I could think of a lot of things I wanted more than breakfast, and most of them involved Crow’s body parts being in close contact with my body parts.
“I told Polly we’d take things slow,” he said.
“We could at least shower together.”
His eyes twinkled. Was that a sign I had a chance?
“You think it would be that easy? That it’d be just showering? Because I sure as hell couldn’t have that temptation in front of me without giving in.”
“You have that temptation in front of you now.” I wrapped my leg around his thigh just to prove it.
He screwed up his face in thought. “It’s different. You’re not naked. And there’s no water involved.”
“There could be water involved,” I told him.
He laughed and climbed out of the bed. Damn it. I wasn’t ready for that yet. This bed thing worked nicely for me.
“So, how slow are we going?” I asked him. “Can I get a time frame?”
“You want a color-coded schedule?” he said, his eyes twinkling.
I sat up on the side of the bed, hugging my legs up as I watching him put on his jeans. That was a sight I’d never get sick of, although watching him take them off suited me much better.
“That would be nice, actually,” I said. “Yellow for gentle kisses, orange for intense ones, and red for all the way.”
“What about green?” he asked.
I looked up at him with a cheeky smile. “Oh, you’ll love green. And then there’s blue. We could do a bit of blue right now if you like.” I waggled my eyebrows, full of suggestion.
He threw a pillow at me. “Get ready for breakfast.”
I sighed. He hadn’t even kissed me. This was way too slow for my liking. I wasn’t getting any younger.
“So, before we leave Paris? Barcelona at the latest?” I asked.
He didn’t answer.
“Rome?” Surely, we’d do it before Rome. Rome was weeks away. I’d die if we didn’t do it before Rome.
“There are more important things,” he said.
Maybe, but I couldn’t think of any. Not when he was so close to me. We didn’t even have to go all the way. Just some more kissing and fooling around would be nice.
When I stood up, though, he pulled me to him. “We have plenty of time,” he said. “Don’t rush things.”
A thrill went through me, right down to my toes. As much as this waiting drove me crazy, I did like the teasing.
Then he put his lips to mine. Finally, a kiss! But it ended way too soon.
“Okay, get ready for breakfast,” he said. “I’ll see you down there.”
I gave a little moan but he left my room. The man had way too much self-control.
I got down to breakfast before Crow. Polly gave me a glance, then craned her neck to peer around me, wanting to check whether Crow and I were together. Ha, I’d fooled her. Well, I guessed that was more Crow’s doing than mine. She waved at me with a big smile. She was way too happy to see me.
After I’d loaded up my plate with bacon, I sat down with her and Damo.
“Tonight is going to be huge,” she told me. “We’re being filmed for some big music show here. It might get shown all over Europe.”
No wonder she’d been so happy to see me, with news like that.
“Yikes. We only found out now?”
“Yep. They were planning to film the Freaks. That was organized way back, but they’ve asked if they can film us too.”
Polly’s grin almost split her face. I could imagine mine was nearly as huge. Just being asked meant we were doing great things.
“Oh,” she said. “There might be an interview beforehand, too.”
“I need Fiona to do my makeup. I have to look sizzling.” I looked around but couldn’t see her.
“They’ll have their own makeup artists,” Polly said.
“Yeah, but they won’t be as good as Fiona. She’s magic. I’ll ask her when she comes down.”
Before that, Crow arrived. Even though I’d only seen him a few minutes ago, the sight of him walking into the room made my heart flutter. I wanted to jump up and fly into his arms, but I stayed seated. He’d be beside me soon enough, and I didn’t want to put on a public display.
Polly stared at me.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“Your necklace, it’s new?” she asked.
I put my hand up to touch it. I’d thought my grin couldn’t get any wider after the TV news, but remembering the necklace amped it tenfold. Crow must’ve been pretty confident of Polly’s answer to have bought this before he’d even spoken to her. I liked that.
“It sure is,” I replied.
Polly kept looking, but I didn’t explain. She could wonder all she liked.
I wanted to spend the morning with Crow, but he had to go pick up some drumming stuff from one of the shops in the city. I’d have gone with him, but this TV thing was freaking me out. I needed to be super-prepared.
I spent way too long doing my makeup and hair before heading to the arena. Even if it was going to be redone, I wanted to look perfect. Then I had to pick what to wear. It had to be cute and cool and sexy. I had outfits that hit two out of three of those things, but nothing that ticked all the boxes. Why did I have such shit clothes? I needed to go shopping. Did I have time? I checked the clock. Nope. Not nearly enough. Why hadn’t we had more warning of this?
I called Polly’s room. “Pick two of these: cool, cute, sexy?” I asked.
“I think you want Polly,” Damo said.
“Well, give me your opinion first,” I told him. “The more input, the better.”
“Sexy and cool,” he said.
That was what I thought, too. Then he gave Polly the phone.
“Cute and cool. Not sexy.”
I’d figured she’d say that. I wasn’t sure why I’d even asked.
“Don’t panic too much. Anything you have is fine,” she added.
“How do you know that?”
“I know every outfit you own by now. Anyway, no one will be looking at you with me onstage.” She laughed.
“Yeah, good one, Polly,” I said.
I hung up and tried on the tight, sexy black dress again. It would be perfect but it was a bit tight for easy movement onstage. I held it up in front of me. It did look better on me than anything else I had. A little tightness wouldn’t be too bad.
With that sorted out, I had an hour or so to kill.
I went back online to continue my search. I got about five likely results, but I wasn’t sure what to do with them now that I’d found them. I just stared at the names for a while. One of these people had to be Crow’s sister. Then I dug deeper and whittled that list down to three.
Screw it. I sent emails to those three. I didn’t mention Crow’s name. That would be stupid. If you asked anyone if they were related to the drummer in a famous rock band, they’d say yes. Instead, I put in the few details he’d told me about his past, hoping one of them would respond. I’d work out what to do next if that happened.
I was on a roll. The stars were all converging in my favor, and things would only get better.
Chapter 22
WE WAITED BACKSTAGE for the interview.
“They will speak English?” I asked Polly. I couldn’t sit still, but I knew the way I jumped around drove Polly nuts, so I tried to calm myself.
“You idiot. Of course they will. Otherwise, it’d be a damn boring interview.”
I loved being on good terms with Polly again. When we weren’t at each other’s throats, we really were best friends.
“Anyway,” she said, “it’s not like you won’t have anything to say. You never shut up.”
“Well, I can’t do all the talking. You and Jax have to say stuff too.”
“If we can get a word in edgewise,” Jax said. “Anyway, you two are the talent. I’m just here for my good looks.”
I tilted my head, staring at him. “Nope. Definitely not the pretty one,” I sa
id. “And I’m the one with the hot boyfriend, too.”
“Hey, shut up,” Polly said. “Damo’s no slouch in the looks department.”
“I’m with Polly,” Jax said. “I’d go Damo any day.”
Jax really did have a bit of a thing about Damo. Poor guy. But then, I figured Jax got his fair share of groupies of both sexes even though he kept pretty quiet about it. He was no Elijah, that’s for sure. And if he didn’t want to talk about it, I wasn’t going to pry into his private life.
Someone came in to say the camera crew were running ten minutes late. I groaned. I wanted this over with.
I picked up my phone. There was a message. Holy cow, one of the Crow sister possibilities had replied. She’d grown up in the same town and totally fit the profile. Then I read the last sentence.
Are you fishing for information on my brother? I can’t tell you anything.
Jackpot!
I quickly typed a reply, telling her I was on tour with Crow. I wanted to ask if she’d forgiven him, but blurting that out would imply I knew far too much.
“Hurry up, Fay,” Polly said. “They’re ready.”
“Just a sec.”
I added a line saying Crow missed her. That covered a lot. Then I jumped up to be interviewed. No problem. I’d be funny and cute and sexy. There was no denying it.
The whole interview went by in a blur. I talked, but I had no idea what I was saying. There were questions, lots of questions. And then we had to rerecord bits of it from different angles.
Finally, we were done, and it was time for the Freaks.
“Did I make a fool of myself?” I asked Polly backstage. I thought I’d done well, but I wanted confirmation of that.
“No more than usual.”
I poked my tongue out at her. I need reassurance, not sass.
“You were great,” Jax said. “A natural.”
“Yep, I’ve taken to the spotlight so well. I’m a total pro.”
We had to go run through sound check before I could get any more feedback on my natural abilities.
Finally, I got some time backstage with Crow. I plonked myself down on his knee and curled my arms around his neck.
“How did your interview go?” I asked him.
“Same old. I stood in the back, and Damo did all the talking.”
“I bet Elijah had some things to say, too,” I said.
Crow laughed.
I couldn’t wait for the show to be over so we’d be back at the hotel and could have some time alone. He’d been gone all morning with Jax, and we’d barely had a chance to be together since breakfast. I didn’t want to be clingy, but I had so much planned. There were still parts of the city I hadn’t seen. Being alone in private was also good. I had things planned for that too.
I started telling Crow about my plans, but Damo called him over. Damn it. Our time always got interrupted.
I did need to fix my makeup. Fiona hadn’t come to the arena with us. The interview team makeup artist had done an okay job, but there were a few things that needed work. I hated the lip color she’d used on me, for starters.
When I got back from doing that, Crow had finished with Damo.
“I’ve never been filmed onstage before,” I told Crow. “I’m a bit worried.”
“You’ll be fine,” he told me.
Everyone kept saying that, but being fine was way too low-level for me. I wanted to be so much more than fine. I wanted to captivate people. I wanted them to fall in love with me.
“Maybe I should ask Damo for tips,” I said. “He’s used to being in the spotlight like that.”
“Just be yourself,” Crow said.
“I want to be so much more than myself, though. “I want to be the best,” I told him
A strange look crossed his face.
“What?” I asked.
“Nothing.”
“Come on, Crow. There’s something. Spill it.”
“You seem to be making a big deal out of this.”
“It is a big deal. Every opportunity is a chance to make more fans. I need to grab those chances with both hands.”
He shrugged. “It’s about the music, nothing else.”
I scoffed. “You don’t know much about the music industry if you think that. It’s okay for you, sitting back there behind your drums. Do you think you guys would’ve made it this far without Damo pushing?”
“That might be true, but you don’t need to push so much.”
He could say that, but I was the one out front, the one everyone watched. I guessed if he didn’t understand that, there was no point explaining. I wondered if he saw this game differently than I did. To me, the music was important, but it was just one element. I couldn’t separate those things. I’d never be one to take things easy or let them run their natural course. Pushing was what I did best.
Before I could think too much, though, it was time to go on.
I stood up.
“Do I look perfect?” I asked. I rushed to the mirror.
“You look fine,” Polly said.
Again with that word. Fine would never be enough for me.
Chapter 23
THE NEXT TWO DAYS IN Paris were as close to perfect as they could be. Crow and I got up early every morning and hit the streets. Then we’d get to the arena to play. Every night, he’d come to my room, and we’d fool around. He never spent the night in my room again, instead leaving to sleep in his own bed.
“Come on, you can stay,” I said when he tried to leave that night. “It’s not a huge deal.”
“It’s a huge deal to me,” he answered. “Go slow, remember?”
I sighed, and he kissed me. His kisses stole the words right out of me. I could hardly argue with his lips on mine. I hated it when he left, though. I craved the warmth of his body against mine and his arms around me. I guessed that time would come soon, but not nearly soon enough for me.
When he broke the kiss, I wanted to ask him again, hold on to him and force him to stay with me, but I hesitated. I didn’t want him to stay the night with me because I’d nagged at him or because I’d tricked him and or I’d worked it too hard. There’d be no fun in that. I wanted him to stay with me because he was so overcome with lust for me that he wouldn’t even consider anything else.
As much as I cared for him, I wondered if there was something wrong with our relationship that made it so easy for him to leave me after a few kisses. He said it wasn’t easy, that it took all his self-control, but he still did it. Surely, a man overcome with love wouldn’t move so slowly. They’d want to explore every inch of my body. Their need would be so urgent that they couldn’t wait to rip my clothes off.
I didn’t want to be the one pushing everything in this relationship. As much as I believed in going for what you wanted, I needed some of that “going for it” coming from the other direction too. He could talk about going slow, but a glacier would move faster, and, meanwhile, my body ached for more.
Every time he left me, I almost wept with frustration. I was all fired up and ready to go, then nothing happened.
We never even advanced far past kissing. I didn’t need the full deal, just a bit more hand or mouth action. But he didn’t even want to go that far.
After he left, I closed the door behind him, then leaned against the door frame. Did he have any idea how much it tortured me every time he left? I’d lie awake for hours, wondering what I’d done wrong, if there was something missing in me.
This whole going-slow thing made sense in theory, but in practice, it always felt like a rejection.
The next morning, before I went to breakfast, I got a message. It was the girl I’d thought was Crow’s sister. I hadn’t heard from her after the first message, so I’d been worried I’d said the wrong thing.
Jeez, she was in Paris. She’d jumped on a plane after my message.
Can you arrange for us to meet? she asked.
My heart did about a hundred weird things when I read that. It pounded when I thought that Crow
and his sister might be reunited after all this time, but at the same time it sunk in that I’d have to tell Crow I’d contacted his sister. Surely, though, the main thing would be getting them together. He clearly had a lot of trauma about their relationship, and now she wanted to make things up. Of course he’d want to see her. He’d be so happy.
Wow, I’d done well.
She’d arrived this morning and was staying at a hotel not too far away. She planned to stay a few days.
I replied, telling her I’d do what I could.
I met Crow in the breakfast room. The secret bubbled inside me, wanting to spill out, but I couldn’t tell him at a table full of people. He’d hate that. I was sure he’d have a lot of emotion to process about it.
Instead, I ate my eggs and bacon with a grin.
“What’s up with you, Firecracker?” Elijah said. “You’re grinning like crazy. You and Crow finally sealed the deal?”
“Urgh, don’t be so nosy,” I told him.
I wished we’d sealed the deal. Elijah mentioning it like that just rubbed it in. It was normal that we’d be screwing by now. We’d be unable to leave each other alone, and we definitely wouldn’t be coming down here for breakfast. Some mornings, Rose and Elijah barely made it to breakfast.
After we’d finished eating, I arranged to meet Crow in the lobby. We had no time to lose. Sightseeing awaited us. I grabbed my stuff and rushed back down.
“Another beautiful day in Paris,” I said.
He grabbed my hand, and we started walking. I would never get sick of this, no matter how often we did it.
We’d reached a little park. I had to tell him about his sister, and I didn’t want to put it off any longer. Fear and happiness fought within me. Surely, he’d be pleased. He had to be. His sister was family, and no one wanted to be estranged from their family. I wasn’t even sure where to start. Crow valued his privacy, valued it a lot. But he would want to see his sister.
When we got to a little bridge, I stopped.
“What’s up?” he asked. “Do you want me to take some photos of you?”
“I did something. I hope you don’t mind,” I said. I leaned against the railing, looking into the water. Two people floated by in a little boat beneath us.
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