by Paris Rose
In one strong and fluid motion, he climbed on top of me, forcefully spread my legs, and pushed me back into the pillows. It happened so fast it took my breath away. He pressed into me as he brought his lips to mine and pushed his tongue into my mouth. I welcomed his weight on top of me, and the warmth of his mouth felt delightful. We devoured each other more voraciously than ever before. He grunted as he ripped my panties off with one hand, wrapped the other hand around my neck, and lightly choked me. I enjoyed the feeling of completely submitting to him and allowing him to punish me for my misdeed. I spread my legs wider as I felt the tip of his massive hardness pierce my tight wetness. When our eyes met, the intensity in his gaze made my heart palpitate. The expression on his face and the fire in his eyes was one of an animalistic rage. I maintained eye contact as he continued to choke me. He penetrated me inch by inch, and I stretched to accommodate him. I dug my nails into his back as I took his full length. He pinned my hands above my head as he continued to take me. I gave all of myself to him as he pushed into me with hard fast thrusts. He grunted each time he entered me. I drew a deep breath as I enjoyed the perfect mix of pleasure and pain.
I melted into him as he squeezed me tight, and bit and sucked on my neck. Our skin was slick with perspiration, and there was no part of our bodies that weren’t intertwined. I let out a ragged breath as I felt an overwhelming tension begin to overtake me. Christoff grabbed my face and forced me to look into his eyes.
“Come for me, Gia,” he grunted. The assertiveness of his command took me completely over the edge. I called out his name as every muscle in my body tremored in response to a hard, deep thrust. I continued to gaze up at him after he released my face from his grip. He growled as he exploded inside of me with three hard, fast pumps that caused me to gasp. His body went rigid, and he collapsed on top of me. I wrapped my arms and legs around him, but he abruptly pulled out of me and rolled away from me. He stuck two fingers inside of me.
“I want you to always remember who this belongs to,” he whispered as his gaze penetrated me. He brought his fingers to my lips and he pushed the wetness of both of our juices against my tongue.
I hesitantly sucked on his fingers.
“I hope you regret what you did so much that you taste it,” he whispered in my ear before cleaning himself up with the sheet and leaving me alone in the bed. I wanted to call after him, but I knew it would be no use. I sprawled out on the bed. My body was sore and used up. Christoff never just got up and left after sex. He always held me afterwards while we talked and laughed, but this time, it seemed he couldn’t wait to get away from me. I couldn’t blame him. I pulled the covers over my head to try and hide from the emptiness that was haunting me, but there was no escape. Ever since my fall from grace, that dark void had become an ever-expanding piece of me.
***
Three days had passed since I had revealed my misdeed to Christoff. I hadn’t seen or heard from him since he left me alone in bed the morning I revealed the secret. I wanted to call him, but I didn’t know what to say. I felt awful for hurting him, and I didn’t want to do anything to make it worse. Part of me wondered if I should have just kept the secret to myself. It seemed no good had come of my confession. Of course it hadn’t. I don’t know what I was expecting. I guess I was just hoping that by being honest I could make things better between us. I had no idea where he was, but I figured he was crashing with one of his bandmates, probably not Axel. I’d spent the past few days in bed not knowing what to do with myself. Every time I heard a noise from outside, I was hoping it was Christoff coming in to talk things out. But it was never him. I felt so alone. I didn’t even feel like I could talk to Amber about this, especially in light of what was going on with her and Peyton.
I hadn’t bathed in three days, and I had barely eaten. I decided that a hot shower and a good meal would probably do me good. I dragged myself into the master bathroom and turned the shower on as hard and as hot as it would go. I closed my eyes, hoping that somehow the water would rinse away everything that had happened. After an hour of letting the pulsing jets pummel my skin, I put on a white cotton sundress and hot pink shoes in an attempt to brighten my mood. I decided to leave my phone at home so I wouldn’t keep checking it, and I took myself out for an elaborate lunch at my favorite ocean-front restaurant. I ate several courses, and by the time I was done, the sky was pink and orange, and the sun was a bright golden orb slowly sinking into the horizon. It was a beautiful sight, but it made me feel lonely. I longed for Christoff to come back to me. I wondered how long he would stay mad at me. I could only hope he would even forgive me at all. I decided to step up and call him and try to make amends.
By the time I got back home, it was dark out. Even though I had spent days in bed, I was tired and ready to go to sleep again. I kicked off my shoes and made my way to the bedroom. I had to find out where Christoff was. My stomach was in knots over not hearing from him. At that moment, I would have rather been fighting with him than not hearing from him at all.
I picked up the phone and dialed his number. My heart was threatening to explode inside of my chest as I waited for him to pick up. Just when I thought it was about to go into voicemail, I heard someone pick up, but they didn’t say anything.
“Christoff?” After a few moments of silence, I heard Christoff’s voice for the first time in far too long.
“I can’t talk right now, Gia.” His voice was muffled.
“Why not? I haven’t heard from you in days. I understand that you’re mad at me, and I deserve it, but I really want to make things better between us. Please talk to me.”
“Not right now, Gia. I have to take care of some stuff. It has nothing to do with you. After you told me what you did with Axel, I went out and—” Christoff’s voice trailed off.
“What are you saying, Christoff?”
“I did something really stupid. I wasn’t thinking. Anyway, I’m kind of in a jam now. We’ll talk about it later. I gotta go now. Bye, Gia.” I could hear a deep sense of suffering in his voice.
“Bye, Christoff. I love you.” All I heard was the sound of the call disconnecting in return. Christoff had never been so short with me before, not even when we were on a break. He sounded really tense. I wondered what he meant when he said he went out and did something stupid. My stomach turned as I wondered if he had gone out and hurt Axel. Was Christoff capable of murder? A pang of anxiety hit me as I realized that if he hadn’t hurt Axel, he had probably gone out and gotten with another girl to get back at me, if not both. The more I thought about it the more it seemed like he was cheating on me. All my muscles tensed as a quiet rage brewed inside of me. I knew that what I had done with Axel was wrong, but for some reason, I still felt angry in response to the way Christoff was acting. Not coming home for three days, and possibly being with someone else, and now giving me the silent treatment was an excuse for me to be angry with him instead of drowning in my own guilt, at least that’s what I kept telling myself. We weren’t even together when I’d had my indiscretion with Axel. If he had run off with someone else after we vowed to work on things between us, I would be so hurt. I knew I deserved whatever revenge Christoff had up his sleeve, but it still didn’t stop my blood from boiling. I was a mess.
I went downstairs and poured a glass of whiskey and dialed Amber on the phone as my eyes watered with anger. I prayed she picked up.
“Gia! Hey girl! What’s up?”
I couldn’t find words to express to Amber what was going on. I had no proof of anything. All I knew was that I was upset. I tried to swallow the lump in my throat, but I couldn’t stop the tears from overflowing and rolling down my cheeks.
“Amber…” My voice cracked.
“Gia, what’s wrong? Are you okay?”
“No, I’m not okay,” I whispered. “I think Christoff is cheating on me.” My throat tightened as I heard myself say the words out loud.
“Aww Gia. I’m so sorry. Why do you think that?”
I took a deep breath.
>
“We were having some problems and he disappeared. He’s been gone for three days now. I tried to call him, but he said he couldn’t talk and that he had gone and done something stupid. The more I think about it, the more I know he’s cheating.”
“Oh my God, Gia, I can’t stand seeing you hurt like this. I want to kill him. You deserve so much better, Gia. You are so beautiful and talented and driven… there just aren’t enough words to describe how awesome you are. Any man who can’t see that is blind.”
“But Amber, you don’t understand.” I took a deep breath. “I think it’s my fault. I fucked up and pushed him away again.”
“No, Gia. Christoff’s bad behavior is not your fault. Clearly he’s an asshole just like every other man in the industry. Don’t blame yourself. Fuck him, Gia. Fuck him and every other man out there who doesn’t know how to keep it in his pants. I’m so tired of men thinking they can just treat women like shit with no consequences. Gia, we deserve men who treat us like queens, not men who make us blame and second-guess ourselves just because they are big babies with no self-control.”
I don’t think I had ever heard Amber speak so passionately before. I could tell that after what had happened with Peyton, she was hurting enough for both of us.
I dried my tears with the back of my hand. I knew she was projecting the anger she felt toward Peyton onto Christoff, but I decided to go along with it so I wouldn’t have to tell her that it was me who didn’t deserve Christoff, not the other way around.
“You know what? You are absolutely right, Amber!” I took a long sip of whiskey. “I can do much better. I’ve put so much of myself into this relationship, and lately I’m getting nothing in return. Nothing but grief and heartache. I don’t need this. I have so much to offer. If Christoff can’t see that, then, like you said, fuck him.” I practically spat my words. I took two more swallows of whiskey. I don’t know if I fully believed the words coming out of my mouth, but getting angry felt so much better than wallowing, so I went with it.
“You’re so strong, Gia. I know you aren’t going to let Christoff get away with this. There needs to be some consequences for his actions. Same with Peyton. We should make those assholes suffer!”
“I’ll drink to that.” I finished the last of my whiskey in one gulp. I was all riled up, and so was Amber. I had never heard her swear so much. I actually appreciated seeing this new fiery side of her. If Amber and I stuck together, I knew that we could get through this and anything else life could throw at us. “Amber, thanks for being there for me. I know that, with you by my side, I can get through anything.”
“Same here, Gia.” We sat in silence for a few minutes.
“Well, I’m really tired, and my stomach feels sick. I’m going to go lie down. I may need to talk tomorrow. Will you be around?”
“For you, I can be. Call me if you need me. You deserve better, Gia, remember that.” For some reason, her words stung, but I appreciated the sentiment behind them.
“Thanks, Amber. I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
***
The sound of footsteps jolted me out of my sleep. I sat upright in bed and looked over at the clock on my nightstand. It was 6 a.m. My head was throbbing. I held my breath and listened again. I heard a door down the hall open and footsteps come toward the bedroom. I swung my legs around and put my feet on the floor. Just as I stood to investigate, the bedroom door opened, and I was standing face-to-face with the man who was breaking my heart and I his. His sapphire eyes looked sullen. We stared at each other in silence for several moments before he stepped forward and pulled me into his embrace. I melted into his arms as I became overwhelmed with emotion. My eyes watered and my body was shaking uncontrollably. I was relieved to be back in Christoff’s arms, but I was livid over him running off and doing who knew what. I squeezed him as I tried to maintain my composure.
“Why are you doing this to me?” I breathed through clenched teeth. “If you don’t want to be with me, just say so instead of running around town behind my back and leaving me sick with grief for days at a time.” I pushed away from him and went to sit on the bed. I closed my eyes for several moments to stop myself from crying. When I opened them, Christoff was standing above me. He looked tired and broken. From the look on his face and the redness in his eyes, it looked like he had been suffering as much as I had. I felt sick over the fact that I was the one who caused both of our collective suffering, so I decided not to focus on it. “You were with someone else, weren’t you?” I asked quietly, not really wanting to know the answer.
“I know it looks bad, but it’s not what you think, Gia. I swear.” He took my face in both of his hands and kissed me on the forehead.
“What is going on with you, Christoff? Something is definitely not right. You seem strange.” I bit my lip as I tried to make sense of why Christoff had been gone for so long and why he’d been acting so strangely.
“You hooked up with one of my best friends. How am I supposed to react to that?” The words seemed to get caught in Christoff’s throat. All of my guilt from my mistake with Axel came flooding back to me full force. Masking it with anger was no longer an option. Christoff landed heavily as he sat down on the bed. We were sitting really close to each other, but he wouldn’t look at me.
“I’m sorry, Christoff. I know that what I did was wrong, but I was just so lonely. I was hurting so bad that I didn’t know what to do with myself. Axel just came over to show me some music, and he talked to me, and I hadn’t really talked to anyone in so long. He made me feel wanted. We had been drinking, and one thing led to another. But I swear, I stopped him as soon as I came to my senses. We didn’t go all the way. I felt so sick once I realized what I was doing. I’m so sorry, Christoff.”
Christoff took my hand in his, but he still wouldn’t look at me.
“Gia, I can’t promise you that I’m going to be able to get over this, but for right now, I’m going to have to let it go. I kind of lost control after I found out what you did. From the moment you told me, all I could see was red. I totally fucked up and got myself into some trouble that I really don’t know how to get out of. I don’t know what’s going to happen to me, Gia. And, in turn, I don’t know what’s going to happen to us.”
I involuntarily squeezed Christoff’s hand as my stomach clenched in response to the tension in his voice.
“Despite all of the hurt feelings between us, it feels so good to be sitting next to you right now,” he said. Even though my world is upside down right now, I felt a sense of peace as soon as I had you back in my arms. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t still pissed about what happened with you and Axel, but I really do love you, Gia, and I don’t think anything could change that.”
His words melted my heart. I knew this was as close to forgiveness as I was going to get for now, but, for the first time in a long time, I felt absolutely confident that Christoff and I could work things out and get back to how we used to be before our break. Even though I felt better about our relationship, I felt an aching pit in my stomach as I wondered what he’d gotten himself into.
The next morning when I woke up, I instinctively reached for Christoff, but he was not in bed. My heart raced as I wondered if he had run off again. I tossed the sheets off of me and ran downstairs to see if his car was out back. I breezed past the kitchen, through the laundry room, and to the back door.
“Gia, where are you going?” Christoff’s voice came from out of nowhere. I was so startled that I screamed and jumped in the air. I slammed the door shut, turned around, and leaned my back against it while I caught my breath. Christoff was sitting at the breakfast bar. I was so intent on playing sleuth and trying to figure out where he had run off to, and with whom, that I hadn’t even seen him there.
When I had finally managed to stop shaking, I locked the door and walked back into the kitchen. “I was looking for you.”
“Outside?”
“I wanted to see if your car was out there. When you wer
en’t in bed, I thought you had left.”
“What would make you think that I had left?” Christoff’s tone was tense.
“Because just earlier this week, you ran off and didn’t talk to me for several days. Why are you interrogating me, anyway?” My tone came out harsher than I intended it to. I felt a pang of anxiety in my stomach. I didn’t know what exactly was wrong, but something just wasn’t right. Christoff’s edginess was making me uneasy.
“I’m not interrogating you. I was just wondering why you were sneaking out the backdoor in your underwear.” I looked down, a little shocked that I was barefoot and was wearing just a T-shirt and panties. I had been so frantic when I’d realized that Christoff wasn’t in bed, I hadn’t even thought to get dressed.
“Well, I was just wondering why you weren’t in bed when I woke up. You’ve been acting so strange lately, I thought maybe you had gotten up early and wound up in someone else’s bed.” I wished that I could take back my words as soon as they left my lips.
“Gia, are we back here again? And wait, you’re worried about me being in someone else’s bed? How’s that? Unless I just woke up from a nightmare, I could have sworn you were the one who wound up in someone else’s bed, not me,” Christoff spat. He didn’t raise his voice, but I could feel his contempt.
“Well, at least I came to you and was honest and admitted it. I’m certain you have done things with other women that were much worse than the mistake I made with Axel. The only difference is, you’re so good at sneaking behind people’s back that you know how to get away with it. That’s the only difference.” I spoke so passionately that my blood rushed to my face.
