Chapter 5
Annabelle
* * *
I had already called him a dumb son of a bitch. I didn’t know what else to say. Because I couldn’t hate him, I couldn’t yell and thrash and be angry anymore.
I didn’t know what to feel. Jacob hated me so much. The man I had called a friend, who had laughed with me, cried with me, and had been in my life just as much as Jonah before everything changed, was someone I didn’t recognize anymore. Only it had been over six years now, and people did change. Maybe. Perhaps they did. Though it was possible I hadn’t known Jacob at all.
I hiccupped a sob, annoyed with myself for crying. I shouldn’t be weeping. It wasn’t my place to be emotional over this. I needed to get over whatever was going on in my brain and focus on the important stuff. My family, my work, and I guessed, my soul.
Screw Jacob Queen.
Even if he was hurting.
Even if he hated me.
I turned into my driveway, not bothering to pull into the garage. I had a bunch of boxes in the way since I was rearranging a few things in my home office. That meant I got to park on the driveway, where I’d rather not.
I got out of the car, telling myself I would have a cup of evening coffee and work on my project. Dad was counting on us. The whole family was. And that meant I needed to do my part. I had to get my mind out of the past and stop worrying about what others thought about me. And, yes, that meant I needed to stop fretting about how my father felt about me—but that was a whole other kettle of fish.
“Hey, you’re home early,” a voice said from my left. I turned, steeling myself.
I pasted a smile on my face. Not because I didn’t like the man speaking but because I didn’t want to talk to anyone. Hotch was my other neighbor, and while he was kind, he was a little insistent that I go out with him. Maybe he felt like we were closer friends than I did.
I wasn’t a hundred percent sure what he wanted from me. I knew I needed to tell him straight out that it would never happen between us, but I had already tried that, and he’d simply waved it off and said he was only being neighborly. Said he hadn’t meant it like it may have sounded or how I’d interpreted his words.
I wasn’t sure if I believed him. But in the end, it didn’t matter. He hadn’t bothered me about it again, but he was a little persistent with wanting to be a part of my life, even when I wasn’t sure what I wanted.
Then the meaning of his words truly hit me, and I frowned.
“What do you mean?” I asked Hotch as he sauntered up, a pleasant smile on his face, his hair slicked back perfectly. He looked like a run-of-the-mill neighbor without a care in the world. One who worked hard at his job and his health. He was average-looking, friendly…and didn’t do a thing for me.
I really wasn’t in the mood to deal with men right now.
“It’s Sunday. I figured you were off at that dinner you go to.”
“You know that?” I asked, drawing out my words.
His eyes widened as if he realized that he was acting peculiarly, but he quickly shook his head. “I’m sorry. You mentioned once that you were going out to dinner, and I noticed that you leave at the same time every Sunday. I like schedules and things like that. You know me, I have planners about planners.”
I nodded, not moving forward. “Oh. Well, dinner was fine.” A lie.
“Are you sure? You look sad. Do you want to talk about it? We can get some coffee. Just you and me.”
I shook my head, keeping the smile on my face. “No, I want to go inside. But thank you for checking in on me.”
“No problem. Anytime you want coffee, I’m your man.”
“I’m sure,” I said, not delving into what he was really asking. Still, I gave him a little wave and made my way into the house, locking the door behind me. I looked at him through the blinds and saw him walk back to his car, the one he had been washing when I came up.
He wasn’t creepy, just a guy who liked to ask me out often. Or like any suburban cul-de-sac neighbor, happened to know my schedule. I mean, I knew when he went to work, and the fact that he had guys’ night every Thursday. I guessed it wasn’t too strange, but coming from Jacob attacking me as he had, I was a little raw and over dealing with human beings.
I went to make coffee. As I finished, the doorbell rang. I cursed under my breath. I was not in the mood to deal with Hotch again. Sure, he was nice, but sometimes he clearly didn’t get the hint. I looked through the peephole and wanted to bang my head against the door. If only it had been Hotch. Perhaps I should have gone out for coffee with him. Hotch was pleasant and not threatening at all. He didn’t make me feel like crap. He didn’t make me feel anything, and that was the problem.
“Annabelle, I know you’re in there. I see your car.”
“Go away, Jacob,” I called through the door.
“I’m here to apologize. To say I’m an asshole. I can shout it through the door, but we already talked about how we don’t want the cops making a visit to the cul-de-sac.”
I groaned and knew that I needed to get this over with. Plus, Jacob mentioned apologizing. I knew his mother probably forced him into it, but if we did this, maybe we could get it over with.
And I wouldn’t have to feel like crap anymore.
I sucked in a deep breath, rolled my shoulders back, and steeled myself as I opened the door. “Mr. Queen,” I said, glaring at him.
His lips quirked for a moment. “Only people on the other side of the bench call me that,” Jacob teased.
“I bet they think you’re just as much of an asshole as I do.” So much for trying to play nice.
“I deserve that when it comes to you.” He paused. “May I come in? I mean, I don’t mind airing my dirty laundry out in the middle of the street, but your neighbor’s out here glaring at me with a hose in his hand. And by the look on his face, I’m not sure he’ll stop at merely spraying me down.”
“Come on in. Though you should know, I’m not in the mood to air anything right now.” I stepped back, and he walked into my home, his hands in his pockets. He was clearly doing his best to look non-threatening, as if he hadn’t already tried to rip out my heart and stomp on it a few dozen times.
“Make it quick. I need to get to work.”
He gave me a curious look. “It’s Sunday...”
“You’re a lawyer opening up a practice here. I’m pretty sure you should be working right now, too. Let’s not get into who’s working too much.”
“You’re right. I should be working. However, I’m not yet because I’m an asshole, and I needed to make sure you knew that.”
“You don’t need to explain that to me. Your actions spoke far louder than your words ever could. Now, if that’s all, you can go home. I think you know the way.”
“Annabelle—” Jacob began.
“What?” I snapped, not liking how he said my name. I didn’t know what it meant, and I definitely did not want to think about the reasons it could mean something.
Ever.
“I’m sorry.”
“For what? You’re supposed to be good with words. And I know that people who say they’re sorry but don’t say what they’re sorry about only want to get through the apology quicker. So, you should tell me exactly what you mean.”
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for what I thought before. How I treated you. And how I’m treating you now. I’m finally listening to what you said, and what my parents said all along.” He pulled his hands out of his pockets, then ran one over his face. “I miss him so fucking much, Annabelle.”
A little part of me broke, and I swallowed the lump in my throat. “I miss him, too, Jacob. The two of us continuing to fight won’t bring him back, though.”
“I know,” he said, dropping his hand. “I felt like I was losing him before he was even gone when we were younger. And I know now that he was just scared. But I needed someone to blame, and everyone else blamed God, so I blamed you.”
I wiped a tear from my face, annoyed that I w
as even crying. “I blamed God for a while, too. Then I blamed the doctors and fate. And then myself for not finding a way to cure him when I was eighteen and had no idea what I was doing.”
Jacob’s eyes widened. “Seriously?”
“Of course. It’s all stages. But the thing was, I never blamed you for walking away. For looking at me the way you did because I thought you were hurting.”
He pressed his lips together and gave me a tight nod. “You were the easiest scapegoat. And I saw what was happening and took that twisted narrative and made it true, rather than leaving it as the fiction it was.”
“I hated every minute of the charade. The press. I had to put on the fake smiles because the world needed to see we were brave, and that I wasn’t dying inside. But we raised so much money for research. And there have been a few breakthroughs since. Small ones, but it’s something.”
“I know,” he whispered. “I keep up on it. And a percentage of my income goes to it. That and research for ALS.”
I pressed my lips together, trying to keep my composure. “I’m so sorry about Kelley. I love her so much. It’s not fair that she’s sick.”
“It’s not fair what’s happened to my family at all. But you’ve always been here, and I never knew. It’s like my parents decided to make sure that I never knew how much you took care of them. How wonderful you are to them.”
“I think they remembered how you felt about me and didn’t want to make things more awkward.”
“Until I needed to move back because my mom was running out of time. And she’s right. There isn’t enough time in the world for me to continue hating you. Especially when you don’t deserve it.”
I let out a breath, shaking my head. “That’s the oddest apology I’ve ever heard.”
“It was the strangest reason to hate someone I’ve ever heard,” Jacob grumbled. “It’s going to take me a while to untwist the narrative I created in my head. But I’m telling you now, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for what I said, and for what I thought. I’ll figure out how to deal with this.”
“We live next door to each other, Jacob. And I’m not leaving your parents’ lives. Especially now. We’re going to see each other often. Can you handle that?”
He gave me a tight nod. “I think it’s time I figure out exactly who Annabelle Montgomery is.”
I shook my head. “I’m the same person I always was.”
“Now that’s a lie,” Jacob corrected. “And I think that maybe we should get to know the people we are now, rather than dwelling on the people we left behind in the shadows.”
I looked at him then, wondering what I felt. Was it warmth? I didn’t know. But I wanted to reach out and hold him, tell him that everything would be all right, even though that was a lie. I didn’t like that I noticed how his eyes darkened, the way his lips parted. I didn’t like that we were buried in memories of a time gone by and mired in loss and fractured silences. And yet all I could do was look at him and wonder who this man was. Who was Jacob Queen?
Betrayal slid over me then, and I knew it made no sense. It wasn’t as if Jonah and I had genuinely been in love. Not like that. And yet, this was Jacob. I shouldn’t feel anything. Especially not right now.
Still, I had to say the words. “I would like to get to know you,” I whispered.
He studied my face for a long moment before he finally spoke. “Good. Because I think we should. Mom and Dad love you so much. I’d like to get to know that woman. And I don’t want you to carry the burden of my family alone any longer.”
I shook my head. “You were always there. Even if you weren’t in the same room.”
“Maybe, but I’m here full-time now. Let’s help them together if you want to. Or you can step away so you can breathe. You don’t have to bear any responsibility.”
I shook my head. “I will always be a part of their lives, of our old life, who we were. And that means I’m going to be a traveler on this road your family takes. So, I guess we’re in this together.”
“Then I suppose I should start with this.” He held out his hand. “Hello, I’m Jacob Queen. Permanent asshole and perpetual insomniac workaholic.”
My lips twitched. “Hello,” I said, sliding my hand into his, ignoring the heat between us. “I’m Annabelle Montgomery. Also a workaholic, a slight insomniac, and someone who loves her family very much.”
His lips softened into a smile, and then he let my hand go. I ignored the fact that it felt chilled now without his heat. “It’s nice to meet you, Annabelle.”
“You, as well, Jacob.”
“I don’t think I ever really hated you,” he admitted.
“I think I was starting to hate you,” I replied, and he laughed.
“I wouldn’t blame you. It’s going to take me a little while to fix things in my head, but let’s be friends until then.”
“I don’t know about friends,” I said honestly. “Maybe neighbors?”
He snorted. “Neighbors, I can do. Now, I’m going to let you have your peace because I haven’t let you have that for most of the night. Just know if you need me to crawl over gravel, I can do that. I do have a deposition tomorrow, though, so I may have to work around that.”
I laughed, surprising myself, and shook my head. “No need to flay yourself. I know you miss your brother. And I know you needed someone to hate. Just don’t let it be me anymore.”
He met my gaze, and once again, I ignored the little ping I felt that warned me something was different.
“I don’t think I can ever hate you again, Annabelle Montgomery.”
Before I could say anything, he turned on his heel and left, and I had to wonder what the hell had happened.
Chapter 6
Jacob
* * *
“I need you to get me the deposition in the next hour,” I said to my assistant. He nodded, quickly typing on his tablet. I looked at my other assistant, who also nodded as she slid a hand over her dark hair. It had been a long day, and the amount of paperwork—even for lawyers—was insane. It would be a long night unless we figured out our plan now.
“You’ve got it, Mr. Queen,” Dustin said.
“You also have a meeting at seven,” Seressia said, frowning. “You have meetings back to back tomorrow.”
“Understood. It’ll be busier than usual tomorrow because I need to take Friday off,” I said, and they both knew why. Mom had a doctor’s appointment and I planned to be with her and my father. We were structuring my practice the way I needed to, and we’d find a way to make it work, even if it killed me.
“You have court on Thursday, but you should be fine for that,” Dustin said, looking down at his tablet again.
My lips quirked. “I hope so. It is kind of my job.”
“Well, you did bring us up from Denver to this…whatever town you think this is,” Seressia said, looking out the window at the barren landscape behind me.
I snorted. “It only looks like that because this window faces east rather than the mountains. I gave the conference room the mountain view.”
“You’re the boss, you should have the mountain view.”
“No, because then I would never get any work done. We’re doing okay, you guys. Right?”
They both nodded. “Okay, let’s get this done. Maybe you can be out of here before six.” I knew they wanted to roll their eyes at me, but they didn’t. Instead, they gave me tight nods before getting back to work. Sadly, it would probably be more like eight, and they’d be taking work home right along with me. I needed another staff member on the books, and we were working on it. Unfortunately, it was a little slow-going. Mostly because two of the other staff members I wanted to bring up with me from Denver were on maternity leave. Their babies were cute, and I was very happy for my staff, but I sure as hell missed them right now.
I made a note to check in on both of them, not to ask them when they were coming back but because I was honestly interested and cared. I was trying to be a better boss. Attempting to be a better person
. And I could do that even if I felt like I had no idea what I was doing.
That only reminded me that I was failing even worse at life and choices when it came to Annabelle. I had been such a fucking asshole. I needed to work on who I was and determine why I had acted the way I did. She seemed to take it with grace, but I had a feeling that was just Annabelle, and had nothing to do with my apology.
I’d be seeing her soon. Not that we had anything planned, but she would be at my parents’ house the next time they had a big family dinner, and she lived next door to me. There was no escaping that, even though I was pretty sure she worked as many long hours as I did, and both of us were rarely home.
I pushed Annabelle and that weird moment between us the last time I had spoken to her out of my mind. I did not need to think about the heat or awareness I’d felt. I had simply been exhausted and losing my mind a little. I wasn’t thinking anything else when it came to her. I let out a breath, pinched the bridge of my nose, and forced myself to focus.
I worked for another couple of hours, Dustin having to bring me lunch when I lost track of time. I smiled my thanks, and he pointed to his eyes and then at the sandwich. I snorted.
“I’ll eat it. Thank you for taking care of me.”
“Somebody has to. You sure don’t do it yourself.” He spun on his heel and walked out, and I snorted.
I liked the duo. Seressia and Dustin. They worked well together, and they kept me on my toes. They pretty much ran the office. That meant that once we finished filling our staff and settled in a bit, eventually making more money for the practice, they would get raises. I wouldn’t work them to death and not pay them. Nor would I work them to death. I hadn’t liked that when I was just starting out, and even though I was young to have my own practice, I didn’t want to be that boss. The one everybody feared and who forced them into heart attacks at the age of forty because they worked too hard, drank harder, and forgot about the real world. I also liked my paralegal, Lucas, who was currently researching for me. He worked as many hours, if not more, than I did. Lucas was probably buried in a book right now, and I didn’t mind.
Inked Persuasion: A Montgomery Ink: Fort Collins Novel Page 5
