by John Hart
“So, you were going to take the heat for Jean.”
I nodded.
“That’s why you ditched the gun.”
“Yes.”
“Tell me again why you thought that Jean had pulled the trigger.”
I’d been vague about this. No way could I discuss the night Mom died, not with Hank or anybody else. I didn’t know if he’d accept my theory without understanding what could have driven my sister to murder, but that was the chance I’d have to take. That body was buried, and I meant for it to stay that way.
“Jean has not been well, mentally, for a long time now. She and Ezra had problems.”
“Hmmm,” Hank said, and I knew that I was losing him. “Problems.”
“It’s a family matter, Hank. I can’t talk about it. You can believe me or not. Help me or not. But that’s all I can say about it.”
He was silent for a full minute. He didn’t look away from my face, and I could almost see the wheels turning.
“There’s a lot you’re not telling me.”
“Yes. But like I said, it’s family stuff.” I hesitated. I didn’t want to beg but knew that I was close. “I didn’t kill him, Hank. He was deceitful, arrogant, and a first-class bastard. All right. I admit that. But he was my old man. I could have beaten him bloody on any number of occasions, but I could never have killed him. You’ve got to believe me.”
“And the fifteen million dollars?” Hank asked, doubt again clouding his features.
“I’ve never cared about making money,” I said.
Hank raised an eyebrow at me. “Making money’s not the same as having it. Your father was born poor. I bet he understood that.”
“I don’t want it,” I reiterated. “Nobody gets that, but I don’t. He left me the house and the building outright. That’s probably one point two million. So I’ll sell them, give half to Jean, and still be richer than I’d ever planned on being.”
“Six hundred grand ain’t fifteen million.”
“It’s enough,” I said.
“For about one guy in a million.” Hank paused. “You that guy, Work?”
“I guess I am.”
Hank settled back in his seat. “I’d take the fifteen million,” he said, and I knew then that he would help me.
He put the car in drive and eased away from the curb. We drove in silence for a few minutes.
“So what do you want me to do?” Hank asked. “The way I see it, we have a couple choices. We dig deeper on Alex or we go talk to Mills, let her check Alex out. Now I understand if you don’t want to talk to Mills, so I’ll be glad to handle that. That would probably be the best idea, the more I think about it. You’ll have to come clean about the gun, but nobody says that has to be done quickly. Once Mills is convinced, once she’s built a case against Alex, maybe then we’ll tell her. Of course, if they find the anonymous caller, that point will be moot. It’s not going to be pretty, no matter how we do it. Mills would chew your face off if she could get away with it. She won’t be easy to convince. She wants you to be guilty. It’s almost personal.”
I was barely listening; my mind was elsewhere. “I think Alex will come looking for me,” I said.
“What do you mean?”
“I told Jean about my suspicions. Alex won’t sit still for that. She’ll come looking for me.”
Hank was already shaking his head. “If she’s the killer, that’s the last thing she’ll do. She’ll play dumb. She’ll wait for the world to land on you. All the hard work’s done. She can relax and watch her tax dollars at work.”
“Maybe,” I said, but was not dissuaded.
“So, do you want me to talk to Mills?”
“I want you to find Vanessa,” I said. “That hasn’t changed.”
“Damn it! This is not the time to waste energy looking for some missing person. I don’t care how you feel about her. As soon as Mills finds that caller, you’ll be arrested, and as far as we know, they’ve already back-traced it. They could do a photo lineup easily enough. They could be coming for you already, and this time there won’t be any bail. Not after attempting to destroy evidence. No judge alive would let you out. You’ll rot in jail, Work. So get your priorities straight! Playtime is over.”
“I want you to find her, Hank.”
“For fuck’s sake, Work. Why?”
I didn’t want to say this, because it was not the most important reason, and I already felt bad enough. But Hank had to hear it.
“She’s more than my girlfriend, okay? She’s my alibi.”
“What?” Hank’s disbelief was plain on his face.
“I was with her when Ezra was shot. I was at Stolen Farm.”
“Well, Jesus, Work. Why didn’t you just tell me that?”
“For Jean’s sake, Hank. But there’s one other thing. And I hope I’m wrong about this.”
“What?” Hank asked.
“I think Alex knew that Vanessa was my alibi. It’s possible that she went after her; she may have already killed her.”
Hank settled into my revelation; his features solidified into resigned determination. “I’ll find her, Work.” He did not smile. “Alive or dead. I’ll find her.”
“Find her alive, Hank,” I said, but he didn’t respond. He looked at me once, then put his eyes back on the road.
“Is your car at the hospital?” he asked.
“I have a car there.”
When we arrived at the hospital, I directed him to Dr. Stokes’s minivan. “I want you to go home,” Hank told me.
“Why? There’s nothing for me there.”
“Actually,” he said. “There is. Toothbrush, razor, clothes. I want you to pack all that crap up and find a motel room somewhere off the beaten track. Not too far away, just someplace you can lay low for a day or so. Get cleaned up. Get some sleep. Once I find Vanessa, we’ll go to Mills. But I don’t want to do that until we can walk in her front door with a sworn alibi.”
I got out of the car, leaned in the open door. “What are you going to do?”
“My job, Work. If she can be found, I’ll find her. Once you’re set up, let me know where you are. Call me on my cell.”
“I don’t think I can just sit around.” I tried to find the words to express what I felt. It was difficult. “I don’t want to hide anymore.”
“Twenty-four hours, Work. Thirty-six at the most.”
“I don’t like it.” I started to close the door.
“Hey,” Hank said. I turned back, and he said, “Don’t waste any time at the house, okay? Get in and get out. Mills could be looking for you already.”
“I understand,” I said, and watched him drive away.
I got in the minivan and went home. I looked at the high walls where once-white paint had grayed and then peeled. Barbara had always said the house had good bones, and she was right about that; but it had no heart, not with us living inside it. In place of laughter, trust, and joy, there was a hollow emptiness, a kind of rot, and I marveled at my blindness. Was it the alcohol, I wondered, that had made it bearable? Or was it something else, some inner failing? Maybe it was neither. They say that if you drop a frog into boiling water, he’ll hop right out. But put the same frog into cold water and slowly turn up the heat, and he’ll sit quietly until his blood begins to boil. He’ll let himself be cooked alive. Maybe that’s how it was for me. Maybe I was like that frog.
I thought about that, and then I thought about what Hank had said. His heart was in the right place. His head, too, for that matter. But I couldn’t go to a hotel. I couldn’t hide and I couldn’t pretend that this would just go away. If Mills came for me, she came. Alex, too, for that matter.
Done is done, I thought, and went inside.
I found Barbara in the kitchen, poised ten feet from the door, as if frozen or about to turn away. For a split second, her face seemed fluid, but then her mouth opened in a half smile and she ran to meet me. I stood there, straight-armed and stiff, as she threw her arms around me and squeezed.
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nbsp; “Oh, Work. Oh, honey. I’m so sorry I didn’t meet you at the jail. I just couldn’t.” The words came fast from her over-eager mouth, and the feel of them against my jail-grimed neck unsettled me. She pulled back, framed my face with her hands. Her words accelerated onto a slippery track. They ran over one another, tripped, and fell. They were soft and too sweet, like chocolate left in the sun. “People have been looking at me, you know,” she said. “The way people look sometimes, and I know what they’re thinking. And I know it’s no excuse, not compared to what you’ve been through, of course, but still it hurts. And I couldn’t go there, not to the jail, not to see you like that. I just knew that wouldn’t be a good thing for us. Unhealthy, you know. So when your Mr. Robins showed up, I asked him if he would meet you. I hope that was okay. I thought it would be. But then you didn’t come home, and you didn’t call, and I didn’t know what to think.” She sucked in a breath. “There’re just so many things I wanted to say to you, and not being able to, why, that was just about the worst.”
She fell silent, and in the absence of my response, awkwardness blossomed between us. She took her hands from my face, slid them to my shoulders, and squeezed me twice before allowing them to fall away. Eventually, they clutched the front of her shirt and settled there, white-knuckled.
“What was it?” I asked. She looked startled, as if she did not expect me to speak after all. “What was it that you wanted to say to me?”
She laughed, but it was born small and died a second later. She unclenched a hand and rubbed my right shoulder. She did not look at my face.
“You know, honey. Mainly just that I love you. That I believe in you. Those sorts of things.” She finally risked a glance at my face. “The kinds of things I hoped you’d want to hear, especially at a time like this.”
“That was very considerate of you,” I managed to say, for the sake of civility.
She actually blushed and smiled. She cast her eyes at the floor as if her carefully groomed eyelashes could still entice me. When she looked up, her uncertainties had vanished. Her voice firmed, as did her eyes and the renewed grip on my shoulders.
“Listen, Work. I know this is difficult. But we’ll get through it, okay? You’re innocent. I know that. There’s no way you’ll go back to jail. This will pass, and when it does, we’ll be fine. We can be the perfect couple again, like we were in the old days. People will look at us, and that’s what they’ll say: What a perfect couple. We just have to hang on and get through this. Get through it together.”
“ ‘Together,’ ” I parroted, thinking of the frog.
“It’s just a glitch. Huge and unfortunate, but just a glitch. That’s all. We can handle it.”
I blinked, and this time I actually saw the frog. The water bubbled and his blood began to boil. I wanted to scream, to warn him, but did not; and as I watched, his eyes boiled away. Poof. Right out of their sockets.
“I need a shower,” I said.
“Good idea,” Barbara agreed. “You take a nice hot shower, and when you get out, we’ll have a drink. We’ll have a drink and everything will be okay.” I started to turn away, but she spoke again, so softly that I almost missed it. “Just like old times,” she whispered. I looked at her eyes, but they were impenetrable, and her lips curved into the same half smile. “I love you, honey,” she said. I turned out of the kitchen, and she called after me, her voice already fading. “Welcome home.”
I went to the bedroom, where I found the bed perfectly made and flowers in a vase. The shades had been opened and light flooded in. In the mirror above the dresser I looked old and stepped upon, but there was resolution there, too; and I watched my eyes as I emptied my pockets and shed my days-old clothing. They did not look so old or so stepped upon as the rest of me.
In the shower, I turned the water as hot as I could bear. I lifted my face to the nozzle, let the water beat upon me. I didn’t hear the shower door open. I felt the draft, and then I felt her hands. They settled on my back like autumn leaves. I might have flinched.
“Shhh,” Barbara said gently. “Be still.” I started to turn. “Don’t turn around,” she said.
She reached around me and wet her hands in the shower. She ran the soap between them and replaced it on the soap dish. Then she put her hands on my chest, which grew slick beneath them. She must have felt my resistance, in my tense muscles, in my unyielding posture—perhaps in the rigidity of my silence. Yet she chose to ignore it, and her hands lathered a path from my chest to my stomach. She molded herself against my back and I felt the firm press of her flesh against my own. Water cascaded across my shoulders, forced its path down the joining of our bodies, and she opened herself to it, let it wet her. She slithered against me, insinuated her slender leg between my own. And her hands worked down to a place where in the past they had always been welcome.
“Barbara.” My voice was an intruder. Her fingers worked harder, as if persistence alone could make me want the absolution she thought was in her power to offer.
“Just let me do this,” she said.
I did not want to hurt her. I wanted nothing to do with her at all. “Barbara,” I said again, more insistently this time. I reached for her fingers. She pulled me around to face her.
“I can do this, Work.”
The front of her hair was wet, the back still dry, and her face was so serious that I almost laughed; yet there was desperation in her eyes, as if this was all she had left to offer and she knew it. For a moment, I did not know what to say, and in that moment she lowered herself to her knees.
“For God’s sake, Barbara.” I could not keep the disgust out of my voice, and I pushed roughly past her; I opened the door and grabbed my towel. Steam followed me out, along with a dread silence. The water stopped. I did not look back. When Barbara stepped out next to me, she didn’t bother to cover herself. She ignored the water that ran into her eyes and pooled on the floor; and I ignored her until I knew she would not simply walk away. So I turned and faced her, my towel heavy with cooling damp, my heart just heavy.
“My life’s falling apart, too,” she said. But it wasn’t sadness I saw in her eyes. It was anger.
CHAPTER 32
In my closet I found a row of empty hangers, which was fine. I would never wear a suit again; I was pretty sure of that. I pulled on a pair of jeans, an old button-down shirt, and running shoes that I’d worn out years ago. On the top shelf was a battered, disreputable baseball cap, and I put that on, too.
I found Barbara in the kitchen. She was making a pot of coffee; her robe was cinched tight.
“What can I do to make it right?” she asked. “I want it to be right with us, Work. So just tell me.”
A week before, I would have wavered and broken. I’d have told her that I loved her and that everything would be all right. Part of me would have believed it, but the rest of me would have screamed its thin scream.
“I don’t love you, Barbara. I don’t think I ever did.” She opened her mouth, but I continued before she could speak. “You don’t love me, either. Maybe you think you do, but you don’t. Let’s not pretend anymore. It’s over.”
“Just like that,” she said. “You say so and it’s over.” Her anger was obvious, but it may have been ego.
“We’ve been on a downward spiral for years.”
“I’m not giving you a divorce. We’ve been through too much. You owe me.”
“‘Owe you’?”
“That’s right.”
“I don’t need your agreement, Barbara; I don’t even need cause. All it takes is a year’s separation.”
“You need me. You won’t make it in this town without me.”
I shook my head. “You might be surprised at how little I need.” But she ignored me and moved across the kitchen floor on feet that were invisible beneath the hem of her robe.
“We have our problems, Work, but we’re a team. We can deal with anything.”
She reached for me.
“Don’t touch me,” I said.
> She allowed her hands to drop, but they did so slowly. She looked up at me, and already she seemed to be retreating.
“Okay, Work. If that’s what you want. I won’t fight you. I’ll even act civilized. That’s what you want, isn’t it, a dry, emotionless parting? A clean break. So that you can get on with your new life and I can try to figure what mine will be. Right?”
“My new life might well be prison, Barbara. This may be the biggest favor I’ve ever done for you.”
“You won’t go to prison,” she said, but I merely shrugged.
“I’ll do the best I can for you, moneywise; you won’t have to fight me.”
Barbara laughed, and I saw some of the old bitterness steal into her eyes. “You don’t make enough money now, Work. You never have, not even when Ezra was alive, and nobody made money the way he did.”
Her words rang in my head, and something clicked. “What did you just say?”
“You heard me.” She turned away, picked up a pack of cigarettes, and lit one. I didn’t know when she had started smoking again. She was in college the last time I saw a cigarette between her lips, but this one danced in her mouth as she spoke. “You could barely make it with Ezra looking out for you. As it is, I don’t know a single lawyer in town who makes less money than you do.” She blew smoke at the ceiling. “So keep your empty promises. I know what they’re worth.”
But that wasn’t what struck me.
Making money’s not the same as having it. Hank’s words.
“Would you say that Ezra liked making money?” I asked. “Or did he like having it?”
“What are you talking about, Work? What does any of that matter? He’s dead. Our marriage is dead.”
But I was onto something. The pieces weren’t in place, but something was there and I couldn’t let go of it. “Money, Barbara. The achievement of it or the possession of it? Which was more important?”
She blew out more smoke and shrugged, as if nothing mattered anymore. “Having it,” she said. “He didn’t care about working for it. It was a tool.”
