by R. J. Blain
“That’s what freaked Jonas out.”
“Where did she find one of those?” Lucifer blurted.
Diana giggled. “I wouldn’t say she found one. Sandra conjured it as a part of a rather potent aversion, as she wanted to steal some otters, and there were people in the way of her stealing otters. She also stole paperwork. She didn’t have a way to prevent Jonas from getting caught in her magic. I’m sure she’s a little sorry. She said the aversion has been broken, so it should wear off soon. I already warned you she had abnormal brain activity following the treatments. It probably means her practitioner tricks are stronger than she anticipates. She hadn’t meant to terrify Jonas.”
The Devil snorted, and a moment later, Jonas yelped. “You’re fine, you silly little incubus. The Rokurokubi isn’t going to get you, although your sister might for worrying her. Diana, tell Sandra if she wants to play with high-level magic, she needs to learn how to exclude her partner from those workings. I’d be tempted to toss her in the dungeon for a day over scaring the life out of Jonas, but honestly, she’s been through hell enough recently.”
I gulped. “There’s no need to relay that, Diana. I heard him.”
“She heard you. Since you can’t see this, Sandra, Lucifer is now wearing an incubus as a hat. Darian is here, and he’s crying from laughter while trying to record this incident for your enjoyment. Darlene’s just staring with wide eyes and an open mouth, as she’s never seen her brother quite so freaked out in her life. Did the people in the lab run out while screaming?”
“Not really. They left without delay, but they weren’t that terrified. There was some cursing, and they wasted no time leaving. Maybe Jonas was a little more frightened because he lives in hell and has a healthier fear of things that might eat him? Incubi aren’t really scary compared to other things, right? I mean, I’m not going to be scared to death if he takes off his shirt.”
“Yeah, incubi are definitely among the friendlier denizens here. Lucifer is heaving sighs and tolerating Jonas crawling all over him. Jonas, the floor isn’t lava. Well, it’s not lava right now. It was just Sandra wanting to rescue otters, so she emptied the place out with an illusion. I’m sure she didn’t mean to scare you.”
An explosion of curses erupted from the incubus. I considered pulling over so I could admire Jonas’s extensive vocabulary, but I decided against it. My first job involved getting the otters to somewhere safe, preferably within Lucifer’s conservatory, and get a closer look at the papers and the people the operation wanted to target.
“Wow. Apparently, he has remembered you exist. Lucifer had to block him from teleporting. Where are you?”
“Driving my pretty little car back in the direction of Athens with my baby otters. They’re using Jonas’s seat, so he wouldn’t have a spot to teleport to anyway. I’d get mad if I hit my bed buddy with our car, so please tell him to teleport to a safe meeting spot once he’s calmed down. He can bring Lucifer, who can take care of my new otters. If he wants these papers, he has to bring me a ream of printer paper, though. I want a copy, and I’ll abuse my practitioner magic to duplicate the files. Also, I did that to the files in the lab, so they still have a copy. I didn’t want them to remember any names and connect us with the disappearance of a vial of stuff and two missing otters. I took some other papers, mostly invoices, but I don’t know if they’ll figure out those are missing.”
“Well done. Find somewhere to pull over, and Lucifer will bring Jonas to you once he’s a little calmer and puts his wings away.”
I eyed the navigation panel, and I selected a park as the most probable place to be able to meet with Lucifer without terrifying even more people. “Are Jonas’s wings pretty?”
I’d felt more than seen them in the horror house on Oak Boulevard.
“I wouldn’t complain if he flounced around in his current state, and I’m sure Darian would enjoy the consequences. Hey, Lucifer? Is Jonas supposed to have down on his wings?”
“It’s fur,” the Devil replied. “He’s been cuddling enough with Sandra that she’s already working on him. I suspect she’s nipped him in her sleep a few times hard enough to draw blood.”
Well, crap. “I guess that supports my new species as a spicy pony with bite.”
Diana laughed. “And she’s going to have a thicker coat like the cindercorns. Nice. You’ll appreciate that thick coat, Sandra. Some layers of hell get cold, and if you’re sent to them, you’ll probably make the run on your hooves once you’re shifting. Any idea where you’re headed? Jonas is already anxious, although he hasn’t quite gotten down from his perch yet.”
“He’s fine,” the Devil replied. “He’ll relax in a few minutes, and then I’ll take him to Sandra to see about these otters she stole.”
“I thought she was supposed to be talking to them,” Darlene said in the background.
“Spicy ponies with bite apparently have excessive amounts of free will and enjoy thinking for themselves. But she got results, so as far as I’m concerned, the expedition was a success. If the otter species is endangered, I’ll personally attend to the animals. Diana, ask Sandra how many animals were in that location, please. I hadn’t checked to see if it was an active lab. Our information hadn’t implied it would be doing research on site.”
I considered the number of cages, the number of animals they’d bred in captivity, and the dumpster. “At least several hundred, I’d guess. Maybe more. I only went for one part of the lab, took what I could, and bailed. They had a lot of animals there, from cheetahs to wolves to more otters. The animals are probably drugged. They were too calm and happy.”
“Probably pixie dust,” Diana informed me. “The better labs in their operations use pixie dust to keep the animals happy in confinement. Did any of the animals seem to be sick?”
“Not that I could tell. The cages were really clean, too. They were in good health. I made copies of all the feeding schedules and notes on the individual animals so we could look at it. Every cage had specific instructions, and it looked like they were accounting for the animal’s preferences.”
“Go find a place to park. Jonas just slinked off to get changed, as his wings made a mess of his shirt.”
Damn. “And so I am punished.”
“If you’re lucky, Lucifer will nudge Jonas to keep his wings out. If Darlene is to be believed, little beats having a nice, big pair of wings to play with.”
“Wings?” I asked, raising a brow while heading in the direction of the park I’d spotted on the navigation system.
Diana snickered. “Or so she says. Drive safely and expect trouble.”
While I waited in the empty parking lot of what had once been a public park, I played with the baby otters. They viewed my fingers as fascinating toys, and while young, they had sharp, tiny teeth capable of piercing through my skin. Their squeaking sealed the deal.
If they wanted to gnaw my fingers to the bone in their quest to have a good time, I would let them.
Half an hour after arriving at the park, Lucifer and Jonas appeared, and I sneezed at the hint of brimstone accompanying them. “Sorry, Jonas. I hadn’t thought the aversion would freak you out that much.”
The incubus, who had a reddish brown coating of fur with white tips on his wings, scowled at me. “I’m so punishing you for that.”
“It’s not a punishment if she likes it,” the Devil muttered.
I grinned. “I will accept any such punishments with a smile. Still, I didn’t mean to terrify you. I wanted to make sure everybody cleared out, and I haven’t made a rune for you yet. I’ll do that soon.” After making sure the baby otters were safe in their towel nest, I took them over to Lucifer. “What are these?”
The Devil cradled the otters against his chest, and he wiggled his fingers for the animals with a faint smile. “This is a rare color mutation of a North American river otter. There was some minor genetic manipulation to get the red fur on their paws, but they’re a common enough species in an uncommon color. This line of otters h
as been in captivity for at least a decade. And yes, you are correct. They’ve been treated very well. The lab is a temporary holding from the looks of it. They have a better habitat. These little ones remember the other habitat; they were born in it, and they were taken to the cages later. They’re infected with the same strain of lycanthropy you are, although you’re now attuned. Don’t worry about them biting you. They can’t contract animal strains, so it’s no problem if they’re exposed to your blood.”
“What will happen to them?”
“They’ll get a habitat at your house. What’s one more otter habitat? I’ll fetch the entire lot of them, as they were raised as one big family. I will warn you, these are heavily inbred, so they’ll have ongoing health problems. I can resolve some of the genetic problems in time, but it’s something that has to be done gradually. They won’t live as long as other otters of the same type, but any offspring they have will not suffer from the same problems. I’ll scramble the genetic code in their reproductive systems to prevent it,” Lucifer stated, and he took the time to pet both of the baby otters. “They’ve been handled a lot, so you’ll find they’re affectionate. You’ll need to spend an hour or two a day with the otters of this breed. For now, I’ll recruit some of the behaving fucking assholes to play with them as rewards for good behavior.”
“Thank you.”
Jonas sighed, settled his wings against his back, and peeked at my baby otters. “I about had a heart attack because of these little guys?”
“Are they boys?”
“They’re both boys,” Lucifer confirmed. “And yes, you did. I bet you can teach them to be evil little pranksters just like you with time.”
That got the incubus to grin. “All right, Sandra. I’m going to forgive you for that, only because I made you go into that damned horror house. That had to have been equivalent to falling into a room with hungry lions and tigers when you can’t teleport.”
“I appreciate that. And yes, we’re even, because you thought the lions and tigers trying to eat me was funny as hell.”
“I really did, especially once I realized they couldn’t actually reach you. I’d been ready to jump in and teleport you away if needed.” Jonas heaved a sigh and shook his head. “You got me with a damned illusion. Why the hell did you pick that thing for that?”
“It’s gross and horrifying?”
“Yeah, no fucking kidding. I don’t know how my soul didn’t just flitter right out of my fucking body when that started up,” he complained.
“Lucifer?” I asked, hoping the Devil would understand I had a few too many questions on why my magic had been so potent.
“You’ll need to learn to control your magic again. I guess there’s no harm in telling you now, but without the last-ditch treatments, you would have died within a week or two. The cancer had been eating at your brain at an alarming pace. The progression was halted with the first infusion of lycanthropy blood, but a lot of the damage was done in the sections responsible for magic. Some memories would have been lost, but the magic and holy fire used to restore those parts of your brain would have made you better suited to using magic. You intended to drive everyone away from the site, and your magic acted according to your target’s strength. As Jonas was the most powerful being in the building, he got hit with the strongest part of your magic.” Taking the otters to Lucille, the Devil set them on the hood before circling the vehicle.
Guessing he wanted to see the papers, I popped open the trunk and joined him.
A ream of printer paper appeared in Lucifer’s hand, which he gave to me with a pen.
Taking the hint to make him a copy of the files, I went to work. As he’d brought enough paper to make two sets, I did the work twice, separating the pages and handing them over. “So, I just need to be really careful about the general potency moving forward?”
“Yes. You’re adept at handling significant concentrations of magic, and I can’t tell if that’s just from you or if it’s an ability of spicy ponies with bite.” Lucifer tucked the paperwork under his arm and retrieved the otters. “Jonas, as your flight tapped you of more energy than I like, I fed you some energy. Use it to finish healing that train wreck of a woman so you can have a proper dinner. I suspect spicy ponies with bite have similar feeding requirements as incubi, at least judging from how hungry she’s getting. If you think she’ll get rowdy, take her to the estate in New York. That should be durable enough to survive you two, and I had the cleaning staff over yesterday. No more trouble for at least twenty-four hours,” he ordered before disappearing with the otters and the paperwork.
“That sounded like an invitation to create some trouble in twenty-five hours, Jonas.”
“It really did,” the incubus agreed. “For the first part of your punishment, I get to drive. For the second part of your punishment, I’m totally tying you up when I do what Lucifer says and finish correcting your hormones and fixing your reproductive system.”
I liked where his punishments headed. “Is there a third punishment?”
“Absolutely. Thanks to that little stunt of yours, I’m really hungry, so you’re just going to have to accept responsibility for your actions.”
I wasted no time diving into Lucille and buckling in, taking over the passenger’s side to indicate I was ready for the punishments to begin. Jonas took his time getting behind the wheel, and the instant he started the engine, I set the navigation panel to take us back to the hotel near Athens. “I just have one question, Jonas.”
“What is it?”
“Did Lucifer really wear you as a hat?”
“To my eternal shame and embarrassment, yes.”
Somehow, I swallowed my laughter before it could escape and humiliate the incubus. “And Lucifer tolerated it?”
“Tolerated it? I bet the bastard loved it, because I make a point of dodging his displays of affection. One spell from you, and I became his damned hat!”
A giggle slipped out. “Don’t feel too badly about it. In your shoes, I’d go hide with him, too. If Lucifer can’t make the big nasty floating head with a spinal cord go away, who can?”
“I am so going to enjoy punishing you for this later, Sandra. Mark my words. Revenge is coming, and I’ll savor every last minute of it.”
Fourteen
You are tricky.
Within five minutes of Jonas beginning his work, I understood why he’d gone the bondage route, tying me to a kitchen chair before fixing my busted reproductive system. His magic induced cramps so severe I wanted to murder the bastard. On a good day, cramps hurt like hell, but his magic gave my cancer treatments a run for their money. Later, I hoped he would forgive me for the various threats I flung his way, which ranged from slitting his throat and feeding him to the Devil to dunking him into various acid baths so I could enjoy listening to his screams.
I also understood why Lucifer had offered one of his residences, as the nearest neighbor some ten miles away couldn’t hear the profanities pouring out of my mouth.
“This is why I wanted to do this the slow way,” the incubus informed me sometime after my voice turned hoarse. “I don’t really have a way of buffering you from the pain right now, as you’ll be difficult to properly influence until I’m done. But once I’m done? I could dunk you into an acid bath and have you so turned on you wouldn’t be screaming from pain.”
Evil, wretched incubus. “Aren’t you the one who said you can’t actually circumvent free will?”
Jonas chuckled. “I can’t. It’s not my fault few humans have the general fortitude to ignore peak arousal. People can and do walk away from our power. It’s just difficult, and most humans simply aren’t all that good at resisting impulse or temptation. I think I’ll leave you simmering on that chair after I’m done to give you a good taste of my magic and warm you up for the other things I have in mind.”
“You are tricky,” I hissed.
“Virgin spicy ponies with bite are a delicious treat to be savored. You asked for this, so don’t complain.”<
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“It feels like you’re taking a hot poker to my ovaries!”
“I could have done this the slow way, but no, the virgin spicy pony with bite is impatient, so you get the hot poker to the ovaries. In exchange, you’ll get a great deal of satisfaction starting in a few hours. Several of those hours will be you sleeping off the torture, but I have excellent ways of waking women so they don’t mind being disturbed.”
I clacked my teeth together to keep the latest stream of profanities at bay. “You’re not tricky, you’re evil.”
“Thank you,” he replied, and the bastard dared to smirk at me. “I’m looking forward to proving just how right you are. You’re the one who wanted me to move the timeline up. You only have yourself to blame for this. I’m just doing what you wanted. There is good news for you, however. You only have to deal with this for about five more minutes. When I get to serious work on your uterus, it’s going to hurt so much you’ll pass out, after which I’ll get a move on, tuck you into bed, and wait until you’ve recovered enough you and your virus will be helpless against my charms. I’m going to enjoy it very much. Most days, I do quite loathe those monogamous tendencies of mine, but on days like today? It’s good to be me. It’ll be good to be you in a few hours.”
Unfortunately for me, Jonas had done a damned good job of tying me to the kitchen chair. “That better not be a damned boast. If that’s a boast, you will pay.”
“I see my spicy pony with bite is hungry despite enduring a torture session. I’m going to make sure I thank Him at Christmas dinner this year.”
As Jonas’s evils knew no bounds, he ramped up on dishing out the misery, and true to his word, I lasted no more than five minutes before I clocked out.
