by M. J. Haag
“Rum. I want to be a damn pirate!”
She laughed and took a bottle from the cupboard. “Rum, it is.” She handed it over and promised to check in on me in a few minutes.
The first swallow burned, and I grimaced. There was no way I wanted to do stitches sober, though, so I kept at it. By the time Cassie returned, I was ready with my pirate-speak.
“Ay, Captain. The deck is good and scrubbed.” Only what came out was… “Ay.” Hiccup. “Dish deck be good shcrubbed.” Hiccup.
“Oh, boy,” she said before going back to the door. “Kerr, I’m going to need your help in here. Can you put a movie on for the kids?”
She returned and started taking things out of the cupboards.
“Shtill gunna hurt, inna it?” I looked at the bottle. “Shtuff inna working. I’m shtil not want schtitches.”
I took another sip and watched the room spin a little.
“The stitches would have hurt more without it,” she said, setting some packages on the bed. Kerr walked in then.
“I need you to hold her leg still.”
“Nope,” I said, pulling my leg out of his way. “No one holdsh me down again. Not even drunk.”
Cassie considered me for a moment.
“Not even with me here? You know I won’t let anything happen to you.”
I looked at Kerr then Cassie. Pouting, I took another sip from the bottle and lowered my leg again.
“I doan like it.”
“I’ll go as fast as I can. Okay?”
I let out a large, aggrieved sigh.
“Fiiineee.”
Kerr’s hand closed over my leg, and I stared at him. He didn’t look at me, though. He watched Cassie as she cleaned the wound and opened a package.
“I heard there are a lot of supplies coming our way because of today,” Cassie said.
“Yep. Good shtuff an things.”
Something stung my leg, and I tried to jerk back. Kerr’s hold was firm. But, only on one leg. I lifted my other foot and stuck my big toe in his ear.
“How you like genn poked?”
He closed a hand over my ankle and brought it back to the bed. I pouted and took another sip.
“I think you can stop drinking,” Cassie said just before a bee stung my leg again.
“Nah-ah. Imma pirate, and piratesh need rum.”
“Next time, use a glass,” Kerr said.
Cassie grinned.
“They’re more relaxed when they can self-medicate. Besides, look at the bottle. She really didn’t have much.”
I peered at the bottle, trying to focus on the line. It kept sloshing around, though. Shrugging, I took another sip and almost spit it all over Cassie when I was stung again.
“Kill it already,” I said, choking on my swallow. My windpipe burned more fiercely than the next two bee stings, though.
“And you’re all set,” Cassie said. “You’ll need to keep it dry for a few days, but I’ll be over to check on you first thing in the morning since I’m not sure you’ll remember any of this.” She tried to take the bottle from me, but I held tight.
“Pirates never give booty,” I slurred.
Cassie sighed.
“Can you wrap her in a blanket and take her home?”
I peered at Kerr, who she was looking at, then shook my head at her.
“Ohhhh. My mom’s going to be so mad at him.”
Cassie glanced at me.
“Why?”
I waggled the rum bottle at her.
“Can’t go home,” I said.
“I’ll take her to Thallirin’s,” Kerr said. “He can take her home.”
I giggled.
“Right under the bush.” Bush? I tried saying bus again but more bush came out. I stuck out my tongue to check that it was in the right spot.
Cassie used my distraction to steal my bottle.
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” she said while Kerr wrapped me up in a blanket burrito.
Chapter Thirteen
My legs were cold, and my world was swimming. Stars glittered overhead, occasionally blocked out by my foggy exhales.
Kerr stopped walking, and I lifted my head to watch him knock on the door.
Thallirin answered a moment later.
“You’re in big trouble, mishter!” I said, scowling at him.
“She had alcohol to dull the pain of receiving stitches. She said her mom will be angry if she is returned home drunk.”
Kerr shoved me at Thallirin, who had no choice but to take me.
“Thank you,” Thallirin said before stepping back and kicking the door shut.
Then, finally, he looked at me.
“I shoulda shot you,” I said with a scowl. “You leff me.” My scowl turned to a sad mew. “Why you leave me?”
He set his forehead to mine, and I reached up to cup his face.
“I like you, Thall-ririn. You’re supposed to like me, too.”
“I like you very much, Brenna.”
“Then shtop running away. Ish mean. I can’t think here.” I tapped his head then tilted mine to rub my nose against his and bring our lips closer. He held so still. For me. My captive.
“Do you want me or nah? I dunno with you noring me.”
“I want you, Brenna. Always.”
I liked how his exhale warmed my face and made my middle dance. My fingers drifted over his cheek scar then along the hard length of his clenched jaw.
“I feel things,” I said just before my tongue darted out and lightly stroked over his lower lip.
He started shaking, and I grinned. I liked that reaction much better than when he ran.
“Did you eat?” he asked gruffly, distracting me from licking him again.
“No, bah I shure drank lots.”
He carried me to the kitchen and set me on a chair. I watched him inspect the cupboards then return to the table with a bag of popcorn.
“I doan wan that,” I said, nudging it away.
“What do you want?”
“More rum!”
He filled a glass of water and gave it to me.
“Drink this first.”
“Brenna do this. Brenna do that.” I chugged the water then thunked the glass back down on the table. “I have choices,” I said, standing. The room wobbled, and I put my hand out, steadying myself on Thallirin’s chest.
Frowning, I stared at the grey skin under my fingers.
“Where’d your shirt go?”
I looked up at him.
“I didn’t have one on.”
I grunted like a fey and grinned at my cleverness. Then I started tracing my fingers down his sternum.
“I wunner where thish goesh…”
I groaned as I became aware of the pounding in my skull.
“Why?” I moaned.
“Take this.” I lifted my head to look at Thallirin. He held out two white pills. I took them along with the glass of water that he offered.
As I swallowed, bits of the night before filtered in.
Me going through all the cupboards and demanding Thallirin make cupcakes. Thallirin petting my hair as I heaved my guts out in the toilet. Thallirin putting paste on my toothbrush so I could brush. Thallirin trying to stop me from stripping out of my clothes before I crawled into his bed.
I lifted the covers, hoping I was remembering things wrong. Nope. Naked.
But before all of that, I remembered petting his chest and loving the way he shivered under my caresses. I’d really liked how it had made me feel. How he’d made me feel. I’d asked for friendship but realized I’d taken things a lot further than that. I wasn’t ready for the end game, but I honestly didn’t mind the evolution. Just so long as he didn’t mind it, either. I remembered the way he’d gently dislodged my touch and tried to redirect my attention last night and mentally cringed.
“Cassie said you would feel sick today. She said no showers until she talks to you, herself.”
I looked up at him, meeting his steady gaze.
“Did I wr
eck everything?”
“I cleaned the kitchen and the bathroom.”
“Not that. I mean, I’m really sorry about all that. But, last night, did I wreck what was growing between us?”
“Are you asking if I still want to be with you?” he asked.
“Yeah. That.”
“I’ve never wanted anything more.”
Relief flooded through me before I frowned at him.
“What was up with ignoring me yesterday? I can understand the morning and wanting to keep your head in the game, but after I was hurt on the supply run? That’s a dick move to have someone else take me to get stitches. What gives?”
He glanced away for a moment then sat on the bed next to me.
“I looked. I tried not to, but your skin is perfect. Pale. Smooth. Unmarked. I looked when I knew I shouldn't. And I couldn’t bring myself to endure the hate and disgust I knew I would see in your eyes.”
I stared at him for a minute, at first thinking he was telling me he’d snuck a peek last night. But it wasn’t last night’s strip tease he was talking about. He meant yesterday morning when I woke with my boobs hanging out of my shirt.
“You thought I'd get mad for something that wasn't your fault?”
“Looking is my fault,” he said.
“Okay. Fine. Yes, you chose to look. But, it was just looking, Thallirin. I’m not ashamed of being naked. It's not that big of a deal. It hurts more to think that you don’t like me after all the time you spent telling me you do.”
“I did not give you a choice. You weren't awake.”
The comment on the roof suddenly made sense. He was taking the choice-speech I’d given very seriously. While I appreciated it, I was also worried for him. He’d been torturing himself for nothing this time.
“You seriously thought I was trying to shoot you yesterday? I was trying to warn you not to go in that stupid trailer.”
He grunted, and I exhaled heavily.
“We are so different,” I said. “Not because you’re fey and I'm human, but because you’re a man and I'm a woman. We think completely different. If we want to avoid misunderstandings, we have to talk about stuff as it happens, Thallirin. Don’t assume I’m thinking something because I’m probably not.
“I’m definitely not angry that you saw my boobs yesterday. And I don’t think that you looking at them was taking a choice from me. It was something that just happened. How you reacted was a little scary at first because I didn’t understand what was going on, but I wasn't mad.”
He exhaled slowly.
“We’re okay, then?” I asked.
“Yes.”
“Good,” I said with a smile. “How long do I have until Cassie comes back?”
“She didn’t say.”
I reached out and caught his hand.
“Thank you for helping me last night.”
He turned my hand palm up and ran a finger over the sensitive skin, tracing the lines there.
“You’re softer than I imagined,” he said.
“My hands aren’t soft,” I said with a smile. “My fingers are almost as calloused as yours. Feel my stomach.”
I pulled back the covers, exposing my middle as well as my top.
The air left him like I punched him in the gut.
“I told you before that nudity is nothing to be ashamed of, Thallirin.” I took his hand and brought it to my navel. “This is softer skin here. No callouses.”
His eyes held mine for a long moment before his gaze drifted down. He stared long and hard at my chest, and I could feel the heat creeping up into my cheeks as he went further south. I held still under his scrutiny, though.
The mattress underneath me started to tremble even though his fingers stayed right where I placed them.
“You have my permission to touch me, Thallirin.”
His gaze flew to mine.
“No,” he said.
“Why not?”
Instead of answering me, he got up and walked away. I wasn’t offended. Annoyed that he wasn’t talking to me, but not offended. Too hungover to push, I left him alone to sort through his feelings. Instead, I used the bathroom before returning to bed. His bed. The pain reliever and the hangover demanded a nap.
In a form of mild protest over his persistent hang-up with my birthday suit, I didn't bother putting on clothes.
Cassie woke me a while later with a gentle knock on the door.
“How are you feeling?” she asked when I turned from my stomach to my back.
“Better. The hangover is way worse than the stitches.”
She grinned.
“Your mom was a little worried when she heard you came here, but Uan reassured her that everything was proper.” She lifted her brow and nodded at the bare shoulders exposed above the covers.
“Is everything proper?” she asked.
I snorted.
“Thallirin accidentally saw my boobs and acted like he wanted to gouge his own eyes out. I don’t think it can get any more proper.”
“Fair enough. Any pain where I stitched?”
“Not really.” I stuck my leg out so she could inspect it and listened to her instructions to take it easy.
“The cut wasn't very deep, and you’re young. You'll be up and moving around soon.”
“Yeah, it's not the leg that's keeping me in bed. It's the damn headache.”
She grinned.
“Sorry about that.”
“You don't look too sorry about it, but that’s okay. I can't imagine what it would have been like to get those stitches without a little bit of liquid help.”
She patted my hip and left me alone.
So did Thallirin. It gave me time to think. Two close calls were enough for me. I didn’t ever again want to relive the terror of wondering if I would turn. There were two options to ensure that didn’t happen. Stay locked in this house or gain immunity. Unfortunately, the only way to immunity was hiding somewhere in this house.
Thallirin had more than grown on me. But was I comfortable enough with him to have sex? My pulse started to race in a good way just at the thought of it.
Then I snorted to myself.
Did my comfort even matter, given his refusal of a simple touch to my stomach? I frowned, thinking of his likely answer to any actual advance I might make. He was resisting what was growing between us more than I was. Well, maybe just the physical piece. Yet, that resistance was what was helping to propel me forward. Thallirin wasn't like Van. I was starting to really see that the big grey guy wouldn't take what I wasn't willing to give.
I got out of bed and took one of the birth control pills my mom had given me. Only the third dose. She'd warned me not to do anything for a week after starting them. But that was fine. Thallirin and I weren’t quite there yet, anyway. Thankfully, the wait would give me a few days to work up to being ready. Given Thallirin’s repeated reactions to me, we would both need that time.
First, we needed to get him over the nudity thing. Since the day of my mom’s return home after her accident, that had been one of the rules in the house. Probably a weird one for some people, but I’d seen what it’d done for Mom. Dad couldn’t be there all the time. Zach and I had had to help with things most kids never had to deal with at our ages. Bathroom duty, especially bathing, hadn’t been easy on her or us. No one wanted to see their mom naked because it was weird…until we made it not weird. Removing the stigma and boundaries of nudity had freed us all from awkwardness and had helped start the process of emotional healing for Mom.
I hoped removing the stigma here would help Thallirin become more comfortable around me.
Tossing the pills back in my bag, I went out to the kitchen. Thallirin’s eyes nearly popped out of his head when he saw me.
“Might want to close the curtains,” I said. “There are people out there with binoculars.”
He moved with insane speed and had every window in my vicinity covered in seconds.
“Did we ever make those cupcakes last night?” I
asked, moving around the kitchen, looking for anything that resembled a cupcake.
“Brenna, go put clothes on.”
I glanced at him. He stood in the entry, completely still, his gaze riveted on me. Only this time, he looked his fill.
“Please,” he whispered harshly.
I went to him, placing my hands on his shirt just over his heart. It was beating crazy fast.
“There’s nothing wrong with my body,” I said. “I wasn’t born with clothes. We use them to keep warm. I’m warm in here. Does looking at me like this offend you?”
“No.”
“Good. I want you to look at me, Thallirin. I want you to see me for the woman, not child, that I am because I don’t want to turn into one of them. The infected. I’m not saying I’m ready to have sex right this minute, but I’d like us both to be okay with the idea that it could happen. Maybe soon?”
He shook his head slowly.
“No.” The word was more of a tormented plea.
“Your reaction is hurting my feelings. I’m trying not to let it, but I’m starting to feel like there’s something wrong with me.” I looked down at myself. “I know I’m a little underfed, but we have more supplies now, and I’ll fill back in. My boobs were never really big.” I shrugged and met his gaze again. “In that department, what you see is what you’ll probably get for life. But I think I look pretty normal.”
“You are perfect.”
The way he said it heated my cheeks a little, but I pressed on.
“So, it’s truly just the age thing again?”
He averted his gaze for a second, and I sighed.
“I thought we went over this already. A few days or weeks isn’t going to miraculously change me. Eighteen is just a number.”
He shook his head without looking at me.
“Fine. But remember that if I go out there in a few days with a stitched leg and move too slow and get bitten, you’re the first one I’m going after.”
Annoyed, I went back to his bedroom and crawled into bed. I spent most of the day there. Naked and sleeping. Once I woke to a bowl of soup next to me, which I promptly ate. Near dark, I felt well enough to venture out again. I used the bathroom, brushed my teeth, and combed my hair. I felt human.
Still shunning clothes, I went to look for Thallirin. He was sitting on the couch. No lights. No TV. Just sitting there.
