Zoe, this is supposed to be fun.”
She looks up at me. “I don’t want to mess them up. What does this Purple Power do?”
“Oh that one is for hallucinations, and the Skywalker is for relaxation.” I say, and then begin mixing the cupcake ingredients.
Zoe pours the brownie mixture into a greased cake pan and places it into the oven. “At least we have the perfect kitchen for baking. There’s plenty of counter space and two ovens.”
I shrug. “Dad loved to have dinner parties, so Sofia made him install a second oven to make her life easier.” Thinking of Dad still makes me sad, but it gets easier every day.
I down my wine and finish mixing the ingredients for the red velvet cupcakes. I pour them into the muffin pan and place them in the second oven. Dobey saunters in and sits down at my feet. I guess he is done with his new bone.
“What now?” Zoe asks.
“Now we drink more wine and decide what kind of cookies we want to make.”
Zoe squeals. “Chocolate chip of course, they’re my favorite. Oh, how about peanut butter and sugar cookies too?”
I grab the chocolate chips and a jar of peanut butter. “Sure, let’s make them all. Why choose, right?”
We make a batch of each kind of cookie with the Skywalker going into the Chocolate Chip cookies, Purple Power in the Peanut Butter ones, and the Super Lemon Haze goes in the sugar cookies. The timer on both ovens go off and we replace the brownies and cupcakes with cookies.
I cut up the brownies into small squares. “Zoe, these smell amazing.”
I place a brownie in front of each of us and we don’t waste any time digging in. Zoe moans after biting into her brownie. “OMG, I did it. I actually made something that is edible.”
“Not only edible, Zoe, but absolutely delicious.” I tell her while finishing off my brownie.
Zoe points to the cupcakes. “Let’s try those next.”
I laugh at her. “Slow down woman. The cupcakes have to cool off before we can put icing on them.”
Zoe just shrugs and grabs another brownie. “I wonder how long it takes before you feel something.”
“Your guess is as good as mine. I’m a newbie to all of this,” I say, while licking the spoon she used to mix the brownies.
Zoe stares at me with wide eyes. “You grew up in this house and you’ve never tried pot?”
I shake my head and shrug. “Nope. I was always more interested in my education, and it’s not like we had joints laying all over the house.”
The timer on the oven goes off again and I reach in and pull out the cookies. When I turn back around to face Zoe she is looking down at the floor with a weird expression on her face. I lay the cookie sheet on the cooling rack and walk around the counter to see what she’s looking at. I look down and see her tennis shoes are laying on the floor.
Zoe looks at me and then at her shoes. “Do you see that?” She points at the shoes lying on the floor.
I look back down at her shoes. “Yes, Zoe, I can see your shoes. They could use a good washing.”
She gives me a funny look. “What? Don’t you see them dancing?”
I look back at her shoes and shake my head. “Girl, how many brownies did you eat?”
She shrugs at me and continues looking at her shoes with fascination. Then she lets out a huge whoop, and screams “Encore!” I walk back over to the pan and count four missing brownies. I only ate one.
I walk back over to Zoe, who has now gotten up from her stool, and is actually standing up, dancing next to her shoes. Dobey sits up and starts watching her, he must think she’s crazy too. I grab my phone and start recording while laughing my ass off. I need the evidence because she is never goin
g to believe me.
I decide to go ahead and start frosting the cupcakes while Zoe dances around the kitchen with her shoes. I snag a sugar cookie to munch on while I work and I must say, I’m impressed with the taste of it. Once I’m done icing the cupcakes, I go ahead and mix up a batch of chocolate cake pops. I grab a chocolate chip cookie, just to make sure the consistency is correct, and toss in the batch of cake pops. I realize I haven’t tried the peanut butter cookies, so I pick one up and eat it as well.
“Zoe!” I spin in a circle looking for my best friend. I stumble on something and when I look down, I see Zoe on the floor. “Whatcha doing down there, Zoe?”
“Snow angels.”
Sure enough, she is on her back with her arms and legs fanning out away from her. Up and down. Up and down they go. Zoe makes a beautiful snow angel.
“Guess what I have, Zoe.” I grab one of the cupcakes I so carefully iced and show her. “Aren’t they the most amazing cupcakes you have ever seen? I don’t think Martha could make them as pretty as me.” I stare longingly at my masterpiece. I’m getting ready to take a small taste when it is suddenly jerked out of my hand. I gasp and stare at my empty hand. “It’s gone! My cupcake disappeared.”
“Al, my pal, this is unfreakingbelievable. Hey, I rhymed!”
I lower my head to see Zoe is now sitting up, red crumbs all over her face. “Zoe, did you see where my cupcake disappeared to?”
Zoe crooks her finger at me so I bend over to listen to what she needs to tell me. She leans into my ear and whispers, “I ate the cupcake. Don’t tell Alice. She’ll be mad at me.”
I nod my head at her. If I was this Alice person and Zoe ate my cupcake, I would be mad, too. “I promise not to tell anyone.” I lift my pinky up and we pinky promise on it. There is no higher swear than a pinky one.
I pop back up, suddenly remembering that I have more cupcakes. “Zoe! I have more.” I turn and look at the platter filled with the most precious, delectable, Martha Stewart and Snoop Dogg cupcakes that ever was. I gently reach for one and give it a small kiss. “We need a picture,” I decide. “Zoe, get up here and take our picture. This one will go in a frame for sure.”
Zoe stands next to me and takes our picture. We have bunny ears and noses. “Hey Zoe, how did you do that?”
She grins at me. “My friend Amy showed me how to snapper chat. Isn’t it cool?” Then she grabs another brownie and a sugar cookie.
Beep, beep, beep.
“What’s that sound?” Zoe says while looking around.
I realize it’s the oven timer and take out the cake pops. “It’s only the oven, you dork.”
Ding dong, ding dong, ding dong. Dobey is barking and staring at the entryway. That crazy dog. I hope he hasn’t eaten any of our goodies.
“Oh, Al, it’s the oven again.”
I open both ovens, but there isn’t anything in them.
Ding dong, ding dong, ding dong.
Zoe starts singing the Ding Dong song. I grab two wooden spoons handing one to Zoe. We start singing together:
Don’t tease me, Just please me
I want you to be my Rocket Rabbit
Come near me, don’t fear me
Boy make me your habit
Oh, you touch my tralala La lalala lalala…
Mmm, my ding ding dong dong dingaling
“What in the hell is going on in here?” We both turn around to see North standing in the doorway.
North is tall enough that I have to look up at him. His steel blue eyes are looking back at me in confusion.
I whisper yell to Zoe, “When in the hell did the meanie show up?” I walk over to North and look him over from head to toe. “Why are you here, Meanie?”
“What did you just call me?”
I spin around, doing my best ballet spin, singing “Meanie, meanie, you’re a big, fat meanie.”
A pair of strong hands stops me mid spin. “Alice, are you okay?”
“I’m wonderful.” I run my hand through his brown hair just to mess it up. “You are a beautiful man. Zoe, did you know he was such a beautiful man?”
My best friend skips over to us. “He really is a beautiful man, Al. Too bad he’s a prick.” She shrugs her shoulders and skips off.
I turn my back on the prick and head back toward the kitchen. North asks me as I start to walk off, “Alice, why do you have a pair of white handprints on your butt?”
I try to look at my behind, but I can’t see anything. I look up at North, about to ask him what he’s talking about when I hear Zoe let out a bloodcurdling scream. I flip around, “What? What’s wrong, Zoe?”
North and I both run over to Zoe. She has one hand over her mouth and the other is pointing at me.
“We have a ghost.”
I look up at North and see both of his eyebrows on top of his head. I start giggling at the sight of him.
“Stop laughing! This is serious.” My best friend is starting to kill my happiness. “We have a ghost, and he grabbed your ass, Al! You have Casper’s handprints on your ass!”
I attempt to look at my butt again, and I still can’t see anything. “Where is it, Zoe? Where did Casper get me?” I’m almost in tears now. How dare that ghost grab my butt and I didn’t even know it?
Zoe reaches over and grabs my butt with both of her hands. “Right here. His hands are the same size as mine.”
I look at her in shock. “Wow. That is so cool. We should eat a cake pop to celebrate my first ghost groping.”
“Righteous idea, Al.”
We both grab a cake pop, which is actually just a cake ball seeing how I forgot to put the sticks in, and toss them into our mouths. I turn and offer one to the prick. “Cake ball, prick?”
Prick takes one from my hand and sniffs it. That was just weird.
“What exactly are in these cake balls, Alice?”
I step on my tiptoes and put my mouth on his ear. “Cannabis. Pot. Marijuana. Mary Jane. Reefer. Chronic. Gonja.”
I drop back down and smile. I know my words.
North runs his hand down his face. “Stay right here. I need to make a quick phone call.”
I watch him pull his phone out of his pocket and I hear him talking to someone:
“You have to get over here, they’ve lost their minds…..she’s calling me names!.....I don’t care what you say, she’s being mean to me….fine….yeah, I can keep them under control until you get here...I can do that….okay, see you in a few.”
Zoe and I are standing at the kitchen island. She found a bottle of wine that had been hidden in the cabinet with the cereal, so we open it to have with our cake balls. The beautiful prick walks over and snags the platters away from us and starts walking them to the pantry.
“No!” Zoe runs and grabs the platter from his hands and runs back to me. “He was trying to steal our balls.”
I jump up on the island and grab the platter from her. “I’ll protect the balls, Zoe! Prick may have our wine, but he will never take our balls!”
This sends Zoe into a fit of giggles. She snags the wine off the counter, takes a big swig, and points the bottle at me. “We still have wine and you’re fine. Oh damn, I rhymed again. I’m a poet and didn’t even know it.”
I’m laughing so hard tears are rolling down my cheeks. Zoe immediately gets up and runs over to me. “Al, please don’t cry. Here, drink wine it makes everything fine. I’ll play some music. Music makes everything better.”
I drink the wine straight out of the bottle. “Zoe, I’m cry laughing you crazy person, but yes, play some music please.”
Zoe spins around yelling, “Alexa! Play that funky music white boy!”
I facepalm myself. “Zoe, we don’t have an Alexa.”
She giggles. “Yes we do. I bought it with your black card.”
I give her a high five and grab a sugar cookie before jumping off the counter to sing with her. We have somehow found our wooden spoons, and are back to singing. This time we rock out to Play That Funky Music. We’re shaking o
ur butts and singing with all we got. We both turn around when we hear clapping. The other three Michaelson brothers are now in our house.
I stage whisper to Zoe. “We are being invaded by CronCorp. Quick! Hide the reefer.”
Her eyes get big and she runs straight to the brownies and snatches up the pan. “Al, grab the evidence and hide!”
I immediately tuck my shirt into my yoga pants and start stuffing the cookies into my shirt. “I’m on it. Run for your life!” I yell right before grabbing the bottle of wine.
Zoe opens a door and I follow her in, Dobey right behind me. I look around and see canned foods everywhere.
“Zoe, why are we in the pantry?”
She snorts at me. “This isn’t the pantry. It’s our secret hideout.”
I take a drink from the wine bottle before Zoe snatches it out of my hand. “Quit bogarting the wine, woman.”
“Shush, the guys are saying something.” I put my ear to the door and attempt to listen.
North says, “Finally, they’re being quiet.”
“Yes, but they took half of the edibles with them. We can’t let them eat anymore,” says Cash.
I crack open the door to hear them better and see Oren rubbing his temples. “You do realize this is probably the first time they’ve ever gotten high.”
The door swings open and we both tumble out. I look up to see Ridge smiling down at me with a pizza box in his hand. I look at the pizza. “I think I’m in love.”
“Thanks, Hot Lips,” he says as he holds out his hand. I grab it and he pulls me off the floor. Cash scoops Zoe up and stands her on her feet.
I grab the box out of Ridge’s hands and stroke it lovingly. Zoe walks over and grabs it from me. “Oh, Al, I think I’m in love, too.”
North starts laughing and shaking his head. He grabs the front of my shirt and all the cookies fall out but I don’t care because I now have cheesy goodness.
“Y’all hear that? They love me,” says Ridge with a smirk.
Oren shakes his head. “Get over yourself. They were talking to the pizza.”
North clears his throat. “Now what do we do?”
